August Modders

[rebirth]

August Modders

Hi TMH- My family were looking after my son on my birthday weekend. I had booked a night with my BF in an all inclusive hotel for my birthday and the incident happened that weekend. It sucks.

Lila- I crave quiet at times, I can’t think properly when there is lots of noise and chaos around. I love having the house all to myself as it’s so rare.

Feeling really down today but I knew I was going to feel this way. I have invited a good friend of mine for dinner on Saturday. She is great company and we always laugh. Think she will be good medicine for me.

As for tonight, it’s TV and a couple of glasses of wine. Night folks. Speak tomorrow

[ToMyHealth]

August Modders

Happy Sat. everyone! Woke up feeling great. Had my usual Fri night but stopped at 3 over period of a good 3 hrs and big dinner. Did a brisk 4 mile walk, then lifted wts, planks, situps, pushups, squats, etc.
RB - guess I was surprised to see pic of you and your son but knew you must have made arrangements for him while you had adult time. BTW, you are tiny! Is today going better? Maybe you're having dinner with friend right now. That was an excellent plan.
Lila - no, not all set at all. We work at it a little each day. This is 2nd unit purchased out of foreclosure. It was starting to come together; we had Master BR full of stuff, ordered carpeting so had to pull it all out and looks like a train wreck again. They installed this a.m.; I asked dh if he wanted me to come over & help put it together but he decided to paint the baseboards while everything was out. So we'll enjoy the weekend watching PGA, go to church in a.m., playing golf in afternoon and treat the unpacking like our jobs come Monday. I'm anxious to put in some serious time, get it done! It is hard work! How did the interview go for you? BTW, I feel for you in not getting alone time. I used to cry about it. Former life, spouse, now I get plenty of alone time even though we're retired and joke about the ol' 24/7 life.

Hope everyone else is having a good moderating weekend!
TMH

[letgolaughing]

August Modders

hi everyone.
hope your weekend was great. now, we're back to the grind!

I moderated pretty well this weekend after my 10 day AF period. I was actually very nervous about it because i didn't want to mess up the 10 day streak and make it a waste.

So, friday i was very careful and had 2 beers. Saturday, i had allowed myself 3, but halfway into that 3rd glass of wine, i just didn't see the point, so i didn't drink it.
sunday was a little harder, i had 2 and a half, but i wanted 3

so, here i am on monday and plan to be AF til Friday. Looking forward to the AF tonight, but I'm sure as I get into the week, I'll have to really have some willpower.

I actually had a friend tell me to walk down and have a glass of wine with her one day this week, and while i was trying to think of some excuse, she started ragging me for always being busy, so i just blurted out, "i'm not drinking on weekdays anymore".
it was kind of awkward. anyway, right now, i'm just not drinking mon-thurs. I may occasionally do it, but I'm just getting started and i think that Occasional thing was my downfall last time because it turned into every night again.

so, i just gotta not socialize during the week right now. it's too much a trigger and not worth the energy spent on the willpower it takes. if i stay home, be productive, cook dinner, get son ready for school the next morning, have a long hot bath, then go to bed early, it is much easier. And right now, i need EASY to help me break the habit of a glass of wine every night. I'm hoping it becomes easier and then I can go visit without the idea of the glass of wine, but that's going to be later, if it happens, not now

[Lila]

August Modders

hi all
today I am sitting by the phone, seeing if i get the job i wanted...
cleaning the fridge, laundry, vacuuming, checking emails....
a friend visited last night and she was all doom and gloom. I am so susceptible to that stuff, getting scared about life. I was aware, and after she left I counted my blessings, all that. I really like to live hopefully, not in fear.
LGL, that is great you told your friend that. Maybe you could do something else? Go to the gym? That can be fun...
Rebirth, how are you doing today?
hope everyone is having a great Monday!
L

[Zimmerman]

August Modders

Rebirth,

I'm relatively new here, but I have heard your story from friends of mine many times. You may or may not be asking for advice, but I'm going to give it to you, and you, of course, can do with it what you wish:

End the relationship and never look back.

You are not married to him. You have no children with him to consider (at least based on what I've gleaned from your posts). It doesn't matter what he's saying he's going to do or how he's going to change. That's all talk. It is fact that he IS an abusive boyfriend. He abused you. That's what he is. You deserve better. You need to believe in yourself enough to know that you're worthy of better. I don't know if you want kids down the road or what your story there is, but, if you do, they deserve better as well. Do not make a life with a man who abuses you.

I'm blown away by all of the respondents that seem so willing to justify these actions based on what he drank or what he said after the fact. I KNOW that it's hard to think about starting over after you've invested so much in a relationship. I'm not trying to diminish the hardship that provides, but, believe me, it's SO much better than the alternative.

God willing, he'll follow through with what he said and get his act together so that nobody else has to endure what you've been through, but that shouldn't be your concern - cut the cord.

[rebirth]

August Modders

Hi Zimmerman,
I wanted to cry when I read your post. It was harsh but I also understand what you are saying. I have been texting him the past few days and he is willing to go to AA meetings or other forms of councilling available. But no matter what he does to try and change, you are right. Deep down it doesnt change the fact that he kicked me and could possibly kick me again in the future... that he is an abusive man.

Oh geez. Why is life so complicated.

Hi LGL- Your moderation plan is the same as mine. I dont touch the stuff from monday to thursday either. You are right in staying away from triggers. After a while it will become second nature as I have been to parties during the week and stuck to my guns. I just tell people that I am giving my liver a break.

Hi Lila- What job is this? Fingers crossed anyways...x

[rebirth]

August Modders

I feel really down folks but I wont be drinking on it. Thats for sure!

[Zimmerman]

August Modders

rebirth;1167201 wrote: Hi Zimmerman,
I wanted to cry when I read your post. It was harsh but I also understand what you are saying. I have been texting him the past few days and he is willing to go to AA meetings or other forms of councilling available. But no matter what he does to try and change, you are right. Deep down it doesnt change the fact that he kicked me and could possibly kick me again in the future... that he is an abusive man.

I know it's hard. I'm not in any way trying to gloss over the pain of dealing with being in love with someone who abuses you. I know how real it is. I just think that the answer and the path forward are clear, and I didn't want to mince words about it.

I have seen too many people I care about get involved and stay involved with abusive men. They all sound just like you after the first (and second and third) incident: he's going to change; he's going to get help, etc. It's natural, of course, to come to the defense of the ones you love; to make excuses for them. I'm here to tell you that there is no excuse here, and this is not a problem that you can solve.

[Lila]

August Modders

Rebirth
was this out of the blue? or was there any other indications? verbal abuse, etc? how long have you been involved with him? you do sound strong, though. so sorry this happened on your vacation. (My only tropical wonderful time was with an emotionally abusive man, it is my dream to go there again someday.)
Zimmerman, welcome! are you new to mwo?
kids are fighting, gotta go!
L

[Bean]

August Modders

Ok, moderation is going terribly for me. I woke up this morning and finished the vodka from last night. Quite why this now seems to be 'ok' is beyond me. It's not. I went to the beach, to work, was extremely tired all day, had a glass of wine with my boss and bought 2 bottles of wine to take home. Didn't even really want them. Just stupid shitty habit and addiction.

And Rebirth: I agree with Zimmerman. When I read his (her?) post, it hit a chord that made me think about how many shitty relationships I have put up with over the years. You are worth more than that and it is NEVER acceptable to kick someone in the ribs. Ditch him, please.

All from me. I think i am going to have to go AF. I am not enjoying having AL like I thought I would and I've given up moderating too. I want to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Quitting completely is the only alternative I think.

[rebirth]

August Modders

Hi Lila- It was out of the blue. He has never been mental or physically abusive to me before.We have been together for nearly two and a half years. I have posted a thread abouit my problem in the genral discussion section as i really need alot of opinions on this one.

Oh Bean- Well you tried and it sounds like AF is the better option for you. I hate losing you but you got to do whats best for you. Best of luck and dont be a stranger. i know you are moving back soon so keep me posted okay? x

[Guitarista]

August Modders

Hi folk's!

Great to see the thread alive and well.

Hi RB. How are your rib's? You are a classy, sassy, gorgeous, smart and loving woman. When are you coming to Oz? :h

For me, there is no excuse for violence against women, children, or percieved 'easier' targets. Only you can decide of course on your relationships in the end. Take your time and think it through well.

Take care, G-bloke.

Best wishes on your journey's everyone!

[Peacefull]

August Modders

Hi everyone,
I would like to join the August modders and stay here forever. I have been here before and have gone a long time AF, but I feel like a switch went off and I am really ready to be a mod drinker. I went a stretch AF and last night had two light beers and that was quite enough for me. I wouldn't normally drink during the week, but it was a special occasion. I will be honest and say that I have failed in the past as I was not as diligent with my drinking that is necessary to be able to moderate.

I will read past posts when I have more time to get to know everyone here.

PEACE

[rebirth]

August Modders

Hi Peacefull - Welcome. x

[Bean]

August Modders

As for me....I don't know what I am doing either. I was feeling exasperated with myself for drinking when I didn't really want to and had broken my rules but I also feel like I don't want to quit entirely. I chop and change constantly. And sometimes get so fed up with the thinking about it and trying to manage it that I just want to forget all about all of it! I went for a good hike today and felt so good after the physical activity. I think I have been neglecting how 'life' needs to be in moderation - I haven't been exercising at all and this leads to drinking/lethargy.

Anyway, enough of my wittering. This whole relationship with AL is an ongoing process and I just don't have it figured out. I'm going to stick around here for as long as it takes I guess!

Bean