September Mod Squad

[rebirth]

September Mod Squad

Stay with us Eve because we are all in the same boat.xx

I am fighting with my demons at the moment and can do with as much online support as possible. I relate to your friend because I feel like blowing caution to the wind and doing the same. But I wont.
x

[rebirth]

September Mod Squad

TMH- I think you are right..Got my girlfriend over tomoorw night for curry and tv. Looking forward to it. x

[rebirth]

September Mod Squad

Letgolaughing- You hit the nail on the head. I am too afraid of my own company and need to use this time for self discovery., x

[rebirth]

September Mod Squad

And yes my profile picture is me taken last week.

[letgolaughing]

September Mod Squad

RB - stick with the girlfriends for now!

I'm so proud of myself. I drank last night, on a thursday night, that i had planned on being AF for.
so, tonight, FRIDAY night, I am AF. yep. it's 945pm and I am about to go to bed and read. completely sober. I struggled with whether or not i wanted to put forth the effort to be AF on a Friday night, but decided that I would be SO glad that I did. It makes me feel better about the weekend, better about not having 4 nights in a ROW of drinking. So, I gave up my Friday night 2 drinks, because I had 1.5 on Thursday.

It was a little difficult during the day struggling with the thoughts, of well, it is friday...and well, you can do better next week, etc...but the good thing was that we had a sock hop at my son's school tonight, so i figured it was an easy out. we couldn't drink there, of course. and normally we would have had a drink (or two) with dinner prior to going, then probably one after we got home. But, we didn't. my husband and I both skipped the AL tonight. and being at the sock hop during the 7-9pm hours really helped. and it made me feel good that i didn't have a drink beforehand, when i knew some of my friends had.
so, i just hope i can keep saturday night on track this week. I'm not going to do a repeat of last saturday, that is for sure.

take care y'all

[letgolaughing]

September Mod Squad

oh and HI eve!!! good to see you again.
xo

[Ghostwriter]

September Mod Squad

Exes

I completely identify with the mental exhaustion of the ex. I had about a month of really not drinking at all and then, after a year of my ex (who lives next door to me) not speaking to me, he said, "good morning love" one mornng last week and I drank four glasses of wine at nine a clock in the morning. Thank God I had been healing myself after the breakup, really working on myself, and was able to shake myself and not slide back into oblivion. Jesus, he and I used to sit on the couch and drink two bottles of vodka in a sitting AND smoke two packs of cigarettes. I didn't even drink vodka before I met him OR smoke I'm really seeing for the first time in my life, since I've stopped binge drinkng, that I always drank in response to other people and never because I wanted to have a drink to enjoy it. It's amazing to take a bath now, put on a beautiful robe, and curl up with a good book and a good glass of wine OR a cup of tea (depending on what I happen to want) and enjoy my choice. It's amazing to not HAVE to drink because my partner is drinkng or because my life is a mess or because I'm stressed or I think I'm ugly or a failure or whatever. Drinking is a small pleasure in life now--like the ice cream or coffee or chocolate or flowers I forgot how to appreciate because nothing but alcohol mattered.



"Anyway, my ex partner is coming over tomorrow to collect his belongings and return my door key. This is going to be heart wrenching so I am expecting to be mentally exhausted and sad by the end of the evening.
So to look after myself I will treat myself to my friday couple of glasses of wine and a long hot bath. That should make me feel less stressed.

Will let you know what happens tomorrow. Hopefully he wont freak out too much. Oh God I am dreading it....[/QUOTE]

[ToMyHealth]

September Mod Squad

No repeat here either! Worked out a lot today and ended up having 2 short glasses of wine tonite, 1 b4 dinner, 1 with dinner. Kitchen is cleaned, ready to get into p.j.'s and read.

Hi Eve! So good to hear from you! It is so darn easy to slip back into old habits, isn't it? Please post with us so we can help each other. Even though I don't plan as strictly as some here what with not having to go to work anymore, I do have certain nights I really do want to be AF and today I used my Outlook calendar and during the bewitching hour I put "bike" for an extra workout. If I come in hot and thirsty I can always have a nonalcoholic beer with lime, then eat dinner.

LGL - good job!
Rebirth - hope you had fun with your company. Way to plan a nice evening.
Ghostwriter - thanks for stopping by - please continue to join us! Liked how you compared alcohol to some other 'treat'. Sounds like you are taking good care of yourself.
4me - good luck as you gear up for your 30 days AF!
Lila - watched Gopher game on Big 10 today. We won! Looked like a fine day in the midwest although lost sun as day progressed. Hope you enjoyed it.

TMH

[Lila]

September Mod Squad

hi Modders
I am not happy with myself lately. I am not modding enough, and am letting myself be gloomy. Well, today is Monday, the sun is shining, and there are positive things I can do.
Still no job! I mean, the kind of job that will move me forward in life. But I applied at another position just now that is very close to what I want, this time I will try to interview better, etc. Wish me luck!
Eve, it is so good to see you here again, maybe we can encourage each other, work on goals? I could use a boost!
TMH, good you are exersizing, it does help, doesn't it? Today would be a great day for a bike ride. I don't watch football or anything, but thanks for thinking of me! What I do is plant hydrangeas!
Ghostwriter, aww! Breakups are hard! Welcome to our little group, hope to hear more from you!
LGL, getting out and doing things helps, doesn't it? I like how you are modding, some days have a drink, somedays not. You are on a roll!
Rebirth, you do look so great!! Have I told you? But I wouldn't rush into anything so soon.
have a great Monday everyone!
L

[Lila]

September Mod Squad

hey Modders
Last night I had only 1 glass of wine (instead of 2-4). I feel better today, no headache, and more "able."
I think being aware, and also having stuff to do in the evenings is good. I almost had that second drink and then I thought, well I am almost about to go to sleep... so I didn't and that is good!
I am struggling with depression and worry, I might see my counselor. Not sure. Send me good vibes, please!
L

[Eve11]

September Mod Squad

Hi Lila,
Sending you hugs. I find that keeping my life very busy helps. Even though I find I have cravings here and there, when I'm so busy, it's easier to say "a drink would just slow me now" and so I'm able to say no to it. Maybe you could try to just procrastinate when a craving hits and try to keep pushing the time back until you have one. Sometimes with that, the craving even completely passes and you don't have one at all. I have found through my experience with all of this is that more than 2 is too much for me, however my struggle remains with the cravings at times and my ineffective shutcut off valve. So, unfortunately, I still go over my limit of 2 here and there, and that usually leads to mild depression or a slight headache the next day. When I can keep to that goal of no more than two, I always feel so good about myself...the fact that I can still have AL in my life without it affecting me by saying or doing stupid things.
((()))
Eve11

[Lila]

September Mod Squad

thanks, Eve, good advice. I guess a part of me didn't believe that alcohol is a depressant, but I think that headache made me feel slower in my brain and that made things seem so much worse.
another day, just had one glass and am about to go to bed.

[Lila]

September Mod Squad

Come on, people!!! Where is everyone?
okay, I am seeing my counselor today, a mental health one. I have a problem with anxiety, worrying, etc. And now, depression.
I am wondering if I should go on antidepressants? I have been on them in the past, just Zoloft, but it kind of flattened me out. Right now, I am on St. Johns Wort, and, well it is situational, but I wish I had more self-confidence, and didn't get so rattled about everything. It is not the alcohol, I have been this way my whole life.

oh, by the way, just one glass again last night! No headache today!

[ToMyHealth]

September Mod Squad

Well, I've been AWOL because having big problems with Comcast. Initially, it was just our phone service, but then internet went down also. Just got back online about an hour ago, waiting for Comcast guy to show up on rest of problem.

Lila - even though I said I wanted to be AF somedays - so far I'm not either, but I'm not unhappy with it because I stop at 2. At least has been so during the week. Sorry you're still feeling bum. The SSRIs can be the trick but in my case (paxil) I said never again. Am pretty certain withdrawal from zoloft is much easier than paxil. I've known other people on it. Depression is awful!

Yes, people, where are you? Are we doing great and no need to come here? Are we not doing well and don't want to admit it? Good/bad we're here to support each other, I thought.

TMH

[Lila]

September Mod Squad

thanks, TMH. I have been wondering where everyone is. Glad you're back online!
I have been stuck in anxiety and worry, and for a long time, and my therapist was telling me that I really don't have any real reason to be so anxious. Like it is a huge thing taking my energy and all. She didn't say to go on ADs, but said it would help with anxiety if I chose that. I did. I should have long ago. Changing from a SAHM to someone with a profession, which I will have in maybe less than a year is a big step for me! I am awed by people with careers, and have a hard time imagining that will be me, little ole me!
So, yesterday I had half a dose as I work my way up. Last night I had terrible nightmares, but I read that is somewhat normal at first. I have ADs years ago. I think I want to take this for about a year, until I get adjusted. The anxiety, and lately depression just is another layer on everything. Yes, I had super critical parents but I don't want that defining my life!
So! Last night I had just one glass of wine, more out of habit. I am not really wanting alcohol lately, just the habit, it is like signaling the end of my day. If I just had one glass of wine a night, I think that is good and healthy.
Still waiting for a job. I really wanted that extra cash, wanted to buy more cute clothes, etc. I am now into boots, and got some really cute boots yesterday on sale. Except that I am sort of afraid to wear anything beyond T shirt and cute jeans, the mom uniform.
I also have self-confidence hypnsis CDs that I really should be listening to at night. That is my other goal, set it up so at night I just pop on my headphones and turn the CDs on.
Modders, check in, the rest of you!!
happy Friday!
L