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    #46
    November Mod Squad

    Hey Crocus and MM - you are doing fantastic! So pleased for you. And hi Lila!

    Unfortunately, I have discovered the opposite re: obsess over al since trying to mod. I think about whether to drink, feel bad when I do, yada yada. Yesterday I was down on myself - did drink at the Mon eve dinner at friends' house, started out with a nonalcoholic beer & then had 2 gl of chardonnay. Again, one b4 and one with dinner. Feeling down on myself yest translated into playing golf badly. What's wrong with me? Was it because I drank? All those thoughts whirling around in my head. After golf I did a fairly hard 1 hr workout tape and walked 2 miles. Obviously, I was not hungover. Last night I was kind of sick of agonizing over this decision & remembered something my oncologist told me back in 2003. My question: Is it ok if I drink alcohol while on chemo? His response: yes, live your life as normally as possible. Last night, dh & I had a drink, then a glass of chardonnay with dinner. I was happy all evening, had a great night's sleep, today I've been very productive and happy. I have walked/run 3 miles, did 10 min on the Elliptical trainer and am even entertaining training for a half marathon. (used to run marathons and always drank while training, pretty much daily). Did it help curb? Of course, you can't run hungover, you don't drink the night before a long training run or race. Heck, we & friends ran Napa Valley Marathon 3X - visited wineries right up until day b4 race, then celebrated night of the race. No one really got out of control. We joked about being drinkers with a running problem!

    While composing this 'book' I just rec'd call from my dr saying he will order trazadone for me. (my request got lost in the system, I guess). That is going to help knowing I can sleep when alcohol free - been a big issue for me.

    What am I saying? I'm not real sure; all I know is I feel good today and optimistic & already tighter in body and yes, want to preserve my health as my username says. I want balance in my life and may come to the conclusion that for me moderation is having that 2 gl darn near daily. No hangovers, no blackouts, no regrets. Please don't misunderstand this as encouraging drinking. I think by letting go and feeling better, being even stronger at my activities AFTER AF days and because I now should be able to get the sleep I need - this will make me want the AF days more than the drink days.

    TMH
    The pain of discipline is less than the pain of regret.

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      #47
      November Mod Squad

      I wish there were a moderation group near me.
      LostButFound

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        #48
        November Mod Squad

        Hi TMH,
        I'm glad you are feeling better about yourself today. I am sure the exercise is helping with that as well. I work out every day and could not imagine not doing so. It really lifts the spirits and makes me feel better about myself.

        When I decided to no longer be af, after 22 days, I told myself that I did not want to feel guilty about it. I didn't want al to be out of my life and therefore would set parameters for myself. I was not going to do this and feel guilty. If I was feeling guilty I would become af because I don't think it's worth beating yourself up about it. I guess what I am saying is, is that you have to make that decision to accept those glasses of wine or whatever or not drink at all. Life is too short to feel guilty or bad about yourself. If you are drinking within your guidelines, then go ahead and enjoy. It's complicated. I don't want to say go ahead and do it if your drinking is hurting you or your loved ones. (When I say "you", I mean anyone.) I don't think anyone should drink if it is problematic. I think it is a choice you have to make and then be content with your decision. I hope I made some sense here.
        "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding." Elvis Costello

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          #49
          November Mod Squad

          LostButFound;1218125 wrote: I wish there were a moderation group near me.
          Where do you live?
          There are Moderation Management groups. You can google moderationmanagment.com and maybe find a group in the state you live in. PM me and I can send you more info privately.
          :l
          Eve11
          p.s. to private mail me click on my name and a pull down screen will appear and will give the option to p.m. me.
          "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

          ~Jack Welsh~:h

          God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

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