Is Mods really attainable?

[lucky 2.0]

Is Mods really attainable?

Nope, I cannot do mods either. I tried too many times and failed. Really affected my self esteem and drove my head crazy. I feel so much better in every way being abs.

[Mighty Mouse II]

Is Mods really attainable?

Suzanna and Southernbelle, thank you for the feedback. I also agree that alcohol consumption is a habit and has to be addressed like you would any other habit. I think the way to do that can differ. I use the same habit-changing techniques that are used by business executives, as that is how I was trained. And it is working fairly well for me -- that is why I set the behavioral change pattern (habit) into something I do everyday -- that is how I was trained. If it were a bahavioral change that I did one day and not the next, then I would fall apart because want to go back to the days where I am AF. But every person is different.

For those of you who are looking how to replace one habit with another, I will share a little trick I did for myself in the beginning and use anytime I start to slip. I don't about anybody else, but I know on those days when I just feel like I just want to freely drink -- and then I start looking for excuses. Well, on those days I buy Mogen David concord wine. It is very sweet and tastes a lot like grape juice. Then I buy Welsch's 100% grape juice (in the bottle, not frozen). I pour 10 oz. of both into two separate identical canters. Once I even put them on a spinning lazy Suzanne for fun, closing my eyes and spinning each time. Then, I alternate drinking. You can tell the difference at first, but then with each drink it gets less and less detectable. And then I eat some kind of heatlhy snack, like smoked salmon on crackers or garlic/olive oil bread or They taste very close. By the time the two canters are done, I'm relaxed and FULL and have only had two glasses of wine. I know it sounds silly, but It really helped me. Fortunately, I don't need to do that often, or I would look the good year blimp!!

Love to all,
MM

[Changeling]

Is Mods really attainable?

Mods

I would truly love to be able to follow mods but for me it just does not work.
I am always tricking myself, sneaking drinks I don't count etc etc.

Sorry if you have read this before but will say again anyway...
Last year I went 7 months AF
Then last Christmas (2005) I started having this dialoge with myself
"just have a few at christmas"
"you have done so well - obviously you can control it now"
Guess What - I had a few at christmas, a few more at New Years come Feb I was drinking more than when I stopped in the begining.
Here I am starting again (day9) and I would give anything not to have taken those first few drinks last year

For me abstain is easier -I don't focus on drinking so much
I will not have any, hence, no need to think about when or how many
Regards Changeling

[Waves 2]

Is Mods really attainable?

HI, I think it's too soon to tell for me. I think that if I were ever to say a definite yes to this question then that would be relaxation and consequently very dangerous for me.

[floridagirl]

Is Mods really attainable?

sometimes, for some people

I was doing really well until the holidays, then blew it at the Christmas party. Then got the "concerned lecture" from my boss (who is actually concerned in a friend sort of a way, not just a boss way; he's a sweetie, though he has his moments and we are ENTIRELY too much alike.) Of course, got two or three other friendly reminders that if I need help they are there for me (which make me want to drink) during the holiday season) and lots and lots of job frustration.

Then I went on vacation (stayed home) and was pretty much fine (overdid it by 1-2 a couple of times, including New Year's Eve, but didn't act the idiot, still remember everything, only headache was New Years Day and that was a migraine due to sulfites in 2 glasses of cheap champagne, not quantity.)

Went back to work Thursday and SLAM!!! A full 24-hour reminder of everything I hate about my job! I love what I do. I love the people I work for. Our office manager doesn't know what she is doing, though my boss thinks she's wonderful, and if he thinks it, it might as well be true. I sort of like her as a person, but the things she does makes my life harder. She does not make the office run smoothly. It's a lot of little things, but how many little things add up to a big thing over 3 years or so?

And there's always the money. I made less than 2005, and 2004. I just copied my last pay stub, and my W-2s from 2005 and 2004 with a very polite, HELP ME type of note, sealed it up, and put it on boss's desk yest am. He never had a chance to talk to me about it yesterday, but I know he saw it because I know his moods and he was a little snippy with me yesterday afternoon in the hallway. But it's good because he'll think about it over the weekend and conclude that at least a decent explanation would be in order. It's bonus-based, but the bonus numbers are based on???? (pulled out of his a** is my guess.)

So, drank too much last night, not lots too much but enough. But just sat home with hubby and son, watching TV and drinking lite beer and eating pizza.

I noticed a lot of you talking about "when your kids left." That's exactly what's happening with us. Our problem (we call it our "second adolescence") started when our son left for college in Aug. 2005. He's our only child, and him leaving, although a very good thing, nearly KILLED me. That's when the drinking, which was already borderline heavy since we had 3 hurricanes in 6 weeks in Aug-Sept. 2004 here, accelerated out of control. It's job stress, money stress, enjoyment of the taste of beer, wine, tropical drinks, and a social relaxer. I'm way too reserved before the first drink. But I NEED to stop after two in work party situations, and 3 in the rest.

I think last night is related to the fact that the boy is leaving tomorrow (again.) It's hard. It's GOOD, though. What is he supposed to do? Go back and get good grades like he has been. At Thanksgiving, the first few days I felt like we had been invaded, but when I gave him a hug goodbye I burst into tears again! Before that I thought I had the mom of the young adult thing down, but now I am certain I don't. And after a lovely two-week at home hang-out with him, this one isn't going to be easy either.

I'm nuts. I'll be seeing him in probably a week--I think he's going sailing with us on Friday; if not, I'll see him on the 15th.

Also worried about his 21st birthday on Monday. He does drink, does NOT want to be like us, knows he has the predisposition. Worried that he'll drink too much, that he'll drink and drive, that he'll ride with someone who has been (like all these things haven't happened already, and he knows better, and is very cautious by nature but just doesn't think sometimes like everyone.)

You all have made me feel better, though. I was feeling bad earlier in the week because the book made it sound so easy, and I didn't understand why I just wasn't breezing through with no cravings or problems like Roberta and her friend. Thought there was something wrong, even though I'm taking the Topamax and supplements and doing the CDs (maybe not often enough?) and walking and etc. etc. PERFECTIONISM REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN!!! Now I have to be the perfect moderate drinker! And the perfect mother of the college boy who misses the child but not too much. And the perfect employee.

Would like to have a perfect house, but no time and not willing to put forth that much effort. Husband would like to have a nicer (but not perfect) wife, but will have to find better drugs!

[Allie]

Is Mods really attainable?

Suzanna,
I dont have a whole lot of time, but I am mods. For the most part, I do really well, but because I have it in the house and that door to it is still "open" I guess you could say, I tend to overdue it occasionally. It is usually triggered by sadness, stress, etc.

I also relate to everything you said about your son. He graduated the same year as my son, and two months later we moved to Florida. (I'm officially a Florida girl too now). He chose to take a year off after HS and work. He didnt want to move here with us, and it broke my heart. I could understand as he has no life or relationships here. So after moving, I found myself in a strange house, strange city and my son was gone. I had no idea how huge that void would be. I have two younger, and they missed him terribly as well... especially his little brother who was 7 at the time. (I did a nice job of spacing mine out... LOL). So I had their emotions and grief to deal with on top of mine, and the drinking started getting worse. So for me doing mods, I have to be EXTRA careful whenever I get sad or stressed, because I know that I just want to get lost in the wine to numb out the pain. Its hard to learn to find new ways to vent. Learning to be honest with my husband when I'm struggling and ask him to help me not drink or drink too much that night when I feel it coming on has helped me a lot. He is so glad I will finally talk about it with him, that he really tries hard to distract me. Sometimes we just get in the car and drive to the beach and walk. And talk. Not much else to do at the beach at night! Well.... that depends. LOL. But yes -- for me mods is attainable. I have never done long periods of abs -- never even did the 30 days at the outset because I couldnt. If I deprive myself too long, I end up just getting toasted when I allow myself to drink again. its to extreme in both directions. So this is working for me 90 percent. The other ten percent I would rather not share!

Good luck! Hope you are enjoying this awesome Florida weather by the way!

[pixie]

Is Mods really attainable?

I've been trying moderation for a couple months now, so I'm not nearly at 'long-term' status. But I think I've been fairly successful so far, with a few screw-ups thrown in. Whether this will work for me long-term I can't say, but regardless I feel I'm going down the right road. Because I'm not drinking nearly as much as before. And, if I decide at some point that I can't moderate well, I will be much better prepared for abstinence, with many AF days under my belt, and tools and coping strategies, and new (or renewed) activities to take up the time I'd normally be drinking. If abstinence is what I ultimately decide, then my time moderating was well spent in preparation for that.

My sense in the few months I've been here reading many posts is that some people can truly moderate, some think they can now but will decide later they can't, some have decided it's an easier path to abstain even if they can moderate, and some have decided that moderation does not work for them at all. That's probably a simplistic way to fit complex people into buckets, but that's what I'm seeing at this point in my journey.

Count me in as one of the people who is still very much trying to figure this all out for myself. But being here and trying is the most important thing.

pixie

[Waves 2]

Is Mods really attainable?

:l :thanks:

[Suzanna]

Is Mods really attainable?

There is alot to think about

Everyone is so honest and open here, that's why I love this board. There are alot of good coping strategies. Macks I don't binge drink but there are some nights (getting fewer and farther apart) where it is close. I don't have many AF days. If i could do a month I'd be on cloud nine! Replacing those couple of hours after work with somethng else to do like going walking, is my next strategy.

Allie I went to the beach yesterday too.

[mtnest]

Is Mods really attainable?

I was just getting ready to post a mods vs abstinence question when I stumbled across this thread. I am so glad I did. I am just starting the program but have been considering whether mods is really attainable. I think for me it would be like trying to cut down on cigarettes-it would just delay the inevitable of having to face the fact that you can never, ever, ever have another cigarette or drink or consumption would just climb back up. Dilayne said it great. I would love to go back 5 years to when I savored a wonderful glass of wine with a great meal but I gradually started using it as liquid xanax so For me it would be just too much mental gymnastics trying to decide when, how much, and the next big stress would have me buying a bottle of wine (or 2) and drinking it all and I would be back at square one.

Re: Dr. Phil and replacing one habit with another. I would like to go for a walk everytime I have a wine craving but it is about 3 degrees out and icy! I need to lose 50lbs so It would be ideal if I could just stop what I was doing everytime I feel stressed and go for a walk instead of reaching for a wine glass.

Suzanna, best of luck whatever you decide your goal is.

[Waves 2]

Is Mods really attainable?

Beginning to feel like I am back to square one and that the answer to this is no.

My drink tracker is only half what it would have been this time last year but is terrible compared to before Christmas.

CHRISTMAS- BAH HUMBUG!

Of course, I can't blame myself can I?

Square one- AF again?

[BoozeFreeFox]

Is Mods really attainable?

My word...

dilayne;78430 wrote: Hi Suzanne..just flying by here but wanted to contribute. I think Mods is attainable to some, but it is a very personal thing. I think you have to try it to find out if it is possible for you. My story is similar to Southernbelle's..I'm 48 and was actually abstinent for about 16 years..when the kids grew up my husband and I decided to let our hair down and drink..I really tried to drink moderately but would end of binge drinking at least once a month, sometimes more..binge drinking for me would be a large bottle of wine (sometimes a little more). That wasn't OK with me. Drinking just 2 glasses of wine would have been ideal, but I found it to be a major struggle to do..my decision to go Abs came mostly from the desire not to expend so much mental energy on controlling my drinking. To get rid of it freed up my life. I think if moderation consist of a constant battle, lots of failures and dissappointments, one should probably get real about their ability. If it's relatively effortless and satisfying, then moderation is the way to go. I think it's a personal journey for most of us and there are wonderful people here to share the journey. Good luck in whatever you do!

You hit the nail on the head for me. I'm 8d ABS now. I'm your typical "3 huge glasses of wine EVERY FRIGGIN' DAY, useless for the evening, would never drink and drive, would never miss work or exercise, but ALWAYS feel like crap" sort of drinker.
The thought of sipping a little glass of wine with dinner is very unappealing to me. I want LOTS.
Right now, after 8d of no booze I feel absolutely GREAT. I feel free. Like that "limiting myself" monkey is off my back.
I think that if I placed rigid limits on myself, I would feel chained, and feel (and act) like the "dry drunk" that has been referred to here so much.
That's just me.
Great thread. Thanks for taking these words right out of my mouth.
BFF

[Olly]

Is Mods really attainable?

I've been living in Absville since joining in here in late November. I joined in because I decided I simply didn't want to drink anymore. I went 25 days AF and then had some wine at Christmas and drinks on New Years. Then started AF on Jan 1st. I just went 21 days AF and tonight had a glass of champagne and one glass of red wine (which I knew since last week I would do) So, although I'm getting my primary support from reading the AF threads, I guess I'm actually moderating, in a way. I haven't been drunk in two months.. that's huge! But, I realized tonight that after one glass of champagne and the wine (with dinner) I was really having to struggle to keep the 'I WANT MORE" demon in me under control. And, the only reason I didn't go for more was because of the focus I've found here... and the fact that my husband was with me and he didn't want to drink anymore. Had I been alone though... So, what I'm learning is that it is really hard to "moderate" and I feel so much better AF.

[stayathomemotherdom]

Is Mods really attainable?

I think if you're an alcoholic, it isn't attainable...or OK, it is attainable for a short time. But controlled drinking is still controlled drinking...if you have to invest that much time and thought into it, there may be a problem that needs to be looked at. And in my opinion, that problem has spiritual and behavioral component that needs to be addressed...or your behavior will stay the same. (meaning we drunks are an unhappy group and if we don't address the underlying issue, we'll just be sober unhappy people)

But my life has so much more meaning than when I tried to work this program a year and a half ago. I have such a full life with no compulsion to drink ever. And, thank God, nothing to drink in 9 months,

[Waves 2]

Is Mods really attainable?

Thanks for that and well done on the time abs.