May Day Modders

[Lila]

May Day Modders

thanks all for the encouragement -
dg - that is great to hear!
I would try L-Glut first. I have read a lot of topa posts, and of course there are side effects.
Today I am going to have Kudzu right away. And the pool is open so maybe I will take my kids there.
I want to have a fun day.

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

I've increasing my L-Glut dose today, a heaped big spoon instead of a teaspoon. Let's hope that make a difference.

Is anyone on the Kudzu? It makes me really tired, does it have that effect of you?

[Lila]

May Day Modders

i have never noticed that effect from Kudzu.

I am so down right now - I did not even bother taking supps today. I am usually pretty happy, and my life is generally good, although I just had a major disappointment. Emotions are so hard to deal with - have to admit I have been depressed for about a week.
Good news - the pool is open, I was going to go, but it closed early. I will try for tomorrow if my daughter doesn't have a game or practice.
Modders, how do you get out of a little depression? ugh!!

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Lila, sorry to hear you are feeling down, that can be so hard to deal with.

Do you think it's a good idea not to take you supps though? You could be at risk of drinking way more than you should and then regret it. I get how you are feeling though and you wonder what the use is, though I know I'd hit the bottle with a mood like that, dangerous.

I know its hard to break out of a depressed mood, but maybe talking about it here will help and help to get it out of your system.

I hope you feel better soon - all I can do is give you a virtual hug :l hope it helps

[Lila]

May Day Modders

thank you, Trixie! I packed up my vitamin case with the supplements, made an appointment with my therapist.
You really are right, about the risk, no kidding! Well, today is another day. Counting the days until my appointment, I really want to get back to a positive place again.
Have a great Tuesday, Modders!
L

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Good on you Lila,

Great to hear - get back on that wagon. :goodjob:

[ToMyHealth]

May Day Modders

Good day! Group has dwindled a bit, hope everyone is doing ok.

Had a busy weekend and last night just wanted to veg out in front of tv & go to bed early. And be AF! Success and ran/walked 60 min outdoors. Felt pretty good. Will do more working out later but have an eye dr appt shortly, further check on possible glaucoma. It's really the 'sh....' getting old...LOL

Trix - you're sure hitting it hard and by that I mean trying to help yourself in every way you can. Proud of you!

Lila - hope things are looking up. Depression is awful. Been there...can so relate.

TMH

[Stewarts]

May Day Modders

If you could believe, I had practically an AL Free 5 day stint in Vegas of all places....what I mean by that is one afternoon I had a glass of wine with lunch/dinner (Italian Style)...then later that same night two beers at a concert. The following day, which was the last day, I had two glasses of white wine with dinner and that was it...while not completely AL Free, I'm definitely proud of my behavior...I did a lot of excercise of that time, despite a pinched nerve in my lower back, and did a lot of reading...hope all is well.

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Well done TMH and Stewarts,

You both seems to have things under control.

TMH - hitting it hard with the supps and with the bottle too :upset:

Not much is happening with the cravings, I have ordered Topamax and was hoping to have results with the supps so I didn't have to take it, but it looks like I may have to.

Although it was mentioned somewhere that the larger L-Glut doses didn't start to work til the 5th day, this is day 3, so here's hoping - I'm not giving up this time.

[Stewarts]

May Day Modders

Thanks...little setback..not really

Trix, thanks, I appreciate that!

Someone mentioned depression, I'm sorry I don't remember who, but if you do by chance read this, I can relate. I went into a severe depressive state when my marriage broke up, which was kind of weird because it was a very amicable drama-free divorce, but your life does change dramatically, regardless.

I'm definitely past the worst, but I still go through it from time to time. I do see a therapist, which is extremely helpful...and I was one of the guys that used to think therapy is a sign of weakness, now I highly reccommend it. I'm also on an SSRI and an anti-depressant, which I'm thinking I may want to wean off of soon, need to talk to the other Dr. about that.

I'm at the point where at 37, I'm really starting to understand my personality and why I feel the way I do in certain circumstances. Acutally, ha, in a weird twist, I had my sister do an astrology chart for me. (I don't believe in this crap). But, I knew the time I was born and she did it (I'm an Aquarius). I will tell you this, it was creep and eery...this thing had me down pact, more importantly pointed out a major inner conflict I have with myself, which I picked up on right away. The good news, conciously recognizing it I think will help me deal with a lot of things.

As for drinking....well, I ran with my running club last night and then we went down to the bar. I hadn't seen any of them in awhile. I went past my 2-3 limit, but definitely wasn't trashed. I think I had 5. When I ordered the 6, after two sips, literally, I said to myself, "why I am drinking this, its getting late, I don't want this." I put it down, chatted a little said my good byes and went home.

I do feel a little groggy this morning though, but I did need to see everyone though.

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Good work Stewarts, to actually stop yourself on your '6th' is bloody remarkable - :goodjob:

At this point - I reckon even if I drink more than I wanted, at least if I don't make a mess of myself and if I can remember the events of the previous evening, then I've done ok. Sad hey.

But....I want that to be a thing of the past. I live in a small community where heavy drinking is the norm, its tough to try and cut back, hence the supps to help suppress my appetite for the grog. People think you're strange if you don't drink

I have one friend who literally tries to pour the alcohol down my throat - so annoying.:upset:

I'm glad that at 37 you are seriously trying to change your ways, I'm 47 and I wish I had done something back then. Keep going so that in 10 years you can look back and be proud. :l

[Stewarts]

May Day Modders

Thanks

:thanks:

Trix, thanks...its not just small communities, I live in NYC and it is really hard not to drink, and people will look at you like you're weird. My bosses are heavy into the office drinking out (actually, they toned it down, which I think is good); we have a lot of younger professionals and we're trying to grow this office, they've been unconciously being awarded for doing a lousy job, quite frankly....I was so far more advanced in my career at their age...anyway...

I mean even that night, I usually like to order a club soda or two after a run at the club (prviate club), but the girls in my running group were calling me out for not having a drink yet...?!?!

I'm not going to deny, in my past, I definitely enjoyed drinking and other various recreational drugs..it's funny, but alcohol, ironically, I think is the hardest to control at times...I mean a line of cocaine, if its past a certain hour, you know, "hey if I do this, I'm not sleeping for a very long time..."

I don't know if I said this, I'm not necessarily against alcohol or drugs for that matter, I'm just againts feeling like...crap... :-) If that makes sense...its just not that fun anymore.

Sorry for rambling, but I just remembered another interesting story about people looking at you weird for not drinking...a frienf of mine did at a business conference, now I'll tell you why its ironic and somewhat amusing. This good friend/colleague had a rough last year as well, her ex left her around the same time mine left me....we kind of bonded closer because of that...anyway, I hate to be judgemental, especially with my past, but she is drinking way too much! Anyway, one night we're out and she is SMASHED! Sloppy smashed. I'm not going to get into the particulars, but she flipped out on me for no reason, on top of that, she was actually wrong and did something that hurt one of my and my bosses business pursuits, granted, she didn't do it on purpose, but it was such an amatuer move. Anyway, before I could even explaing anything to her, she starts flipping out and screaming at me that I "lied" to her. She also said (which I'm sure she doesn't remember) and insuiadted awful things about my character which were not true. To sum this up easily, and in a way I think you can all understand...she was at that point of being so F'd up that logic and reason are completely gone from your psyche...you're in your own little world where non-sense makes sense to you,perhaps even a little paranoid. I didn't lie to her about anything, she basically made an idiot our of herself, she's lucky it was me and not someone else.....the end result, I think its been resolved. I was actually really upset for awhile because I thought I lost a friend for something, well, I didn't even do.
But we're started to talk again, as my boss and everyone else I know has said, she is probably utterly embarrassed and feels like a jackass...my boss even told her that she owes me an apology....which I'm not expecting to get, but that's fine...

Anyway, the next night we had our own company event, I think this was before her and I had a chance to talk in private about the other fiasco, which I know was irking her just as much as me, but I was drinking water at our event...there had been too many nights of business drinking. She pointed this out, like something was wrong with me !?!?! I mean come on! I think the last person that should be commenting on your lack of drinking is the person that the night before got so WASTED she made an idiot of herself...anyway....

[Eve11]

May Day Modders

Hey Gang,
I am still alive but have not posted for forever. I will have to catch up to see who is new, who has been gone (like me) and is back, and who has been holding down the fort for the group.

I have been busy with school and life but things will be less intense as I will have obtained my Masters the end of July. It has been a long 2 1/2 years doing it and I will be glad when I do not have to do research or write long papers for a grade.

My moderating goes so - so. There are still times that I have one too many but that that means a headache the next day and not huge risk taking behavior like in the old days. I have made many changes to get to where I am. No girl's night out on week nights for me, no wine with lunch dates, no drinking immediately when I go to a party, but having non-al first and trying to refrain from drinking until party is half over. It all helps. The problem is, the shut off valve is broken and I battle with craving once I have started drinking. The perplexing part is sometimes I crave and battle, and sometimes I am satiated like a normal drinker so...?? the fight will always continue I'm afraid. As long as I can have successful harm reduction then perhaps total abstinence isn't necessary but the price I pay is those cravings that may or may not happen after a sip or two of AL.
Hugs,
:l
Eve11

[Trixiebelle]

May Day Modders

Hi everyone,

Stewarts, your 'friend' does sound quite F#@ked up to be honest, but I dont need to tell you that. So sad that she can't see just what you and everyone else can (the diff with us here is that we CAN see that we have problems). Though I imagine she is still not coping from her break up - on the other hand, you sound like you are doing great. :goodjob:

As you say, I guess it doesn't matter where you live, it's still hard to escape those people who encourage and expect you to guzzle yourself stupid.

Hi Eve, nice to meet you. Your story sounds a lot like mine - the good ol' broken shut off valve, and I struggle to stop once I have started. You are a bit more evolved than me, I'll be where you are soon though.

Although......I went to the social club last night and was only going to have 3 ciders, I did that and then some other friends turned up as we were going to leave, so I had one more and no more, even as they gave me grief for not drinking more. 4 ciders over almost 5 hours - amazing. (Normally that would more like 6 or 7+)

Not sure if the supps were helping, but I am glad that I didn't drink way too much.

First time I have walked away from a Friday night at the club and can remember it.

[drinkingal]

May Day Modders

Stewarts great job on your vegas trip. 1 or 2 drinks a night is great work. As far as your friend goes, you're right you can't reason with someone that drunk because they're just on a whole other wave length so you're just wasting your time.

Hi eve, trixie and TMH. It's good to see so many sticking with it and making progress. I don't have much to report really, I'm just plodding along at my own pace with things and my modding is going along good.