June Mod Squad

[nonamegirl]

June Mod Squad

Hi, everyone.
I love you guys. I tend to say that more than I ought, but it is so nice to get supportive comments back. Thank you.

Lasha, I would love to come listen to you play. Wish we could plan a Mod Squad get-together.

TMH, congrats on the bath and not the glass of wine! Good work! Rain on the lanai sounds simply lovely, too, though. Gosh.

Texas, you are doing beautifully. Keep up the good work!

Persephone, thanks for your supportive words. And Byrdlady, too. I know that everyone has only the best intentions. We are all on the same path, as I said.

Today needs to be a quiet day for me. I'll work in my garden, cuddle my critters, go to my writers' group and wait for my sweet husband to come home from work. What could possibly be better?

[Eve11]

June Mod Squad

nonamegirl;1515817 wrote:
Wish we could plan a Mod Squad get-together.

Now wouldn't that be a dream come true! Hi to everyone, haven't read all of the previous posts so I will miss addressing back to statements that were made or feelings shared. Just noticed this last post and nonames comment caught my eye. Sure would be nice if we could all meet.

The modding is going well for me. Actually AF most of the time lately. Did actually have a craving for a glass of wine tonight but it's a worknight and I just waited it out and the craving passed. Have been busy attending cooking classes and continuing to eat healthier and healthier. Did yoga the other day and haven't done that in a while so that was good.

Another birthday coming up and an old friend planned a birthday luncheon so that will be nice to get together with girlfriends for my special day. Seems every year I've either been working or on vacation during that time so will be nice to be surrounded by friends.

Will post more soon when time permits.

:l
Eve11

[ToMyHealth]

June Mod Squad

Top of the day to you! Starting Day 4 of my AF time. As they say in the meds thread, felt a switch late yesterday afternoon. Did not sleep until 4:00a the other night, took a sleeping pill, and woke up after exercise class started. Dragged til afternoon when I forced myself to put in a workout DVD. Didn't complete all the reps but did entire hour w/o. Still hadn't moved enough so went to Fitness Center, got on TM with my Ipod, Neil Diamond came on with Do It and whole mood switched, enjoyed my 3 miles of hill repeats. Wanted a Subway for dinner and found myself snapping fingers, enjoying music on drive home. What's going on? No wine, no sleeping pill, slept great! Woke up feeling so calm, no aches, no low grade headache. Journaled, want to remember this.

NNG - does this mean we should start saving for going to Scotland? I have never been to Europe. One of my favorite Chick Flicks is P.S. I Love You - has great Ireland scenery. Love your state of gratitude.

Lash - what fun at your nephew's wedding! Had guests this past January for one night. Receptionist at my dh company and her husband who is in a band. That's how they met. She saw him play out of town, went back to her hometown and unbeknownst to her he placed a personal ad looking for her, in the meantime she looked up his band and where they were playing, put a group of friends together to go see him. :lilheart: Kind of a neat story, wouldn't you say?

:bday7: Eve, enjoy your lunch! Sure you are a good friend to many.

Rainy, canceled golf, and have a full day planned. :happy: Make it a good one!

TMH

[nonamegirl]

June Mod Squad

HI, Everyone!
This may be kind of a long post, for which I apologize ahead of time. Lots I would like to discuss with all of you.

But FIRST OF ALL! My favorite public radio station plays this song on the children's program for birthdays, and it seems to fit Eve perfectly.
"Happy birthday, Happy birthday WE LOVE YOU.
Happy birthday and may all your dreams come true!
When you blow out your candles, one light stays aglow
It's the love within your heart where e're you go." Happy birthday my friend. Thank you for all your supportive comments.

TMH, thanks for the name of the chick flick. I actually have a husband who enjoys watching them with me (I know... how did I get so lucky?), and so this will be added to tomorrow's date night... I am in need of a good light chick flick-y kind of evening.

I am really really struggling with my depression this week. Part of it is the conversation back and forth on the other thread with Byrdie... and part of it is family related and ALL of it is chemically related. I know that depression is a chemical imbalance, but all I want to do is curl up in the corner and cry. Even my puppy, my cats, my wonderful bewildered husband, my garden and the sunshine haven't lifted my mood. The Buddha said that all of life has pain and that it only becomes suffering when one cherishes the pain and takes it out and caresses it and thinks about it, and I am really trying to not do that.

BUT there are some things that Byrdie brought up that really bug me. First of all, my response to her was along the lines of "Me thinks (I) protest too much." Okay, I KNOW I have a problem with alcohol, or I wouldn't be here. I GOT that. (I actually hate poor grammar, but it's needed here.) Secondly, isn't the whole premise of Roberta Jewell's book along the lines of Roberta wanting to find a way to moderate her drinking? Doesn't she talk about in her book that she feels successful that now she can have a glass of wine and not be drawn in to more? Isn't it, in fact, in that book that I learned about taking l-glut and Topomax? (Both of which I do take, by the way.) So if I have failed in the past in moderating, (and I have) but am now feeling confident that I am on the right track and have gone for five days with no cravings at all, why is it such a big dang deal to her that I chose not to do an AF June? And why the sermon? I promise to not continue beating this old dead horse, but will welcome any responses you might have.

And, here's one more thing that I just don't understand... why, when we post on the Moderation Board, does everyone in the whole world respond? I don't read the Guy's Board, nor the Family Board... why do people who are Abstainers read the Moderation Board? AM I missing something here?

Okay, now I have said my piece and have gotten that out of my system. Some time back I said that my new goal was to try to have a good big belly laugh every day, and at that goal I have failed miserably. :alf::alf::alf: My buddy Alf always makes me laugh.

Bless you, my friends, for your kind words. I am grateful for your help, your support and your continued shoulder to lean on on this rocky path we tread.

[nancy]

June Mod Squad

different strokes

I think there are different ways of approaching a problem and some people believe it has to be abstinence. Dozens of people here believe moderation is impossible. So I hate to say it but I think they actually like to see people trying moderation fail, because it proves their point.

This is my opinion but I find in real life and sometimes here that people can be self-righteous in their sobriety. Part of the dogma about drinking problems is that everyone's in denial. I don't believe that. I think people know all too well what the problem is but don't want to stop and don't want to be labeled.

Personally, I think most people on the moderation board are doing harm reduction, which is different. Any improvement is good in my opinion. Yes, people slip with moderation or harm reduction goals but those trying abstinence also relapse frequently.

Focus on your self noname! There's a group called Women for Sobriety and the woman who started that program advised not allowing negativity. That's how I remember it, so please don't take this verbatim. But you can't allow yourself to ruminate or dwell in the blues too long. Don't indulge that part of yourself.

Nancy

P.S. Yes, the My Way Out book encouraged moderation but it was with the aid of pharmaceuticals. It's harder to achieve without drugs.
P.S.S. New comment: I just read the June monthly abstinence thread and I want to clarify I don't think Byrdie was self-righteous. I do think that people can be very self-righteous in sobriety. Can't hurt to consider another point of view if it's constructively expressed, even if you disagree.

[drinkingal]

June Mod Squad

Hi nng, the things you talk about have been going on here ever since I can remember (and I'm sure longer than that), and I've tried to make sense of it too, but it's hard and honestly it gets downright irritating. Many of us modders have felt and spoken the same things you have but it just doesn't get through for some reason to certain people. we are all adults who are capable of making our own decisions and learning our own lessons in life, and we don't want to hear the negativity, or how much peril we are in when we each know our own situation better than anyone. I also don't understand why some people read the modder board when they are so against it, and then post negativity and judgement. It's weird like they have no self control or something. Try not to take it to heart though noname, I think it says things about them, not about us. I sort of suspect some people spend so much time at these boards that they lose perspective and get a bit obsessive about pushing their own views onto others, of course it's easy to get away with that online, but in the real world people would just switch off and walk away from someone like that. You're doing good setting yourself goals and making lots of progress so don't let it get you down. :l

[Lasha]

June Mod Squad

Guess what, my alcoholic advisor's volunteer helper, who was in my opinion full of Shit and kept going on about a glass of anxiety, was propping the bar up when we went for ONE drink yesterday. I bet he didn't stop at one, so much for abstaining.

We're all alcoholics together, some controlled and some not.

I'm going to watch an old friend play tomorrow and I'll be having 3 ciders and cant wait.
Don't care what anyone says, wild horses wouldn't stop me and thats that.
I could have none as my body doesn't need it but I ENJOY IT, get it.

Rock on fellow modders.
Lash

[Eve11]

June Mod Squad

Lash - what fun at your nephew's wedding! Had guests this past January for one night. Receptionist at my dh company and her husband who is in a band. That's how they met. She saw him play out of town, went back to her hometown and unbeknownst to her he placed a personal ad looking for her, in the meantime she looked up his band and where they were playing, put a group of friends together to go see him. :lilheart: Kind of a neat story, wouldn't you say? TMH

TMH,
TOTALLY loved this little love story you shared. And Lash, really enjoyed visualizing you and the band playing while the dancers swayed and danced holding their lighters. Awesome word picture.

All is going well in my world. We are dealing with the teen pregnancy crisis as best we can. Son got a job and has been working every day as well as going to a teen parenting class in the evening once a week and attending a teen support counseling group weekly. Still haven't told too many friends or family as the reaction will be as expected with his young age. We can only put one foot forward at a time and keep moving in a positive direction utilizing resources and support of loved ones. For me, I guess the Pretenders song, "I'll stand by you" reveals my true emotions. If you listen to the words, you'll know what I mean. Click away, relax, and enjoy this beautiful song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maAyfcO-X3khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?[/video]]

:l
Eve11

[drinkingal]

June Mod Squad

nancy;1516341 wrote: I think there are different ways of approaching a problem and some people believe it has to be abstinence. Dozens of people here believe moderation is impossible. So I hate to say it but I think they actually like to see people trying moderation fail, because it proves their point.

Hi Nancy, I agree with this totally. I think for some people being right, or proven right is so vitally important that it becomes a recipe for judgement, and probably a lot of enjoyment in seeing others fail. I think that's really sad. I like to think most people are happy for anyone, modder or abber if that person is experiencing success of some kind, no matter how small or large, because it isn't about how many consecutive sober days a person counts up but really about how day to day life is getting better and seeing improvement in any aspect of life. I guess I gave up on being perfect a long time ago so i take the view like you that any progress is positive and it's motivating, so it inspires us to keep wanting to do better.

btw, I bought my copy of Heart of Addiction you recommended and I'm only a few pages in but I can already identify with it. I don't read a lot of books but thanks for suggesting it on the board because I think it's going to be really helpful.

[nonamegirl]

June Mod Squad

Thank you, my friends

So many supportive comments! Thank you! I want to respond to several:

Nancy said :"I want to clarify I don't think Byrdie was self-righteous. I do think that people can be very self-righteous in sobriety. Can't hurt to consider another point of view if it's constructively expressed, even if you disagree." OH, yes. I do know that Byrdie was being loving in her comments, it just came off as a sermon that I didn't need or want and it hurt at the time. Byrdie has never been sharp in her comments, unlike some others I could mention on the General Board.

DrinkingGal, I hear you about the negativity, and how in the real world we would just walk away. That's actually why I don't read the other boards much anymore at all. My way of walking away. And I simply LOVE what you say here "I think for some people being right, or proven right is so vitally important that it becomes a recipe for judgement, and probably a lot of enjoyment in seeing others fail. ... it isn't about how many consecutive sober days a person counts up but really about how day to day life is getting better and seeing improvement in any aspect of life. I guess I gave up on being perfect a long time ago so i take the view like you that any progress is positive and it's motivating, so it inspires us to keep wanting to do better. "

And thanks for mentioning "Heart of Addiction" again. Each book that people have mentioned on this board has been helpful. I'll pick this one up.

Today is a MUCH better day for me. My new mantra is "Water off a duck's back." I can't let the little stuff bug me, and step by step in the right direction is going to get me where I need to go.

Today is Friday. My sweet husband and I are walking downtown for some good art, some good street music and a bite of dinner - and yes, I'll probably have my one or two glasses of wine. And then we'll walk home. All before sundown. Lovely time of year.

Thank you, my friends.:l:h

[ToMyHealth]

June Mod Squad

Hello. Been pondering a bit since NNG post yesterday. Want to say NNG I was surprised to see where a previous post by you had been inserted by Byrdie. I mean that was then, this is now. None of us would be here if we hadn't abused alcohol. We can't change the past. We do our best going forward, and if that's 'choosing' moderation and not white knuckling it and as someone here (think Nancy) sees as us practicing harm reduction, well, what's the beef. I can totally see why you felt badly; glad today is much better, and you have a date night with your sweetie.

Eve - I listened to the song, how beautiful is that! Thank you for sharing about your life, your son and how you feel about him.

Wow, are dreams vivid!! I get up wondering if some of it actually happened. My AF streak may end today. May not. I will decide before I go out. Was out shopping and rec'd call from friends who know dh isn't here this week (that's partly why it's been easier), invited me to join them for dinner at the club. Need to decide whether I'll have 1 or 2. Or zero.

Have a good night!

TMH

[nancy]

June Mod Squad

book

DG I am glad the book is helping you. It's had a profound beneficial effect on me. I am looking forward to talking to you guys about it.

[Lasha]

June Mod Squad

Abbers V Modders

I've been thinking about this one for a while and have come to the conclusion it's Abbers V most of the general public.

My life like a lot of people has been work hard and play hard, I'm probably in the top half as I loved playing hard and always looked for a party, etc.

Great until your body gives up then eventually you cant do it anymore. I ask friends now if they drink much these days and even the biggest party animals have toned it down. Thats what my life has been like and it's the same with most I know, it's not about drinking by yourself into oblivion. I experienced that when I was escaping from depression for 6 months but thanks to MWO am back to modding.

I would hate to be unable to stop after a couple of drinks and then behave like a prick, that kind of people end up being ridiculed behind their backs and are ignored. They're better off not drinking.

Bound to rattle the cages of a few but that's my opinion.
Lash

[nonamegirl]

June Mod Squad

ToMyHealth, thank you so much for your supportive words. I can't believe how much it helps to have someone else say that was a bit below the belt. Thank you.

Lasha, hope your weekend was lovely. I always enjoy reading a guy's point of view on this thread....

drinkingal, if we were all perfect it would be a darned boring world, wouldn't it? I guess giving up trying to be perfect is a pretty good plan.

nancy, I am going to get the book today. Thanks again.


Happy week, everyone!

[nonamegirl]

June Mod Squad

Hey, All,
Happy Tuesday to everyone. Myself included. I am going to work hard this week at my new mantra "Water off a duck's back" as my family (brother and wife) are kind of driving me nuts. This whole thing with selling the family home and dispersing the family "treasures" and making sure all the work is evenly shared is REALLY aggravating. And I need to not let it get to me so badly.

And so, today will be a better day than yesterday. :alf::alf::alf::alf: I'll do my Alfie dance.

PS... Lasha, I loved your "band" on the Word Association game!