100 Day Challenge

[nonamegirl]

100 Day Challenge

Morning, Strong.
I am sorry you had to find those when you were stressed from not sleeping. TMH told me about them in a PM, and believe me, we all take it personally. I do not understand why folks need to be so caustic. It was for that reason years ago that I dropped from here, and for that reason that I almost dropped out again last year. Instead, I just decided to stay down here where people understand folks like us. As you said, it is easier to abstain than to moderate, and some of us are moderating very well, thank you very much. (That was said to the others, not you.) I do not understand why others seem to think, that though we are not the same, don't have the same background with alcohol, don't have the same ugly histories that some of the others do, that we have to follow the same path. Ah, well, different strokes. Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves when they diss others' ways of living.

Step by step in the right direction, Strong. Focus on your goal, not on the dissenters. You are doing fantastically.

[NoSugar]

100 Day Challenge

Hi, Strong

I'm not aware of what you are referring to but I'm sorry that you were hurt. As a person who seems to be able to do nothing in moderation, I generally don't read the mod threads other than yours :l. You've been very clear about your goals and I enjoy reading your posts and hearing that you are doing well with them and are feeling good. Please don't be derailed by the comments of others who have chosen a different approach. If you ever decide that being AF is your goal, I'll be right there helping if I can. Until then, I'll be cheering for you from the sidelines and wishing you all the best.

xx- NS

[DancingGirl]

100 Day Challenge

I'm glad I don't know what threads in particular you found, although I'm well aware of the unfortunate tendency of some. But there are also lots of abstainers that post supportive "live and let live" messages too.

My theory is that some people get persnickety about moderation because they are scared. They know they can't drink in moderation, but the temptation always seems to be there. Reading about someone who is able to control their drinking within moderate levels suddenly awakens that voice that should be gone: "Maybe, just maybe, I can do this too..." and then downhill they go again.

I have a couple of quite abusive colleagues at work. Not that long ago, I decided that one of the roots of these types of problems is that the person is frightened. Frightened of failure, frightened of criticism, frightened of change, threatened by different paths, by new ideas. People lash out at that which threatens them. And here, that can be you and me and us (the threat, not the lashers!)

So we'll hang together and try to understand :groupluv:

[DancingGirl]

100 Day Challenge

WOW - I just found the thread in Long Term Abstainers and they are quoting me!!

Funny, I would just never do that - find something that I didn't agree with, quote it, and say awful things about a person I didn't know.

I'll stick with my "scared" theory. We do the "us and them" thing in lots of places, it is written deep in our genetic make-up and has a lot to do with feeling threatened. It also makes us behave in ways we shouldn't. Prejudice comes from the concept of "prejudging."

Alas, in spite of all that philosophy, I suddenly feel less comfortable here than I did twenty minutes ago. ...sigh...

[ToMyHealth]

100 Day Challenge

DG, i know, I know, it's just not right. I hope you read farther down where I think it was Sunbeam who said something about improvement. And that's what all of us are trying to do. We have not committed to being AF.

It's ok, keep posting please.

TMH

[DancingGirl]

100 Day Challenge

Thanks for the empathy, TMH.

Yes, I read further and was glad that my initial post was to say that there are lots of abstainers who post "live and let live" statements. But, holy moly - I felt my stomach drop out when I read those things. It was like reading my name on a washroom wall or something. A sudden emotional deja vu of being eleven and finding out that the gang of popular girl bullies didn't just ignore me, they said nasty things too!! But, I got over it, and will still post, although perhaps not in as much detail anymore. Funny how "nicely under six units" turned into something else. And sure - if someone snorts down six units in 45 minutes, yeah - they have - uh - a problem! But if I have "nicely under six units" (read two glasses of wine) at dinner and then go to bed at 10, I certainly am going to bed sober. I checked some Blood Alcohol calculators and found that a 140lb woman drinking two glasses of wine would not be feeling any effects after four hours.

Sour grapes... (actually that's pretty funny considering the topic).

BUT - I really don't want to highjack Strong's thread, which is about her amazing journey towards 100 days. We'll return to Stewarts' last message:

You're doing great...keep it up!

[DancingGirl]

100 Day Challenge

:h:h:h I should say thanks to NNG and Strong for their empathy too.

[free at last]

100 Day Challenge

Just checked in after a few days offline and saw your progress, Strong. HUGE CONGRATS

Read the comments around in/tolerance of other methods or views. Please don't let others stop your efforts. I know that I'm not one to give much advice to those starting out, but I do know that this forum has been helpful to me in significantly reducing my alcohol intact over the past year. And I expect the coming year will be even better.

[free at last]

100 Day Challenge

Hey Strong,
Just checking in to see how you are doing?

[Eve11]

100 Day Challenge

Just read this whole thread as I've been away for a while. Strong, I like the 100 day challenge and think that it is helpful to all of us to be strong in our moderating goals. Moderating is harder than abstaining because our bodies create that craving when we re-introduce alcohol into our bodes. With abstaining, the cravings go away much easier. Think I posted a whole thing about that once. Will cut and paste if I find it.

Regarding the hurt feelings going on, I have just personally found that it works for me to pretty much hang here. In my ideal world, this would be a site for just people moderating and people abstaining would have their own site. Some people truly do need to abstain as one drink could literally kill them. I personally feel that MOST people who put moderating down a lot are just lovable mama and papa bears looking out for their cubs. They know drinking does not fit into their lives and they fear for the ones who fool themselves into thinking they can moderate and fit it into theirs. Over the years here I have seen some folks post moderation goals and it is very clear they should not be considering moderating at all. But I like to think of it as baby steps and believe that with their hope that they can moderate, they start to cut down (harm reduction). Eventually, some of those types (who should never moderate in the first place) figure it out in their own time.

Those of us who are somewhat successful at it usually are not 100% successful because we probably all have faulty shut off valves. If we didn't, we wouldn't be here in the first place. For example, my hubby can drink one drink and feel TOTALLY satiated. Two in a night is a big thing for him. If I have only one drink, I usually 98% want a second. The difference for me, is I usually had a third. So, coming here has helped me cut down to 2 in an evening for the most part. I also got into a bad habit of drinking on some week nights, sometimes more week nights than I liked. Now I only drink Fridays and Saturdays and maybe a week night here or there. So, I have definitely cut down. Will I ever get cirrhosis of the liver the way I drink? No. DUI? Highly doubtful. Lose friends or embarrass myself because I was drunk and stupid and said or did things I regret? Not likely. Stay strong because I am getting support from other people who are like minded, want to cut down their intake and moderate to safe levels. Absolutely! Love you guys, keep coming back!

:l
Eve11

DancingGirl: Editing this as I just went to the site you were referring to and want to say that it was downright nasty what one person in particular (who likes to come over here and constantly create trouble) posted. Totally wrong that she would come over here and copy and paste a heartfelt post of yours and then mock it. Too bad she doesn't have the knowledge base to know that 6 units is not 6 glasses. 1 glass equals 2.3 units so when one does the math, it is definitely not the huge quantity she is making it out to be. She does a real nice job supporting folks who are trying to abstain, I have to give her credit for that. Puts a lot of time and energy into helping newbies and those struggling that want to be AF. Just wish she would respect the people on our site who are trying to determine if moderating can work for them. Cutting and pasting what they write to make fun of it on an AF site is not professional conduct. She owes you an apology.

[nonamegirl]

100 Day Challenge

Eve, I totally agree with your addendum. I wish that person WOULD apologize. Why is it that Lurkers never read the posts they should?

SO, Strong, how is it going? I admire your 100 Day goal. I feel good about a 30 day goal, so I can imagine you are just about flying by now. You go, girl!

[Eve11]

100 Day Challenge

Yes, Strong, give us a report. We're cheering for you.
:l
Eve11