I don't want to be totally AF......,

[frances]

Hi TMH - I like the idea of setting goals to help track progress!

I am at a point where I don't do that because I don't allow myself to drink very often and the whole idea for me is to be at a point where I don't need to say I will only drink on x days this week, since I don't want to drink every week. I do, frankly, worry about success of this in the long term. I often wonder if I'm just kidding myself.

But for now (and for the past several months - in fact it will be a year in November) I've been very successful. Prior to this, I abstained completely for 9 full months. This was very key for me. I'm not sure what is needed for others, but I needed that long AF time. I tried and tried many times before and never got to this point. The other difference was that this time, I don't allow myself to drink every week. Previously, once I decided I wanted to try to moderate, I'd allow myself to drink and just try to cut back how much I was drinking and try for one or two AF days a week. Now I am almost always AF with just a drink on rare occasions. These two things (the long AF time before trying moderation, and the discipline for only drinking very rarely) have been key to my success.

I can't remember if I've already shared that - I may have, but just thought it might be helpful to know what I have done.

I wish you all the best!

[Stewarts]

I'm doing ok. I can' day I've been hitting my goals to the fullest, but I haven't say "fallen off the wagon" What I noticed is it comes in spurts. I had a school weekend this weekend, so that tends to trigger it... Friday wasn't too bad..I had a few more beers than I wanted to before I met my gf Downtown. It just resulted in my being tired by the time I got there. I really didn't drink that much, but I had some BIZARRE dreams and was a little anxious in the morning. Saturday was a little more intense, but got home by 10:30. We left class around 5pm and went to watch some college football (cohort classmates). They played beer pong, I stayed out of that...I also did no shots, so I think that's why I was ok on Sunday morning. Sunday was really chill. I went to my gfs Downtown for dinner and we each had a (as in one) beer.

The rest of this week was AL free until yesterday when a client wanted a boozey lunch, so I had a few glasses of wine. I know I have a friend coming into to town I haven't seen in a long time. This could get interesting - these friends BOOZE! Although one, stopped, because it looked like he was becoming an alcoholic or turned into one... I actually wasn't surprised, he was the worst and craziest out of all of us when we were younger and not so young... Last I heard he was drinking in the morning before he stopped from a mutual friend, I was like, "yeah, that's a sign the party is over."

I was thinking about what to do if there's pressure. I mean I will have a few beers, but I think all I really need to do is say I have a long and early day tomorrow.

Anyway...

j.

[blue1]

Hey Stew....good to hear from you! I hope you can still to your goals!

How's everybody else?

I'm going for AF Thursday today....so far so good...just water and gingerale.

Have a successful day guys!

[NoraC]

Hey Blue - just popping in to say hi. Hope you're having a great weekend.

[blue1]

Hey Nora!
I had a good weekend....we went to my Sister's house yesterday to pray for her.
Her Dr came to see her on Saturday and she told her boyfriend that my sister didn't have much time left if she didn't try to eat more.
My sister finally came clean and told me that she had not been eating while her boyfriend would be at work....he doesn't get home til after 5.
So me and my sisters are going to take turns going to her house while he's at work to make sure she has something to eat.
We're believing she's going to get well!

Hope everyone is having a successful Monday!

[blue1]

I guess this thread is dying off too.....

[NoraC]

Blue - I am glad that you & your sisters can check in on your other sister to make sure she eats. That will probably make a huge difference.

Hang in there. After they get this new membership glitch cleared up, there might be a lot of new users that want to moderate. Looks like nobody has been able to join for a couple of months.

[blue1]

Oh....wow....thanks Nora! I had no idea there was a problem. I'll keep posting....maybe someone else will come along.
Yesterday was my first AF Friday in forever! It was weird but I did it....mainly cause I didn't have the money to buy anything. I slept pretty good to. I've had some good mod days too...maybe that's why yesterday was a bit easier. Looks like today will be AF too....Wow a Friday and a Saturday??? Lol

Thanks for posting Nora....cause I was really getting ready to give up. I don't post much on other threads but I read a lot. It helps me with my modding by reading the post of AB's. That probably sounds weird....but it works for me.

Have a successful Saturday!

[ToMyHealth]

Me too, Blue. Good for you! Felt good to just get lost in Showtime series. Unfortunately, even though I took Ibuprofen PM about an hour before I went to bed, it did not work. Took one more at 2:30a. Had a pretty good workout today - wts, 100 cal on ET, walk 2.5 mi.

Kind of torn today re: drinking. We have friends that the guy has had some health issues. We have helped out, had them over for dinner, made some chicken soup for them when he went back in hospital, etc. etc. No big deal except that now that he is feeling better, they want to take us out for dinner tonite. Nice seafood restaurant. I know they & dh will have a cocktail, then wine with their dinner. Normally, I would have 2 glasses of chardonnay. So have to decide. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy the evening, and be AF again tomorrow. Always going to be social situations!

Have a great weekend!

[Stewarts]

Hey sorry for being absent... I've been trying to get on here more because, a.) it helps me, but I also think it helps everyone else. So, what I've been noticing with myself the past several weeks is I tend to have one real bad (meaning as in a lot, not bad situation occurring) drinking day and it's always been Saturday - which is a good thing. I've been really good during the week. The pope was in NYC and our corner conference room has a direct view of Fifth Avenue so some of us watched him come down... One of the kids had some beers from our Fantasy Football draft night which were still left over, so I had A, as in one, beer watching the pope come down Fifth Avenue. My gf has a friend in town and one of the kids in my office was having a party during the day, there was an oyster fest Downtown... anyway, that lead to more than usual drinking...however, the good thing, I knew when enough was enough and I met her and her friend for dinner and was in bed by 9pm.

I think ideally I'd like to have none of those days, but I really can't complain that much. It's a goal for the next time.

[frances]

Hi all - just checking in. Had some busy times at work but we were all very happy because we won the contract for the proposal that we worked so hard on back in mid to late August. I still read all over these threads because I get so much from hearing experiences. I don't feel very comfortable posting in many places for some reason anymore. I've been moderating successfully for almost a year now and in the early months I posted on newbies nest anyway but I just didn't mention my situation. Then lately I've been thinking about people who might decide to just look back on me and my posts (which is something you can do here pretty easily) and see that I've moderated and think they can try it to when really they can't. So now I just don't post much in other places anymore. Pretty much not at all but I do post on the gratitude is an attitude thread. Anyway. It is what it is :-)

It's interesting how just quitting entirely is so hard for so many (me included). Especially those who really would prefer not to be doing it at all. Kensho at one point tried to moderate but then when she drank she was always unhappy about it, every time. And she realized that when she let herself drink she started thinking about it more and more and limiting to once a month, which was her goal, was not going to be possible. So she decided to quit entirely. Probably the best approach for most people!

Stewart you mentioned that you wish you had none of those drinking days - I think the more you say no the more practice you get and the easier it becomes. I dont' go out as much as you so I'm sure it's a lot easier for me because of that. I do wonder sometimes if I was in situations where the drinks were flowing more frequently, how would I do? I can't imagine being in NYC with an active social life and how hard that would be! For now, I'm just glad I don't drink daily at home anymore! My last drink was 12 days ago at a baseball game and I have been to one work happy hour since then where I didn't drink, just asked for a cranberry and soda with lime. I'm doing pretty well sticking to only drinking a couple of times a month, and then only 1-2 drinks max.

TMH, yes, the social situations are when I allow myself to drink, but not every time. And like I said, I do worry about how I'll do if my social situation changes and I wind up have more social occasions than I do now. I guess I'll handle that if and when the time comes!

Blue - hope you're doing OK and that your sister is too!

[blue1]

We found out on Friday that my sister has been drinking again for about a year! She didn't tell us....her doctor told her daughter....she doesn't even know that we know. Her doctor had been trying to reach her daughter for months....my sister had gave her the wrong number.
The doctor found out cause my sisters boyfriend was speaking Spanish telling my sister not to tell that she had been drinking....and the doctor speaks Spanish and understood everything they were saying...
She was already diagnosed with cirrhosis!!!!
And she was missing a lot of her dialysis which is causing more damage....it doesn't look good....
Plus she can't get around so that means her boyfriend has been getting the alcohol for her!
ADDICTION IS REALLY AWFUL!!!!!

[frances]

I'm so sorry to hear that Blue, that is so terrible and heartbreaking. It is unbelievable the grip that alcohol can get on people. Truly frightening. You will both be in my prayers.

ADDICTION IS REALLY AWFUL!!!!!

So sad and so true.

[frances]

Today I'm feeling pretty stressed. My teenage daughter has been dealing with a group of girls that are treating her meanly and she is doing her best not to let it get to her, but it is. I just want to intervene and yell at the girls and tell their parents what jerks their daughters are being and how truly hateful and malicious they are, but I can't do that. I am so saddened that she is the one they are targeting and she has no idea what she did to make them act this way toward her. One treated her badly last year and my daughter decided not to be friends with her anymore, but they were at least sort of civil to each other (they play on the same sports team). But now, that girl and her 'followers' are not being civil and they are being downright malicious. Anyway it's heartwrenching to see her so confused and hurt. I wish I could help her. I know for myself if someone was treating me badly and there was no reason for it (in fact I've been there a couple of times), I obsess about it and wonder what the heck I did. But it is all a waste of time because there will always be people who decide to hate and there is nothing you can do differently to make them change. Their change has to come from themselves, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, I needed to vent. I dropped her at a true friend's house this evening, and they are making brownies so maybe that will cheer her up. I'm glad to be able to come here and get that off of my chest, I needed to do that - and I was thinking for the first time in ages that I wanted a drink (due to the stress of thinking and worrying about this) and I am not going to do it. I'm going to make a cup of tea. Because if I go down that path of drinking for these types of things, I might go back to drinking for just about anything, and I don't want to do that...I don't trust myself enough yet to let myself drink now even though probably a 'normal' drinker might do that. Anyway, again, just venting. Gonna go make that cup of tea.

Blue, this problem is so small compared to what you are going through. I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.

[Stewarts]

Wow, I was going to check-in with something, but it is nothing compared to what I see. Frances, kids are mean, especially teenage girls...that really sucks. blue, yes, that is unsettling news. I had a friend a couple of years ago that fell to the same fate, and, I just need to be blunt and honest, he didn't make it.

I feel embarrassed to share what I have. I went to the Yankee game with some grad school friends. Yes, I did drink and feel sluggish today. I went to my therapist today and we were talking about a whole bunch of things. I have this one class which is a personal development class, which is good, but sometime the professor has this "if you haven't made the right decisions by forty your doomed vibe," sometimes... anyway, we were talking about how you get older, it;s hard to simply go with the flow... taking care of yourself becomes even more important. That's what I was thinking about this morning, which is probably the them of my last several posts... you'd think I'd learn by now.. lol

j.