I don't want to be totally AF......,

[Eloise]

Hans looks very handsome Ducky!
My last dachshund was also an adoption and oh my goodness was she a special girl! She absolutely ruled our lives (in a good way).
Good luck w/your new longhair. I refer to Mozart as my horse, but I have not bought him yet. He is an old race horse, 21 yrs old, and his days are numbered. I only met him in January and it would be silly for me to buy him now, they almost put him down last year but he rallied. For now I ride him and care for him and that has to be good enough for us.
I absolutely love him if you cannot tell.
If we happen to move out of immediate area then I will have to discuss with the stable what kind of deal can be made as I do not plan to leave him behind.

[Eloise]

more like a giant poodle Sam!!

[ToMyHealth]

Well, shoot, that totally didn't work. Last night was celebration of reopening of our Clubhouse after being remodeled. I'm totally busy talking with people and got handed a glass of chardonnay, just nonchalantly took it and started drinking. Then later the manager offered to buy me a drink, dh told him what kind of wine I like and had another.

Man, that was crazy. I can see why if you really, really knew you needed to stop you had better steer clear of those outings.

Good news is had a great day at golf...best I've played in weeks. So done with counting days, etc. just going back to,regular life.

[ducky]

Glad you did well at golf! I think it is very hard to be around alcohol if you are not drinking, especially if your quit is new. Seems like the AF crew avoid those events until they are secure. Good job moderating though. Sounds like you have a handle on things.

[Stewarts]

yeah, being around AL events and trying not to drink can be tough. I've done it before, but lately, I've been pretty bad at it. Good news. I think I'm seeing the light. I haven't been in any bad situations, but I think I had to really come to terms that I really have a gf and might be getting married again soon. I was in a minor debt situation, which was easily fixable, which I made the arrangements for last night. Point, when I start stacking up responsibility, I start living better. Honestly, I've been pretty bad at modding this past month. Not that I was drinking every day, but when I did, it was like an event. Everything is all good. But it's time for me to start taking care of myself again.

[blue1]

Hey guys!!! I've been missing in action cause I couldn't get my emotions and thoughts together....I was drinking like a fish and doing a lot of crying. I didn't think it would be this challenging with my sister's passing but there's also some other crap I'm dealing with....we have been claiming my daughter and her children since they came into the world. This was supposed to be our last year claiming her and both children....next year we were supposed to only claim her daughter....but last week my daughter changed her mind and told me she's claiming them and giving her youngest child's father half. He only stepped up about 2 months ago and really ain't doing nothing!!!!

But I'm getting the modding back under control! Don't want to post more just incase I lose this post....you guys know that pisses me off lol

Have a successful Friday!!!

[frances]

I agree, it's hard to be around drinking and not drink. For me, my drinking was also daily, just myself drinking at home. I have successfully
broken that habit and it has been a tremendous help for those additional social drinking situations. Easier to say no at some of them, and for the ones where I do have a drink, it's easier now for me to just have one or two.

Stewart I can see where having responsibilities helps one live better - that's a great observation. Having meaningful things to do instead of partying with a group or drinking alone...yes, that definitely makes me live better too.

TMH I know how it can be when someone unexpectedly hands you a drink. If you really don't want to drink I guess you need to prepare for that. I was 9 months AF with no intention of drinking when that happened to me. And when that person handed me the drink, I drank it! I was shocked at how easily that happened. Luckily it did not result in a major downward spiral for me, and actually about a month later I decided to go ahead and try moderating.

My dinner with the family last weekend went very well. We had a nice meal and everyone sat around and talked for a long time after. I had a couple of wine spritzers equaling probably 1.5 drinks total. I like doing that as a way to keep down the quantity and I had straight seltzer in between the drinks too. Worked great. Mom is feeling much better after radiation treatments to her back. We meet her oncologist Monday who wants to start treatment shortly after Mom finishes radiation (which is on Tuesday) - so, we'll finally have an idea of what the treatment might be. That will tell us a lot about how life will be impacted - e.g., will she have to go somewhere for chemo infusions, or will she be taking oral chemo, etc. - and then of course, waiting to see how she responds to it and what side effects she has. A great unknown right now.

But I'm glad to not be drowning my sorrows about this. Mom needs me and I will be here and present mentally, any time, day or night, for her.

[frances]

Hi Blue - cross post! Good to see you. Sorry you've been having a hard time. It must be so hard.

[blue1]

Hey guys....just checking in. On top of everything else Monday I had to make an emergency appointment to see my doctor....I was having a severe asthma attack and didn't know it. I usually only have to use my inhaler a few times throughout the winter....but now every 2-3 hours and antibiotics....and plenty of rest (when I'm not coughing and peeing myself lol)...I had to buy poise bladder pads lol.

Hope everyone is having a successful day!

[Stewarts]

I'm getting back on track. I really have had no desire to drink except for last night after my hockey game. I stayed out a little later than I wanted to because an old "fling" called me. We chatted for a while out at some bar and that she came to my place. She left though thankfully, nothing happened which was good. That's my one minor setback and I consider that.... minor.

[frances]

Hi all - hope you're feeling better Blue! Doing OK here...was very happy because mom was feeling so much better but towards the end of last week she started feeling very fatigued and nauseous. It's so hard to see her not feeling well - it's very very unusual she has always been healthy and very upbeat. if she doesn't start to feel better I don't think she'll want to go out to my brother's house for Thanksgiving. That will be hard.

Anyway - I'm staying on track here hope you all are too!

[blue1]

I'm getting back on track. I really have had no desire to drink except for last night after my hockey game. I stayed out a little later than I wanted to because an old "fling" called me. We chatted for a while out at some bar and that she came to my place. She left though thankfully, nothing happened which was good. That's my one minor setback and I consider that.... minor.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING GUYS!!!!! Hope everyone is having a successful holiday!!!

[frances]

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving!

I'm having a hard time with MWO these days and where I fit in. I want to celebrate my success at moderating but I don't really feel like there is anywhere to do that. I guess this thread is the best place. I saw some posts on the Newbies Nest thread yesterday where they were talking about how no one who has had an AL problem in the past has ever been successful at moderating. And I know this is true for most. But I have been successful for a full year now and I am so happy about it and I want to celebrate! I don't want to go on that thread and challenge what they are saying because I don't want people on there who actually should not and cannot moderate to read that and think they can. Also I'm fairly certain that a good number of folks there would be very upset if I went on to that thread and talked about how successful I've been. So I'm posting it here. Maybe the person who seemed to be asking for someone to counter their claim will read this.

I am not just saying this but really not doing it – I have tracked it. Since November 2014 (after 9 months of complete abstinence) I have tracked each time I had a drink, the dates, how many, and the occasion (e.g., birthday dinner with mom, etc.). The stats are: average of 5 drinks per month, 1.6 drinks per occasion, and 3 occasions per month. If I remove vacations from the stats then it is an average of 3.5 drinks per month and 2 occasions per month.

The thing is, I never thought I could do this and I definitely don't have a problem with the AF threads continuing to keep that mentality...it is definitely true in most cases. I know this is NOT at all the norm. I continue to be amazed and happy. There hasn’t been a single time when I had regret about drinking over the past year, and not a single time where I overdrank. Most importantly, I don’t obsess over it. I don't have to plan or agonize about when I can/will drink and how to limit myself when I do. I have read on the medications thread about people achieving indifference on one of the medications. I feel like I have done that without meds. I am not at all how I used to be regarding alcohol. I am so pleased and I know that the support on this site from AFers and modders alike (probably AFers even more so, since my approach is more abstinence-based) has really helped and I am tremendously grateful for that!

Anyway – I’m feeling a little disconnected –I’m not sure what to do - - This thread is great but not very active unfortunately. And I just don’t feel comfortable posting on Abstinence threads – I feel like I’m misleading people if I don’t mention that I drink occasionally, and so therefore I feel like I shouldn’t post. I think I’m going to continue to read periodically but probably will stop posting for awhile and see if anything in my mindset changes.

[ducky]

Frances I can definitely see why you are struggling w/r to where you fit in. The mods section is not very active unfortunately. And I can understand why you are uncomfortable posting on the AF threads. I think they are right that most people on this site cannot mod but there are exceptions such as yourself and I think those people feel uncomfortable posting on AF threads and starting the debate about moderating once again. In the past things have gotten rather heated. I personally fall more into the category of harm reduction than true modding at this point, although I am seeking to head toward modding. I am sometimes hesitant to post because in the past the mods threads have come under fire and have not been a safe place to post. In any event you are doing a fantastic job and should be proud of yourself. I hope you will keep posting and that we will hear from some others. FYI, I checked out MM and their boards seem even less active.

[frances]

Thanks Ducky! I have checked out MM too and observed the same thing.