Monday, Sept. 10

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm surprised to see that this thread has not been started. I was supposed to babysit for my g-son, but his dad took him to the park instead. That leaves me time to do some sharing here at MWO. This site is so important to me. I could not have gotten to day 63 wo/it. I tried on my own but to no avail. I really feel that I've gotten my life back. I'm no longer scared all the time. I have a renewed sense of the future. I can approach life head-on instead of just reacting all the time.

We had a party over the weekend, & there are bottles of wine on the rack. We haven't had any in the house since I stopped drinking. I'm not worried about opening a bottle, drinking it, & then replacing it so that nobody would know what I did. That's what I would have done in the past. I know what I have to do to stay sober:
-Come here to MWO every day I possibly can.
-Clear up issues & conflicts in a timely manner so that they don't fester.
-Continue to learn to enjoy life sober, instead of feeling like I need to "loosen up" in order to have fun.

Thanks everyone for being here. Mary

[meditation mama]

Monday, Sept. 10

Mary - That's great! I was thinking about you and your party this weekend. What a wonderful milestone for you! You sound terrific.

Well, I'm off to do more moving. Loving my new place and getting excited for Thurdsay, which will be the first night we sleep there.

happy Monday to all that come!!

Namaste,

MM

[Determinator]

Monday, Sept. 10

Top of the Monday ABville!

Thanks for the great kickstart Mary...right on. Life with clarity is grand indeed.

Hi MeditationMama, wow, your avatar might get stuck there...

Hey Breez when you check in here....clip your fingernails!!! (something from chat)

Been thinking philosophically about our struggle and the following simple way of looking at it occured to me:

-alcohol is instant gratification

-going AF is not instant at all....it takes patience, endurance, foresight etc.

we know it's worth it...but it's taken us a while to really take that plunge into something without an immediate payoff.

well, off to save the world one clove of garliv at a time

be well everyone.

[Breez]

Monday, Sept. 10

It's my day off (yeah right) & put my kiddies first before here.

ok-I'm in a situation...I'm mad..I guess. I got this hubby's mother side of the family cult reunion coming up this Saturday & I'm not looking forward to. Many reasons why: if you want the details as to how I drowned my sorrows pm me-no insults if you r being nice or nosy)-I just plane despise that clan (hubby's mother side-dad died from diabetes brought on by complications from drinking-& I love his dad's side-go figure).

I can't believe I'm at 9 mo (1slip-I'm not perfect) & I'm letting this bother me. I gained weight (oh the not so called ladies talk if u gain weight-hence phoney) & some of my supposed phoney-in-laws know I had a problem (my hubby in a drunken stupor said something to his mother 6 yrs ago & now I'm labeled "alcohloic" rumors-they talk amongst themselves -sshh). I mean talk behind your back crap-smile to your face & I'm so sad-I don't like people like that. It sux & now I'm crying over these idiots. Damn I'm stronger than this. ok ok ...gotta stop....bear with me...I was brought up an only child with foreign parents who were extremely strict & a dad who drank & I had to take care of myself because my mom worked to have the Americn dream and the nuns in private school-brought me up-screwed up (ie:don't admire youself in the mirror or you'll see satan's face appear-is that screwed up or what?".

And I try to move on.

Ok- sorry ...I'm having a melt down. Ok- funny me-it's hormones. You guys in Abs are my 2nd family & have seen the happy now see the cries. I am sooooo dreading this reuion crap-& when I mentioned to hubby I might want to leave early (an excuse) he was like "no way". Oh Gosh-I'm going on Sat. to meet satan's helpers...at least I can bond with those bonded in marriage to this phoney "higher than tho" cult-which they believe to be.(we don't share the same blood line). Gee, can't you tell I dislike (hate is not a word I tend to use) the phonies? Get my drift...I don't want to go. Why would I want to see thse people & they live all around me-why A REUNION? -crap-they are mere miles away in the 3rd smallest state in the union. Crap. Crap Crap....

OMG-i'm smiling-no one home for the moment & I want to scream.

deter-I'm ctting my nails (as u can see). I can't type.


Thanks guys ...I'm going thru another phase in my sobriety that I just need to deal with. Crap 9 months & i'm crying-hell bring it on. I can do it! They are not worth my crying-oh wtf-let me bitch till I say "bring them on" LOL.

ok-my nails in the way-am spending too much time editing-going to cut them....thanx for bearing with me...I just needed an outlet.


Enough-it comes down to priorites....tahnks for letting me vent-I'm sure the "evil" breez will come out for one more vent. It's nice to let it out.


Oh-evil thought~I was thinking this for days....any ideas for a beverage that's non-alcoholic that may look like an alcoholic drink(while I'm holding it). I want to "goof" my in-laws & still fit in with the others. i want to cause controversy(on those that label me). Ooohh ahhhh. Am I evil or what? Thanx I feel beTter now.

OK OK-CUTTING MY NAILS..

THANX GUYS
dETER-SEE the nails-we posted same tiem-u make e smile-going to cu them NOW..can't type have great day D!

[Chief]

Monday, Sept. 10

Hi Breez,

Listen, girl, you are giving your phony in-laws WAY to much power. How do I put this delicately.....hmmm.....F*ck them and the horse they rode in on!!
You don't owe them anything. They are the phony ones, not you. You have quit drinking and you don't need to explain it or address it, action speaks louder than words.
Just go to the reunion and be yourself. Sit and talk with the other non-blood relatives that probably feel the same way you do. Sit and watch and think of it as you are watching a play... a comedy. After I attend a family get together I always tell my wife " this would make a great sitcom!". Everyone usually puts on a front to try to be who they wish they could be.
Try not to build this up to be bigger than it is. Just go and relax and chit-chat and it will be over before you know it. Then you can come back here and replay the "episode" to us!!
You'll do fine Breez..
Don

[Determinator]

Monday, Sept. 10

Breez, love the way you ended the post with the fake drink idea mix a couple kinds of friuit juice in a glass and top with a lime slice. when they ask you say "oh...just a little tropical somethingor other...wink".
I too had the religious crap shoved down my throat growing up...like scar tissue it slowly softens and fades.
and Ditto what Don said!

[Breez]

Monday, Sept. 10

Thanks my beloved...you guys are great! See cut the nails!

Don-I have dealt withme on a one on one this year & did beautiful-AF. But 100 of them! oh my. I know...don't look at the big picture. They are such ...ooh words can not describe. It's a cult of "I am better tahn you look at what I did & what are you up to...etc." I don't like people like that. Thanks Don. I need to not too much thought into it. Duh-I always say that.

Deter...must I say more:l but it's byob...can I bring a huge bunch of umbrellas & fancy drinky mixy things-can you see me asking "do you have a blender?". LOL.

[rustop61]

Monday, Sept. 10

Hi all in absville,

Well done Mary, was wondering how you got through your party. Drinking the bottle and then replacing it was one of my old tricks but really I was not fooling anyone but myself. Day 10 for me and one third way through the first month so delighted with myself.

Breeze you are not alone. I am an only child but my husband is one of 7 and boy does some **** go on in that family and like your inlaws its all so superficial and nicey nice to your face and then things said and done behind the scenes!!

Chief I am going to remember your words of wisdom next time I have to go to a gathering. Thankfully it does not happen too often and I am learning to distance myself from my MIL and the rest of them and let them get on with it. Have started to put myself, my children, friends etc. first.

Wise words Determinator, it gives us something to think about.

Rustop

[barry]

Monday, Sept. 10

Hey Breeze: I find that the only power people who annoy me have is the power I allow them to have in my head. I know it's hard but it's like anything else: practice, practice, practice. There is a quote from this German philosopher Goethe that has always stuck with me, "to act is hard, but the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with our (right) thinking". I have found this to be true in so many areas of my life and the best you can do is keep trying to get it right.
If I am annoyed by people who are stuck up or the better than thou types, I simply reflect on the fact that we each shall return to dust someday and they deflate right before me(in my mind). Life is just to short and there are too many great people out there to spend a moment fretting over these types. Just be you.
I sorry I'm not very good at giving advice but these things have helped me.

Best wishes.

[bear73]

Monday, Sept. 10

Breez sounds horrendous, hope you got through it. isn't it annoying when peopel you can't stand takeu p your energy, drives me mad!
Well day 1 again for me, and I am very hungry and I am looking forward to a big dinner - I could eat my own body weight at the moment.
may make big robust spicy lentil and sweet potato soup wiht tonnes of bread, or baked potato. feel like a huge plate of spaghetti bolognese at the moment.mmm
see you tomorrow xx

[Finding My Self]

Monday, Sept. 10

Breez - got to run out but will be back...but wanted to send a hug or 10 if you get this before I get back..........
****************** families!
I know what you mean about having a drink on you that doesn't have folk (foul ones!) nudging..... worries me too. So I do Tonic water (ayce end a slayce!!) and nobody sez nuffing.... Or elderflower (fizzy/still) in a wine glass...nobody sez nuffing - white wine innit?!?!

Good good luck to you...glad you could vent! What spirit you have - they'll not get to you.
Love
FMF xx

[YoungAtHeart]

Monday, Sept. 10

These people must be something if they can bring you down like this Breez. Please try to understand that people who act "holier than thou" are really struggling with their own self-esteem, probably much more than you are, and they aren't even aware of it.

I agree with the others about just talking to the significant others of the family as much as possible until it is time to leave.

If you were a wine or beer drinker, just bring some AF stuff to the party with you, and you'll fit right in. Otherwise, Deter has a great idea.

Good luck. Why not imagine putting Tadog down the back of MIL's dress or shirt??:H Or give her some insect repellant with some sugar water mixed in?? Just a few thoughts....

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Breez]

Monday, Sept. 10

Thanks everyone...I'm making a molehill out of nothing. It's just that hubby (who pissed me off) when he said it starts at "11:3o & ends at 6o we'll be there for 12pm"....what the hell (in my mind with the voices-lol) so I said nothing. Then his sister ( only sibling) is going w/her daughter at around noon & her hubby later w/son. So whoopty do we go late. I made a joke that I want to go late & want to go to church (so I have to leave early-which his close(sis) family did at my childen's b-days") so I thought no biggy.

Well big biggy-he's pissed I mentioned something-hates my attitude-thinks I'll drink before it because I am so vocal about it....hello I do not want to see these people-they are not my relatives have a good time. But I have to make my best appearence. ugh...so now hubby & I in this fight-he can not see my opinion & I will admit "I'm being spiteful" as I can not stand them & I will say it. I'm sure it's not going tto be that bad-but when I mentioned I want to leave early -he gave me that attitude. Ugh why now? I'm doing so good & all I want to do is .......but I won't-my promise to me. Ugh. Thanks guys for venting.

[jessie]

Monday, Sept. 10

Hi Mary, well done. I 'm at day 6 af and I feel so much better and energetic. Cannot comprehend now how the lapses happen - it's definitely a madness. Why would anyone want to be drunk when you feel so much better after a couple of af days. That why I believe there is a devil. And very evil.
My children are wary but relaxed and I can see the hope in their eyesik
And do I get muchies...! Ate a whole 200g block of chocolate yesterday. I also crave huge plates of food. Body trying to catch up?
Keep well.

[indigosky]

Monday, Sept. 10

Hi everyone,
Still trying to figure out how to navigate my way around the site but meanwhile reading alot of good, encouraging stuff. Hate to feel so needy that I put so much effort into looking for responses to my posts. I have to put that energy into learning and posting my feelings I guess. Today is day 7 AF for me and other than my swinging moods I am doing pretty good. I have only been using this site for 2 days and I know it is helping me to read of others experiences and success. Been feeling a little blue since my sister moved down to Kentucky with my Mom. I used to be able to drive an hour and a half to spend a few days with her and the kids and now my whole family is almost 1000 miles away. I'm already dreading the holidays because they are usually a sad time for me without my kids and afraid of spending them alone. I am trying to stay busy and spend some time with friends so I don't isolate myself so much...that's when the "stinkin thinkin" starts (when alone too long). My Mom and I had been becoming close over the past couple of years, talking on the phone and visiting but now that my sister is down there I haven't heard a thing. She is a recovering alcoholic herself and drank throughout my childhood, and teens. She was very mentally abusive when drunk which was 99% of the time. My stepfather was physically and mentally abusive so I was sent away to school at 8 to live and pretty much on my own since then. Only came home on Holidays and summer vacation which were frought with misery....being away at school was definately the lesser of 2 evils.
I guess this isn't the right forum to go into my life story, so I won't drag on. Just feeling sad that the same old situation is going on with my family dynamics. My sister is from my stepfather and was raised at home(we have the same mother). She had many years to bond with Mom when she was sober so I guess that's why my mom favors her.
I am always the one that has to call to see how "they" are and if I didn't who knows when I would hear from them. They have both recently been in crisis and I've done my best to help out, Sister appreciates it but since my moms recent stint at rehab she's been pretty cold towards me. So I've been brooding over not hearing from them and not going to call and be the little lost dog nipping at their heels for attention. I wish them well...I just feel very alone and yes I guess abandoned again. I am disgusted with myself for running on with this but need to get this junk out so it doesn't fester....self pity isn't going to help me stay sober. Thankyou for letting me vent.
Best wishes to all and congratulations to everyone on their milestones.:danthin: