Wednesday July 19

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Wednesday July 19

WWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEWWWWW,
Damm, guys....did I slam the door, Sorry. I've been out lookin for Susan. THERE YOU ARE SUSAN. I've been out lookin for you. Deirdre was lookin for us and....well you know how she gets! Remember, she is strict. She wouldnt let me have those dates so I had to switch em over to the garage and the basement. (I think...cant remember) Peggy did the one date and then swore off for a while...(foggy on that one too)
I havent checked in for a few days cuz...well....I have had a little anxiety about my son remember him guys hes the one that got in that little fix with the law? Well court was today and I didnt want to carry on about what was goin on in my brain about all my worry and that bottom line...I would have just rather drank the last few nights (which I didnt) to console myself and well....as I read the posts (briefly) I see thats why I couldnt find you cuz you were hidin in the dark room. SUSAN you were being as bad as me. You silly! Geeze if we had known...at least I could have joined ya.
But ya know what? WE MISSED THE BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
Happy Birthday Kimber and Lori K. :d :d :d

Anyway....heres my make on it all. First of all we need to remember to lean on our friends here. We want to help them so we need to let them have their turn helpin us. Plus that is an important part of our healing and recovery is learing not only to let others know our needs, but to be able to ACCEPT their love and support. We are depriving not only ourselves of our learning to accept their love and support but we are cheatin them out of being able to have the giving part.
Also, I am noticing the higher my number of AF days gets, (HAPPY 100 FLIPPIN DAYS SUSAN! THATS SO WONDERFUL!) the more of those protective layers peel off of my soul. More feelings are coming out. Or should I say pouring out and sometimes ya just gotta have a dark room day or something like that for recovery, or reflection, or progress, or growth....I think the list goes on and on. Its a whole bunch of stuff. But we dont figure it out in one day. But I DO know that all these guys here help us get there. Its just like this AMAZING process. And its so COOL. Everyday there is something new.
So...me and you Susan....we snuck in a mini Calgon take me away thing and we didnt know it. So next time lets plan it. Maybe it will be more fun...OK?
Matt....I hope you arent rollin your eyes.

And oh ya....My sons court got rescheduled. So I got a practice run at pre-court stress. :rolleyes love you guys, gabbster

[Guest]

Wednesday July 19

July 19

Howdy,

I'm not rollin my eyes at all this girlie talk that's for sure. I know just what it feels like to hole up by yourself so nobody sees your tears and sadness.

I started numbing the pain about 25 years ago and tons of stuff is surfacing since going abs. We've all hidden alot of bad stuff deep inside and now it gets to come out. I know we all didn't get hammered every night because our lives were perfect!

I've been feeling down and blue today as well but I know that it's part of our journey and recovery. Keep bringing the bad stuff out. I think it melts at the first rays of sunshine.

OK now I've got to go fix an engine or cut down a tree or something. Scuse me ladies....

Matt

[Guest]

Wednesday July 19

Why do we think we have to be happy and up all the time??? I am puzzling this after reading Susan's post and Gabby's too! I am not brought down by reading either one, of course, and yet, I know it would be really hard for me to come on here and pour out my heart in the moment too, if it were me and I were feeling so down for no "apparent" reason!! I assure you, though, Susan, there is a valid reason for your feeling down, somewhere inside, even if it is not readily visible: I hope that you will allow yourself to stop feeling bad about feeling bad and find out what it is. Maybe you can get some resolution then! I know that you would want the same for any of us who was suffering!

I agree with Gabby's take on the situation! But boy, we do have a hard time learning to lean on each other. Maybe I should just speak for myself, though; I sure have a hard time leaning on others!!! Trusting and believing I will be accepted for me--big issues!!:eek :eek

Anyway, I'm going into the evening of day 2. I'm doing okay. Missing the wine in a habit sort of way, but I will cook a good dinner for myself instead of choking down SOMETHING nutritious, listen to hypno cds, and hang out here. Also thinking of the downside of wine....sour stomach, wine breath, yuck!

Sorry you didn't get some resolution in court today, Gabby!

Hugs to all,
Kathy:d :d

[Guest]

Wednesday July 19

Thanks everyone for the well wishes,( I think 40 is going to be great compared to the 30's)

I am so sorry for those who are having a hard time. The conversation is important and must take place though, about when things aren't going well. An abstinent life is not an easy one. Less complicated for sure, but not without trial and temptation. As I watch those around me drink with impunity, I feel like I am missing out. The choice to drink or not to becomes an obsession, and I lose in the end. Depression WILL come eventually to us all. It certainly has to me. And I have drank...heavily. Like I said yesterday, I hope we create an environment where TRUE healing can take place. Let's don't downplay the process that may include: drinking, depression, doubt, insecurity, self-loathing, etc... I NEED to hear it all. It is an important part of my recovery.

Share-On,
Lor

[Guest]

Wednesday July 19

Hi Guys,
Just checking in today and thank you all for this support. I can honestly say I wouldn?t be here today sober, without this website and the people here!
I am so sorry Lori & Kim, I was in my selfish mode yesterday and didn?t even wish you ?Happy Birthday?.
Maggie, my only advice for ?wine o clock? would be to stay busy and do something totally different than normal.
Cv, you were spot on! And I am blood type A, and my sister is schizophrenic creepy??? will do something about this aspect when I get more funds. (I just don?t know where you get the time to do what you do! Do you sleep?)
Kris, thanks for your input, that?s exactly what is happening, I find it really hard to ask for help.
Kathy, why is it when we decide to abstain you get all these other stresses as well, hang in there. I know money problems are the pits. Money can?t buy happiness but sure can make your misery easier to bear.
Deirdre, I will take your advice.
Susan, please post as often as you can when you are miserable, I isolate myself when not coping and it does not help. Just set 1 small task to do. Even if it?s just getting dressed in the morning! And you are an inspiration! 100 days WOW! Try Lori?s idea watch that sad movie and let all the emotions run dry.
Gabby, you can share that worry about your son! All of us who have been through teens can help you and you will probably be helping parents who will be going through it! I have had troubles similar to yours in the past (my son is now 30 yrs old) and it is scary because you only want the best for your kids.
Matt, I love having a guy on our team!
You know the most frustrating thing for me is? I wake up every morning when sober the night before feeling great and then by the afternoon the head talk and the rationalising comes into play! Then it?s downhill for the next 5 or 6 hours. I am taking an extra GABA in the late afternoon and that seems to help. Anyway all you people that are long term when did the ?I want to drink, no I won?t drink? stop.
Thanks again,
Shas

Sorry Guys I get so confused, this is Thursday for me and in the afternoon. When the Thursday thread starts I will cut & paste this one