Thursday 21 August

[Loppy lugs]

Good morning all, I feel great this morning.

I am planning to say that to everyone who asks me how I feel today. A controlled experiment in constructive mood alteration as I have a challenging day ahead of me.

Well yesterdays thread was incredible. I need more time to go back and read it again thoroughly. I have Jean Kirkpatricks book but got bogged down in her lifestory and haven't finished it. I'll also dig out some Tolle and have a good think.

I have a workbook on relapse prevention which I intend to work through. I am very consious that I am approaching 120 days when so many others have had slips. It is a bank holiday weekend again here and I have no plans except to spend time working on me. Learning from everyone elses experiences will do me no harm whatsoever.

I am keen to learn how to just feel! That is one of the reasons I am refusing to take drugs for the panic attacks which I know not everyone agrees with.

Talking of panic attacks, I am going to a BBQ tonight where I will know only about 4 of the 30 or so people going. Not so much as a flutter as I sit here typing. Obviously I'm a bit apprehensive but I can breathe, see and am not turning into a puddle of sweat on the floor. Actually I think I'm looking forward to it. Progress!

Got to head off for work now. Hope everyone survived yesterdays challenges. My parents where both youngish when I lost them which still feels terribly unfair but my heart goes out to all of you who are just trying to do your best for them in difficult circumstances.

Love you lot

[Guest]

Thursday 21 August

Hi abs land
I read yesterdays thread just now.. very interesting.

I used to wonder why it is that I have felt a pressure in my life for things to be perfect. I have always been very self critical and also very perfectionist (I dont deny the irony in this with my drinking past). But since getting sober this perfectionist side of me has softened somewhat and I just accept that I used to feel this perfectionist stuff without needing to understand it all and that I no longer feel it in the same way now. In recovery (and by this I mean personal recovery rather than simply sobriety) I have faced emotion that I thought was impossible to face and now that I'm on the other side of much of that I wonder why it took me so long just to do it. I knew long ago that it was necessary but I got myself into a head space that said I couldnt do it when all along I could. All I had to do was decide to do it properly.

Wow that sounds so simple. In many ways it is. Very simple. An honesty about what was the issue and what to do about it. Just a choice. Maintaining that choice has had its shaky moments but it gets easier and easier. I dont think about drinking even when I'm around people that are drinking. I feel sad for people who are drunk... but I'm not responsible for them, I can do nothing for anyone other than myself and I finally worked out that I"m not only worth working on as a project but I'm worth working on for my life.

I dont regret getting sober but I'm actually MORE proud of the hard personal yards I put in on myself. My life is not perfect but its sure not the misery that it was. I can look myself in the mirror and I'm ok.

Imagine that.
Brigid
(for those that dont know me, I'm closing in on 3 years sober now)

[Beck]

Thursday 21 August

Good Morning,

Wonderful thoughts this morning...

Sometimes I get so busy that I forget what is important - my life becomes one long "to do" list. Yesterday I was getting really annoyed at my girls soccer practice - the other parents can be competitive even when they are not doing anything but watching, yelling at their kids, coach decided that practice would last nearly 2 hours since school hasn't yet started, my youngest (7) decided to tag along, I hadn't done nearly all the things I needed to do...(I could go on). So I just removed myself from the parents and started reading a book I had brought. Couldn't concentrate though. So I decided there must be something to feel good about. And there were my girls, running, sweating, laughing. My youngest had met 3 new "friends" on the playground and was swinging madly. The sun was shining and I decided it was all good. And it was. Funny how it is so easy to lose perspective.

Loppy, good for you for not taking the drugs. See how it goes - you can always go back to them. When my 90 year old grandmother died, she was on one medication. My parents should rattle when they walk they are on so many different things. I couldn't possibly name them all or all the ailments. I want to be like my Gram.

Brigid, so good to hear from you. One of the truly long term abstainers. I too think some of my drinking was a perfectionist (or perhaps control) thing. Made me crazy when I couldn't get things exactly right. I know it is ironic. I spent so many years avoiding emotions/conflict so many things. It is getting easier but I've got a long way to go.

Hello to all to come,
Now I'm off to have my great day,

[Doggygirl]

Thursday 21 August

Good day abbers and thank you Loppy for getting us started today with more good food for thought. Yesterdays thread was awesome in the "thought provoking" department and I didn't have a chance to spend enough time with it. So I will be going back to it after this post!

Loppy I am so happy for you - it's like you are at a point in this growth process where you are a butterfly emerging from your cocoon (sp). Thank you for sharing your journey as you give so much hope and inspiration.

Brigid, thank you for your words of wisdom. Your post is very timely for me as I am at a point where I am seeking more personal growth. Not Drinking is a HUGE accomplishment of course - that required my 100% focus and still does require a ton of focus. But I find myself asking "what's next?" There is so much out there I've yet to explore or experience in this big ol' world I feel a bit lost with it. It seems you are at a "place" with that notion that I'm trying to get to. Was there a point where you felt like I've described - where Not Drinking was important, yet not the whole bag of chips? If so, what steps did you take to move forward? Congratulations on your 3 years of sobriety!!

Loppy I forgot to mention something else - thank you for the reminder that while dealing with aging parent issues is one side of the coin, there is another side which is losing them before their time. A great reminder to keep things in perspective, whine less and appreciate more. I needed that.

Have a great AFHF day everyone!

DG
Day 92 AFHF

[Doggygirl]

Thursday 21 August

Oops - writing/posting at the same time - Hi Beck!! Congratulations on just enjoying your girls when the soccer practice went long. We have something in common though it sounds - always a book in hand for those times where we need to pass time. I've been that way since I was a kid. It's been a good tool!

I know what you mean about all the medications. My Dad is on so many even HE'S confused about it. He just never pushes back or asks questions - just does what the doctors say. Not sure that has always served him well. My Mom on the other hand is no no meds. She had a sore hip several years ago (probalby is still sore) and the doc gave her something or other - pain killer or anti-inflamatory or something. She took it for a very short time but then threw it in the trash. I hope I end up like my Mom in the health department. Thankfully - Mom DID follow through with the doc and they will be formally reviewing all of Dad's meds today.

Sorry for OT - need to take that to the thread for aging parents!!

DG

[Doggygirl]

Thursday 21 August

Loppy!!

I meant to ask you about your workbook for relapse prevention. What book is that? Is it something that can be found at Amazon or places like that? I'm looking for those kinds of resources.

Thanks!

DG

[A Work in Progress]

Thursday 21 August

Great thread! I am glad you are working with the panic symptoms without meds, Loppy... that is the only way to really put it down behind you. Doesn't mean you won't ever have some of those symptoms, just that they won't devastate and disable you.

Relapse prevention, that IS the name of the game, isn't it??? Alan Marlatt, the very prominent addiction psychologist at the University of Washington, is pioneering and researching mindfulness meditation as a core intervention/practice for relapse prevention... good results, so far... Also there is a large research group working on the same thing at University of Wisconsin. It certainly is a core part of my own relapse prevention plan.

Was there a point where you felt like I've described - where Not Drinking was important, yet not the whole bag of chips?

DG, good question! I, too, hope to eventually arrive at a point where Not Drinking is a pre-requisite or foundation stone for a Good Life, but not necessarily something that takes up a huge amount of head space or energy.

wip

[Pamina]

Thursday 21 August

Hi all,

I'm running out of internet time for this afternoon, but good stuff on this thread. I love the reflections on longer term personal/addiction recovery and that absters remain here to make them. Thanks!

More later, getting kicked off the computer. Day 100 for me today!

[Beck]

Thursday 21 August

Congrats Pamina - 100 Days!!!! Good Luck with the visit to your Dad's

[4theboyz]

Thursday 21 August

Good Morning Aberrs! -

BTW, I feel Great! and thanks for asking!

Mindfulness meditation, now that is something worth thinking about or meditating upon. I have meditated and the goal of true meditation is to empty the mind of all thoughts which is *very* difficult to do especially for a Type A personality like me. But when you do do it, it can be almost euphoric and is extremely calming. That's what we all used AL to do now wasn't it to calm and relax ourselves?? So it would stand to reason that meditation or mindfulness meditation, could be very useful to help us simply relax or better navigate our way through alcoholic urges and temptations. I'll have to give this a try.

It is so great to see you again Brigid. For those of us here who do not know of her she is truly one of the great success stories here at MWO and almost 3 years sober is *HUGE*! Her story has inspired me in so many ways and a great example of her insight can be found here... https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...day-15739.html and I can't wait to read your 3 year post Brigid.

Have a great AF day today everyone!!

[A Work in Progress]

Thursday 21 August

Hi, 4TB! HUGE CONGRATULATIONS FOR 2 YEARS!!!

As to meditation: Actually, the type of meditation I teach and use ("mindfulness" meditation) does not involve any attempt to "empty the mind of thoughts" and it is not a type of relaxation (it may, or may not, cause a person to "feel relaxed"). It is not so much an effort to feel a different way, or to get rid of thoughts, but to adopt a different, more accepting and less reactive, attitude or stance TOWARD our own thoughts and feelings and impulses. It is actually totally CONTRARY to the way we used alcohol, which was to escape; in meditation, we truly experience our own feelings, thoughts, urges, etc., without trying to make them go away... There's a lot more info about it on a thread I started about this, somewhere....

Pamina, I thought I sent you a CONGRATULATIONS message earlier but it seems to have vanished, so, HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you!!! 100 DAYS!!!

wip

[on my way]

Thursday 21 August

The thread is another good one today. I have spent a lot of time thinking about yesterday?s and believe we all need an exit plan. I have found that is does not work to merely stop drinking, there has to be more. Driving to Sam?s club early this morning (for TP only) I thought about the meaning of recovery?.and decided for me that is not possible. I have recovered from injuries, and a great many other things but al will always be there waiting for me to relapse. That brought me to re words?.I decided to think of as many re words that could keep me focused on what I?m doing here.(kinda 3rd gradish eh ?) Some that came to were, resolve, renew, reclamation, rediscover, recognize.

You are all so right, there has to be more to recovery that sobriety. Actively and mindfully finding a method that works is the bottom line. Now back to the barfing kid?3rd day of school and all.

Happy trails!!

omw

[on my way]

Thursday 21 August

So sorry for overlooking Pam,

100 days, I'm so glad and happy for you. As my kids would say "SWEET!!"

[Determinator]

Thursday 21 August

Happy Thursday ABeroooos!

and huge congrats to the progress of so many

Bridgid, always a treat to have you here with your wisdom.

AWIP, thanks for the info on the meditation. Very interesting and I'll be looking up that program!
I've read Thich Naht Han which is fantastic but i can't really recommend it to most westerners (sorry to stereotype) as its' kind of slow reading. I think Tolle has done a very good job of illuminating his wisdom and other contemporaries of this line of mental disciplines.

I really wanted to see Morrsion last night in Vegas but was feeling very feverish (cold is relapsing) so I decided to lame-out and come home and dose up on meds/vitamins. a bit better today. sneeze...wheeze...

nevermind today. here is to tonow

to + now

tonow (that should be a word!)

be well my friends

[Doggygirl]

Thursday 21 August

Hello again absters!


:cheering:Congratulations to Pamina on 100 Days Sober!!!:cheering:

THAT is a great accomplishment. I hope you find time and energy to do something special for yourself admist the difficult stuff you are dealing with. A spa day comes to mind!! Or at least a massage!!

WIP - once again you put it into the right words.... Not Drinking is the foundation..... That means to me that we build upon it...not just stop there. I'm so excited about the possibilities for growth. But also overwhelmed a bit - feels like crawling out of a dark cave and realizing the world is in a whole different century or something.

4tbz - LOVE your greeting today!! I feel GREAT too!!

OMW - love your "re" words. But then there is that barfing kid to bring ya back to "re"ality!! (sorry about that... I can sorta relate since the dogs barf too on occassion. And NEVER on the hard floors - ALWAYS on the carpet....)

Deter I hope you caught the grunge in time with meds and supps!! I agree that tonow should be a word. In fact, I think we should toss out Websters, and you can provide us with Detesters. Yours would be a far more interesting dictionary.

Today rocked, and it may not be "over" in terms of major action. Well, major for this former drunk. One of our clients is hosting a Chamber event tonight - it's a monthly thing called "Business After Hours." Of course there are always the odd assortment of people just getting drunk (and I was one of them!). But mainly it's a business networking activity that can be very useful. And since a client is hosting, we really should go. The only outstanding question right now is whether Mr. Doggy will be finished with other billable client work in time. But I actually put mousse in my hair, so I can be ready quickly!! Feels good to feel like I'm passed worrying big time about AL.

Big stuff today on the Healthy Living front too. Well, big for me anyway. But I'll save that for the Abbercize thread!

Have a good evening - see ya tomorrow.

DG