AF Daily Saturday 15th November

[spottydingo]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Hi Everyone,

Its a clear, unseasonably warm and extremely windy day here on the West Coast. Spent yesterday cleaning and now feel vindicated about purchasing a steam carpet cleaner last year. Though an inexpensive one, hubby thought it was silly, but our new home has white wall-to-wall (!?!?!?) and I was able to clean the living and dining room carpets fairly well. My back hurts today but oh well, I slept like a log.

Sausage, I'm sorry hubby isn't being as supportive as we'd like him to be. I hope he comes around and realizes you're not quitting drinking to spoil *his* fun! This can be hard. My husband drinks too, in fact our whole relationship (15 years) has included AL in a big way. Though he supports me and is trying to cut down too, we are now learning how to be with each other without drinking. Luckily for us its not so hard, but its still weird and stressful at times. As your husband sees how serious you are about your commitment I really hope he realizes that you without AL will be a better (and as much fun!) person.

WIP: what you said:

"Alcohol does diminish inhibitions (it disengages the frontal lobes, like having a temporary lobotomy), and so we have less concern about things that perhaps should concern us."

For some reason this really resounded with me. I have spent many years not being concerned with things I should have been concerned about -- and feel the weight of that remorse all the time now. I guess part of the recovery process is moving past that.

You are all right about drinking not relieving stress but creating it. What started this misconception in the first place? Advertising? Sort of like the myth that smoking a cigarette is relaxing! Gosh I hate all that day-after worry: what did I do? Did I email anyone? Did we have the music on too loud? Did I drive? Was I OK to drive? arghhh. So glad that I have made the decision to put that behind me -- now if I can truly put that wish into action for good.

Well, off to do more cleaning. Tomorrow is the fun day, taking Dingo to the beach and possibly buying some crabs off the boats -- its Dungeness Crab season!

Cheers

[retteacher]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Again, great thread!

About the whole drinking to relieve stress issue:
It's totally in the media. As soon as something bad happens in a movie the first thing they say is: "Give her shot of brandy. That'll help."

I really think we've bought that whole myth. I know I did. I was ALWAYS "taking the edge off" w/AL.

I agree drinking is like getting a temporary lobotomy. I think that's what the appeal has been for me. How can I disengage my brain chatter? Drinking is the obvious instant solution. Now, I have to find other ways to do it. I know I will.

Mary

[speedster]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Mary,

I totally relate to the comment about brain chatter. I use to debate by myself whether the reason I drank was because I had an active brain and it was a certain way to get it to slow down. I could always rationalize that I still got a lot done. Reward drinking has been a major excuse and I will eliminate it. It's what lead to drinking alone become more common place.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Cool! I wasn't the only one who struggled through yesterday and came out a winner. Today some people asked me over to watch the football game and eat. I don't care about the football and really have a lot to do, but they don't drink and I need to socialize so I'll stop by for a bit.

[gyco]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

hi saus,some day it wont be a struggle anymore,as far as the other half,oooooooops,you took the fun out of his life,nottttt,youve put fun back into yours,your gonna make it with or without him,AL,free, or modding,your gonna do it,you have becom a stronger person,good luck gyco

[spottydingo]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

I also relate to the brain chatter ... my brain just won't turn off nor do my emotions. Also there have been times that I've felt "too happy" or "too good" and that has spurred me to drink, like I have to calm myself down (though we know that doesn't work). Not sure if that makes sense ... I've noticed at some point in the days after a binge when I start feeling really good its like I feel the need to drink because I'm feeling too good and it makes me uneasy. Is it possible to be addicted to misery???

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

spottydingo;469148 wrote: I've noticed at some point in the days after a binge when I start feeling really good its like I feel the need to drink because I'm feeling too good and it makes me uneasy. Is it possible to be addicted to misery???

Actually, there is some evidence that it IS possible to be "addicted" to negative emotional states; there is a lot of complicated neurochemistry involved, but the impulse to re-activate brain circuits related to the experience of grief appears to be something that does happen in some people... especially in those who appear to be "unwilling" or unable (hard to distinguish between the two) to "let go and move on."

A similar process might explain the impulse that some people have to create chaos, to stir things up, and/or to self-sabotage...

wip

[DogLvr]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Good afternoon all - getting on late - I guess I wasn't alone yesterday either - around 4pm I really thought I was going to convince myself to go to happy hour. Thank God I worked late and hubby was up for a quiet night in.

Speedster - I loved your comment about a different "relationship between the kitchen and wine" - I love cooking and I would love having some wine while I was cooking - although it usually tuned into at least 1/2 the bottle before dinner got on the table.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

[Determinator]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

WIP, very interesting! Iv'e personally witnessed (with great dismay) people with an apparent addiction to negativity.

regarding brain clutter I'm sure that many millions of people across the land accidentally discover that al can temporarily suppress some of the mental clamor we end up with. of course we realize it now as a horrid trap.

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Ditto to what Det said. I have quite a strong self-sabotage streak in me. I've had to work quite hard at letting myself by happy. Sounds crazy ........ well actually it is crazy!!

Great posts to day thanks!!

[spottydingo]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

WIP, thats really interesting. Do you have any web links to articles on that? I'd be interested to read more about it. Self-sabotage is my life story ... I'm terrified of succeeding.

I come from a long line of negative people on my Mom's side and a long line of semi-negative people on my Dad's. Neither of my parents were ever given any encouragement and though I think my parents tried to encourage me on a superficial level there was always the smug expectation of failure as the subtext. Every time I've started to become successful at something I've done something to divert it ... starting back as far as 6th grade when I broke a clay sculpture of a horse I had made because the teacher kept telling everyone how great it was. Ughhh. Still pains me to think about. My artistic talent is my gift and I've squandered it. All through my art schools (I've attended 3) I was always the rebel because I tried to piss off the professors (wow, I just realized that ... I always thought I was misunderstood). More than once I was on the verge of flunking out. Just what I need, another addiction!!!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

spottydingo;469299 wrote: WIP, thats really interesting. Do you have any web links to articles on that? I'd be interested to read more about it. Self-sabotage is my life story ... I'm terrified of succeeding.
Here you go: click here for the article in Science Daily, and here's an excerpt:But for a substantial minority [of those who suffer grief], it's impossible to let go, and even years later, any reminder of their loss -- a picture, a memory -- brings on a fresh wave of grief and yearning. The question is, why? Why do some grieve and ultimately adapt, while others can't get over the loss of someone held dear?
Reporting in the journal NeuroImage, scientists at UCLA suggest that such long-term or "complicated" grief activates neurons in the reward centers of the brain, possibly giving these memories addiction-like properties. Their research is currently available in the journal's online edition.

What this little blurb does NOT say (but something that may also be true) is that these folks actively seek to activate the "grief" pathways by thinking about, re-living, remembering, etc.

wip

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Some interesting reading and research on this thread tonight - have found it helpful and most interesting.

Just come to the end of another AF day (day 13). My husband gave me less pressure tonight - got on with his own drinks G & T and then red wine again, and said nothing whilst I sipped a non alcoholic drink. I think it's best just not to discuss my abstainence with him because when we do it always leads to huge arguments.

Good night everyone and have a good AF morning tomorrow! (it's gone 10.30pm here)

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Great discusstions today!!

LVT - I think I neglected to answer a question that you asked yesterday - about SMART meetings. Yes, I have attended a number of the on-line meetings and I also attend a face to face meeting every Sunday. I get a lot of value out of the meetings, especially when the opportunity arises to work on one of the SMART tools using someone's real example (mine or somebody else's) with the group. Some of the folks with a lot of sober time under their belts are MASTERS at identifying language and thinking that is useful to change - even subtely. Some meetings end up turning out better than others but that's what makes it interesting to me. You show up and see what evolves within the group that day. The PalTalk meetings are interesting with the addition of voice. FWIW, the Talk meetings where Sam is the facilitator always seem soothing to me - she has a really soothing voice besides being (IMO) a good facilitator.

Speedster - Count me in as one who ALWAYS had a Vodkapade or Winorama going on in the kitchen while cooking. For me, that one has been conquered with "practice." A lot of this is just repeating a new behavior enough times to make it...the new behavior. Cooking without AL just took practice. I truly dont' even think aobut it now. So my advice is to just keep after it - you will get used to drinking something non-al and eventually not miss it.

Funny - for awhile there AF beer was my "backup" when cooking - especially on Friday when i would think happy hour. That actually worked well for quite some time, and about 2 AF beers would fill me up so much that's all I could handle. But now I don't even want that - would rather save the carbs / calories for something else.

WIP, interesting science youi have mentioned and Spotty, it sounds like you are figuring out some important things that will help you to know about yourself. I hope that you can figure all this stuff out and bring that wonderful artistic gift of yours to full life!!

I helped rescue a poor dog today wandering around in the middle of a very busy 4 lane hwy. I suspect someone is looking for this dog and I hope the authorities are able to match it back up with the owners. I'm glad it didn't get run over.

Well, I'm finally up to Season 4 of Desparate Housewives so I'm going to curl up with a blankie and a DVD for the evening. Thanks to everyone for lots of thought provoking stuff today. All good!

DG