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**retteacher** · December 22, 2008, 12:48 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

I just read all these posts to Marshy. They are so supportive & inspiring to me. Mary

**Marshy** · December 22, 2008, 02:39 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Thank you everyone. I just got home from shopping in hell. I thought there was supposed to be a recession on!

Cindi: Yes, I don't think I'm starting over. I've learnt a lot this year, and I learnt from last night too.

River0123: You're right about remaining EVER vigilant. Especially this time of year.

Startingover: Yup, I certainly do know now!

Mary: At least we KNOW we can't have booze in the house. I need to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Evie.Lou: Good on your husband for protecting you! I did think for a split second about giving the bottle back to the delivery guy... but didn't.

Onmyway: Thanks for your words. Keep warm!

Wip: "Damn" just about sums it up. I have learnt a lot. Always such hard f*%@ing lessons though.

1967: It IS hard, you're right. Stay strong!

Beck: I'm going to think about the counting and the motivation. Maybe tomorrow when my brain's up to it.

AFM: Yeah, I feel like crap! I can't believe I used to make myself feel like this most days for years and years.

**Doggygirl** · December 22, 2008, 03:14 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Double Damn.

Well, you know that hugs and talk of "minor slips" are out of the question coming from me.

For me the hardest part of getting back to AF after my relapses was....getting back to AF after my relapses. I guess the only advice I can offer is to IGNORE any signs of voices in your head saying things like "I've blown it now so WTF is one more drinking day...." (ala Beck!) etc. etc. The voices are probably quiet today considering the hangover. May they stay quiet tomorrow and the next day and the next. But if they DO get loud, you know what you have to do.

These lessons really suck, don't they. I guess they are an important part of the journey, but that doesn't make them suck any less.

On the bright side, your shopping trip sounds like it was more than adequate punishment so at least the spankin' part is over with!

Love ya - chin up.

DG

**Marshy** · December 22, 2008, 04:44 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

DG: I've had a few voices talking to me already. I have to prop up my defences.
Yup, I've taken my shopping spanking like a good 'un!

**A Work in Progress** · December 22, 2008, 04:48 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Marshy, just imagine those voices as belonging to a boozy-breathed, toothless, filthy old wino, whispering to you, saying "Hey, baby, I can make sure that you feel even worse than you did today... just have a little drink with me, honey..."!!!!

**Doggygirl** · December 22, 2008, 05:05 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

A Work in Progress;501178 wrote: Marshy, just imagine those voices as belonging to a boozy-breathed, toothless, filthy old wino, whispering to you, saying "Hey, baby, I can make sure that you feel even worse than you did today... just have a little drink with me, honey..."!!!!

OMG WIP you seriously just reminded me of one of my uncles (RIP). EWWWWW. He was fun in his younger years but sadly, died of alcohol related stuff and was a very pathetic drunk there in the end. (Marshy, trust me. You do NOT want to have a drink with my uncle!!)

DG

**Marshy** · December 22, 2008, 05:08 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Wip, it's really wrong that that sounds quite attractive to me right now, isn't it?
F**k it. I'm off to bed.

**A Work in Progress** · December 22, 2008, 05:11 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Ha! What's great is that you recognize that something so crazy sounds attractive, and that you are choosing to do the sane thing instead of what would be crazy! It's called "distorted thinking" for a reason, right?

Get a good night's sleep, then stick around and let us know how you are doing, OK?

**Beck** · December 22, 2008, 05:13 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Marshy,

The voices will talk to you again. The craving brain has been reactivated. Ignore the voices in your head - their sole purpose is to get you to drink again. My voice of reason is in my heart.

WIP that's an ugly image!!! Whatever works.

**boozehag** · December 22, 2008, 07:38 PM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Hey Marshy
I did the same after 7 months. I wasnt vigilant enough and got sucked into a night of binge drinking. I immediately did a 30 day AF stint from the next day but I definitely felt cravings that first week after the binge which I had not had for quite a while. I was really really pissed off with myself at the time but 2 months later I can see it as a good thing (sort of) as I am now fully aware of the circumstances in which a binge like that can happen so I make damn sure they dont occur again. So I guess what I am saying is use it, learn from it and its onwards and upwards!
BH

**AMELIA** · December 23, 2008, 02:16 AM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Marshy, good for you and your 8 months!! Sounds like you were feeling weaker than normal when you wanted to give the bottle back to the delivery man.
If alcohol comes knocking at your door again.......do give it to the delivery man. Solve the problem before it crosses the threshold.
Glad to read you are going to bed and not listening to DG's uncle

**Marshy** · December 23, 2008, 03:30 AM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Boozehag: thanks for that. I was wondering whether, physically, it would be like giving all up over again. I've just had the sleepless first night

We'll see.

Amelia: I was definitely feeling weak. The day before, Saturday, I was out in the evening and feeling a bit hard done by that everyone else seemed to drinking and wearing Santa hats and I couldn't. (Well, I could wear a Santa hat I guess...) And then on Sunday alcohol came knocking and it was a foregone conclusion really.

Anyway, I've woken up today feeling positive and determined. I want my AF life, not a drinking life. Thank you so much to everyone who's posted. I was umming and ahhing about whether or not to start this thread. I didn't really see the point. But it has helped boost my resolve. Thank you.

**boozehag** · December 23, 2008, 03:52 AM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Hi Marshy
Good to see you are positive and determined again and you will recognise the triggers/danger signs the next time. Just to clarify my earlier comments - after I drank "that time" I did have about two restless tossing, turning and twitching nights (of old) and I did have cravings for about two days but they were not strong cravings just noticeable compared to not having had any prior to that. I just doubled up on the l-glut and they went away. I was surprised they were back though after 7 months and after just one night of binge drinking. Alcoholic brain obviously thought yipee we are back in action! So no it certainly wasnt like giving up all over again in fact I was fine again after a couple of days other than being pissed off about having done it and ruined my good run.
BH

**johnnyh** · December 23, 2008, 04:20 AM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

Hey Marshy.

Good to hear you are taking the bull by the horns again. I admire your positive attitude and thanks for sharing your experience with us.

**gyco** · December 23, 2008, 05:56 AM

Eight months AF - then BOOM!

hi marsh as ive said to a few lately,you recognise the problem,that is the 1st step,does not make you an alchoholic,in 8 months it has givin you a better understanding of what AL can do,i did the same in august after bein dry for 10 months,my understanding of AL now is a lot different then when i went into a sanitarium in march,and yes i use the word sanitarium,cause it appeals to me,one has to go so far a to end up in a nut house to realise the problem,thank all theblessings or miracles you have had, not to have gone to those lengths to recognise the problem,dont beat yurself up,have a happpy holiday gyco

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