Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I hope all is well w/all of you. Last night was our Italian cultural club meeting & potluck. For the first time since I've been sober, I hardly noticed folks drinking. There's always a wine table w/a selection of Italian wines. Usually I'm very aware of people going up to the table & getting their small glasses of wine. It felt good to be free of the obsession. That said: I'm glad I don't go to those types of affairs frequently (i.e. where alcohol is self-serve). We don't have any in the house, & most of our socializing has been AF. We are going to dinner w/old friends next Sun., but I'll be prepared & have been around these particular people wo/drinking myself. In fact, there's another non-drinker in the group, & my husb usually doesn't have anything or very, very little. Being around normal drinkers is a reminder to me that I just cannot drink. There's no way I could drink the way normal drinkers drink...there doesn't seem to be any point.

Generally, I've been feeling very grateful...especially for my sobriety. I hope that feeling of having escaped from the gates of hell & entered a new life never leaves me. I haven't struggled w/cravings at all. I know it could happen at any time, but I'm finding that the more actively involved I am in AA, the less I want to drink.

All of you here at this thread are very important to me & my sobriety. If I can't get to the computer for some reason, I find myself really looking forward to the few free minutes when I can.

Thank you all for being here.

Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Mary,

Thank you for starting the thread.

I am in the midst of what I pray is my last crisis.

I went to AA three times yesterday and one very dear member sat with me and chatted between meetings. He is a few days over 10 years sober and his calming voice and no nonense approach was very helpful.

I will be going to a lot of AA meetings this week.

The last one was a BB meeting and we started at the Preface. It was a very good discussion.

Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Good morning everyone and thank you Mary for kicking us off for the new week! I love reading what everyone has to share and can identify with so much of it. I really liked this Mary:

I'm finding that the more actively involved I am in AA, the less I want to drink.

I'm grateful that my husband doesn't question or resent the amount of time I spend on my sobriety, which of course includes a lot of AA stuff - a meeting every day except Fridays plus my Step work and a little service work. I went to AA because even after 8.5 months of sobriety, I felt an irrational fear of relapse. I need to have a healthy respect for the possibility of relapse, and never ever forget that one drink and one drink only will take me down a very ugly path that I have trudged before. BUT...with the help of AA, I no longer feel that nagging fear that was so bothersome. I feel good about my future sobriety from the standpoint that if I keep doing what is suggested to me, I can stay sober as so many others before me have done. What is suggested is not always easy. But for me, it is working.

One lady that I have come to really like a lot is older. She now has 16 years of sobriety but she was well into her 50's before she stopped relapsing. Her advice is that what worked for her was finally surrendering totally to the AA suggested program of recovery. She describes that her relapses followed periods of doing parts of the program, but skipping the difficult parts or the parts she thought didn't apply to her. Whenever she is asked "how did you get sober?" Her simple answer is "I finally surrendered."

I think one of the reasons I feel more confident in my own sobriety now is that I really try hard to "surrender" to all aspects of the AA program. Even if I can't do them with 100% perfection or heart, I at least TRY. For me that is:

* Go to meetings every day. (I usually make 6X per week)
* Do what my sponsor says. (reading assignments, step work, learning to ask for help when I need it instead of trying to be the expert on everything all by myself.)
* Pray the BB prayers even though I am often feeling confused about the whole HP thing.
* Do some service work. (for me that is helping occassionally with club cleanup, chairing a meeting, being treasurer for one of my home groups, and temporarily sponsoring a newcomer until she can find a suitable longer term sponsor)

Accepting the input of my sponsor and just doing what she says is often the hardest thing for me. It jumped out at me in today's Daily Reflections reading (link Daily Recovery Readings ) that part of "Yesterday's Baggage" for me was being so protective of my drinking that I NEVER asked anyone for input. I did not ever want to hear that my problems were largely caused by drinking, and I needed to stop. So I built an entire system of superiority and deflection that did not rely in any way on outside advice.

Anyway...here I am again making a short story long!

Back to the thread at hand!!!

Betty Boop :welcome: I too was amazed at the warm welcome in AA, and the connection that I now share with such a diverse group of people. I hope you will keep coming here and sharing your AA thoughts and experiences!

Corkish, I hope you are doing well.

Phil, it was so great to read your post about a sober and unhungover birthday!

WF - Good for you on the pizza party! I can really relate to your description in last week's thread about that "new peace" I feel that too, and I also share your feeling about the value of the serenity prayer! Spending less time "all wound up" sure diminishes the AL obsessive thinking for me too.

Cindi, it is very good to see you back. Never give up!! It sounds like you are "doing whatever it takes" and...well...that's what it takes I guess! Going to ANY length to get sober. I'm rooting for you!

Hello to all the other regular posters and lurkers and anyone else who just has questions about AA. Hopefully you will post here and share your thoughts no matter what they are! "Rigorous Honesty" and all that jazz.

Saturday was an emotionally exhausting day. I did my amend with my old college room mate. As my sponsor suggested, I waited to decide if I should express my regrets over my past behavior until I was sure if that was the right thing to do. I waited a long time, but felt like there was a pink elephant in the room (which has been there for years and I just ignored it I guess). So I expressed my regret in a very short way (I know I know - hard to believe the "short" part of that!). I'm glad I did because my friend really really really needed to express to me how much she had been hurt by my actions. She did not lash out or beat me up over it. She expressed her hurt and we cried together. So by discussing the "pink elephant" that had existed for both of us in the relationship I think some healing can begin. It was good. I'm very glad I did it. It was still exhausting though. I also realize there are a couple of issues (just basic housekeeping if you will) in our relationship that I need to be honest about and address going forward. I never did in the past - I wanted to avoid any conflict and I also felt a ton of guilt over my drinking and subseuqent crappy friend behavior. So the couple of minor issues exist because of me. I'm grateful to AA for giving me the tools to see that, and work through it.

Onward and forward! I think this post is long enough! (and I bet you do too!)

Strength and hope,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Cindi: Thank God you're here, & that you are going to AA. In the beginning AA felt like a lifeline. I needed a sponsor right away, because I knew I was in serious jeopardy of relapse. I needed the daily contact & responsibility of calling someone. I hope some of the people you've been talking to can be helpful to you outside a meeting. In the meantime, you're doing the right thing by going to meetings & NOT GIVING UP. I can't tell you how many times I've heard about relapse (my own included) in meetings. Each one feels awful, but you can learn from them as well.

DG: How incredibly cleansing an amend can be! I'm finding that as I go along in my relationships, I can add to the original amends if anything was left hanging. I can, of course, make continual amends (as per step 10) as I go from day to day. As I clear up "the wreakage of the past" I'm finding a new freedom. I can "say what I mean, mean what I say, & not say it mean." During my drinking, I kept an awful lot stored up inside (as a result of the guilt of drinking) only to have the stored-up stuff erupt in a binge of drinking. Talk about a vicious cycle!

Love, Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Good evening and happy Monday all. Great to read what everyone has to say. Still plugging along AL free. It does seem to get easier day by day. I do work on keeping my mind calm and try to not over react to issues at work. Sometimes isn't easy, but helps to have this forum to come to and the AA meetings after work.
Thanks everyone.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi Everyone: I didn't have a drinking thought yesterday, but for the first time in 6 months, I could see what drinking did for me. I love my husband, but sometimes he can be incredibly aggravating (as most spouses can be at times). I would numb out w/AL, & nothing would get resolved. Now, I'm having to work on the relationship (yes, even after 37 yrs.). I've heard that 6 months is a critical period, so I'm especially on my guard. I love the sober life & won't give it up. So, today I'll stay sober. Today, I'll:
-read my literature.
-pray.
-go to a meeting.

Cindi: I hope you OK today. Do what you have to do to stay sober today. Go to a meeting Ask for phone numbers. There is such an emphasis on helping another alcoholic that I really think other AAers will be happy you asked. Take care.

Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Mary, DG and all,

Thank you for your kindness and caring.

I am planning on going to one or more AA meetings a day for as long as I can, reading out of my BB, hanging in there.

Everyone's advice and concern here is appreciated. You are an incredible group of people.

I am hanging onto "Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

I must put my nose to the grindstone and work. I am starting back at Step One and writing down all the horrible consequences that I can recall from my drinking. This frightens me but I need to do it.

Love,
Cindi

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

One addendum to the above.

I finally "get it" that I must stay sober and work the steps before the magic will happen.

I am one of the slow ones.

Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Cindi: I really feel that the steps are the life blood of the program. I couldn't do the steps wo/help, and only going to meetings wouldn't have worked for me. I HAD to get someone to help me through the steps. I did write down all the ways my life was unmanageable through drinking. It was a very humbling list indeed. I still get mad at myself for missing out on all the wonderful experiences that I blacked-out on. Yesterday, we got a bill from the local ER for my husband's treatment for the broken wrist. When I saw the envelope, the ER visit I had last winter flashed through my mind. I still cringe when I think about it. But, I do think about it...I actually force myself to. I don't want to forget all the pain, inconvenience, money, etc. I caused my family, my friends, & the emergency staff...for what? For nothing! Basically, I was a drunk woman taking up a lot of peoples' time & energy. I'm not beating myself up when I recount this...I'm just reinforcing the promise that I NEVER want to do that again.

Cindi: When I go to meetings, I hear about relapse almost every single time. It's a fact of life for some AAers. However, there are those individuals who have learned from their errors & have moved into a great recovery program. This can happen to you too. However, you do have to work for it. Nothing good comes wo/effort.

I'm going to my regular speaker meeting. I can see why that type of meeting is so important. In hearing about the struggles of other people, we can see the light at the end of our own tunnel. Regardless of how low I have gotten (literally for me...spending hours on the bathroom floor), someone else has gone through the same & worse & has risen up out of it.

Take care of yourself & your sobriety. For myself, I have wonderful blessings in my life but cannot appreciate a single one of them if I am drinking.

Love, Mary

[betty boop]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi all, thanks for making me welcome here, I feel that I cannot add much as I am a newcomer to AA, but I have to say how much it has helped me already, something as simple as the 'just for today' card!! I read it every morning and concentrate on a little bit of it to get me through the day. I have had an extremely tough time in general over the last few weeks and the mindset that card has given me has got me through that and not just with regard to drinking (hope that makes sense!!!!)

Big hugs to DG, Mary, Cindy, Winefree and all to come :l

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi all! WF, I am so with you on the value of a calm mind! And also the idea that sometimes it's harder than at other times to achieve. But well worth the effort.

Cindi, I'm sure you have heard about many miracles since you've been going to meetings. You WILL be one of them if you work hard for it, and are willing to go to any length to get sober. I can't help but believe those promises based on what little I have seen in my short stint at AA. It is such a humbling process. And difficult sometimes. But YOU deserve sobriety in your life. Keep fighting for it.

Mary, I love your observations and how you express them. For those of us who are married (or in long term relationship), how alcohol affected our relationships is SO significant I think. At least it is for me. With the help of AL, I complicated and avoided things to the point where I honestly don't know how or why my husband put up with it. But it feels so good to be finding a better way. And that way is really making a difference around my house! My husband isn't perfect nor is our relationship perfect. And I can't control him. But acting a whole lot more sane myself sure optimizes things!

Mary I also like your simple plan for the day.

Boop it's good to see you again! I'd love to hear more about the "just for today" card. I don't believe I've seen that before. I love the little touches that different groups come up with - this sounds like one of those maybe. Sounds like it helps with other life matters - not just drinking. I love how the AA principles can be so effectively applied to many areas of life.

Went to a meeting this morning which is an "open topic" meeting. The topic ended up being about egos - sparked by the 24 Hour reading for today. I needed that reminder of how I sometimes do things that are meant to give the appearance of being generous or helpful, but what I'm really after is the recognition and "looking like a hero." I still have a long way to go to develop true humility and a truly generous spirit. Today I'm grateful to be a student and not a teacher on this topic! And more than that, I'm grateful to be sober and NOT obsessing about AL. When my life revolved around AL every waking moment - whether I was drinking, nursing a hangover, or thinking about when the drinking would start, I had no mental space for reflection and personal growth. Now I do.

Strength and hope,
DG

[betty boop]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi DG, this was given to me on my first meeting printed on a wallet size card.


Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I wiil take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests : hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Betty: Many, many thanks! I have that card here somewhere...I'm going to look for it & read it again & again. Betty, we're all newbies to AA: for me, only 6 months. If I didn't have AA & this thread, I'd probably be drinking today. I love MWO, but I relapsed many times here. I needed the face-to-face committment. I still get kind of squeamish seeing folks from my "outside" life at AA meetings. I just keep telling myself that I'm an alcoholic not a mass murderer. There's nothing to be ashamed of...I'm getting help for a problem. And that's my final answer. How did I get started on that again???

Mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi everyone. Still here and still plugging along. As some of you know, I had over 4 months AF and decided I would have a few glasses of wine while I was NY which was followed by a night of heavy drinking and a massive hangover. Yes...I am an alcoholic. Because of my relapse I had to go back and do some more 3rd step work. This time around when I sat with my sponsor and we prayed the 3rd step prayer I felt such a sence of relief. Now I am working on my 4th step. This morning I went to a steps meeting and she gave me a deadline to complete the 4th step. I have 1 month to do it.

Have a great AF day everyone!

[betty boop]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Thanks Mary, at my first meeting I saw someone that I know, she asked 'what on earth are you doing here?' I hugged her and replied, 'same as you I imagine!'

I read the card every morning and pick a small bit relevant to the day to concentrate on!!!

BB xx