Perfectionest

[irish eyes]

I was brought up under the cloud of constant criticism and as a result I became a perfictionest. I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes, it was really important that I covered every possible outcome, because mistakes would lead to an avalanche of criticism from my mother and of course MYSELF. So it was important for me to cover up my mistakes and maintain an appearance of perfection and I mastered the art of perfection for self preservation. I was the perfect child and even a more perfect adult, no wonder I drank alone, no one ever saw me drunk! I have begun to take down that rigid wall of seeming perfection and admit my mistakes and open myself up to growth. Today I can admit when I make a mistake and am wrong and it certainly challenges my honesty daily. Today I am aware that because I am human, I will probably make a mistake or two every day of my life, if I view this as a personal failing or go into denial about it then I know that my life can become complicated. I know that when I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong I can let go of shame and guilt and feel free to live my life in truth and honesty. There is a great freedom for me knowing that I never can be or no one expects me to be perfect, just to be me with all MY FAULTS and FAILINGS after all I am only human. It is very liberating writing this down for me admitting that I have faults and failings.

[gyco]

Perfectionest

good thread irshone,bravo,we are not perfect,never will be,i beleive that is why were here,i tthink i said it b4 ,we alchohol abusers tend to let what others thinkof us run our lives,only we,can change us,gyco

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Perfectionest

Thank you for yet another insightful post. The reality is that nobody should feel pressure to obtain the impossible. We can only do our best and live our lives as we choose not as others require of us to by living up to their percieved standards of perfection. There is nothing wrong in striving for perfection in ourselves but as you point out we are only human and we all make mistakes. That understanding is an important step to true happiness in my opinion. Be happy for who we are, who we may become and make peace with our past.

[hippie37]

Perfectionest

You spelled 'Perfectionist' wrong!

But only another perfectionist would of noticed that and thought about whether or not there was a reason for that!! Maybe to highlight the point of your message? lol

Fabulous post again Irish. Totally relate with EVERYTHING written here. Perfectionism is ME all over and I still have a hard time with it. Can't deny that. I'm learning to let go a bit more these days but in the past I would not even get off my arse to do something if I though it was not gonna be done right and to the high standards I expected of myself. Not feeling good enough or inadequate was always high on my list for getting out the stick and beating myself up in self pity.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[retteacher]

Perfectionest

Irish: I grew up in a similar home & am always striving upward. I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. I KNOW perfectionism is one of the other isms that goes hand-in-hand w/alcoholism. Keep doing that inner work. It's important to recovery. Mary

[irish eyes]

Perfectionest

[QUOTE=hippie37;739941]You spelled 'Perfectionist' wrong!

:H:H:H

[RedThread12]

Perfectionest

I know, I know . . .

Great timing, Irish. Just yesterday I installed the THIRD new toilet seat on the same toilet, and this one, too, doesn't fit exactly right.

But it was cheap, it works and it's on, and I decided that I have spent plenty of time and money and effort and that I will just be with a toilet seat that doesn't fit perfectly. Whew! I feel so liberated!!

[Gold]

Perfectionest

irish eyes;739930 wrote: I was brought up under the cloud of constant criticism and as a result I became a perfictionest. I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes, it was really important that I covered every possible outcome, because mistakes would lead to an avalanche of criticism from my mother and of course MYSELF.

Irish Eyes, I can identify completely with what you have said, the worst possible outcome for me was that my mother would pack her bags and leave! The fear of making mistakes can be overwhelming, and for me it has caused me to stay in the background for fear of being judged.

The most helpful thing for me was to realise that mistakes are learnings and therefore neutral.

[FindingMyself]

Perfectionest

Irish Eyes, that's an insightful post and has me thinking about where the root of trying to be perfect came from for me. Always trying to live up to my older siblings accomplishments. I don't recall constant criticism growing up, but that may be because my parents were such poor communicators. It was more like getting "that look" - like you were suppose to know what that meant as a kid. Anyway, I suppose the fear of messing up and not measuring up has followed me for a long time. After a while with too much drinking that negative voice was just stuck there reinforcing negative thoughts of myself. It is great to have some AF time and to begin to hear some positive feedback from myself now. I attribute much of my positive thoughts to the fact that there are so many good - non-judgmental - voices here.

[Doggygirl]

Perfectionest

Irish, what a good post and right on point for so many of us. Reading the thread, it seems that "fear" is part of the perfectionist equation too. Fear of doing something wrong. Fear of what others will think / do. Fear of someone discovering we are not perfect or don't know a particular thing. Fear fear fear.

LOL - a guy at an AA meeting yesterday was celebrating his 23 year sober anniversary. He described his messed up thinking when he first was forced to go to AA. One of the things he mentioned was fear. He said "I didn't think I was afraid of anything. I carried a gun. What did *I* need to fear since I carried a gun?? Later I realized that I feared everything - that's why I carried a gun."

I just thought that was interesting as for me, perfectionism and fear and definitely intertwined. Right now I fear I might have spelled something wrong. :H (just kidding with that part!!)

Thanks for sharing Irish!

DG

[greeneyes]

Perfectionest

hippie37;739941 wrote: You spelled 'Perfectionist' wrong!

xx

That is the first thing I noticed and started laughing before I read the post!!!:H:H:H an funnier still is that it reads per"fiction" Perhaps there is no such thing.

[irish eyes]

Perfectionest

Thanks guys for responding and thanks for pointing out my IMPERFECTIONS :H:H. Good to know that there are other struggling perfectionists out there and doggygirl, I agree fear is at the root.