AF Daily - Monday October 26

[Doggygirl]

Hello Ab Landers!

From yesterday...

Sausage, we are reaching out to you our friend!!! What you describe is the progressive nature of this __________(disease / obsession / addiction /whatever-you-like-to-call-it). It gets harder and harder to get back on the wagon. At least that is what I experienced. But you CAN do it. Many of us have gotten back on the wagon many many times and that just proves that you can do it too. The only way to fail is to stop trying. So how 'bout we just try for 1 AF day, OK? Just one. That's all. One hour or minute at a time - whatever it takes just for one day. OK? You in??

Maslow, OUCH is all I can say about that Bears game. I confess to changing the channel once Cincy was over 30 points.

www.peopleofwalmart.com

Peace - I will never frown in Walmart again, that is for sure!! You MUST live 50 miles from BFE if you have to drive 125 mi to the farmers market!! How far is Walmart from you????

Marshy - :H on your new avatar. I'm sure the person in it is NOT plucking ear hairs, but that's what it looked like to me on first glance. I hope the EU stands it's ground on the growth hormone issue. There is TONS of evidence that all these growth hormones used in the cattle and dairy industries in the US are NOT good and are causing health problems. Where is the "bribing smilie" that we have on the Figure Skating board? I need that smilie to adequately describe my opinion of the FDA + Big Agribusiness. I only buy Eurupean or certified hormone free cheeses for that reason. And grass fed / hormone & antibiotic free beef from a local farmer. I'm really disappointed that the US can't respect other people's decisions about what's healthy and is "muscling" to try to force this crap on people in other countries who have already decided they want no part of it. :soapbox2: So...would anyone like to know what I REALLY think??? :H Thank you for the link...

Lav, you sound terrific. So happy that AF life is agreeing with you!! NOW. Where is MY cookie?????

Hula, what a great sounding report about your discussions with daughter. Honesty can be SO refreshing when the time is right. I hope the rest of the visit is MAHVALOUS for you both!

Leelou you are doing GREAT!! I have quite a vision of you on Tea Overload and probably making 39573957 trips to the bathroom too. These days will really start piling up if you stay after it!

LVT - no, unfortunately I am not kidding about the slightly used kleenex EWWWW(tm).

I am SO GRATEFUL to be sober today. I try to never take my sobriety for granted. But some days I feel overwhelmed with gratitude at how my life has changed for the better, and continues to change for the better all the time. Sometimes the changes are gradual and then sometimes there are big spurts - this weekend was a big spurt in several ways. Part of that was recognition of the personal growth and progress I have made, and part of it was the recognition of important areas where I still have a lot of growing to do - namely in the area of developing the skills necessary to have real deep and meaningful relationships in my life. So much of how I have operated has been very superficial and "arms length." I want more, but it's scary. Lots to work on but I have faith that the rewards will make it all worth while.

Have a wonderful AF day one and all!!

DG

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Hello all

Thanks everyone for your supportive message after my plea for help last night - it means a lot .

I've just concentrating on being AF for today, that is all, hopefully this is the way to go - a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.

I'm feeling slightly more positive but i'm still scared / worried / fed up.

Have a great day everyone - i'll be back later

Sausage xx

[dill]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Sausage, I know just how you are feeling! Be gentle with yourself, and move forward. ODAT is the way today!

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Good morning Abbers!

DG, thanks so much for the cheerful start - I'm smiling big time even though I feel a little bloated from eating so many cookies yesterday.........they were DEElicious I'm with you on the food issues DG. I have 18 chickens in the yard for fresh, organic eggs, pork & beef in the freezer from local sources. A walk thru the supermarket these days can be a frightening experience!

Sausage, I really hope today is better for you! I'm going to send you a dose of my somewhat famous 'Lavan-ittude' to help you get thru the day! Stay focused on getting thru today!!

Greetings Dill, we meet up everywhere!

Have a great Monday one & all!
Lav

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Sending best thoughts your way Sausage. I know from experience how rough this journey can be, and if I can make it out anyone can. Be patient and have faith in yourself, okay?

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Hello AFers!!

It is Monday, one of my favorite days of the week. (I like the rest, too, but love Mondays because it is new, fresh and full of possibilities.)

Sausage, As a very, very, very slow quitter, I can understand your angst, frustration, self-anger, etc. It always seems others here and, in my case, at AA just "got it" so much easier. If you keep trying, you will get where you want to be. I just keep telling myself it will be so sweet when I feel really good about my sobriety. Our dear Bear just kept telling me, "Never give up trying to give up." I believe him.

DG talks about the progression of the disease. I want to speak of that here, myself. A mere 2 or 3 years ago, I was in a panic because I was drinking 5 or so glasses of wine a night and simply could not go a day without it. I joined MWO. I kept drinking. It got worse. I was kicked off of airplanes, fell down and smashed my nose in a hotel room, blacked out every night. I ended up in rehab in Nov 2007. Whew!! Thought that was the end of it. Relapsed. It was even worse. I was in the position of having to hide my drinking then. That led to binge drinking. I went to rehab again in January of 2009. Relapsed. Binges got worse.

I won't rehash my last binge but I do want to say that I had progressed to drinking full bottles of Vodka. 1.7 L bottles of Vodka, in one day (or so, days and nights became confused...) I lost three weeks of my life to Vodka and my addiction.

One of my friends at AA says "you know what Yet stands for? You're Eligible Too."

I know many of you will read this and tell yourselves you would never let yourselves get that bad. Probably many of you won't. But some of you might.

This is life and death, friends. It really is. At least it is for me.

I keep sticking with MWO because I do have a wonderful network of support friends here. Even though MWO didn't end up being MWO, I learned about Baclofen (which has helped me immensely) and I learned about nutrition, and I have my dear friends here.

But, please, do whatever you must do to get sober. Never give up. Ever.

I know that if I give up, I have signed my death sentence due to alcohol. What a sad way to say good-bye to this world.

Sorry to be so maudlin but that is where I am.

However, I am doing well right now. Taking action to get and stay sober. I finally figured out that once I take that drink, one drink, I am powerless over my addiction. Losing weeks to a drunken stupor pretty much is in my face that life has become unmanageable.

Okay. Done with that. Just had to get it out and share.

I hope I did not offend but if just one person reads this and can avert getting to this place, it was worth it.

Love,
Cindi

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Repost from Subs

I am reposting this here because I realize my friends who aren't subscribers won't see it.

Just got back from doctor. It went well.

She is going to call me with the number for a psychologist. She wants me to start seeing a professional, not just doing AA. She is adamant. If I don't like this one, she wants me to keep searching. This is a husband/wife combo and they do marriage counseling, too. She is hoping my husband will agree to marriage counseling.

The spots are very, very tiny. She says 80% of the people in the south have these little nodules that are calcified caused by histoplasmosis, which is caused by breathing bird poop dust. Mine are not calcified, however, so I go back in 6 months for another CT scan. If they have calcified, then it was histoplasmosis. If they have not but not grown, we keep monitoring every 6 months. If they have grown, I have a biopsy. They are too small to biopsy at this point, so even if it is lung cancer, it is extremely early stage. Whew. Good news there.

Now, I have a blockage of my left anterior descending artery. That is the main feed to the heart. I go in for a stress test on Thursday. At that time, they will determine if the blockage is enough to address now or not. If it is not too bad, I go back every so many months for monitoring. If it is bad, I may get a stent or a bypass, depending on what the cardiologist says.

I told hubby about this and he is worried. He says that is the artery that when blocked causes heart attacks. I am not worried. They know about it now and we can treat it.

So, that is my news. Pretty good considering I was worried about massive lung cancer.

Love,
Cindi

[Marshy]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Hi all,

Been feeling down in the dumps for a few days now. But it's going to happen occasionally, I suppose, so I'm trying to surf through.


Sausage - keep checking in. Do you have support in real life, too? AA or friends/family. I didn't understand how important support was in the beginning but I do now.

Lav - :H on the bloating. Good cause, though.

DG - not ear picking, no! It's a self-portrait by a cartoonist/graphic novelist called Alison Bechdel. Among other things she's written/drawn a great memoir called Fun Home about her relationship with her father. Anyhoo, cheese cheese cheese. I'm into a phase of Danish Havarti at the moment. Just bought some to make lunches for work this week. Delicious.


Cindi - that's a very quick progression. Mine took quite a few more years than that. And I never "reached" vodka. That was going to be my next step as the wine and beer weren't really doing it for me any more. I mean, I was still drinking myself to unconscious but not quite quick enough sometimes (sounds ridiculous when I write it down!). So I thought it was either vodka or try to do something about it. It IS life and death, you're right.
I didn't know about your health problems. Glad you've got better news than you were expecting.

[Prpl]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Just poking my head in, say hello. I have just over three weeks AF, and I say, it is the way to go. I'm loving it. It's not been easy, even to gather this long. It's taken me a matter of months of drinking at least once a week to stop that. I think I finally just got tired of it. Anyways- greetings, Hope everyone is doing well.

[peacenik]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

hello all...top of the afternoon to you!

prpl, i am so glad you are not a cucumber...

marshy, im sorry you've been down, but you are right, it's a normal part of life and can even be a creative part if you let it. i take an herbal anti depressant that has been doing the trick so far this winter, but i'll let you know how i'm feeling come mid january when i haven't seen the sun in days!

cindi, wow...i didn't know you were having all those issues. i'm glad you have gone in and gotten started on getting yourself well. scary stuff this mortal coil...but then again it's better than the alternative. take care of yourself dear.

lav- i overate cookies yesterday as well...the p-nut butter and jelly ones that i posted in the "recipes" section!

sausage, hang in there...you know we all know how you feel.

dg, we actually have a farmer's market in my town, but the BIG one is 125 m iles away...the nearest walmart, im happy to say is 50 miles away!!!

have a good one all

xo

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Awww. It makes me so sad everyone hates Walmart.

My son works at Walmart. They pay him well, they treat him well, he and his family get medical benefits and he loves his job.

I keep threatening to go work there as a greeter.

Cindi

[KateH1]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Peacenick, I understand living far from shopping. When I lived in Michigan, we were 60 Miles from the nearest stores, other than small local ones....My Kids thought that a trip to McDonalds was Disneyland! I am happy to say that these days shopping is no longer a day long adventure, my nearest Target is a mile away!

Sausage, Day 1 is a great beginning.....just take it one day at a time and comitt to your sobriety each day. That is how we all reach months, then years without alcohol. Remember, DON'T BUY it! If you buy it you will drink it. We are with you....Together We Are Strong!

Cindi, I am happy to hear about your health prognosis! Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. Yes, this disease, addiction whatever the H it is, can take many twists and turns and we all know that it is progressive! I am ever aware that it could take only one drink to send me back into my addiction and from there......who knows what the progression would look like? Scary to even think about it. I am ever concious of what lurks behind that first drink.....I pray I will never take that first drink again!

I remember very early in my sobriety that I was very aware that I was going to have to learn to "Feel My Life".....the good, the bad, the painful, the sad and yes, the anxiety that life can bring....and life does bring all of these and more! In our modern society we are tought to cure everything with a pill or a drink. We hate to feel uncomfortable! But drinking and pill popping keeps us stuck....we might use pills as a temporary helper, but, at the end of the day, we must be willing to open up, get honest with ourselves and deal straight on with what is eating us! This is truly liberation!

Cindy, you are on the right track.....keep going forward...One Day At A Time!

Doggy G! I just love, love, love your post's!!! I also love the New HOT!!! Doggygirl!! You make me smile

xx Kate

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Evening all

Well I'm getting to the end of day 1 - sipping a completely alcohol free beer (not too bad!)
Kate - unfortunately it's not a simple as just not buying it, I'd love to live in a AF home, must make things so much simpler. Sadly there is alcohol in my home because my husband Mr Sausage enjoys wine and has loads of it (200 bottles or so!?!) in the garage - and few bottles in the house too, and has no intention of getting rid of it / stopping drinking himself. To answer your question Marshy, no sadly I haven't got a lot of support in "real life" because my husband thinks I am fine and do not have a drink problem - although he is a medical doctor and must be able to calculate the units I was drinking /week - he thinks I should just moderate. My friends don't think I have a problem either because I never really drank in public or when out - just the odd glass. Most of my drinking was at home on my own in the evening. I'm interested in AA but it's difficult at the moment because I have young children and can't get out at night easily and also I'd have to go further afield from my home because locally the meetings are right next door to the health centre where I work in my own town!!

Still - my plan for now is - one day at a time - can't do more than that. I'll just live for the present and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Thanks for all your support everyone,

"See" you later

Sausage xx

[cpn1004]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Greetings from Lincoln Nebraska,
Great job DG, you make my heart (and/or soul?) warm. I knew you'd do well as a speaker. Any WOW, the fellowship of AA is amazing. The support among members is so cool. I went to meeting Saturday in Arlington, TX (home) to celebrate the birthday of a group that started in 1967. It was cool to hear the stories of how groups splinter off and get started with " a resentment and a coffee pot", but then the resentments seem to fade away and just have another group to attend.

I plan on making a meeting or too here and will report to y'all. Right now I'm working on my 4th step sex stuff...YIKES....but got to finish it all by Friday.
Love and Peace,
Phil.

Oh..Cindi, great to see you here and sounding good. take care of yourself.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Monday October 26

Hello to everyone who has posted! I read them all but am on a very short time line as dinner will not cook itself, unfortunately. (Must ponder the invention of a self cooking dinner!)

Sausage, I wanted to congratulate you on your AF day!!! Your circumstances are difficult but I really admire you for forging ahead anyway. It's really not up to anyone else such as friends or spouses to "diagnose us" as needing to stop drinking. We have to do that for ourselves. I'm really proud of you. I too am finding great value in the face to face contact I get through AA like Marshy mentioned. But if that doesn't seem possible right now then at least you have us here on-line. I know for SURE that sharing with others who completely understand my _______________(addiction / disease / obbsession / whatever) is crucial to my sobriety. I don't believe I could stay sober without this interaction. So we shall just have to do the best we can with what we have, right??

I hope you get a really good night sleep and enjoy waking up without a hangover (even if you don't get a good night sleep!!).

Until tomorrow....enjoy your AFness one and all.

DG