AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

[Lavande]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Hi friends,

Thank you so much for the hugs today, I really needed them!
It's hard to describe what's happening because my husband seems to be playing out some sort of fantasy in his head.........never clues me in to what he's thinking, planning, etc. I seem to just get stuck with the fallout, if that makes any sense. He has always had passive aggressive traits & at times can be very difficult to deal with. But, I have an assertive personality & I've never been afraid to get in his face, so to speak. But his hiding, lying, sneaking & general advoidance features have been getting worse & worse. He has never taken ownership of his problems, everything is my fault.....

Well, I don't know how this is going to play out but I will be OK. Right now I have a massive headache & my B/P is way out (that was pointed out to me at the eye doctor's today). I knew it would be. I'm going to sit with my decaf green tea, surf the internet, watch something stupid on TV & pray for a little sleep tonight. That's the plan.

Hope you are all well, have a peaceful night.
Love,
Lav

[dancingon]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Take care, Lav. When it happened to me I was sort of expecting it, but it sounds like you were taken by surprise. Try not to go through the self-blame thing. He's taking care of himself so you take care of yourself and spend time with your family.

[Guest]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

:l:l:l:l:l

[Guest]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

dancingon;839745 wrote: Take care, Lav. When it happened to me I was sort of expecting it, but it sounds like you were taken by surprise. Try not to go through the self-blame thing. He's taking care of himself so you take care of yourself and spend time with your family.

Well, why should we expect it? My husband has walked out a number of times and always comes back. Is this something I want anymore? I don't know. Where is the respect? Are marriage vows null and void as soon as they are said?

[rustop61]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Good morning everyone

I found it heartwarming to read yesterday's posts. There was such an outpouring of support for our dear Lav. Hope you are feeling a little better this morning Lav and managed to get some sleep. You take care of yourself.

Sped - Well done on your race. It's great when things are going well but I think MWO is a community where we are free to post whatever we are thinking and going through and there are people there who understand.

Another beautiful morning here. Getting my walk in but then have to meet SIL off bus. She is trying to get back to the UK and no flights so far. We live about 20 or 30 minutes from some of the ferry ports so she may have to take one if her flight does not go tomorrow. She's missing work and the kids are missing school.

Anyway off for my walk, will catch up later.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Morning Troopers

Rustop - I cant work out where you are, thought it was UK, are you in Ireland?
Looks like stop start with the flights....

I have just been a lovely cycle in the sunshine and Im trying to pluck up the courage to call my ex for a progress report but when I pick up the phone my heart starts racing and I get in a panic.... Deep breathes......

[Stargazerlily]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Good morning all.

Lav, so sorry to hear your news. What a shock and so sudden. I say just start looking into getting a good lawyer, protect yourself, and look out for number one. I know from past posts that your marriage has not been the happiest, but to just come in and leave, with no discussion, etc.

We are here for you, keep posting, and know that you have helped so many with you Lavanitude that we want to give back in any way we can.

Chill, wow, you are in the middle of it. I have been watching the news and it is scary, mother nature is doing her thing. I heard some one say, "We make plans and God laughs." But you are right, drinking alcohol will make any situation worse, out of control, a nightmare.

I am feeling physically so healthy; eating right and staying AF is making a huge difference recently. I am stronger emotionally at work and actively working to protect myself. I work with someone closely for several hours a day who is a passive aggressive bi***. You never know from one moment to the next her mood, so I have been visualizing a white protective shield around me, deflecting her negativity. It takes work and I have to be strong. She is miserable and her personal life is chaotic, but she tries to make me seem like I am the one who is a mess. So, focusing on the positive and ignoring her moods is the only way to go. Unfortunately if I am tired or weak, the negative vibes will bring me down.

To everyone, a strong AF Tuesday.

[dill]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Greetings,

Sped! Great job on the marathon! You must be feeling great!

Lav, I hope you're feeling better today.

LBH, have you had your follow up visit yet?

Just a quick check in for me this morning as I am short on time. Today should be a normal day of working with students and I'm looking forward to it. I hope everyone has a great AF day.

[sooty]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Lav hope you managed to get some sleep. its a bit difficult for me to type so that's why my message yesterday was so short. when i get the use of my arm back I'll send you a private message. I am thinking of you though - wish you were here so you could laugh at my black eyes!
think I'll change my name to Panda
Chook I'm ok but took a bad fall last weekend which has knocked me for six so that's why I'm not around so much at the mo
love to everyone
Sooty xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[spedteach]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Morning,
Sooty, panda?!? Here I've been thinking raccoon. Hope you're on the mend.

Red, I appreciated your post about being around a passive aggressive individual (my husband). Most of the time I can just let stuff slide, pay no attention but if I'm tired or stress for one reason or another, there it is, right in my face. Sunday it seemed overwhelming. Called a marriage counselor yesterday. Waiting for a call back about an appointment.

Chill, you are in the thick of things aren't you, you too Rust. It was amusing initially but with no end in sight it's becoming a pretty dire predicament. Chill good luck making that phone call.

Hope your work day goes well Dill.

Thinkin about our spunky Lav, knowing she's going to get through this and af to boot.

LBH, where for art thou???

[IAD]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Hi ! mates........Joined a Gym awhile back; mainly for my youngest son, to keep him fit for wrestling. I had to join because he's only 16.........well been working out and I'm feeling a lot better...Thought I'ld spreed my joy ! Ha! IAD

[rubywillow]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Lav, I hope this works out the way it will give you peace and happiness. Even though you and I haven't been close here, I SO enjoy reading your posts. Hubs and I talked last night about what you posted - we'll be married 40 years in August. It has NOT been an easy ride, but we know we can count on the other, and that's a blessing. When people ask the secret of our success, I tell them only one of us is allowed to crazy at a time, and it's usually my turn.Have you talked with anyone close to you there - your son, family, friend? Be safe, get some rest, and as I said, lean on your close friends here. :hug:

[ladybirdheart]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

Hello everybody on the April trail. I trust you are finding your bearings, Lav, it?s a new world and you?re still very cool. I have not been posting much as doing anything on the computer remains aversive, and after five weeks I am wearing thin. I do look over this thread every day and send each of you variously my cheers, understanding, empathy, humor, moans, congratulations, and enduring fond regard. My next appointment is a week from today and if I can?t get some kind of temporary glasses prescribed I am going to dissolve right there. I am here every day, just dim. Welcome Pan! Ms. Shell, I am taking your audio book back to the library today (is that the same as the check is in the mail?) and I put a hold in my name. Dill, you asked about books on CD and I liked ?The Heart is a Lonely Hunter? very much; I?ll probably go get an IPOD once I can see what I am doing well enough to understand a new thing, right now I need one the size of a Volkswagen. It sounds as though you are really pushing to the end of the year, girl, long peaceful walks await. Hi Red, you sound so fine, so healthy; Chill, you are clever, new personal territory awaits and courage is also always scary, I can?t wait to see where you land; Rusty, you also sound wise and steady these days, a good balance for my kicking and screaming, it is a good thing we don?t all go goofy at the same time; Shell, you know I think you are super:l; Sooty, you get well and just call them ?smoky eyes?, sweetheart; Cyn, kindred one, I am working at turning my chores into labyrinths; Raven, I now trust that you will keep the good food and affection quotient up in your part of the world. Love to all who come by, Ladybird.

[Chillgirl]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

LBH - I love reading your posts as always, Im so sorry its taking so long for you to see an improvment, was this time scale expected? I also cant wait to see where I land! Patience wasnt something God bestowed me :H I made the call and he sounded really upbeat and suggested me meet tomorrow or the next day as he has some ideas following my proposals.
My heart is in my mouth.....!

[Lavande]

AF APRIL 2010 - WEEK 4

I'm still kicking friends, thanks to your continued love & support!

I did get some sleep last night, sat here with a large cup of French roast coffee & watched the sun rise. It was nice, it was peaceful.

My B/P is coming down & the headache is gone - i am grateful for that
Just spent some time outside digging in some of the plants I purchased Saturday. I will continue to look for 'pleasant projects only' for a while I think.

Sooty, I hope your boo boos are healing. LBH, in the midst of all the craziness yesterday I saw my eye doctor. Need new glasses but everything else is OK - boy did I think about you

Dill, Chill, Red, Cyn, Rusty, Shelley, IAD. Mario - hello, I hope you are all having a great day!
Ruby, thanks for the kind words. You have a point there - things aren't so bad when you take turns being crazy!!!

Take care everyone, I'll be around.
Lav