Sunday October 22nd

[dilayne]

Sunday October 22nd

mmmm, thanks Kathy...I loved reading your story, very eloquently written. I relate to a lot that you shared!

I guess I'm not too worried about someone I know stumbling upon me here on this site...if they are here on this site..well then..there you have it.

[southernbelle47]

Sunday October 22nd

Hi Absville,

I love you guys......it doesn't matter to me where you come from and what you've done...
What does matter to me is where we're going from here and how to get there in a healthy state of mind, body and spirit.

My story is much like some of yours. I was born to a mom and dad who were not perfect. They had many problems and of course all that affected my personality .
I never was very close to my mom as she had "walls" up to protect herself, I guess... My dad was fifty when I was born. He worked all day and came come and went to bed. He drank but I never saw him. He died when I was 22 and pg with my second child. I have three....son, daughter, son.... I did KNOW that he loved me and I think that is the one thing that has made a difference in my life. My knowing that my Father loves me , just as I am.
That however does not excuse me from growing into the person that I am meant to be.

I never drank until after my daughter was born and then it was social. Pretty heavy on "party" nights when the kids were with grandmother. It was something that my hubby introduced me to and I loved the relaxed felling. We stoped the partying by the time I was 28 and moved across town to a new area and developed new friends and started attending church and became very active there. Our kids grew up there with the love and support of the people all around us.
My hubby continued to drink beer and every now and then we would have a bottle of wine.

Fast forward to 1992........several things happened around that time......early retirement for him, my mom' health failed, a son and daughter finish college and get married, and then in 1997 the last son went off to college and we sold our house in the city and lived in an apt there so he could contract work with his old company. That was for a year and then he quit and we moved to the farm. 1999........our daughter started divirce procedings with her cocaine addicted hubsand. (Two grandboys) . We packed up and went to Mississippi to get them throught that. Hubby went back and forth but I stayed as it was a dangerous time.. We had wine almost everynight to clam our nerves. It took over a year to get through all that. The daughter and two grand sons moved in with us for two years. More wine almost every day.
They then moved out to a city where the schools were better.
In March of 2001 my youngest son came home and told me that he had decided to take a little time and do the delayed entry program with the USMC....He finished boot camp August 17, 2001. As we all know, that year on Sept 11 everything changed in our country. We all knew that sooner or later his reserve unit would be activated.
More wine everyday.
In March 2003 his unit moved to 29Palms Ca. to train for Iraq.
pan style="font-family: Arial Black;">They arrived in Iraq about a week AFTER the war was over.....Thank God......It was hard but I at least thought "he won't have to do the battle part." It was a happier time for the people in Iraq as they thought of us as being there to help them.
When he came home Sept. 27, 2003 we were so happy.
Celebrated with.........yep..more wine!
I'm not really sure when I crossed the line but I know I did somewhere in that story. I have struggled with WHY I crossed but have made peace with that.
I now have come to a place in my life where Truth is very important and I choose my friends because they love Truth also. I don't want to be friends with someone who has not been "through the fire". It causes our masks to fall off and our true hearts to be seen.


I know..alot for now...more later...if you can stand it.


Nancy:l

[dilayne]

Sunday October 22nd

Wow Nancy..I so relate! Kids moving out, then in..my daughter also went into the army right before 911 (with 2 kids)..came home, moved in (with 4 kids and cocaine addiced husband)..that is also about when I crossed the line. Thanks so much for sharing! Whew..I'm really getting so much out of hearing from everyone....

[YoungAtHeart]

Sunday October 22nd

I can stand to hear it all. Goodness knows, I've heard a lot, and knowing your stories means a great deal to me!

Macks, although I can't relate to having a kid at 18, I CAN relate to the idea of "missing out" to some extent. In 1974, all of my friends took off in a converted bus to the West Coast (with their alcohol and drugs:H ) while I stayed home to go to college! I made a choice, but nevertheless, it was awfully HARD waving goodbye to them and hitting the studies!! You have your nappies, and I had my books! The good news is that you will be over the worst of it soon, and you will enjoy increasing freedom as the years go on. Then you will get to have the "empty nest" and grieve because they aren't bugging you all the time!!! The story of your sister is sad. I can believe it was quite traumatic for you, and yet, as you said, many of these people go on to have very normal and ordinary lives.

Nancy and Dilayne, I am so glad that my daughter is 1) a daughter and 2) not interested in the military. Since she is an only child, I have spent her childhood years wondering if they would ever let me out of a padded cell if something ever happened to her. On the other hand, I have fervently prayed that God would spare me until she was well grown, since, until recently, her father lived in Europe. Having known the pain of loss in my own teenage years, I have always been aware of how things can change "In a New York Minute". You have both been through so much. You make me smile with gratitude.

Love,
Kathy:l

[southernbelle47]

Sunday October 22nd

Wow..........who was that long-winded woman with the puppy avitar??????

Kathy....God bless you for listening to so many people everyday at your work! Your kind words about your mom brought back memories of the laast years of my mom's life. We too made peace of it all before she died.

Mack.....a fireman!! I'm driving my neighbor's son to take the test for fire school entry this Tuesday! He is 19 years old and has had some growing up to do after highschool.. I think he is ready to move into the adult world of work. It is sad to think that we can't "save" everyone ......but it would be more sad if no one tried.
I am a firm beliver that raising children is a full time job for a parent and your children are blessed to have a dad to love them.

Di and Kathy......isn't having kids just like letting your heart walk around outside of your body?

Mike......way up there in the cold! How are your house plants doing? I just brought my potted plants inside yesterday. They will probably drop all their leaves but they will survive!
I'm happy that you have found a place to learn more about God's love for us imperfect people! As Brennan Manning says "It just makes some folks mad"!!(Ragamuffin Gospel)

I'm sorry if I missed anyone. Where are Lisa and Gabby?
Next party at Mike"s?

Working on my costume!

:h Nancy & Belle

[mikeupnorth]

Sunday October 22nd

Hi all,

Nancy my plants are doing pretty well, considering that we are losing 6 minutes of daylight per day. I bought a grow light last weekend and keep it on them about an hour a day right now. Will increase this as the winter progresses. We got our first snow last night that really stuck, and I think we are finally snowed in until April or May. This was actually about 2 weeks late this year -- global warming is pretty evident at this latitude.

By the way -- Absville needs a mayor for the upcoming week. Anyone interested in the job? I have a guest coming from out of town so I can't really commit to any more time, and after that I'm off to Hawaii for a conference. Barb, I know you had expressed an interest, but you've had an awful lot going on. So anyone who is interested, step up to the plate. It's not that big of a job, and if there are two of you, you could swtich days like Kathy & I did this past week. That actually worked quite well.

Love to all,

Mike

[Mackeral]

Sunday October 22nd

OK ...Stepping up....but could do with a partner....????

[YoungAtHeart]

Sunday October 22nd

Where are Lisa and Gabby??? Macks if you'll take tonight, I'll take Monday and Tuesday. My sister is coming back for good on Wednesday, so that will knock off Wednesday and Thursday for me. Maybe Nancy??? Hey Nancy???

We'll give Di a week or two before we sucker her in! LOL!

[vinophile]

Sunday October 22nd

Good Evening Absville,
Have devoured your stories and I must admit I see a part of me in everyone of your posts.

I have no problem revealling myself. I hope I don't bore you all in the process.

In my family growning up academics and education were all that mattered. Agreat deal of pressure was put on us to perform academically. My parents both had advanced academic degrees and it was assumed that my sister brother and I would follow. My mother probably drank everynight and still does today(although much less) at the age of 84.My father drank much less as he was a physician and was frequently on call.Otherwise I think my mother would have demanded that he drink with her.
My mother had (and still does have) a great deal of anger. Dealing with her was frequently like walking through a minefield. My parents were wonderful people but one of my biggest reasons for wanting to quit drinking was that I didn't (and don't) want to be like my mother. Her emotions are all over the place. She spent many years angry at my father for being sick. After he died last year we wondered where all that anger would go.She gets angry at anybody and anything. For the past several months she is angry at President Bush.Right or wrong(and I won't touch politics) we are for now just happy that the anger is vented towards the White House and not our house.
I didn't drink in high school and it wasn't until I moved to Switzerland to study and then work that I discovered my love of wine. I drank a great deal there throughout my twenties.
Will be right back

[southernbelle47]

Sunday October 22nd

Hey........I'm here !

I'll take Wednesday and Thursday!

Next?

Nancy:l

[YoungAtHeart]

Sunday October 22nd

How about back to Macks for Friday and Saturday???? What do you say, Macks??? Next thing you know, the Mayoral Mansion is going to be a group living situation!:H

[vinophile]

Sunday October 22nd

Going to make this quick as husband is milling about......

I met my husband in Greece and we moved back to the States. Drinking then died down as had 3 chidren and just couldn't drink as much. Now that they're older I have found myself drinking more and more. My biggest problem is dealing with a husband who drinks(not to excess) I know I'm not alone here but I'll write more about that tomorrow.

I got so much out of reading your stories...
Macks, my best friend had a baby with down's syndrome 4 years ago. He is the most wonderful child but I know her heart is heavy sometimes. She called me up crying last week as she realized he would never eat an apple with one hand the way most 4 year olds can.
Di, I am also in the role of always being the "pleaser" or "the good girl". It's not easy.
Nancy,you're right. Having a child is like cutting out a piece of your heart and watching it walk around. It's tough when that piece of your heart talks back to you.
Mike, I am an episcopalian. I spent several years attending the Greek Orthodox church because of my husband but have returned to the episcopal church now. It;s very comforting me

[dilayne]

Sunday October 22nd

Vinophile and Mike..I'm also an Episcopalian..I was Christened (sp?) as one as a baby but had little exposure to the church until recently when my husband and I decided to renew our vows..we were confirmed in the church a year and a half ago...I don't go every week, but also find it very comforting..I found my therapist through the church as well.

[vinophile]

Sunday October 22nd

ok time to quit.... I've been interupted 5 times and I've lost my train of thought.
I do want to talk about what I'm having a hard time with ( in my quest to abstain) . Mack, you asked us that this morning so I hope it's ok to continue on tomorrow.
Now I feel like a child who has not passed their homework in ontime.I guess your childhood can follow you around forever .
Have a great evening.
Janet

P.S. I know I didn't respond to everyone's posts and I'm sorry. I will tomorrow

[Mackeral]

Sunday October 22nd

Ok when i first asked this question this morning i didnt know what was going to come back......It was a kind of question that was just thrown out there to see what would come back..I had a lot of faith...And rightly so...

I wish...WISH i had more time to respond but its so late here and my first priority is my wife who i havnt seen much of due to fishing...and fishing is my way of not drinking...And that means i gotta do some catching up with Mrs Macks...meaning going to bed at the same time like a normal couple...

I have read and thought about eveyones posts....OMG......You could write several books on todays thread alone.....Braveness springs to mind...honesty....i also see a pattern emerging envolving parents...i didnt mention mine but they drank and still do... far to much...but mentioning that is taboo..

Vinophile, im so glad you mentioned about your best friend having a downs child 4 years ago...that is something i will mention in the future...The apple thing is because of the small thumb...yeah....My sister is 14 now and has a wicked sense of humour...if your friend has any questions...please give me a shout....I think me and you could have just made a new re-inforced friendship...thats the kind of thing i was blabbin about this mornin.

Right i really gotta go.....Thanks for shareing today...love Macks:l