Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hi everyone,
rebirth, my grandmother was a traditional hand quilter and I guess I had it in my genes. I learned by taking classes and just trial and lots of error. I love fabric!

Off to work for now.

happy sober day!! and night

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Bear - I know it applies to me! I had a similar experience with a person who worked at the same barn as me (actually more than one - but I remember the one I handles in a much better way). This woman was manipulative, back stabbing, etc. She irritated the hell out of me, made what was a fun job really miserable. One night leaving, the revelation came to me that the barn owner could have whoever he wanted teaching, other instructors and I didn't have a monopoly, and she had as much right to be there as anybody, and I would just have to accept it.

The next time I went out, the owner said ******** was no longer working there. She had previously given him notice, then changed her mind and told him she would be staying. He told her he'd already given her classes to someone else, so she just quit then and there. That was an example of what happens when you turn it over to the universe!

bear73;921185 wrote: It's a real waste of energy fighting against the unchangeable BUT I think my lesson is that all of these situations are situations where I have needed to assert myself more - that's my lesson.

I don't think acceptance is the same as tolerating behaviour that is unacceptable to you.
I see it as accept it is how it is - BUT change your response - don't whine and complain and get angry about fairness/unfairness (in my case) - focus on more positive actions.
Does anyone else see anything else in this?

I definitely agree on this. I do love these lessons in a better way to live and believe they're useful to anyone, whether they're an alcoholic or not. It never ceases to amaze me how much easier our lives can be when we implement small changes to our perspective and responses.

Rebirth - I generally feel neutral toward alcohol. I don't get physical cravings, though occasionally psychological ones. Interestingly in my case it's a visual response, like seeing a wall of cold beer in the grocery store on a hot day. I think of it more like a long ago memory. If it looks to good I walk over to the non AL beer and tell myself if I really, really want those it's OK. Usually I find I'd rather treat myself to something else like ice cream or some weird junk food I rarely touch (much less admit to!). Seeing other people drink doesn't do it as much - when it does I think of the whole experience - how beer made me feel kind of heavy and sluggish, wine caused a massive headache, and hard liquor making me mean and gave me acid reflux.

I am very aware of any stressful feelings that used to be automatic "have a drink now" feelings. The passage we have been discussing is really relevant here. Often it's things (or people) I can't control or wish were different. There was a situation last year at this time that I allowed to really push my buttons, though in a weird way, the overdoing from that was made me realize I had to change and do it now.

I now use anything or everything in my toolbox instead of taking a drink (though I've had moments of "I see why I drank!" - I just don't do it!). I have changed my thinking patterns, and find this is best done by working it every day - that is, coming here, reading Daily Reflections and meditating on them, going to AA, etc. I feel it is a work in progress, and keeps evolving as we are ready. I am not afraid that I will drink again, but I understand and have a healthy respect for the consequences if I did.

I haven't changed my lifestyle a lot - I was an at home, solitary drinker in most recent times. I still like to go to live music events, which are often held in clubs, but I am OK not drinking. I actually went out, by myself, at 7 days AF and made it through by following a plan and advice I got here. I'd looked forward to this show for a month and wasn't going to let anything get in my way! I knew it was a risk, but thought try it and see - it would come up eventually, and I faced a big fear down early on. I'm not advising that this is for everyone, and I did have a concrete plan and followed it to the letter.

I try to stick to healthy eating, take my vitamins, exercise (at least a little), get enough sleep. I am back on ADHD medication (after being off it for over a year), which lowers my stress level significantly. I use the same tools for getting through evenings as I did when I quit drinking to adjust for when the medication wears off, and now I hardly notice. I used to start my evening drinking then.

My life is not perfect, but my attitude is a thousand times better, and I know I can handle life even when it's not. I know I don't need alcohol. I honestly didn't think I could do 30 days when I came here. I had hoped to moderate because I honestly didn't believe I could ever be AF, and that was the lesser of two evils. I am glad I made that initial effort, and never looked back.

I better stop now! :H Have a wonderful day everyone! :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Great posts!

We just got back from Vermont. It's a beautiful state & the ride up to Bill W's house was beautiful. I enjoyed the tour of the house. Volunteers renovated the house, & the barn in back was turned into a great meeting room. There were no meetings today, but that's OK. We had our dog w/us & wouldn't have wanted to leave him in the car or tied up outside.

We then went to Bill & Lois's gravesites. People had stacked up meaningful coins on his headstone. I brought one of my 1 year coins w/me & put it on the top of one of the stacks. Right in the middle was a 41 year coin (which I found pretty spectacular).

All in all, it was a wonderful day trip. I'm glad we went. His house is an actual guest house w/rooms to stay in upstairs. It's in the middle of a beautiful area of southern VT. Nice place for a getaway.

I'll be back tomorrow.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

[QUOTE=bear73;921185
I don't think acceptance is the same as tolerating behaviour that is unacceptable to you.
I see it as accept it is how it is - BUT change your response - don't whine and complain and get angry about fairness/unfairness (in my case) - focus on more positive actions.
Does anyone else see anything else in this?
[/QUOTE]


Bear I really liked what you wrote and I totally agree with you. They say in AA "live in the solution" so its voicing what you said about positive actions. There is absolutely no point whining over spilt milk.

Dancelot - Thank you for your insight. Brilliant to read and very helpful..For some reason I will occasionally have a moment of sudden panic..it really dawns on me that I have stopped drinking and there is no turning back.. I suddenly feel like I am in the middle of the ocean without a lifeboat. Thank God these are only fleeting moments. The rest of the time I feel very determined to shake off this addiction.

It really helps me to read posts from everyone. MYO is a Godsend

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

retteacher;921475 wrote: We then went to Bill & Lois's gravesites. People had stacked up meaningful coins on his headstone. I brought one of my 1 year coins w/me & put it on the top of one of the stacks. Right in the middle was a 41 year coin (which I found pretty spectacular).

That's amazing - what a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing, Mary!

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hello everyone!

Hope you are all having a sober and happy Thursday. Just got up at 8 a.m. on my day off- now there's some change!!!! I used to always drink and stay up till 3 am if I had the day off next day and then sleep in and wake up annoyed half the day was gone...now I don't want to waste my day(usually) and I wake up ready to get up.

Excited about today I am meeting my sponsor and we are working the 3rd step together, according to the book, which is something I have never done before. My sponsor and I talk less on the phone than I have with sponsors in the past- she is very busy and has 7 sponsees! But she does get me thru the steps every week when we meet we work on step work and we are moving through it. I am already getting scared of steps 4 and 5!

I also have 2 women in AA I need to make sure and gets calls out to today, that has really helped me, calling people although its really hard once I do it, it works and I know I will stay sober that day. I want to make sure I'm doing it often enough that if the day comes where I want to drink I will be comfortable enough to call someone and be honest.

The drinking dreams are letting up quite a bit now after 38 days AF so that's a relief. And I am sleeping better, so that's nice too! My husband is going to Las Vegas for a party weekend with his best friend and I have to admit that's stirred up a couple of thoughts in me, and as I have mentioned before I am pretty uncomfortable with the thought of vacation without AL but he isn't an alchoholic so he can have fun and leave it alone. Hard not to get jealous of normies sometimes! But I'm still grateful and working on accepting the truth about myself.

Does anyone have some experience with vacations/ vacation activities they enjoy sober??Or stories of first vacations after getting sober and what it was like??

:thanks:

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Good Morning everyone!

I would love to hear stories of first vacations sober too!!
My hubby and I are going on a cruise next week for 7 days and I know that is a drinking fest.
I know they have Bill W meetings on the ship, I plan to bring a lot of reading material too!
Does anyone think its a bad idea to have virgin drinks???

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Well Im on holiday from saturday onwards. OI intend to go to a meeting tomorrow night and I am gpoing to get some of my AA friends to write something in my little travel book. I have a pile of AA books I am taking as well as some printouts from this site. Also made a list of AA meetings in India...

Cherbear what are virgin drinks?

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Sorry Rebirth, guess its a US thing!, they are daquiries like strawberry, lime etc, or margueritas that you get just the mix in a blender without the booze. I used to let my kids get them for special treats. I just wondered if I got one on the cruise if it would cause a trigger?? It would be like a slushy or something.
You figured out the grapevine booklets too I hope. You made me chuckle when you thought of an actual grapevine.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

I'm doing my first sober vacation right now. Every part of it is a new experience. For example, last night we did a dinner cruise on Lake Michigan from Navy Pier in Chicago. It was a THREE hour event. Plenty of people drinking but not me. It was not a struggle for me, but it was "different". I really enjoyed the fireworks show at the end of the cruise. In the past I would have been too drunk to remember it much less stay in the moment and appreciate it.

Drinking is such a hassle and a huge time suck. AA meetings on the road are so much more fun.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

I've been on a couple of vacations sober. Last summer we took all the kids to TX to visit our son & his fam. The only one who drinks is our SIL, so it wasn't difficult. In fact, he seemed the odd man out & curtailed his somewhat large drinking capacity.

I've gone to plenty of parties & dinners w/everyone else drinking socially. I'm so accustomed to drinking soda now that I don't even think about it. The only event that was problematic was a wedding last summer. There was an open bar, & as the evening wore on, people got drunker & drunker. I wasn't tempted, but it just wasn't fun being completely sober in that atmosphere. We missed our pooch, so we used him as an excuse & left early.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Just poking my fingers in briefly to say hello! I have really enjoyed this weeks thread. Have read all the posts just not much time to post in return! Did want to say Cher that your quilt picture is amazing. My grandmothers were both quilters - one even moreso than the other. I still have the quilt she made for me when I got married the first time. It's a bit tattered by now but still one of my "comfort" items. (almost as good as chocolate!) I'm glad I didn't lose track of it over the years with all the drinking and moving from place to place. Good for you taking the time to learn so quilting does not become a lost art!!!

Speaking of sober vacations..... Mary it was great to read about your trip to Vermont. Is anyone thinking of going to the Founders Day weekend celebration next June in Aakron Ohio? I've got it penciled on my calendar already and it sure would be fun to meet up with some MWOers there.

Now that I am aware of so many intentionally sober vacations, I would be tempted to plan a cruise or resort getaway through one of those trips. But even then, drinking is always an option if we want it bad enough. I think the key is to PLAN PLAN PLAN for sober activities, what TO drink, and what to do if a crazy urge strikes. I used to give myself permission to drink completely unfettered when on vacation. So the most important thing for me is being serious and honest that there is NEVER a time when it is OK to drink - EVER. Vacation including. Weddings included. Funerals included. Hurricanes included. (well, not an issue now but you should have SEEN the "Hurricane Parties" we used to throw in Florida!!!). I also really enjoyed all the AA meetings in San Antonio and look forward to the chance to do what Phil does - experience a wide variety of meetings in different places!

I think if I were on a cruise, I would go to AA meetings right away and try to buddy up with some other AAers maybe to eat dinner together and do a few things together. I find being in the company of other AAers who are JUST LIKE ME to be empowering.

Anyway...I'm off to a business social event. It's a the local water park. Last year they didn't serve alcohol (they normally do NOT serve any alcohol when the park is open to the public). Apparently way too many people left early and used "no alcohol" as their explanation. So this year they are having the water park open and active - people are invited to bring their families. AND they are serving alcohol. (must have obtained an insurance exception or something). I don't think I want to imagine what will be going on after a couple hours of drinking. One thing is for sure...I will NOT be included in the crazy group...some of whom will probably be regretting something or other by morning.

Have a great rest of the day and thanks to all for your sharing this week. AWESOME thread. I've gotten a lot out of it - wish I had more time and you had more sandwiches!!! :H

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

I also wanted to mention a new tool I heard about yesteray. There is a new girl in one of my home groups who was in rehab 30 days, and is now an additional 30 days sober and drug free. She said in rehab they had her make a "consequence list" as a companion tool to the gratitude list. I thought that was a good idea and I am going to start a running list of the actual consequences I DID experience followed by the consequences I would likely experience (given the progressive nature of the beast) if I were to drink again. Seems like a good carrot / stick combo to me.

DG

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Hello All,
I just wanted to pop in here and say what a wonderful thread this has been to read.
I am a newbie in AA too. I pick up my 2nd medal today (31 days) and am really looking forward to it.
The town I live in has at least 2 meetings every day of the week and I have to walk no more than 10 minutes to get to any of them.
I feel really lucky.
I have been completely and utterly welcomed in every meeting I have been to. And I am amazed at what an interesting, diverse bunch of people fill the AA rooms.
(I did have a pretty awful stereotype in my head before I went to my first meeting!).
Thanks DG for the Acceptance passage. I really did need to read that this morning. I have marked it in the Big Book and will try to remember to read it when I get my 'controlling' head on.
Have a great day everyone.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 26 - Aug. 1

Amelia, so happy to hear that you are close to your 31 day medallian and also that AA is helping you. I too had a horrid sterotype in my head, and am amazed at the very diverse group of people I have had the pleasure to get to know. "AA was not for me!" I had never been to a meeting. Never talked to anyone directly about AA and what it was about. Never read any AA literature. But "it wasn't for me!"

I am going to one of the Women's meetings today. This is the larger of the two groups and so the most intimidating for me. But I'm doing it anyway. I think we will be talking about Step 2 if memory serves me right about where we are. Then I am meeting with my sponsor. Last time we met we finished our review of Step 12. Since I didn't start out with Sister and didn't do Steps 1 - 3 with her, we are going to review those steps today the way she likes to do it. Then I will have one sponsor's consistent approach to Steps 1 - 12. After this, we are going to start reviewing the traditions which I am looking forward to.

I keep feeling like I am being called toward the homeless. It just seems this issue keeps dropping in my path. So I'm just going to follow it. I can't remember now what I have mentioned and what I have not in a crazy busy week! But I went to training on Tuesday night for volunteer work at one of the local missions in their family center. It will be a while before I know anything about specific family center work as finger prints and background checks take 6 - 8 weeks. Mean time, I am working one meal per week for now in the dining area. I did that for the first time on Wednesday night. In addition to the family center guests (mainly women and children) and the mens' program residents they also open to the public for walk ins. There are a lot of people in our area struggling right now and it's wonderful to help provide people a hot meal. And some great desserts all donated from the local grocery store bakeries! There was a time I would have thought (to myself in private) that I was WAY too good for that type of service work. I'm grateful to have a better attitude today.

DG