Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Dg I love your posts too. That was a good read to start my AF day. Thanks everyone for your warm welcomes.

x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Everyone: I just had a phone visit w/my new sponsor. I couldn't be more happy w/her in that role. We went over some of the ideas I wrote about regarding step 1.
-The insanity of taking the first drink.
-Not being able to stop once I start.
-Not managing my life when I was drinking.
-Having to learn how to cope w/the daily vicissitudes of life now that I'm sober.
-Triggers & times of temptation.

It was a good talk. She too is a grandmother who does a lot of b-sitting. We're going to use the phone, meetings, & email to get together to work on the steps. She's giving me more latitude than my first sponsor did, but I can handle it. I want to work the steps again from a different perspective. I feel good about this. After a summer of helping, managing others' lives, & giving of myself, this feels like something I'm doing for my spiritual self.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi Mary,
I wish I had a sponsor. I just havnt connected with anyone in my group. Oh well. In time I guess.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi all. Mary, I love your list (as always - you have a great way of summarizing things and getting to the heart of it!). So happy to hear that you like your new sponsor and that while different, it's good.

Rebirth - do you go to many different meetings? Now that I have gotten out of my comfort zone of going to meetings at the same place all the time, I'm meeting tons of interesting new people.

The "tough chick" women's group was great again today. We were talking about finding a higher power greater than oneself. I can't believe how many perspectives I heard on that. It was a more in depth discussion (among over 20 people in an hour!!!) than any I have been a part of on this topic. Heard from several recovering Catholics (), a Buddhist, a pagan and an atheist. All of them described their HP's. Only a few of them were what I would consider the traditional religious concept of God. It's working for all of them, just like the Big Book says. It was especially interesting to hear from the atheist. She included WHY she came to be an atheist, and how she has found a power greater than herself to inspire her spiritually. (it's the goodness in herself and others, and the goodness in the relationships in her life, basically)

What this showed me is a great many examples of how this is a spiritual and not a religious program, and how "spirituality" is very broadly and openly defined. And it is working for these women who saught it honestly. There were others around the table who are still searching.

I heard a description of seeking spirituality that I really really like. One woman passed along what one of her sponsors shared with her. It goes something like this:

Seeking spirituality is like looking for a black cat in a black room. If you try to chase it, it will always be a step ahead of you and allude your. If you sit quietly in the center of the room, it will eventually come to you.

A really wonderful meeting. I hope all of you are feeling inspired today by something! Either a meeting or a reading or just living life sober and all the new revelations that come with that.

DG

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Another inspiring post DG. Are you just going to women's groups from now on?
I tend to stick to my friday group as I feel comfortable with them and feel that they know me. But you are right. I need to go to other meetings otherwise I shall never find a sponsor.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi again rebirth! I still go to meetings with my original groups. One of the groups meets 6 days a week. I'm just going there a couple days less and other meetings a little more. Spreading my wings! I do not want to lose my roots in my original home groups. I got much and still get much from those people.

DG

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Welcome back Rebirth! Good to see you and glad you stayed sober on your trip!:goodjob:

I am feeling kind of off today, I am in a bit of self pity- its so funny as one who has done recovery several, several times, I recognize it now as something that happens to me around those thirty multiples of days. Now that I'm at 60 days, my little voice in my head is getting so far away from the last drink that its getting nervous. It's like my mind knows I have those "milestones in recovery" as we say in our meetings when we give out chips coming up and it responds. It says, man, isn't it sad that you'll never.....insert romanticized drinking scenario here. I was telling my husband about these thoughts of sadness I could never have some drinks and laugh with people, blah blah and he said "You laugh WAY more now! I think you are thinking something about drinking that's not really how it was." And there you have it right from the lips of a normie, non alchoholic. It actually really helped me see reality which can be really hard for me! I seriously have to realize how wrong my perception or even memories can be A LOT of the time and we were talking in the meeting about our first reaction/thought USUALLY being the worst thing we could do, and stopping and thinking some more before taking an action.

A lady I have made friends with from when I first came in to the program, she was kind of my temporary sponsor for a couple of weeks remembered from when I was at a meeting Tuesday and told her today is my 60 days and called me to say congrats, that was really cool! Made my day.

Thanks y'all! :h

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi everyone,

Tired, long day but sober and content, unlike when I was drinking. I notice I am not as constantly obsessed with how other people think and the people pleasing thing. Yesterday in my meeting we read the daily reflection for yesterday and it was a great discussion. The theme was " a frame of reference" which everyone is "reframing" as they grow in their sobriety. We talked alot about how we are feeling in our own skin now and how in common so many of us had of being fakes and frauds ..putting on that fake smile. I am striving to be authentic now.. as I work on step 4 very slowly.
Funny, alot of us were very comfortable in public speaking forums. but not so comfortable with one on one communication while drinking. great actors on the stage.. I'm working on being done with that.

You guys are great!!!

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi Marriedgirl - I related to your post. Your partner sounds really supportive. My craving for alcohol is diminishing but I too battle with self pity every now and again...I totally accept that I CANNOT drink like a lady (ever) and sometimes that makes me sad too.But I know that it's just my addiction screaming out. KILL the beast!!! Squash the self pity!
My life is tenfold better than it use to be. For over two months I have been able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling guilt, self remorse, bitterness, shame and anger. I have not insulted anyone, embarassed myself or ruined my reputation. I would much rather have the occasional bouts of self pity than the previous life I had as a drunk....

To be honest I hate alcohol and what it's done to me. The adverts glamorizing AL should be banned. Cigarettes are banned in the UK and so should AL. The UK has a huge alcohol problem..binge drinking, fighting, accidents etc and it's accepted behaviour.That's mad!! Police time, NHs are wasted because of our binge drinking culture.When I travelled to India I visited many states where AL was banned. But where it was allowed I just didnt see local people drinking to oblivion. When I heard stories of people dying because they jumped into a shallow river, or slipped and fell off a cliff, or had a scooter accident, garanteed the victims were tourists and they had too much to drink. Says it all.

Cher - Was thinking the same.It's intimadating to share because you are admitting that you have a problem. Like you said, we are actors and prefere for people to think that we have no problems. Thats what I love about AA. People's honesty. I find it to be a real strength of charactor to admit to something out of your comfort zone.

I think it's wonderful that the three of us have given up around the same time!

Just thought. I have not had a hangover in over two months. How wonderful it that!

Have an excellent AF saturday everyone! x

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Morning, very early morning! Woke up really early today thinking and thinking about so many things.
This morning at 11:00, I'll attend a new meeting. I got this location from a guy who was at Tues. night's meeting and he said that it's a great meeting with lots of long-time sober folks there. I'm scared again, as it's another new place, but I'm pushing myself and moving forward to finding a home group and hopefully a sponsor. I have printed out the serenity prayer and I will commit it to memory before attending this meeting. The last meeting I went to I only knew part of it and I felt kind of silly.
Last night I was reading about the 12 steps and what they entail. OK. Yes, I got overwhelmed. I'm only at the first step. Wow, how long does each step take or do they vary? We've got the 12 steps, traditions, and promises. That's 12x3!

Mary, thanks for your encouragement. The more I read, hear, and see, the more I know I'm moving in the right direction towards permanment sobriety. I feel kind of different this time around. The support that this program gives, the work you need to put forth and active with your sobriety is the difference. And of course the spirituality is key. I'm proud of you, too!

DG, the cat analogy to finding spirituality is thought provoking. In life, I've been taught that you can do or be anything you want to be as long as you work hard towards it. That may be true for most things, such as a career or sobriety, but for spirituality, it seems to be the opposite. Listen, open your heart, and let it come to you. That's a hard one to wrap around, but makes sense! Something I'll think about more.

Married, you've made so many good points! Your husband says you laugh way more now - last night my husband said to me, "You're so calm this weekend even though you're starting work on Monday." (well, he's still sleeping and I'm not) And my son, whose 12 almost 13, said, "Yeah, because she's not drinking." OMG! He didn't say it with a smart tone of voice like that age tends to do, and like he does with other things, but just matter of fact. And "perception or memories of drinking are wrong." I'll put that in my memory bank as well. That's so true. Thank you!

Rebirth, I have a problem with the advertisements as well. I see it on TV, on billboards...and then it's the self-pity thing that returns. They show people having a happy time with alcohol, normal drinkers, and it's something we can't have...but I also can't have a yaught or a new wardrobe for school! Then I think of the blind person who can never see, or the deaf person who can never hear. Oh, I'm sorry. I could go on and on!

Cher, I was reading about step 4 and how hard this one is. Good luck with this. You can do it!

Have a great day.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi all! Love reading all the posts today. MG, that is a very insightful observation on the part of your "normie" hubby. My husband has made similar comments over time. I used to think I was funny and interesting when drinking and in fact, was boorish and loud and repeated myself a lot. And interrupted people. Sometimes now I will FEEL boring or "too quiet." Mr. Doggy is able to set me straight on these matters. I'm glad he is in my life and part of my recovery as it is helpful to get the perception of a non-alcoholic in this stuff.

Cherbear, your post really hit the spot. I too was quite comfortable "on stage" but far less so one-on-one. I used to manage a department that grew from about 100 people to over 500 hundred people during my tenure. I LOVED the times when we had a meetings of the whole department. It was a sales team so we always came up with fun and motivational stuff. I LOVED that. I'm still working on my comfort level one on one.

Rebirth, I was thinking about prohibition the just a couple of days ago. One of my grandmothers thought they never should have ended it. She was EXTREMELY anti-drinking. Nobody in the family would ever drink in front of her. At least not in her home. Ours was (and is) a family of putting on the proper front. I was wondering what drove her extreme "anti-ness." I wonder if it was just a religious thing, which is very possible. Or maybe there was some alcohol related tragedy in the family that she never talked about. I will probably never know. Doesn't really matter...was just pondering while stuck in traffic or something! :H That is very interesting about India.

j-vo I can't wait to hear about the meeting! I thought of you and also Phil today. There is a man who has been visiting from out of town for 2 or 3 weeks now. I'm not sure how long he has been in the fellowship but it seems a long time from his sharing in the meetings. He has been there every morning during this time. After a few days he seemed like a regular part of the group - he seemed right at home and we were right at home with him. I thought about how one day, you will be like Phil and ready to pop in to a meeting anywhere. Different faces, same message. This man is going back to his home state tomorrow. Seems odd that I will miss a complete stranger but I'm sure I will think of him whenever I am reminded of something he shared.

"Clearing the wreckage of our past" is such a wonderful and important part of recovery. Dropping the baggage and living a better way going forward. In order to "clear the wreckage" we have to look honestly at what the wreckage is. It can be emotional at times but I tried to just stick to the facts in Step 4 and always keep in mind that this soul searching will eventually set me free. The suggestion I got when starting Step 4 was "make a list of everyone you are mad at." Now that was pretty easy.

We read the end of Chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism" today. I especially love the made up story about jay-walking. I must have read that part 50 times when I was brand new and could not understand why something so completely rediculous was included in the Big Book. Some guy who kept jay walking and breaking body parts and ending up in the hospital and then jay walking again and again??? I thought there was something I was just completely missing! That story was crazy! Duh. That's exactly how our drinking experience appears to a normie. It took me so long to figure that out. I also love the last paragraph of that chapter - the one that reminds us there are times when we have no mental defense against the first drink. That's exactly how it was when I relapsed pre-AA. For 60 days my mental defense worked. Then one time it didn't and that set me up for 8 months of misery. I love discussing the Big Book around the table. I could never get nearly so much out of it just reading it on my own. Just the same way I do much better staying sober in the company of others. It was impossible for me on my own pre-MWO.

DG

[j-vo]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hey all,

I'm so happy to report that my third meeting in yet another different location was absolutely what I was looking for. I couldn't have gone to a better meeting!

First of all, the topic was "fear." There were lots of people at this meeting, so only half got to share their experiences. They all made different yet good points regarding the fear issue. I was lucky enough (?) to be able to share about my extreme fears and social anxiety. People discussed the tools they use to overcome fear or just to deal with the fears that come their way. Of course, some of them were able to hand over their fears to their HP's, and just the healthy way they live their lives was a big factor in reducing the severity of their fears.

That's not even the best part! After the meeting, I signed up for this to be my home group. As we'd gone around and given our names and sobriety dates, there were so many, many people with more than several years. I was impressed by that.

Then! After signing up, I spoke to several lovely people, mostly women who were willing to come over to meet me. I've never had such a comforting welcome ever in my life. The thing is, they were genuinly caring. You know when people are and people who have another agenda. No other agendas here except to welcome me and told me to come back.

No, wait, there's more! As we were talking, some people asked me to go to Eat n Park for lunch. I went and it was so nice. The woman I was sitting next to has 15 years. She was not only sweet, welcoming, but also a hoot! Well, at the end of lunch, she asked me if I looked into a sponsor and I said no, not yet. She asked if I'd like her to sponsor me. Well, YES! Thanks! She gave me her phone number, among other phone numbers and names of women the secretary handed to me after the meeting. She asked me to call her tomorrow and she gave me my first assignment. To read up to page 57 in Big Book. And of course highlight important points. No problem. Except I tend to be a "Happy Highlighter" meaning I highlight lots. I tell my kids at school to only highlight important points and I don't follow my own advice.

Well, this group meets Saturdays at 11:00. I plan to be there every Sat. I can. On Tuesday evenings, my sponsor has a meeting at her house with just women. They study the Big Book. I've got that penciled on my calendar until December, until I get a new calendar. One of the women in the group is speaking at another establishment this coming Friday, which I'll go to. I've got two solid groups a week, and plan to go to Speaker meetings hopefully one other day per week, depending on my son's schedule of activities.

My sponsor also is speaking at a conference on October 16th in Toledo, OH. This close-knit group of people are going to listen to her. I'm going to see about going to this conference. Even if I have to leave that Sat. morning and stay one night, I think it would be a great experience.

Well, that's my experience. It couldn't have gone better. My HP was with me today. I hope he hangs out more often with me!

Have a good night.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

j-vo - you have no idea how huge my smile is right now. Thank you so much for sharing your experience today. It's wonderful to see the "evidence" that this program is alive and working all over the place. I am so happy for you about your sponsor and finding meetings and people you connect with. I had such a good time traveling with other AAers and I hope to do more of it. I hope you get to go on that OH trip! I think you will love it.

Just.....:h:h:h:h There are no more words.

DG

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

Hi everyone!!

Had to work today so very late posting.
J-vo.. What a great day for you!! You are right.. your HP was guiding you today for sure. The Genuine caring of the people in the meetings is overwhelming and such a great feeling to carry with you.

Rebirth: its funny, my daughter was saying how prudish we are here in the USA because we have this "stupid" drinking age and she thought that it makes the young people go nuts binge drinking more than if they just allowed kids to drink "like they do in Europe" I wish she could talk to you!!! She has traveled to Europe.. but like me she has a drinking problem too.. I pray for her all the time. I do think that I am even more driven to stay sober so I can be a better model for her is some day she decides to get serious about not drinking. I feel kind of bad for the younger people who may want to stop bec ause I have not seen that many really young people in AA meetings.. ie 19-25 or so. Its such a tough time. I'm scared for my daughter, but I have told her I'm in AA now and she was surprised because she didn't know I drank as much as I did. I also have a daughter who is a cocktail server ugh! but she seems to have her act together I think.. She was impressed that I joined AA.

DG : thanks for the words of wisdom about the 4th step. !! I'm not mad at too many people but I can think of a few )

[marriedgirl29]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of 8/16 through 8/22

J-Vo- Wow, a sponsor who speaks at conferences?! What a find! Good for you, and you're getting your meeting schedule mapped out with plans at someone's house, that's fabulous! This is what it's all about- letting people get to know you, it makes it so much more fun and you will feel much more connected.

I had a good day today hope everyone else did too. Was in a really good mood tonight which is cool. Also, I have done a lot better job this week about not spending money here and there for stupid stuff and that feels good. I hate feeling guilty for spending too much money on eating meals out, buying energy drinks and things like that when I have debt I need to pay off. I started to see sometimes I was spending money to get a little high and that's just got to stop. On the other hand, I will not getting extreme with self discipline outside of recovery bc easy does it so I want to focus on staying sober first and foremost. Its the balance thing, what's new? Always a challenge.