Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I hope all is well. I'm doing OK, & the sober holidays are upon us. We just got our first holiday party invitation. It'll be an alcohol-free party, as the friend is an AAer. I know this is a time of trepidation for some of us, as there is no avoiding parties w/alcohol at times. However, I only say yes to parties I know I'll feel comfortable at. I wouldn't want to attend any drunken celebrations & be the only sober person there. On the other hand, there are people I love who drink normally. I can go to their parties & be perfectly comfortable drinking non-al drinks. As a matter of fact, on Fri. we went to a small dinner & wine was served. Everyone (except me) drank one or two. Actually, there was one other person there who didn't drink anything alcoholic. She's not an alcoholic but just doesn't like to drink. The host had 2 different kinds of selzers, & that's what she offered me when she was taking drink orders. It felt good that our dearest friends know I don't drink at all & provide something nice as an alternative. Since I was a solitary drinker, I don't feel as tempted as I might by social drinking. I'm sure glad my husband doesn't drink heavily. That might prove a problem for me, but since I value my sobriety above all else, I'm pretty sure I'd find a way around it. My son-in-law is a pretty heavy drinker, & I don't have a temptation problem there.

I just have to remember that my sobriety is the most precious thing I have today. I cannot feel gratitude for anything else if I jeopardize it. So, I'll do whatever I can to take care of my sobriety.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Actually, we read the chapter in the BB on helping others last night. At the end of that chapter, there were paragraphs about the fact that avoiding coming in contact w/alcohol is sometimes not an alternative. Bill W jokingly writes that even if you go to the north pole, there could be an Escimo w/a bottle of scotch in his hand (I paraphrase). I don't tempt fate & keep bottles of booze around the house. However, I can see people sip wine & not feel tempted. Again, I mention that I drank alone, so the associations aren't there for me. Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Hi ALL to come...

Mary, that really stood out for me in the bb doesn t matter where we go there is AL everywhere,
Love reading what you had to say, a few weeks ago i went out with the fellowship for a curry my sponsor 4yrs af, i really did enjoy myself was a bit paranoid before i went into the restaurant, come home and was on a real natural high never in my life had i felt like that it was a great feeling.
DG reading your last weeks post about homeless people, funny i was thinking about the homeless this xmas theres a guy at how group sessions that will volunteer for a few months during xmas and will help out on xmas day with the food he use to be homeless himself and i can remember him going back a few years ago how much he looks better in himself. I would love to do this myself, but have my brother this year for xmas. must be very rewarding.

Rebirth glad you got back up again this will make you a lot stronger, what you are doing is the right thing by starting your step work when i was 6months i realize there was something missing. so i got myself a sponsor and started the steps work wonders.

I have volunteer to do the teas and coffee at my home meeting, a few weeks ago, something inside me was saying i need to be a part of, i was scared if i keep at the back i may fall back inside myself that not a good thing for me, It the best thing i have done i got out of myself again
This guy share the other day he share for 20minutes near the end of the meeting and was so negative that the energy in the room i could feel really charged, this guy is 4yrs sober, its a shame felt sorry for him really, thank god there was no new comers that day,because there was no real message he could have given them in his recovery, they call those people fly tipping, because they dump there shit of and just get up and go without listening to anyone else. This other guy quickly shared who has 15yrs under his belt and put some real positive energy back in the room. got to say it made a big differents.
Take care all:l

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

M3- Thanks for your encouraging words. I still recall that moment when I slipped and I am so grateful that I didnt carry on! How frightening!!

Mary - I love how you are always grateful for your sobriety. When I think about the way my mind was before I had that slip, I was ungrateful and I took my sobriety for granted. I am going to make sure this time that I never forget how precious it is!

Catch22 - I have experienced meetings in the past where people were very negative about their sobriety but luckily it has always been balance by anothe share which was amazingly positive. I particularly like to share when there is a newcomer because it's important for me to explain to them how AA has changed my life for the better. Without a shadow of a doubt!

Have a lovely sober evening all!

I am grateful for my sobriety

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Mary - I am never okay with being around drunk people and avoid any social events when I know that there is heavy drinking. Most of the time I am okay being around people who drink socially, but sometimes that will be too much for me. I still have issues with my partner who still drinks. He isnt an alcoholic but he does drink heavily once a month.He likes to "howl at the moon" once a month. We obviously clash when he gets himself in a state. He looks awful. He looks like he is on heroin. Horrible. But I cant point the finger because I use get drunk every weekend without fail. I cant believe I thought this was acceptable and normal.

Speeking of social events. I have a birthday party to attend next sunday in a pub. Its a sit down sunday carvery so I guess it will be okay...So long as they dont urge me to have a drink.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Greetings all,
This will be my second holiday season sober. For me it gets easier. I've been to three large family weddings in the past 16 months and was not tempted to drink. It is funny to me that 95% of the people don't care or notice that I'm not drinking. The only ones that make a big deal about it, might have a problem of their own.
Hope y'all have a great week.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Hi everyone -

I went to a great women's meeting tonight. There was a newcomer there, who was encouraged by her friend who is an AA to come along. This was her second meeting. She is not ready to use the A word, but will describe herself a problem drinker. Since it was a newcomer meeting, we did Step 1 instead of Step 11 that we would have.


I love these type of meetings. They are a great reminder of exactly what my life when I had the realization I were powerless over alcohol and had finally reached the end of the line. That is important for me to remember. I never want to forget or minimize it. I do find I can go on and on the more times I tell my story. Like more details come to me, the more open and honest I am.


I needed this reminder too and felt it timely. The recent discord around here serves as a reminder to me make sure that even when I want to state a strong point, to make sure I am respectful about it, and to just "tell my story" and what worked and what didn't, based on my own experience. I really like the AA approach of share your experience, strength and hope.


We had another hour long parking lot discussion after the meeting too. I really do like getting know these people better. There's also a younger woman who has 1.5 months now who said she kept coming back because of this particular meeting. She had been to another one which she said if that was her first, she might have been hesitant to come back at all. Also a good reason for any newcomers to try different meetings and groups. While I think any are better than none, some are just a better fit, and finding one where you can feel really comfortable is a wonderful feeling.


I went to my first sober NASCAR race on Sunday. Some things I noticed: A guy in his 20s sitting next to me had a Coke, and later ONE light beer. The man on the other side wasn't drinking anything. The people in front of me did have beers, but not many, and weren't constantly finishing and immediately replacing them, like I would have been. I wasn't exhausted when I got home like I used to be. Of course I used to attribute it to the long drive and long day, not all the alcohol I consumed over the course of the day. I did used to stop early enough if I was driving so as not to be legally over the limit, but of course was tired as all get out.


I even cleaned the cat box, got the trash out for Monday morning, and emptied the dishwasher when I got home. Used to be I'd just drag anything of value out of the car (if I could find it or be bothered to look), take a shower, and crash (and wish I could skip the shower but the parking lot is really dusty and walking through it when cars are leaving leaves you covered in a fine coating of it).


I did pass by a frozen margarita stand, and had a fleeting moment of "I wish....," but then replaced that thought with "cold, citrusy, LEMONADE" which I found a little further down. I'm so glad those deprivation feelings are less and less, and being able to find lemonade is just as "special" as the "magic powers" I used to imbue the frozen margaritas with. Also no nasty headaches or other after effects, other than maybe a little more sugar than I'd normally consume. That's where my "think like a kid" mantra helps - we didn't get soft drinks except on special occasions, so they felt rather decadent to a 10 year old, something to be savored.


I've also gotten better on the social phobia front. Since I decided at the last minute to go, it was just me. I was able to chat a little with the people around me, instead of feeling like a freak for being there alone. The guys on either side of me were there by themselves too, so I guess it's not totally unheard of. I got to see Willie Nelson live too.

Hope everyone is well, and good to see you again, Catch and Phil.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Dance: I too had social phobia somewhat & always, always tried to get rid of it by drinking...especially during the time before the social event. I went to the parties, dinners, etc. already half in the bag. By the middle of the evening, I was having trouble making sense & was monitoring everything I said. That was not fun. So, now the alternative is to put up with the few uncomfortable moments at the beginning of the evening & kind of get warmed up on my own. I can now find a topic that's interesting to talk about, & I don't have to watch everything I say. Even if I do make a mistake & say something silly, I can chalk it up to being human instead of drunk.

Phil: I too have found that nobody cares whether I'm drinking or not. No one says: "Oh, come on have one!" My closest friends who have witnessed some of my worst antics know why I don't drink. Everyone else just doesn't care. I do find I have radar for the people who drink abnormally & try to hide it. I guess that comes under the category of "it takes one to know one."

Last night's speaker meeting was great. The room was filled w/about 100 people, & there was plenty of laughter.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Hi everyone! Mary, thanks for getting us rolling for the week. It's hard to believe the holidays are right around the corner so that is a great topic. And you are right - we can't escape AL so running from it is not a solution.

Catch, I love your description of the energy changes during a meeting. Your post made me think of a guy I see often at meetings, and for me his sharing is like fingers on a chalk board. I'm sure that feeling I have points to an issue *I* need to work on - not one that he needs to work on. At any rate, next time I am bothered by him, I will make sure to remember that he can't talk forever, and that the energy with totally shift once the next person shares.

Rebirth, I love the reminder about keeping gratitude for sobriety at the forefront of my mind at all times. You are right that taking it for granted leads in a bad direction.

Phil I'm with you. People don't care what I drink. Just because a host or bartender says what can I get you to drink?" that 1) doesn't mean alcohol and 2) is just a question - it's not "pressure to drink AL" and 3) even if it WAS pressure to drink AL, I can still easily say "diet coke." Normies are not preoccupied with AL - theirs or ours.

Dance, I can relate to your NASCAR adventure and how it is now v. how it would have been. I too used to stop drinking at some point in hope of being safe(r) to drive home. So by the time I would be on the road, I was hungover. Oy. I am getting unafraid of venturing out on my own. Isn't it great to think about something you want to do, and then just do it?

I just had an interesting conversation yesterday with Mr. D. on this subject. I'm not big on being around drinking just to be around it. But as long as drinking isn't the main focus, these days I'm fine. A business group we belong to is having an interesting holiday party. It's at one of the local historic mansions, and it's a murder mystery dinner party. I've never been to one of those and have always heard they are fun. I've had it in my mind since I heard about it that we would go and have a good time. I didn't even think about AL, the few heavy drinkers that will be there drinking heavily, etc.

Last night Mr. Doggy brought it up with the assumption we wouldn't be going. (It's not really his sort of thing - so this was a HOPE we wouldn't be going, I think. :H) Anyway, I told him that indeed, I did want to go. I also told him - with no resentment at all - that I would be happy to either go alone or invite a friend to be my guest. It really would not bother me to go alone! How cool is that. I think Mr. D is going to go. I did tell him that he better stay home if he's planning to go and grump the whole time.

Anyway...this will be 3rd sober holidays and I realized after reading this thread a couple of times that for the first time, it seems "just another day" in terms of how I feel about staying sober through it. It doesn't feel like it will be extra challenging more than any other day. That's good I think. (not taking sobriety for granted, of course. Just not extra fearful)

I like this reading today:

Daily Reflections


STEPPING INTO THE SUNLIGHT

But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much
can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into
the sun.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10

Sometimes I think I don't have time for prayer and
meditation, forgetting that I always found the time
to drink. It is possible to make time for anything
I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start
the routine of prayer and meditation, it's a good idea
to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read
a page from our Fellowship's books in the morning, and
say "Thank You, God." when I go to bed at night. As
prayer becomes a habit, I will increase the time spent
on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into
my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat
the Lord's Prayer because it really covers everything.
Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a
word of thanks. I don't need to shut myself in a closet
to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people.
I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the
practice of prayer continues, I will find I don't need
words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through
silence.

Prayer and meditation is something I need to increase.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

DG: The mystery party sounds great. It got me thinking that since I've stopped drinking, my husb & I have developed some separate interests. While I was drinking, I depended on him for all the driving...even though my vision is much better than his. Also, I didn't have meetings to go to. While I'm at AA meetings, my husb either goes to Alanon, his Italian class, or just stays home & chills. After more than 38 yrs of marriage is easy to merge personalitiies & activities. AA has provided an outlet for me to do some individual activities & make some very separate friends. And what a diverse group of friends & acquaintances they are! Guys & gals young enough to be my children.

Mary

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

lol. How old are you Mary?

Actuelly it's not important.
I enjoy reading everyone's posts. How is Stepcoach DG?

Well my sponsor seems to have lost interest. I tried calling her sunday, then texted her monday in which she sent me a short message saying that she is trying to work out when she is free and that was it?? I have not heard from her since.

I was hoping to meet her tomorrow to do stepwork. Should I be persistent? it's not in my nature to do this. I know that i am helping her too but I feel like I am pestering...

Can anyone select me a story/section to read in the BB tonight?

[rebirth]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Wow DG. Third sober holiday is fantastic. I have had one so far and what a buzz it was to remember every moment.

Well we have Christmas and New Years coming up. I am going to have to be extra vigilant around this time. I have to admit that I am a bit nervous. I will just stick to AA and MYO even closer around this time...

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Great energy from y'all this week. Hope we keep it going through the holiday season.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

rebirth;1000307 wrote: How is Stepcoach DG?

Well my sponsor seems to have lost interest. I tried calling her sunday, then texted her monday in which she sent me a short message saying that she is trying to work out when she is free and that was it?? I have not heard from her since.

I was hoping to meet her tomorrow to do stepwork. Should I be persistent? it's not in my nature to do this. I know that i am helping her too but I feel like I am pestering...

Can anyone select me a story/section to read in the BB tonight?

Hi all. Step coach is hanging in there. He is still in ICU and can't talk, so I have not been able to speak with him directly. Monday was his 35 year sober anniversary and I found out yesterday that one of the guys from the club was able to take him his 35 year coin. He was so thrilled. He always tells us to hang onto sobriety with both hands. I guess he held onto that coin with both hands.

I suggest continuing to let your sponsor know of your interest in working together. Also just keep in mind that she may have things going on in her life that are keeping her busy at the moment. Try not to take things personally.

I would be up for a bit of Big Book reading / discussion on this thread if nobody minds. Or maybe we could start a thread in "What we're reading" for a book discussion? Take a few pages a week or something? Mean time....rebirth I like to read Bill's story and think of it as his sharing. Then look for the similarities in my own story. Does that sound like a good exercise?

We can all make it through the holidays sober if we stay close to AA and MWO and take it one day at a time.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 8 - Nov. 14

Rebirth: I'm 65. I came into alcoholism late & w/a very gradual progression. By the end of my drinking, I was secretly drinking quite a few big bottles of wine per week plus any other booze that came my way. That was a lot of alcohol for an older person to handle. But again, it wasn't the physical effects that finally got to me. It was the secrecy, dishonesty, betrayal, etc. that was really killing me. To live honestly finally has been the biggest relief of all. I wouldn't trade this way of life for a drink ever.

DG: I'd love to do a BB study. I go to at least 1 per week...Fri. &/or Sun. The Fri. study is just the first 164 pages...the intro to the stories...how it all works. The Sun. study is the whole book stories & all. I like them both very much. Let me know how you want to work it & I'll join in. I only go to this thread now & kind of miss another venue for sharing.

Take care.

Mary