Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

[4theboyz]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

I just wanted to share a little quote by Martin Luther King Jr. I bumped into today I wish I had while doing my first step...

?Take the first step in faith. You don?t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.?

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

TGN, how interesting about your student and all the other stories.....fascinating. I look forward to the time when I can help others. I think that will be so rewarding. Once I'm in AA a while, I assume I'll add my phone number to a list? Still learning how all that works!

DG, I love your explanation of HP and really can relate to that. I feel there is "something" but would be unable to define it. I feel it most profoundly in nature and also sometimes when interacting with other people.

4 - xpost - beautiful quote.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Last night's speaker was brutally honest about himself. He's been trying to get sober for 12 years. He lost his girlfriend & child last year (due to drinking). He's been sober on & off during the 12 years...the longest stretch being 11 months. As of now, he has 4 months. It was obvious he was miserable about his situation but just cannot do what it takes to have lasting sobriety. He got lots of support during the discussion period. 2 guys just about offered to sponsor him, but whether he takes them up on it or not is up to him.

The talk really made me see the disease aspect of alcoholism. It is not a question of will power. He was my kids' ages, & I was struck by how vulnerable & sad he seemed. It brought tears to my eyes a few times.

We get sober when we are ready...no sooner. There's no magic bullet...it's committment & hard work.

Mary

[4theboyz]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Does anybody here have a sponsor? I don't and am wondering how you decide who is right for you.

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

4, I don't and am wondering the same thing. I thought I'd just give it a bit of time. At all the meetings I go to they have everyone raise their hand who wants to be a sponsor. I haven't been to enough of them to know who might be a good fit.

I'm sure some people here have had sponsors and will post about it.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

UW & 4tb:

Getting a sponsor is pretty essential. He/she is a guide through the steps. Sometimes at meetings you'll hear: "If anyone is willing to be a temporary sponsor, please raise your hand." You could ask someone who raises his/her hand. Generally women should sponsor women, men should sponsor men. Or, you could ask someone who has good program & has been sober for a number of years to be your sponsor. Look for someone who has what you want in terms of recovery. My sponsor is a 27 year sober person who is still active in the program.

My sponsor is NOT:
-my best friend.
-my shoulder to cry on.
-my person to rely on.

My sponsor IS:
-the person who is helping through the 12 steps.
-the person I ask program advice from.

I do get together w/my sponsor for coffee & go to meetings w/her. She's about my age.

Any other questions?

I'm on steps 6/7. To me, the 12 steps are the life blood of the program.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Mary, thanks much!:l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

One last thing: If a person says: "No I cannot sponsor you" please do not take it personally. It's a big committment, & people can only sponsor a limited number of people. Keep asking until you find a good fit. M

[ThreeDogNight]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Good morning, all.

I am lying in bed with my foot elevated and an ice pack on it. I fell off my shoe yesterday--sandals that I usually love to walk in. Anyway, I was afaid it was broken, as the moms at the church where I had the kids' group yesterday told me that could be the case. Ugh! got a ride to AA, although was planning to walk, with the weather being so nice. Was able to get ice on it, and more ice when I went to flower shop. As I am without insurance right now, it is a bit worrisome. Husband is almost frantic--it's the OCD.
Anyway, a friend I met at AA has not been able to "get it" and has been struggling for months. She made the decision to go to the same rehab I went to in Florida. Will leave on Sunday. I am so happy that she made that decision, as she was considering another rehab nearby where another very sick AA from our group went a couple of days ago. She would undermine my friend's sobriety, as she has done before. My friend sees the therapist I was seeing, and I told her to discuss it with her. She did, and therapist agreed. This is a twelve step based program, but being away from any distractions here will be (I hope) really good for her. I feel very hopeful.
The other guy from my home group whom I saw drunk over the weekend is in a hospital for detox. It is a locked psychiatric unit, and I spent two nights there last year, but guess it's the only place his AA buddies could find. Not sure how he is going to afford rehab, but he needs to go.
Someone at the meeting was talking yesterday about the fact that we've had a number of these cases recently. I am not sure who theyr are talking about, but just praying they will all find their way back.
Not going to the meeting today, but back tomorrow after working with my sponsor.
Pam

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

The relapsing of AA members can be upsetting...at least to me it is. I know it can happen to anyone. From what I've heard from the relapsers themselves is that:
1. They started to think they were "cured."
2. They romanticized drinking, i.e. it would be "fun."
3. They stopped going to meetings.
4. They didn't take suggestions.
5. They weren't working the steps.

My efforts to NOT relapse:

1. I try to keep my worst drunks in my mind lest I think I wasn't so bad.
2. I try to do the opposite of all of the above.

It's not just newcomers that relapse. I've heard about 17 year veterans of the program who went out & drank...& stayed out for a long while. Most recently a returnee who just regot his 1 year coin had gone out after 17 years & ended up in the psych ward of the local hosp.

I'm going to keep on doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Mary, at my first meeting someone picked up a wet chip. He had gone out after four years of being sober. It is disturbing to think that we could be so resolute about not drinking yet have something like that happen. I don't ever want to go through this again. When I first tried to quit drinking I was astounded at how hard it was and I can't imagine having to start over. I'm going to hold on tight and know never to get complacent. I think of the meetings as insurance.

TDN, that's awful about your foot. I gave up heels a long time ago even though I love the way they look. It's sort of a self-inflicted modern form of binding your feet like the Japanese used to do. I hope it's not broken!

Also, your AA stories reminded me of something I read just yesterday. Billy Joel once tried to drink furniture polish and subsequently was admitted to a psych ward. He went through rehab for alcohol addiction. No one is immune!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

UW: My sponsor & others have said: "I DO have another drunk in me, but I'm not sure I have another recovery." That's what keeps her from going out again. She feels she'd probably never come back to the program of recovery. M

PS: I've never heard of a "wet chip." Is that something you get after going out again & then back to a meeting? Our groups call it the 24 hour chip.

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Mary, they said a wet chip is what you got if you'd gone out (drank) and came back. This guy had evidently done that and was getting a chip for coming back to AA. That's my understanding but this was just whispered to me during the meeting so I think that's what they said. Makes sense, though.

I agree with the sentiment of not being sure about having another recovery in us......I'm still reeling from how difficult this was. I've been trying to tell people to watch out (my husband's son and his wife). If I can save one person from the hell of addiciton, I'm going to try. Of course, you have to be careful not to preach to young kids because they think they're going to live forever and immune from the ills of alcohol addiction. At least I'm giving them a heads up. I wish someone had warned me. I had no clue how hard it was to stop. Luckily it's becoming a distant memory and I'm feeling strong.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

Hi all! Very quick in and out for me today. I have a midterm tonight (which I still need to do a bunch of cramming for LOL!) and also going to watch a sponsee graduate from drug court this afternoon. At the end, the State's Attorney makes a big to do about dropping the charges! I can't wait for that part - I am so happy for her and she is really thriving in sobriety, despite the many challenges going on in her life. The process of putting a really messed up life back together is certainly not easy and not always pretty.

I have a sponsor. She is older and not in great health. She has asked me to find a new sponsor and I have been keeping my eyes out for quite some time, but haven't found the right person yet. (or the right person is in front of me and I haven't been willing to accept it yet. ) That is something I MUST get taken care of when school lets out. I was always told that it is very important to be active with a sponsor when one is sponsoring others. I agree with that. My own sponsor is not able to be real active with me right now and I miss have more ready access to the wisdom a sponsor offers, especially when I am asked for advice by my own sponsee and I'm not sure.

I learned a LOT about how dysfunctional I really am in the relationship department through the process of finding and working with sponsors. There is a lot I did subconsciously to set up a manipulative relationship (with me doing the manipulating). I didn't want anyone telling ME what to do!!!

Needless to say my first sponsor arrangement did not work out. I'm guessing Mary and maybe others here might remember me talking about it. Initially I wanted to blame her. It took me some time and personal growth to see my part in that situation. But what a gift! And today we are friends.

My second sponsor was a man. Again, not something I recommend as a general rule, but sometimes it's OK. This man was a very special person (he died of lung cancer last year). He carried the message of hope and recovery in such a bold and strong and loving way through the years. He was only my temporary sponsor and worked with me give me his ideas on the Big Book and how to work through the steps. It was such a good experience. One of the things he did that I really liked was ask me to read stories on the back of the big book, and then we would talk about them. He picked stories that he thought would be meaningful to me. Someday I hope to know those stories well enough to have them pop into my head like that, and suggest them for people.

My sponsor today couldn't be more different from me on the surface. She is a Catholic nun. (yes UW - addiction can touch anyone) Especially considering my confusion about HP related issues, it ended up being a good match. She accepts my non-traditional view of HP and has helped me develop that view, even though it differs from her own. That has been a really good experience.

I look for someone who has what I want. Then it is common to agree to a temporary arrangement so that either party feels comfortable backing out if it's not working. In my experience, even when it DOESN'T work it can be such a tremendous growth and learning experience if approached with humility and an open mind. I am a better person today I think, for being WILLING to be sponsored. That was not easy for me, the perfectionist, who is always supposed to know exactly what to do on her own, right?

Have a great day everyone!

DG

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 19 - Mar. 25

DG, that was a long quickie! Thanks for it! I can really relate to humbling yourself enough to be sponsored when we have the compulsion to think we must fix everything ourselves. I have a lot of that quality too and I'm finding that admitting this weakness/helplessness about alcohol is actually strengthening my resolve to stay away from it. Thanks again too for the explanation about sponsors. Good luck on your test.