AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

[Turnagain]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Well...FABba-gabbers....I'm off working in the BUSH this week, but thrilled I have a warm, comfy place to sleep with WIFI! Woot! Today, it is raining hard and we were scheduled to go on a 'field trip.' Hmmmm. Thinking that's not gonna happen - I hope! I don't like wet and cold. I am a wilderness wimp. And a wilderness whiner. LOL!

Been catching up on ABland and am relieved you are not giving up, Porquoi. There is no judgement here. No disappointment. Alcohol is a toxin that changes the brain processes in some very fundamental ways. Addiction is the most obvious result. Depression and anxiety are part of the physiological cause-effect continuum, too.

Right now - you are doing the gritty, messy work of breaking free of addiction. It really is the toughest battle most of us will ever fight. You got knocked down, but you are back up - not willing to give up. You truly won that round. You have earned yourself some well-deserved HOPE. You CAN do it. And you can do it without antibuse. You have already found your source of strength and inspiration in the words of your son. And most importantly, you WANT to be free of addiction. You have friends here who will help you along. If you have any alcohol left...you know where it needs to go - down the sink. The kitchen plumbing will deal with it better than your plumbing. Your body is already repairing itself.

Shue-b-dooo! I am very impressed with your holiday plan. VERY impressed. You really have learned a whole lot about this process AND yourself. You are a great model for dealing with stress without pouring a toxin down your throat to blotto the brain.

Whew...there's so much more I want to say but I gotta go and work. Hugs and power to all of you....

Oh and before I go....

I believe today marks a whopping 6 month milestone for our friend Flyaway!

180 days of healing and freedom is remarkable. Flyaway, by george and by forge.....You've GOT it! Keep soaring, friend!

[CanToo]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

I couldn?t resist. This is a bit of a newsletter I received from NerdFitness.com

Have you ever told yourself:

"I'm an idiot. I ate like total crap today."

"Why am I so lazy? Why did I skip my workout this morning?"

"I have no willpower, because I couldn't stop myself from eating those M&M's."

Every day, people trying to get healthy have tiny moments of weakness, and absolutely berate themselves for being "bad." Then, they allow that one fleeting moment to absolutely derail any success they?ve had by making additional bad decisions because "it's too late at this point."

I'm going to teach you a little trick today to instantly stop this behavior and allow you to continue down your path towards a leveled up life.

It's called the "Get the **** over it" rule, and it's sweeping the nation.

Get the **** over it

We are all works in progress, which means that we will all make mistakes. Want to know the path to progress? Setting priorities, learning from our failures, and taking action...not self-sabotage, guilt-trips, and getting down on ourselves.

So let's put the "get the **** over it" plan into action! Let's take a look at those previous examples:

"I'm an idiot. I ate like total crap today." Get the **** over it! Eat f***ing phenomenally tomorrow. Deal? Deal.

"Why am I so lazy? Why did I skip my workout this morning?" Get the **** over it! Go outside right now, run a mile and then do 30 push ups. Like, right now.

"I have no willpower, because I couldn't stop myself from eating those M&M's." Get **** over it! Throw the M&M's away so you're not tempted anymore, and move on.

CanToo

[shueaddict]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

fabber-peeps, you are on my mind ...

I am havng a lovely moment, out on the terrace on my own, sipping lavander tea, listening to Laura Pausini and reflecting over the last months. I am grateful for a lot of things, definitely cannot cover it in only 5 :-).

Hubby will join us tomorrow, I'll take your advice to heart and have another heart to heart with him. It is not his fault he does not get it. He is supportive, I could have never made it AF without him, but he is one who can take it or leave it. I just need to remind him from time to time that I still need his help. Coming clean to him was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever did. I remember agonizing over it and gathering up courage for days. When it finally came out I was on the verge of tears and spared him the gory details of drinking in hiding.

Fly, sorry I missed your big milestone, you rock!

cantoo ... I love that! sky diving days? all that adrenalin and you still needed AL :-) ?

Mick, I am looking forward to your coffee tomorrow morning. Did you break the dentist's arm ? Say a little prayer to the tooth fairy, she seems to be pretty upset with you.

well, folkes, I am planning on hogging the sleep fairy. Tomorrow I am playing 9 holes with my son ... just the two of us ... cannot wait.

[FlyAway]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Turnagain;1365173 wrote: Well...FABba-gabbers....I'm off working in the BUSH this week, but thrilled I have a warm, comfy place to sleep with WIFI! Woot! Today, it is raining hard and we were scheduled to go on a 'field trip.' Hmmmm. Thinking that's not gonna happen - I hope! I don't like wet and cold. I am a wilderness wimp. And a wilderness whiner. LOL!

Been catching up on ABland and am relieved you are not giving up, Porquoi. There is no judgement here. No disappointment. Alcohol is a toxin that changes the brain processes in some very fundamental ways. Addiction is the most obvious result. Depression and anxiety are part of the physiological cause-effect continuum, too.

Right now - you are doing the gritty, messy work of breaking free of addiction. It really is the toughest battle most of us will ever fight. You got knocked down, but you are back up - not willing to give up. You truly won that round. You have earned yourself some well-deserved HOPE. You CAN do it. And you can do it without antibuse. You have already found your source of strength and inspiration in the words of your son. And most importantly, you WANT to be free of addiction. You have friends here who will help you along. If you have any alcohol left...you know where it needs to go - down the sink. The kitchen plumbing will deal with it better than your plumbing. Your body is already repairing itself.

Shue-b-dooo! I am very impressed with your holiday plan. VERY impressed. You really have learned a whole lot about this process AND yourself. You are a great model for dealing with stress without pouring a toxin down your throat to blotto the brain.

Whew...there's so much more I want to say but I gotta go and work. Hugs and power to all of you....

Oh and before I go....

I believe today marks a whopping 6 month milestone for our friend Flyaway!

180 days of healing and freedom is remarkable. Flyaway, by george and by forge.....You've GOT it! Keep soaring, friend!

Hey, thanks Turn!

Actually today is 180 days and the 18th is 6 months. I'm not sure what day to celebrate. :H

[Doggygirl]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

***SANDWICH WARNING***

Hi fABbies!!

PQ ? I was just reading yesterdays thread catching up and was just so glad to see you post after your ?sign off? post. :l If stopping drinking were easy, there would be no need for My Way Out, SMART Recovery, AA, Alan Carr?s easy way to stop anything, etc. etc. etc. THE ONLY WAY TO FAIL IS TO STOP TRYING. So dust off and let?s get back at it, K? Asking for help is so hard and so humbling, isn?t it? Another way to look at it is that we AREN?T perfect and we can stop trying to be. I remember thinking a lot like you when I first came round. In my first 60 AF days, I saw lots of relapse and had quite an opinion about it. Then I relapsed, and just couldn?t seem to get stopped again. VERY humbling. We are just all humans here just trying to help each other. Patience, love, tolerance, kindness. I hope you had a good day. At the end of it all, today is what we have.

Lifechange ? I have never regretted going joining AA. There have been ups and downs and situations that had me in tears, etc. But I have learned so much about people and relationships. What a growth experience! I am better at relating to everyone around me as a result of my experiences in AA ? even the bad ones. Being able to look at myself and my own strengths and weaknesses and flaws and assets in a more objective way is another invaluable growth tool that AA has given me. Do I like everyone there? No. Does everyone there like me? Absolutely not! :H (two way street, yes?) I will keep goin? back, especially to the meetings/groups that resonate with me. I hope you have more good experiences than bad, and I mostly hope that you gain insights from all the experiences that enrich your life. On to the roof top garden?I am sober as a judge all year and my garden is still a mess! Swiss chard is some fast / big growing stuff! I?ve got tons of that too?.

LillyE ? I think some of that ramble about AA up stream was in response to something you posted yesterday too??? My memory ain?t what it used to be!

Shue ? thanks for kicking things off today! No?.that corporate executive drinking in the 30?s definitely turns into something else even less attractive in the 40?s! Better to stay here! :h How about writing some inspirational stuff (or cutting and pasting some of your favorite MWO posts) on 3X5 cards to keep in your purse? Do you have a list of sober friends you can call in a pinch just for moral support? Is there anyone who will be on this vacation with you (family member?) who is a non drinker that you can stick to like glue? Can you look in the mirror every time you go to the ladies room and say ?I am a beautiful woman in recovery!? HAVE FUN ON VACATION!!! Eat lots of good food. (assuming you feel less inclined to drink on a full tummy ? that?s how I am!) I hope your talk with hubby goes well ? I?m betting it will!

Mick ? sounds like the dentist was HORRIBLE today. Ugh! I?m involved in a couple of volunteer things right now. The on-going thing is that I help serve food one meal a week at the local mission center. They offer 3 free hot meals a day to anyone who wants one. The kitchen is staffed with men in their ?180 Recovery Program? so men who are getting past drugs and/or alcohol in their lives. They have to work hard there, and the conditions are Spartan. But anyone who wants to work at recovery and is willing to work and follow their rules is welcome to come and there is no cost. Can?t beat that in this climate of expensive addiction treatment. My other project is related to a big local annual recovery event. ?Rally ??Round Recovery.? There are speakers and vendors and kids games and entertainment ? it?s a good family day at the park where people can either learn more about addiction recovery or people in recovery can just enjoy the day. I?m recruiting and organizing all the volunteers! In May 2008 if you would have told me I would be doing all this stuff I would have said YOU ARE CRAZY!!! Just goes to show that we never know where this sober life is going to lead us.

TDN!!! DAY 8!!! YAY!!!

Hi Lav! Still waiting for a pic of Dix!!! (did I remember that right? The bird in your kitchen?) I LOVE your Lav-attitude!

Kas ? glad that was just a dream, right?

Sunflower ? I?m always interested in what people find helpful (or not) with ?counting.? Seems there is a lot of variance from person to person in terms of what people find helpful. Sounds like you had a busy day ? good to be sober for it, eh?

CanToo ? good luck tomorrow with the golf outing and volunteer beer selling. Are you cool with all of it? Golf outings were a HUUUUUGE drink fest for me in my executive corporate drunken phase. :nutso: I LOOOVE the ?Get the *** over it? rule. I need to implement that one right away for diet and exercise!

Turnagain, I am definitely a wilderness wimp!! I?m glad you have a bed and WiFi!


:yougo:CONGRATULATIONS FLYAWAY ON 180 DAYS AF!!!:yougo:

Celebrate TWICE! :smile:

I KNOW I am past the 6 smilie limit by now.. Indeed. "you have included 7 images....." OH if I only had one more smilie what I wouldn't do right here! (lol)

Well, I?m going to shower early tonight and curl up in bed with my Kindle. I?m always grateful every time I put my SOBER head down on that pillow!

One thing is for sure?

DG

[LillyE]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Hi gang,

WHOO HOOO FLYAWAY!!!!! Either way, that is fabulous. How does it feel? Got time to reflect on the last six months a little? In any case, you're an inspiration! :goodjob:

Shue, I can totally relate to everything you said. I think that's exactly it. The initial sobriety high has waned a little and now I'm facing things sober and realizing the need to let go of the past. I worry if I don't kick things up a notch I risk relapse as if you're suddenly sober but miserable in the same ways, well where's the pay off except that you're not drinking and have therefore lost that comfort?

Well, maybe that's a bit inaccurate, I'm certainly not as miserable as when drinking was making me miserable but I'm not entirely happy right now either - just wrestling with some stuff. But I'm working on it. I'm also still trying to have that 'blind faith' that Life and I have talked about a bit of just believing that if I keep going things will continue to get better - just as if I drink they'll doubtless get worse again.

One of the most useful tools I've learnt here is the playing it forward idea. Like, on the weekend I will be having lunch by the beach with a girlfriend who I know will want wine. I already started thinking 'oh just a nice glass or two by the beach in the sun' blah blah but the reality is this: Getting a buzz and a thirst for more; having broken my sobriety so drinking that night too and likely going overboard; waking up Sunday (when I have an important class I need to be bright eyed and alert for) feeling hungover and wretched; feeling miserable I've broken my sobriety and having to start over all over again.

Which brings me to, Shue, the fact you've acknowledged this holiday may be tempting and come here with a plan is a wonderful start! Anything else we can do to help keep you accountable? Play it forward to us if you can… what is likely to happen if you have that "one" relaxing drink? (Sneaking rum in the pantry - that doesn't sound relaxing, hey?) We will have your back and whip your arse if we need to

Also, just a thought, you spared hubby the 'gory details' before about drinking in hiding… maybe it's time to come completely clean so he fully *gets* how much of an issue this is for you and how much you need his support and no temptations?

And ENJOY your vacation. You can enjoy it all the more for it being successfully AF, right?

Mick, yeah it's been nuts this week but that is good as I really need the dosh right now and people aren't paying me. Good thing I'm NOT drinking right now as I could scarcely afford it. I am sorry to hear you had the mad bad thoughts yesterday too but you fought them off! Hooray! KA POW - take that you stupid drinking thoughts! The Chumbawamba reference made me laugh. I'm going to be singing that in my head and thinking of you now.

Porquoi, I'm so glad you're here and also that you have the support of your son. Please, please do keep posting and reading as much as you can. I know it's hard but it will get easier as the days go on and your moods lift and head clears for being AF. As for sending PMs, have you tried this?

1) Click on someone's name. This will take you to their profile page.
2) On the right hand side under 'contact info' you should see a link saying 'Send a private message to XX'
3) Click on this and it should take you right to a direct page to PM

You should also see a link under your name ('Welcome Porquoi') on the top right that says "Private Messages' that you can click on.

Does that help at all?/>
Also, excellent advice there to you from Sunflower and Turn *waves hello to Sunflower and Turn*

Life, that sounds great re the sponsor! That's the kind of scenario I'd be hoping to find. I guess I'm a bit afraid of being brow-beaten about working the program when there are things about it I fundamentally don't agree with. But, you know, even thought I struggle with that I can totally see how regular contact with someone like that would be hugely beneficial in helping keep you on track. That all sounds really good to me. Go you for seeking it out!!! Especially when you've been struggling with temptations. Do keep us posted. You may well inspire me to give it a go myself. It certainly cannot harm you and it sounds like you've found a potentially really good situation.

Before I fly off again I'd like to raise a question that's been on my mind and suggest a tip to anyone who's struggling...

As you all know, I love the Spiritual River site (Spiritual River | How to Stop Drinking Alcohol and Get the Addiction Help You Need) and read there a lot. But, he talks about the importance of hitting rock bottom and surrendering to your disease a lot. In a way the whole concept of rock bottom troubles me, mainly as I don't feel I've really reached that place and I read stuff like that and it makes me fear I'm destined to relapse. (And yes, I've read the whole elevator analogy concept.) I actually think the rock bottom concept - and how ingrained it is in our society's notions of alcoholism - can be damaging because it can stop people getting help BEFORE then. And let's face it, some addict's rock bottom's are death - no riding the elevator up from there folks.

So, the question is, anyone here have experience with quitting at a "high bottom" and/or thoughts on this generally?

(On a side note, regarding rock bottoms = death, a friend's husband was in town this week for his best friend's funeral - very sad, he couldn't have been more than 35. Now, the last time he was here he was telling us about this guy's heroin problems. I didn't know the best friend but had met him a few times and he seemed absolutely lovely - would never have guessed if I hadn't been told. Anyway, the first thing he's talking about is needing a drink "or 20" and maybe some "medicinal marijunana" to cope. Made me think about how all these guys friends - they're a partying crowd - are likely to be going to be going to his funeral for a drug addiction that killed him, then getting hammered on a drug that may eventually kill one or more or them too. Sadsadsad. And more than a bit ironic isn't it?)

Tip

Journalling. Every morning. Even for 10-15 minutes. Either on the computer or in a journal. I think the effect of this is hard to explain but shouldn't be underestimated. Really clears the head and helps you see what's going on. A good reference point later too.

Ok, gotta run and probably won't be on over the weekend as a lot going on. Stay strong all!!

Lilly x

[Lavande]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

:yay: Celebrate both days Flyaway :yay:
I am very happy for you!!!
Let's get the parties started.....

Turn, I'll take some of that chilly air off your hands - really

shue, enjoy your vacation, sounds nice!

CanToo, loved your newsletter attitude!

Greetings lifechane, Sunflower, Kas, DG, Lilly & everyone!
DG, I did post a pic of DIZ a few days ago :H

Porqoui I am going to send yuo a PM now. Look in the upper right hand corner of the page - under your name. If you see the message blinking, just click on it.
Stay well, we are all here for you.

I am one tired but grateful granny tonight :H
Have a peaceful night one & all.
Lav

[Doggygirl]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Lavande;1365282 wrote: G, I did post a pic of DIZ a few days ago :H

Lav

How did I miss that???

***racing back to old threads to look for DIZ picture***

One thing is for sure..

DG

[Doggygirl]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

DIZ is awesomely cute! I love the lights on Diz's house!

DG

[TheSunFlower]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Such great posts today.

Lilly...I did want to respond to your question. I know what my rock bottom is....and I am not there. Nor, do I have any intention of getting there and I sincerely hope that I never do.

In meetings I hear a lot of people say they were "functional". OK, maybe you were compared to the guy next to you.....but, I don't call "functional" walking around like the living dead. All appearances were great on the outside. Its what my insides were doing. I haven't determined if I just have a lower pain tolerance than them....or just got lucky. "High Bottom"....really what is that all about? I did not feel so high when I started searching for help. Honestly....I think what connects us...is that we have all felt the same emotions....living under a bridge or living in our grand house, food in the fridge or 2 cars in the garage. Its all the same to me....even though I would like to skip the living under a bridge part. Sometimes I think classifying it....just complicates it....and sometimes stopped me from getting well or serious about this thing.

We are at a huge advantage to have all this information available to us at our fingertips via the web.....so yes, we can stop our elevator from going down.

I have a friend who writes songs....and she says it her job to relate to emotions. Emotions everyone has....even normies I just have to skip the party songs.....but, most big songs...become "big" because we relate to them via emotion.

I have a friend who's sister died at the age of 35 from this. But, she would continue to tell me how she went out and got drunk. I finally asked her....how can she continue to consume the thing that killed her sister.....her answer..."I don't know". I do not think she has a problem with al....but, one would think....if this stuff killed someone I love...."I want nothing to do with it". Not the case. So it really becomes mind boggling at times.

Its the power of marketing. Marketing has played a great deal into what people think of al. "The Party Starts Here", "Great Times With Friends"......"I need an i-pad"

If you have kids.....YOU understand the power of marketing.....and its easy to fall into the trap of thinking you are missing out....or not that bad. Not that bad? Compared to what....do I want to compare myself to the person under the bridge....really? Heck, I am known to watch Intervention to just feel good about myself....whats that all about....duh! Although I do find the endings inspiring most times.

I compare myself to people I want to be like.....not people I don't.

[LillyE]

AD Daily - Thursday, August 16th

Thanks so much for that post Sunflower. All really great points and that's given me some good food for thought. I agree that classifying it is actually a bit pointless. I really do think it's a huge problem - if it weren't for this whole notion that you're not 'really' an alcoholic - plus the whole stigma around the term alcoholic itself - until you hit rock bottom, then maybe a lot more people could get help of their drinking problems *before* they advanced further along the path. (I should take my own advice here!)

It's really counter-intuitive. Would we encourage a heroin addict to continue to shoot up "just a little" because they still had healthy veins left? Or even if they hadn't lost their job yet but were nodding off regularly in their cubicle? What is the difference? The tremendous gulf between how we treat illegal drugs and the drug alcohol is starting to make me mad. Just last night a friend said to me that she never does drugs minutes after talking about all her massive hangovers of late. I had to bite my tongue.

But I digress…

Honestly, I wonder if it's my addict's brain starting to play tricks on me and tell me I wasn't "that bad". I have to remind myself it was *bad enough* *for me* and that's all that matters. The comparison game is really mind-bending and dangerous. I even experience that listening to some of those AA podcasts where I start thinking, "Well I never drank ALL DAY". (Just all night, so that's ok.) No one who doesn't, at the least, have a serious alcohol abuse problem would even find their way here.

And you're right - the notion of a 'high bottom' is kind of inherently ludicrous. I just don't think I'd reached that point of utter desperation the Spiritual River guy is always going on about - though certainly there were times I felt pretty bloody desperate.

As for your friend's sister… my best friend's mother died of lung cancer (aged 57). A bunch of us, myself included, sat at her wake and drank and chain smoked. I remember another non-smoking friend saying "How can you even want a cigarette right now?" But in fact when you're deep in addiction you're most going to crave that substance during trying times. The insanity of that really makes me cringe now to think of it.

Thanks again