Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-VO!!! What have I done ??? Thanks for the SF cupcakes, though :l.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I do not judge AnyOne because I do not want people judging me. "She a flake." Well sometimes that is true. You're too cute, El.

LB, I just read back now, and I'm really angry and sad for you. You don't deserve that shit. Nobody does, and he's being so selfish and inconsiderate. How will you deal with those words. Words can hurt badly. Will you confront him about this? Just like you don't need to be around alcohol and other drugs and expect to be around sober people, you can expect to be treated with respect. There are no excuses for that behavior. Here are some hugs for you LIl B...:l

Kailey, I'm so glad you keep coming back and do it all the time. That's the way we make a quit stick. We fight through each fall. And once we get a little time in, it gets easier to kick that craving to the curb. Not always easy, but it's much easier protecting a quit that has more days than not. You will get there and we'll hold your hand.

Nar, good for you girlie, on your two sober parties!!!! How flippin awesome that is! :goodjob:

Pav, good luck on your happy hour and dinner. Remember gratitude mode, pretty lady. And that list of relapse triggers - Those are huge stressors. Any huge stressor, we need to be on guard - even preventative if we know it's coming. We need to prepare for it. I'm preparing for my vacation next week, and I'm going to take half tablet of antabuse if my head veers off in the wrong direction. I don't care if it makes me sick. Have a great conference.

Wag, I was surprised to see you had 15 years sober as I didn't know that. That's pretty incredible. Now I'm curious as to what made you drink again (hope you don't mind I'm asking). Is it one of those relapse reasons that Pav posted? What happened? Just think it could be a great learning experience for us all here. Did you go back to drinking like you had prior to your abstinence? Sorry for all the questions!

Ava, give Maddie hugs for Aunt jvo.

Something that LB said...we have to relearn everything. I remember learning about learning in one of my college classes. I'm sure we all know this, but learning something is easy. Unlearning it and relearning a different way is much more difficult. Think about the way we tie our shoes and if someone showed you a new way, it would take lots of time to relearn the new way. Or any skill for that matter. So yes, we're challenged in a way, as we are rewiring our brains and that's not an easy thing to do.

Have a great day ladies.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1675328 wrote: Unlearning it and relearning a different way is much more difficult. Think about the way we tie our shoes and if someone showed you a new way, it would take lots of time to relearn the new way. Or any skill for that matter. So yes, we're challenged in a way, as we are rewiring our brains and that's not an easy thing to do.

That is so true! In my yoga class this morning, it was all I could do to cross my arms and legs in the "opposite way". And that is nothing compared to dealing with everything in life completely differently! But hey, I managed to change "right over left" to "left over right" and although it was at first a little uncomfortable, after awhile it ended up feeling ok. It can be uncomfortable not to drink in response to the ups and downs of life but once you get used to it, it becomes ok and eventually, it is actually preferred! (I don't think I'm ever going to prefer "left over right", though ).

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I posted this in the NN, because this is my main trigger or reason that I've gone back to drinking in the past.

I was reading a blog last night, and next to the blog was a list of other blogs. I randomly clicked on one and came across a bunch of reading material that this woman had in her library. One of the books, can't remember the title, was about a woman who would frequently get sloppy drunk along with co-workers and decided she wanted to quit drinking for a year. She wrote a book based on this, but then she decided to go back to moderating. This caught my eye (her going back to moderation) because it tells me that there's still this tiny little voice in me saying, "look, she did it...I'm gonna get that book, read it, and maybe I can be like her." Wow. This disease is wicked. Those kinds of thoughts are dangerous!!!!! The thought I had last night tells me I need to be on my game even more. As NS warned me, maybe that works for some people, but not me, and if you're here on this site, not you either! Addiction is evil and it can mess you up for life. Even people who claim to be moderating struggle. It's mentally draining!

So, not only do I still have cravings now and then (which isn't a bad thing) but close calls like Friday, then I read stupid things like this that don't and never will apply to me. I can't be a moderate drinker, but my head tells me otherwise after awhile. Not a healthy thought to have and I need to get it out there. It makes me feel really vulnerable.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey, Hey, we have ALL been there! I have been trying to quit since 2000! My first AA meeting was back then and it took me until now to figure it out. I have 73 days today which is really not that long but I know I will not drink again because something just clicked with me. It basically was listening to Dr John Kelly on The BubbleHour and having the support of all you Loamers.
Just keep coming back.
It is all about progress NOT perfection. Don't beat yourself to death. Jus don't drink. YOU can do it!
Big Big hugs from me babe.

Ava, like Wags said, make sure you have a plan in place 'in case' God forbid something happens to Maddie. I know how hard that can be. I have had a lot of dogs and still miss some of them especially my Daschunds. I LOVED them so much.

Lil B, you have wonderful friends, I mean, WE are wonderful...right? I am sorry you are going through crap with your husband. Sometimes they are really stupid and don't know how to deal with their shit. Just know it isn't about you, it is all about him.
xo

NS, I am glad you are going to yoga. That is the best. I love yoga and try to do it as much as I can which has not been too often lately. Thanks for being so supportive Sugar, you are the best...and thanks for showing J-Vo how to post pictures because those cupcakes were Yummy!

Talk to you all later.
xo

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

516 Days NS? Yahoo!!! You are amazing

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks, Narilly. I think I would rather celebrate 17 months AF today than my advancing age . I really appreciate your enthusiasm and open heart. I'm so glad you're here :l.

Jane, I have a really flexible life, especially now that my kids are grown, so to feel normal, I impose structure on myself. Maybe while you are not working, doing that might help you, too. I won't bore you with the details of my super-exciting days but I do think it helps to develop a routine that sort of grounds and centers you.

I've noticed you've not been posting much but I usually only stalk people when I'm concerned that they are drinking (or considering it). I've not picked that up from you and so didn't want to butt into your business.

LC sent me an email and said her computer might have a virus and was warning her off MWO so... we might not hear from her for a bit. Hope you make it back soon, LC!! Your last post made me think things are just about to "click" for you, if they haven't already .

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1675330 wrote: I posted this in the NN, because this is my main trigger or reason that I've gone back to drinking in the past.

I was reading a blog last night, and next to the blog was a list of other blogs. I randomly clicked on one and came across a bunch of reading material that this woman had in her library. One of the books, can't remember the title, was about a woman who would frequently get sloppy drunk along with co-workers and decided she wanted to quit drinking for a year. She wrote a book based on this, but then she decided to go back to moderating. This caught my eye (her going back to moderation) because it tells me that there's still this tiny little voice in me saying, "look, she did it...I'm gonna get that book, read it, and maybe I can be like her." Wow. This disease is wicked. Those kinds of thoughts are dangerous!!!!! The thought I had last night tells me I need to be on my game even more. As NS warned me, maybe that works for some people, but not me, and if you're here on this site, not you either! Addiction is evil and it can mess you up for life. Even people who claim to be moderating struggle. It's mentally draining!

So, not only do I still have cravings now and then (which isn't a bad thing) but close calls like Friday, then I read stupid things like this that don't and never will apply to me. I can't be a moderate drinker, but my head tells me otherwise after awhile. Not a healthy thought to have and I need to get it out there. It makes me feel really vulnerable.

I have concocted a very similar plan several times over the years.
Brilliant minds think a like. if you dont laugh then we cry and I am not in the mood for crying....

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS happy birthday lovely lady, i hope you get spoilt rotten as you deserve it plus more. No pictures from me sigh, i will learn one day, now if i was patient i am sure that would happen.

Jane i hope you feel better soon, i think we all go through stages where we just cant be "fucked" to post on here or to do anything really. when i had the flu for 4 weeks i thought it was all in my head and i was chronically depressed but nope i had the flu, should have believed the doctor on that one. We all go through stages in this ride being sober. I hope your dog is happy in her alzheimers, i have never heard of dogs with alzheimers until your pup died a few months ago. I have faith that maddy will be fine and whatever happens i know i wont drink, she deserves all of me with whatever happens.

LB i am sorry your hubs is being a total arsehole. I remember my ex said to me once that i "nagged" him and i was a "total bitch". i thought to myself "i will show you nag, arsehole". When we carry everyone and do everything what do they expect. I actually shut up and closed up and i suppose that was worse than telling him how i felt. i mean, i never told him he was the laziest man on the planet and was a useless father and husband not supporting us except for working. Mmmm still issues there lol. You are you LB and you are just lovely the way you are. He sounds like he is deprived of something so is taking it out on you but it hurts, it bloody hurts. Does he really think he will find a woman that is not a bitch? I have never met one. I keep telling this guy i am seeing that i am a bitch and not to think otherwise. But i am also a very nice person. I hope he gets over his tantrum soon but words are not easily forgotten which is sad.

Jvo pictures now, wow arent you coming up in the world? Clever girl. I think we all have those thoughts at some stage of being able to moderate in months down the track or maybe a year or maybe in a few years. I think that is what keeps us going sometimes that this isnt forever this non drinking thing! I know i had those thoughts in the earlier days but now i know i cant ever drink again, i have lost my "best friend", hes gone forever and thats okay. If i think of moderating i immediately think of where it will end up and it would not end nicely and i cant imagine having a wine, my brain automatically thinks of how foul it would taste, like drinking petrel so it is not appealing to me at all. I think it is more the thought of being like everyone else when i am out but i am not like everyone else. I cant stand in a crowd with one wine and be happy with that. Oh sure i could i suppose for awhile but then fast forward to being in my bed with a bottle on the nightstand and one in the drawer and a couple in the fridge and there is no way in this world i want to be there again. that was not a life in any sense of the word so for me my drinking days are over and i think 20+ years is enough of an effort.

Well i am having the day off to take Mads to the vets, i wasnt going to as i actually feel guilty about not going to work but after much thought she is old and i dont want to wait till Monday (when work may not be busy), she needs my attention now. So off to the vets i go. They will admit her i know that so that they can pull her teeth and hopefully that will be all that is the matter with her. I am not thinking of the C word as i just cant and there is no point thinking about what it could be until i know. Mia is cranky with me after last weekend but i have been messaging her so i think i will ask her to come with me today and we can have a little chat about how my sobriety changes things for everyone. We have told each other we love each other so i will let her get what she has off her chest and move on and she so loves maddy too.

Happy birthday again NS, I love you girl and i wish i was there with you on this special day.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Happy Birthday NS.. Enjoy your day
Quick Hi, just rushing around trying to get ready for work
Have a great evening
Pat
Xx

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

This is for Kailey, LifeChange, and for any and all that are in a struggle right now, in early days of sobriety, or just need a little lift. I know, even with the 85 days I have, I'm wobbly at times, and I know the tides will turn for me eventually. We have to keep believing and live ODAT for now, and that's not a bad deal as we feel pretty good today.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1675328 wrote:
Wag, I was surprised to see you had 15 years sober as I didn't know that. That's pretty incredible. Now I'm curious as to what made you drink again (hope you don't mind I'm asking). Is it one of those relapse reasons that Pav posted? What happened? Just think it could be a great learning experience for us all here. Did you go back to drinking like you had prior to your abstinence? Sorry for all the questions!

No worries about lots of questions - they're good ones!

I started drinking as a teenager. ALL of my friends drank, regularly and heavily. It was always a drug for me - something that made me feel better, number, happier, more relaxed, like I fit in, whatever. I never drank "just one" - it was always a coping mechanism for some situation or another.

From about age 28-43 I didn't drink at all. I had good friends, loved my work, good relationships, etc. I had good support, an active lifestyle and healthy coping mechanisms. Then things started to fall apart rapidly with a seemingly relentless series of the relapse reasons Pav listed.

1. Got hurt in a car accident and needed loads of PT for injuries; couldn't do active stuff with hubs or friends for many months. Marriage started to fall apart due to shallowness of hubs (he said things weren't "fun and simple" anymore).
2. Got divorced (actually, got cheated on and then dumped). Lost a lot of "friends."
3. My mom got diagnosed with terminal cancer.
4. I left the job I loved and moved across the country to be my mom's caregiver during the last year of her life (heartbreaking but also a huge honor).
5. My mom passed away. The end was horribly painful.
6. I moved to a new city and started grad school.
7. My dog was diagnosed with cancer.

Amazingly, I stayed sober through all of the above. Then,

8. My dog died.

This was the last straw. It was just too much over too short a period of time. I couldn't handle any more emotional pain, and I didn't have a great support system, so I started drinking just to get some relief. Once I started down that path, I didn't really look back. I had brief AF periods but new stressors always turned me back to the bottle.

After 3 years of pretty regular heavy drinking, I finally got sick and tired and scared of what I was doing to myself. I hit my own personal bottom in April of this year, and decided to stop for good. Did a taper then a med-supervised at-home detox (had to - withdrawal was pretty bad).

I've been AF for 54 days now. Some days I still struggle. I have a lot of unresolved grief, sadness and anger still waiting to be processed.

In hindsight, maybe I was a dry drunk during my 15 years AF. I'm not sure - I'll have to think about it.

Long answer, sorry!

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS - Happy Birthday!!!! You don't look a day older, just a day more AF

LB - I agree with everyone else - you don't deserve to be treated that way! Hopefully time will help, but in the meantime feel free to vent here and/or ask for support, advice, an ear, etc.

Kailey - I'm pretty sure we've all slipped, stumbled or even fallen flat on our faces. I know I have. I tried to quit multiple times before I ever came to MWO, and like NS, I came here feeling like this was my last chance. I definitely do not write people off AT ALL when they have multiple day ones. You only have to quit one more time than you slip.

Nar - awesome job with the parties!!!

Pav - thanks for mentioning the list of relapse triggers - as I said in my earlier post, those were definitely my downfall

Ava - hope all goes well with Maddie at the vet. My pup and I have fingers and paws crossed for you both.

Jane - sorry you've been feeling out of sorts. Experiencing loss can be very disorienting for sure. This was the woman you spoke so lovingly about when she passed on, right? Be kind to yourself. Breathe deep. Let us know if we can reach out and support you better or differently.

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow. Just wow. Logging on tonight feels like catching up with friends. J-vo, that picture you posted drew my attention right away. Thank you for that. And thanks to all of you for the pep talk. I don't need much help when I'm not drinking, but when I do, I lose my confidence and don't feel I deserve anyone's time. Hopefully, I won't have a reason to come here again when I'm not doing well, but I appreciate the honest reaction from you all that I can come here, either way.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wag,
Thanks for sharing all of that. It must have been so painful, all of those painful things that happened to you in such a short period of time. And even though you still need to grieve, deal with all of those emotional pains, you will be able to do it effectively being sober. We all need to work through the shit, and I don't think anything can be fixed until we fix that part of us first. So this is only the beginning. You're getting your life back on track, and you'll know yourself in a new way, know how to get through the bumps in life, and having support makes it much more doable IMHO.

Getting involved in this site, I have to say, has really made me successful in sobriety, and like Ava always says, this is her AA, as it is mine. I will come here faithfully, ask for help, support when I can, because I'm not going to treat myself like I have for almost my whole life. I almost want to think of my life before October, 2013 and my life after October, 2013. That's when I began my last attempt at sobriety. I had some slips since then, but they were few and not for long. I had the best school year in 22 years. My anxiety and depression is at an all-time low, and I just feel like a new jvo. It's weird. Yep, I've gone through some nasty cravings. Fell with a few of them. Maybe I can take all of that shit prior to October, 2013 and eventually deal with those feelings or figure out what to do with them...eventually. Not right now, but I think that may be in my cards down the road. One thing at a time.

Nar, come to think of it, I think it was right around 2000 that my drinking became abnormal. I always binge drank on the weekends, but after my DS was a little guy, it got worse, and worse.

LC, don't go too far! We'll be here when you get back.

Hi Daisy!

Jane, I wish I could help you feel better. I know how it feels and when we're down, we're really down. It's hard to feel these feelings and stay with these feelings as they pass through us, but maybe that's what we have to learn how to do. Can you distract yourself through these yucky times? Force yourself to join a class, take up a hobby, or something different? I'm taking a hot yoga class tomorrow for the first itme. Hmm...I'll let you know how that works out for me! I'm a bit anxious, but not that crazy, sick anxious. Just like, "hope I don't die on that mat, FFS!!!!"

Ok Ladies, have a super-duper night.