Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ginger, so glad you are here and feeling better.

J-Vo, the cooking wine? I can see why your hubby was getting freaked out, probably so worried about you!

Its interesting that the moderation threads can trigger some of us. You know, I found that when I was listening to some of the Bubble Hour podcasts. There were a couple where one of the ladies was talking about how they used to drink and I started getting this feeling that I was going to drink and that I really wanted to drink, that it wasn't that bad and it would be ok to do it again. It scared me a bit. I made sure to come home and post here but I never mentioned it.
Wierd huh? I have thought of it a few times since and I know that I have to be really careful not to glorify drinking because there is NO glory in being a 50 year old drunk woman, EVER!

The mod threads don't effect me that way because I used to post there when I was trying to moderate and taking Topamax and all the other supps. We were always talking about our supps. Haha! What a joke that was for me. When I read the threads I can see how freakin hard it is to moderate and how most people just can't. Eventually they end up in abstinence. Just like ME! And I am so happy to be here by the way.
Tomorrow I will have 90 days and expect to wake up feeling like a Rock Star (kidding).

Pav, Jane, Ava, I know there were some struggles when you started getting about 100 days so I will not take anything for granted.

Life, I am glad you are not going on that trip. Good choice!

Wags, way to go with 70 days!!! Glad you are doing so well Girl! I totally agree with you regarding moderation. No moderating for us chickies.

Well, back to work.

SL, xo

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wags congratulations on 70 days!
I so agree with the moderation talk bringing on the drinking thinking......it has sent me in that direction in the past. If there is a conversation heading in that direction we need to switch to whatever posts or threads that point us in the right direction....

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Knock on wood but I think one of the reasons so many Loamers are having success is that while everyone is welcome and bad choices clearly understood, there is not an attitude that "slips" are inevitable or that it doesn't matter if you choose to drink. It does matter and we're here to help one another not make the bad choice in the first place or if we do, to get back with the program as soon as possible. I think this thread is proof that empathy, concern, and love can coexist with a no excuses mindset.

Hey, 70 tail-wags to you, WAGS! CONGRATULATIONS!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, All:

Thanks for that video, J-Vo - "What appears dark and scary can actually be full of light." That's where I'll put my getting sober. I feel so much more full of light and was SO afraid for so long. I feel like I am still hiding my problem because of shame - I'm still in that "oh, I just found myself drinking too much so I decided I'd better quit." It makes it sounds so breezy and easy. It is the shame that is keeping me from saying - I AM IN RECOVERY AND FUCK IT WAS AND IS HARD. I wonder if I'll ever get there. I know for sure that I don't trust my current boss's boss at all, so I won't be public about it with my work people until that changes.

I have to be careful about reading and listening to all this stuff about recovery advocacy as it is making me feel weak for not sharing my story more. I know their point wouldn't be to shame me into being more open, and I have to be careful for not chiding myself for not doing recovery the "right" way. Sometimes it can feel like a club I don't belong in.

Eloise - I find certain threads dangerous, too. I see people drinking here and there on threads and I can start thinking to myself, "I COULD just take a drink or two and then get right back on the horse, couldn't I?" Well, I have no guarantee that I could as it took me so long to get on the dang horse to begin with. It is hard to straddle that position of being supportive of relapse while also being serious about the fact that drinking for alcoholics is not ok. That's what I love about this thread - tough love. Ava's bricks come with a hug afterwards, and NS's missives come with support for creating a new plan. I think that's the beauty of MWO - everyone can find a thread that is for them.

As for moderating - I think I've been clear about how wonderful and freeing it has been to take the choice off the table. Moderating is too much work for me (and, obviously, unsuccessful usually). That blog that NS linked to - there was a description of how that first glass of wine would taste "well, actually, kind of sour..." and that is how I feel. I still think a cold beer in the hot sun would taste good, but I actually don't crave that easy release much any more because I don't want that foggy head back at all.

Sam - Thanks for stopping by. I agree with you on moderation - I actually wouldn't even want to do that now. I am very happy with the way my life is turning out without alcohol, as much as I still feel the pull from time to time. Hope you join us more often!

Ginger - Meh is a lot better than blech any day. I think one of Amber Valetta's points is that just being with moods is part of recovery. Meh is going to happen, and that's ok. But I am glad this thread can help you feel better. Way to go.

Jane - The Bubble Hour ladies talk about being triggered by Knapp's descriptions of drinking because they are so good. I might have to try that book again - I read it back about 8 years ago when I proved to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic by going two weeks without booze. (sigh) I think your instincts to leave A1 behind are good - isn't he technically and adult anyway? Seems like he could just drag the whole thing down. If he's with you already, good luck, and serenity now... I like your description of a mood being alcohol in disguise.

Nar - Weird, but not weird. I know what you're saying - sometimes when I hear people's stories I think, "Yes, that relaxed, 'normal' feeling that booze gave me..." I agree - NO glory in my drinking either. When I see women my age drunk it makes me feel uncomfortable, and very, very relieved that it isn't me.

Wags - Sounding strong. Way to go on 70 days. You sound very strong and secure in your quit.

LB - I hope you're feeling better. I think I told you I was going to be in New Orleans for a conference this summer but then didn't get to go. My colleagues are there now, however, and the pictures they're sending are amazing. They are having such a great time - there are many picts involving food and music, and of course drinks.

NS - a while back you said that Scott on the Bubble Hour reminded you of me - I take that as a compliment. I don't think I'm quite the life of the party, but I do like to have fun, and I am so relieved that I can still have fun and laugh a ton without booze. Part of my dark and scary thoughts were that I'd be boring and bored all of the time. Not so! It is hard for me to picture you as that woman with her head down and a drink in her hand - you seem so strong and powerful now. I am happy for you that you're not in that place any more.

Mr. G - So happy to have you stop by as always. Have a great day at booze school. And I'll recommend the Bubble Hour with Greg Williams to you - he is another young, upbeat man who is sober and really enjoying life.

LC - I think that is a good choice. Did you read Allan Kay's thread on not testing yourself? He is a wise man with wise words about it. I know it is sad, but so much sadder to be there and drinking again, IMHO. It took a lot of courage to make that decision. Maybe someday you can go and not partake - do what Rahul did and enjoy the surroundings while everyone else is boozing.

Patrice - How is Cambodia? I would LOVE to travel to that area - I hope you are enjoying yourself.

Kailey - How is your day 4 (right?).

Daisy - What's up?

SL - When is your holiday with your girls?

Ava - How's tricks? When are you visiting your mom? What is winter like in Melbourne? Here near SF the summer is almost worse than winter sometimes - cold, windy and foggy. I long for HEAT.

Sorry if I missed anyone. I am now going to get off my butt and get back to the cleaning I had planned for my house goal this week. Only two more days left...

Happy Sober Thursday, all!

xo
Pav

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

x post NS and Daisy - HI!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, this is a really good point:

I have to be careful about reading and listening to all this stuff about recovery advocacy as it is making me feel weak for not sharing my story more. I know their point wouldn't be to shame me into being more open, and I have to be careful for not chiding myself for not doing recovery the "right" way. Sometimes it can feel like a club I don't belong in.

I would like to be more like the women on the BubbleHour and Amanda in today's video. It seems like it would be so liberating to have No More Secrets, especially a secret that I'm actually proud and happy about. I'm am taking the tiniest steps in my real life admitting that this wasn't a snap. To most people, though, it is Weird old Nosugar, first she gave up wheat, then she gave up sugar, then she gave up alcohol, who knows what's next... It was a little trickier in some ways to give up wheat and sugar since they hide out everywhere (and I do have to eat, after all), but it was much more difficult to quit drinking and I have not made that clear to anyone. But like you, I don't want to find another reason to feel bad about myself and always thinking I should do X, Y, or Z.

I enjoyed your long post .

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I'm sorry you'll be missing out LC but I think you made the right decision.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lovely Ladies, and gents!!
so good to read all of your posts this evening!
WAGS!! Congratulations on 70 days. You are so insightful and thoughtful and I take home a lot from each of your posts.. so glad to be here with you.:h
Whenever I say that, I think it seems like a weird thing to say-- but I feel really fortunate to know you all and to have you all as important parts of my life. This is a life line--and you are such amazing, vibrant, honest, hard-working, vigilant, supportive, funny, sometimes silly, beautiful people.

Loved the Amber video. I hope that I will someday be confident and brave enough to come out with my problem of addiction. Maybe like her, after 15 years!

Nar, I think it's great you could talk to your co-worker a bit. Who knows? It might help her to open up or even talk casually about her drinking. You've got a biggie coming up tomorrow. I hope you wake up feeling like a rock star! A sober rock star!

LB :l

Tonight my BF and I were sitting on the sofa talking and he paused and started to say something and paused again-- then said, "I don't know exactly how to say this, but have you noticed how much better we understand each other, how much better our relationship is when you aren't drinking?". So sweet. Like I might not have noticed? I can honestly say that my drinking was the cause of 95% of our problems (haven't faced up to that one yet! ) and while I was drinking, I blamed him for everything. I actually almost left him. I said, "Yes I've noticed and I'm so grateful that you have stood by and supported me, that you didn't give up on me."- and he said, "Are you crazy? I would never give up such a wonderful woman." First it brought tears to my eyes, then I thought, Geeze, what's wrong with the guy?? But I will just continue to be grateful.
A big part of my work is building up my self worth. Trying to see the good things in myself that others apparently see, but which I can't.

Sending love to all of you. Pav, you sound like you're getting into the swing of your summer break. Bliss!!

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane, good point about the Al in sheep's clothing. It's so important to keep both sides of the "emotion" spectrum in check. Funny that you mentioned, "Drinking, a Love Story" -- I loved the book, but it's one I had to put down for awhile because her descriptions of al during the falling in love stage made me want to drink.

I think I have to hit the hay.. everything is getting blurry!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, Life, that brought tears to my eyes. Your BF just loves you! My hubby and I have been married for 23 years and we talk about all the crazy AL induced fights we had. Seriously, we can hardly believe we are still together after all of that. Thank goodness I quit and he reduced his consumption by about 90%.

If our counsellor would have asked if we thought drinking was the issue we would have said No. That's how bad it gets with AL. AL trumps everything when you are in that drinking mode even your most precious relationships.

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Off to sleep here too, but wanted to have a quick peak & see lots of good things happening here... Lots of mulling of of important 'stuff.' Nice, sweat dreams crew!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

oops, I just reread what I said:
I mean AL trumps everything!

Geez, I gotta learn to proofread

Have a great sleep EL.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

zooming in - J-vo, so very well done - I am sorry I missed this yesterday! Hope I didn't miss out on the treat - did you save some for me??:l:l:goodjob:

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Did a very brief look back - Pav, we go Aug 3rd - not long now - have not lost the weight I am trying to :upset: Plan to walk daily on the beach which should help!
Nar - xxx :l back at you
so very many successes here and they keep on coming - this must be one of the most successful threads on MWO - IMHO:H

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC that is so nice.....
Some really interesting posts today.....I love when I come here and read, especially when the posts force you to really think about things, and it connects us all because we understand each other. I sometimes envy those of you who have that 'significant other' in your lives who you can talk to and know they care about you....I have been single for years ......Yet another thing that I replaced with the oul vino!
Been feeling good....keeping any promises I made when I started.....one day I am a gung-ho sober fanatic and the next the reluctant Soberista!
I am finding the holidays, not tough, but keeping me on my toes.....my family are mainly in school-based employment, as well as a few friends, so they are free for 2 months and tend to let loose as the sun shines....
A friend called me today....missed the call and am avoiding ringing her back. She is my schoolfriend and we only meet up a couple of times a year....it would be a meal and drinks. I would find it easier (for her) if there were more of us meeting up so that she would have a drinking partner....
Met another friend downtown today.....she is moving house. She said how good I looked and mentioned the weight-loss. I told her I haven't been drinking. In the next sentence she was arranging to meet up for a wee drink...I mentioned not drinking again and she said to ring her when this AF time was finished....I said 'what if it is for good?' And she smiled.
This is the nicest girl who meant no harm in any way; it is just how she sees me......
A bit of a waffly post but just wanted to get it out as today has got me thinking.....