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**Lavande** · January 16, 2014, 08:03 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good morning all friends,

Dark & damp with a few snowflakes here & there. It ain't Spring yet :H

Thanks for starting up week 3 for us Star!
It is interesting figuring out how people's brains work. YB has a lifelong history of just plain old shitty thinking! Even as a teenager I was aware of that but it didn't scare me off. I always figured it was something he would outgrow or just auto-correct at some point. Why did I think that? Because I was full of positivity & hope for a better future after my shitty childhood (much like his). I thought we were two of a kind & together we could get a lot done & we did for a long while. But not even my growing sense of Lavanitude was enough to keep me from falling into the depression pit with him

I really think he was somewhat shocked & embarrassed 5 years ago when I decided I had had enough of being miserable & started my climb out of that dark hole. He wasn't ready yet to follow so he stayed in the darkness & his thinking got even worse. When he bolted out of here nearly 4 years ago he was absolutely paranoid & delusional. When I pressed him for some sort of explanation he told me he was tired of me 'reading his mind & controlling his thinking'. No I wasn't, I'm not that good

I had to show him by example & by the tools I used that we are in charge of our thoughts & we can do anything we want to do! I will never take responsibility for what's going on in his head, that's BS.

Looks like I will be having dinner for son & his family tonight, YB too of course. I'm thinking of popping a chicken in the oven - better go buy one

Papmom, that meatloaf recipe will give you tons of leftovers, cook once, eat many times

Hello to everyone, sending wishes for a wonderful AF Thursday for all!

Lav

**DreamThinkDo** · January 16, 2014, 09:39 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Afternoon Friends!!!!

Star, so true what you said about recognising negative feelings and using coping skills to redirect your thoughts. You know, the one thing I really appreciate about this site - and there a quite of few - is that you are never alone - somebody will have been on the same rocky road, or is on it at the time, and the way in which we all encourage each other. There may be a lack of face-to-face contact, true, but I, for one, prefer this "peopled anonymity". You touched my heart when you said you have dreams too - I truly hope that they do get realised, eventually.

Lav, depression is the one state I can imagine having to live through - just reading about people's experiences of it make me go cold. I wish I could have (cultivate?) just a bit of your Lavanitude. I've never had meat loaf (shock, horror?) - can I freeze it raw and then bake? All tips for this newby appreciated.

Hot day here - we had some fog in the morning, but that soon disappeared. I've felt that special pre-autumn nippy feeling early in the morning - too soon for autumn, but just a warning that it is on its way. But we still have February to get through - usually our hottest month.

Each and everyone, have a lovely - and a positive - AF Thursday.

**dill** · January 16, 2014, 10:31 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Greetings AF Friends, I thought I'd share a chuckle with you all this fine day. (Thank you, Eleanor!)

Thank you for the start, Star! I have dreams too.

I wonder if there comes a time in one's life when they no longer have dreams? The day we stop dreaming about the future is the day we begin to die. Anyway, with your son: is this the third time he has moved out on his own? If so, "the third time's the charm"! It will be my son's 3rd time.

DTD, you are right about this site. There is a wealth of experience and support. I have never been one to write a "my story". But I have read so many others have written and see myself or some part of myself and my experiences in almost every single one I have read.

Papmom, way to go on pouring yourself into your rehab and your wellness! The salmon sounds delicious. Have you managed to keep your weight off? I lost some weight after my son moved in with the children, due to the stress. However, I have managed to stop losing and have been able to keep off what I lost. So, that's one positive aspect to the events of the past few months.

Lav, I am going to look for the book you mentioned. I need a recharge in controlling my own mind, thoughts and moods. I know it is all doable, but it is nice to have new ideas, tools and techniques to try.

I've been up early and baking all morning. Would not have been fun at all with a hangover, but that's not a problem.

I have lunch with some old colleagues today and I promised to bring a banana nut cake for one's birthday treat.

Let's all have a great AF Thursday!

**DreamThinkDo** · January 16, 2014, 10:49 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

It wasn't a chuckle, Dill - well, not here, anyway - it was a deep belly laugh! Thanks for that!

**Lavande** · January 16, 2014, 02:34 PM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

I hope to meet Eleanor Roosevelt on the other side one day. I have a feeling we would get along quite well

DTD, I imagine you could mix up a meatloaf, freeze & bake later. Why not??
I just may try that myself sometime. I had a slice of my leftover meatloaf for lunch today - yum

Dill, I don't do any dreaming about the future - I just can't

Cause me all kinds of anxiety & that's not my fault.
All that I dreamed of & worked for got shot straight to hell when YB ran out of here. I have to keep my focus on today & maybe tomorrow but no more. Maintaining my sanity & stability is all I can do.

**papmom3** · January 16, 2014, 08:29 PM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

A friend of mine has started a neat gratitude tradition in with her family. They have a large jar and everyday each person puts in one good thing that happened that day with the date on the paper. On Jan 1st they empty the jar and review all the good things that happened over the past year. Pretty neat huh? Thought this might be of interest since we're talking about trying to get rid of negativity.

Dill-so far yes, I've kept the weight off and hope it keeps coming off! I weigh myself on Monday mornings so we'll see in a few days.

great quote by the way-I did a belly laugh too!!

Star-thank you for sharing about your friend. I really appreciate hearing what another person is going through. It's almost all men in rehab and the one woman in there had a bypass so I don't really have anyone to compare notes with.
I have dreams too even tho I know that most of them won't be realized but the big ones usually are!

Lav - I'm really looking forward to that recipe but have to eat through my freezer first LOL!! Hope you had a good dinner with your family!!

Cyn-I don't know how my life got so busy without a significant other and/or family of my own! I'm falling back in the busy trap after a 5 week hiatus. I know I should slow down but there is so much to do and experience! That's why I'm taking tonite and tomorrow nite to just chill. I have monday off but still have rehab and group.

DTD-this place is a lifesaver for many of us. i never got into the whole AA thing but I jumped into MWO with both feet. the people i've met through here I consider some of my closest friends even tho we've never met. I hope we do one day tho!!

So week one is almost over! It was an extremely busy day today but I did make it through despite tossing and turning all nite. I had a talk with my boss about rehab and how it's going. I told her how exhausted I was yesterday and how my primary wanted me to start on a part time basis but I didn't really have the sick time. She said between sick, personal and vacation I really could do that. I declined but said I would definitely leave early on days I'm extra tired and don't have rehab. She offered to come in early so I could come in a little later but I said no to that as well. I really need to get back into my regular schedule and the sooner the better. But it's nice to know she is on board if I do need to take some extra time.

I saw a lot of the faculty today for the first time since I went out and it was nice of them to tell me how much I was missed those 2 weeks before the holidays. Even my boss mentioned to a couple of people how glad she was I was back. I don't think she was just saying that either. So maybe I am really appreciated!! Still would like to be retired!!

Have a great nite everyone!

**Stargazerlily** · January 17, 2014, 06:37 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good morning friends...

Dill, what a funny quote, good way to start the day. This is the fourth time my son will be moving out. Can you believe it? He has always taken longer to reach some milestones, but never gives up. I think that is a good trait to have: tenacity. It is the same with being AF, never give up.

Pap, sounds like the people at work do care about you and are willing to work with you. That is so great to hear. I would like to pursue interests after work but work late so can't get involved. It would have to be on the weekend for me.

Lav, we make plans and God laughs, right? I think living in the present is the only thing we can do...What would you do differently if YB was at home? My Dad told me that retirement is not all it is cracked up to be, you have to find things to fill your time. And he can travel and is comfortable, but I think misses a routine and schedule. I guess it depends on what kind of job you had. His was flexible and he was able to slow down as he got older, without quitting. Personally, I have to get out of the house and like to work, would just like it to be part-time. I was thinking about your comment about having a hard childhood and that affecting your thinking patterns; it makes sense. Kids are at the mercy of their parents and if they are not healthy, it is really difficult. I love all the information you have shared that has helped, it has helped me too.

Hello to Dream, Rusty, Cyn, have a great day.

**DreamThinkDo** · January 17, 2014, 07:03 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Goof afternoon, friends!

So true, Star, about never giving up - when it concerns the right things not to give up on. Glad I gave up Al, though.

That's a lovely tradition of your friend's, Pap. You have a really supportive boss - and from everybody's reaction you must know that you are appreciated. One of our online newspapers had a pic of a Papillon dog at an event at Madison Square Garden, I think it was. Immediately thought of you.

I'm not sure if everybody follows all the threads here, but NS posted this recently, and I thought you might appreciate it:

Whatever you think

If you think the whole world is against you, it might as well be true. If you think there’s a way to move successfully forward, you will find that way.

What you think about life plays a major role in the way your life unfolds. Whatever you think is going to happen will inform and influence each action you take, so that much of what you think does indeed happen.

If you think the task in front of you will be a tedious, boring chore, that’s what it will be. If you think the job will give you a unique opportunity to express yourself and create new value, it certainly will.

No matter what the reality of your life may be, you can choose exactly what to think about it. The more things you think about in a positive light, the more positive outcomes you will create.

If you generate thoughts of worry, criticism and complaint, you will end up creating even more things to worry, criticize and complain about. If you focus your thoughts on how to allow, encourage and enrich, you’ll find much more richness appearing in your life.

The thoughts you choose to think and hold are the same thoughts that influence every moment of your life. Choose wisely, and live magnificently.

— Ralph Marston

Have a lovely AF Friday, everybody. Invited out for a braai tonight, and still have a lot to do before then.

**Lavande** · January 17, 2014, 07:53 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good morning friends,

The coffee is good, the dogs are still snoozing - life is good

DTD, that is the same concept that I've been trying to drill into my spouses hard head in an attempt to break thru his chronic negativity. One of my favorite blogs is TUT - Totally Unique Thoughts. Thoughts become things......Choose the Good Ones. Love their mantra & look forward to their email each morning

Star, some kids just seem to be harder to launch than others!
My daughter did the revolving door thing until she was married. My son, he left once & that was it for him. Glad your son is on his way once again

papmom, I hope you schedule enough rest for yourself. Listen to your body, it does send us messages. We just need to listen!

Well, I'm off to Curves then back for a bit of work.
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Friday!

Lav

**dill** · January 17, 2014, 08:50 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

What a lovely group of posts to read this morning!:h

Lav, dreams can be big or they can be small. I bet you do have some if you think about it. Or, maybe you are living your dreams! You have your own business, you have the grandkids, dog, hens....you have your own home which is peaceful and quiet (when the gkids aren't there...) Yes, you are living your dreams! My dream is like Star's: to have my home back to just me and Mr. D.

Star, your son and mine have a lot in common. Tenacity is one of my son's traits too.

Papmom, I would love a MWO meet up some time. I wish I could afford to do it. Wouldn't it be fun to meet up in some big city like Chicago or Boston? I bet I could talk Mr. D into a road trip some day after my life settles down some.

DTD, I loved the inspirational thoughts you shared with us. So true! Attitude is everything and yours is excellent. I love the tag line at the bottome of your posts.

I'm meeting with a GF today for a walk in the Mall and lunch. Enjoying an AF Friday!

**Rusty** · January 17, 2014, 09:02 PM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good Evening AF Friends,

A weary "hello" from the plane as I will be landing in Boston in a little while. My 92-year-old uncle passed away (my Aunt Rusty's husband) and tomorrow is his funeral. He had a good life. He played tennis until he was 90. He enabled Aunt Rusty's drinking, though. My lovely cousin told me her mother would have him buy cases of vodka so she would never run out of her liquor supply.:upset:

Dill-thank you for that hilarious Eleanor Roosevelt quote. It made me chuckle all day. I am praying for your son that he is able to get on his feet financially so you and Mr. D. may return to your peaceful lifestyle. Hope you had a nice time with your friend today. Speaking of meet-ups, I hope you and I can hook up when I'm in Dayton in June. It will make going to our annual, and boring, conference, much more palatable. You mention the words "food" and "mall" to me in the same sentence, and my ears perk up straighter than a German Shepherd's.:H

DTD-thank you for reprinting that post from NoSugar. I do lurk on another threads and she is one smart woman...always posts worthy information. Hope you had fun at your braai (sp?) today.

Pap-I so admire the amount of weight you have been able to lose in such a short time. Did it take you only a month to lose 15 lbs? Bet you can't wait to buy a whole new wardrobe.

I am delighted you were so well-received by your boss and co-workers when you returned to work. I am glad your boss has done a 180, and she now treats you with respect and admiration as opposed to disappointment. I was worried about you for a while there.:l Are you up for a one-on-one meet-up with your friend from Wisconsin? I'm going to be in Methune, MA in March. Are you anywhere near there? I thought we could meet up and I would take you out to dinner at a restaurant of your choosing. You fly, I buy.

. Now, don't tell me, "No" because I offered to buy...I have an expense account.

.

**Rusty** · January 17, 2014, 09:06 PM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good Evening AF Friends,

A weary "hello" from the plane as I will be landing in Boston in a little while. My 92-year-old uncle passed away (my Aunt Rusty's husband) and tomorrow is his funeral. He had a good life. He played tennis until he was 90. He enabled Aunt Rusty's drinking, though. My lovely cousin told me her mother would have him buy cases of vodka so she would never run out of her liquor supply.:upset: I am sharing a hotel room with my aunt, who has been sober for 5.5 years. She got sober through a 12-step rehab and AA. She sponsors someone now and asks me a lot about my drinking past.

Dill-thank you for that hilarious Eleanor Roosevelt quote. It made me chuckle all day. I am praying for your son that he is able to get on his feet financially so you and Mr. D. may return to your peaceful lifestyle. Hope you had a nice time with your friend today. Speaking of meet-ups, I hope you and I can hook up when I'm in Dayton in June. It will make going to our annual, and boring, conference, much more palatable. You mention the words "food" and "mall" to me in the same sentence, and my ears perk up straighter than a German Shepherd's.:H

DTD-thank you for reprinting that post from NoSugar. I do lurk on another threads and she is one smart woman...always posts worthy information. Hope you had fun at your braai (sp?) today.

Pap-I so admire the amount of weight you have been able to lose in such a short time. Did it take you only a month to lose 15 lbs? Bet you can't wait to buy a whole new wardrobe.

I am delighted you were so well-received by your boss and co-workers when you returned to work. I am glad your boss has done a 180, and she now treats you with respect and admiration as opposed to disappointment. I was worried about you for a while there.:l Are you up for a one-on-one meet-up with your friend from Wisconsin? I'm going to be in Methune, MA in March. Are you anywhere near there? I thought we could meet up and I would take you out to dinner at a restaurant of your choosing. You fly, I buy.

. Now, don't tell me, "No" because I offered to buy...I have an expense account.

.

Star-you are such a good mother...resilient...taking life on life's terms when it comes to your son. I hope you do something fun for yourself this weekend.

Lav-I miss Greeneyes, and I loved her signature line on choosing good thoughts. Any plans for the weekend?

Cyn-I hope you have been pain-free. I think of you often.

I will close for now. We will be landing soon. Hope everyone has a wonderful AF weekend.

**Stargazerlily** · January 18, 2014, 06:07 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Good morning...

Cold and wintry here, constant snow, it is too much. Went furniture shopping yesterday, a new chair to take the place of the love seat we are giving our son when he moves out. It was fun, but hard to make a decision. Now that I am older, I want something that will last, no kids in the house to bounce on the furniture, spill, or other things that they do.

Rusty, so sorry about your Uncle, he sounds like an amazing man. Interesting that he bought the booze for your aunt...so good she is in recovery, a miracle.

Dill, hope things are working out at your house, we are still up and down.

Pap, have fun with all your activities.

Dream, hope your weekend is enjoyable outside since it is summer.

No big plans for this weekend, just meeting my friend to walk and get a little exercise, indoors of course. Anybody reading anything good? I need to find something. Have a great Saturday.

**dill** · January 18, 2014, 07:33 AM

Gentle January ~ AF Week 3

Greetings AF Friends,
Rusty, I will certainly meet up with you in Dayton in June! Sorry to hear about the death of your Uncle but 92 is definitely a ripe old age and it sounds like he had a very good run. Your Aunt that is sober 5.5 years, his widow now, how old is she? Did she consider it to be "enabling" that he bought her cases of vodka? Alcoholism is a complex issue. They grew up in a different time. Enabling is an odd phenomenon, isn't it? It is not necessarily and "evil" act if the person is thinking they are doing what the other wants/needs. Once your aunt decided to get sober, did he help her (enable) to do that?

Star, still up and down at your house? Right now we are at a period of calm. My son is continuing to take his sobriety seriously and is placing it ahead of all else. It is so nice to have him back! He was here physically for many months, but is now here mentally and spiritually. It's good you only have your son to deal with. Just imagine if he had kids in tow how chaotic things would be. Are you into self-help books at all? Lav suggested one called Change your Brain, Change Your Life, by Daniel Amen. I'm going to borrow it from the library.

DTD, Cyn, Lav, Papmom, et. al., have a peaceful and productive Saturday.

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