mornin folks ...just waiting for my friend to turn up...just sent a message to say he had overslept!!it is 445 am....ppqp...big apologies to you ..I akshully thought it was today..but well done to you ...big hiya to everyone else ..havent got much time ..your choice...me to woffle on or jokes? ok point taken!!have a good one
Tom Jones, one of the most respected singers in the world, has been axed from the voice to be replaced by Boy George, a convicted criminal and a homosexual drug addict.
A spokesman for the BBC said, "Tom just didn't fit in."
The BBC has defended axing Tom Jones from The Voice.
They feel that with the rest of the people involved being talentless gits, having one genuinely great singer on it would be embarrassing for them.
There are no rules in Constipation Club.
Do whatever you want. Nobody gives a sh.t.
Police have arrested a man at a Heathrow Airport Tube station and recovered a pair of scissors after another man was attacked on the London Underground.
Apparently they are now looking for a man with a Rock and another with a piece of Paper.
"Daddy, can I come down now? I've been up here all night." asked my six year old daughter this morning.
kids these days, I'm sure they think roof tiles replace themselves.
have you heard of the Indian karaoake champion? Gupti Singh
Paddy and Mick are in a bar. Paddy says to Mick, "I'll give you £200 if you let me kick you ten times." Mick thinks about it - he doesn't really like the idea of getting hurt but he likes the idea of £200 so he accepts it.
So he goes up to Mick and kicks him. Then he does it again. Then a third time, then a fourth, then a fifth, then a sixth, then a seventh, then an eighth, then a ninth, before walking back to his table.
an onlooker says to him, "Aren't you going to kick him the tenth time?"
Mick says, "Hell no. That would mean I'd have to give him the £200."
In the year 2015 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard-but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it!"...
Tom Jones, one of the most respected singers in the world, has been axed from the voice to be replaced by Boy George, a convicted criminal and a homosexual drug addict.
A spokesman for the BBC said, "Tom just didn't fit in."
The BBC has defended axing Tom Jones from The Voice.
They feel that with the rest of the people involved being talentless gits, having one genuinely great singer on it would be embarrassing for them.
There are no rules in Constipation Club.
Do whatever you want. Nobody gives a sh.t.
Police have arrested a man at a Heathrow Airport Tube station and recovered a pair of scissors after another man was attacked on the London Underground.
Apparently they are now looking for a man with a Rock and another with a piece of Paper.
"Daddy, can I come down now? I've been up here all night." asked my six year old daughter this morning.
kids these days, I'm sure they think roof tiles replace themselves.
have you heard of the Indian karaoake champion? Gupti Singh
Paddy and Mick are in a bar. Paddy says to Mick, "I'll give you £200 if you let me kick you ten times." Mick thinks about it - he doesn't really like the idea of getting hurt but he likes the idea of £200 so he accepts it.
So he goes up to Mick and kicks him. Then he does it again. Then a third time, then a fourth, then a fifth, then a sixth, then a seventh, then an eighth, then a ninth, before walking back to his table.
an onlooker says to him, "Aren't you going to kick him the tenth time?"
Mick says, "Hell no. That would mean I'd have to give him the £200."
In the year 2015 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard-but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it!"...
.
Comment