Anam Cara AF April

[Lavande]

Good Sunday morning Star & everyone!

Woke up to a brisk & sunny 45 degrees, nice
YB finally got the raised bed put together for my 15 baby strawberry plants, yay. With a little luck we will have fresh strawberries & blueberries soon. I made some coconut milk strawberry ice cream with store bought strawberries last evening, yum I haven't eaten real ice cream since the early 80's, ha ha!!!

Star, why do husbands always want 'more'? Why do they think 'more' will bring them happiness?
Why don't they understand happiness is an 'inside job'? WE CHOOSE HAPPINESS, more & bigger stuff doesn't bring happiness. Stick to your guns, that's what I'm doing :hug:

Hello to Dill, Cyn & Pauly. I hope you are all enjoying a nice weekend!
I see Papmom on Facebook with her new pup. They went to her first dog show yesterday, ha ha! Cute!!

Have a great AF day one & all!

Lav

[dill]

Good Sunday afternoon, AF people!

Late check in here due to granddaughter time! Also because it was just a gorgeous day and I felt the pull to get out in the flower beds to transplant some flowers from the greenhouse. On the subject of down-sizing: IMO women are more inclined to want to downsize bc we are the ones who care take the spaces for the most part. We naturally want to downsize as the nest is empty and we don't see the need to be taking care of all that area if no one is living in it! Men don't feel the responsibility for the home environment quite as much as we women do. I am sure there are exceptions of course. Even when no one is living in a room and causing clutter, there is still the accumulation of dust, spiders, cobwebs etc. that need to be cleaned. I am pretty sure I am much more attuned to that sort of thing than Mr. D. I don't think I have EVER seen him pick up a dust cloth, or even really see the need to do so! LOL

Pauly, Star, Lav, Cyn, let's all have a peaceful AF Sunday evening.

[treegirl]

Hi all - late Sunday checkin for me. Thanks for all the good wishes -- all went well yesterday, but was kind of a push when I wasn't feeling up to par. But I set a pretty table!! HB took pics, so I'll try to post one here. I was T_I_R_E_D afterwards, and it took awhile for me to get going this morning. I slept through my usual meditation time! I was concerned about not getting better, as Friday I still was not at all well. But I rallied yesterday, and today am pretty good. I actually went out and spent an hour pulling out the garlic mustard that is about to flower.

Star and Lav - I will try to find out about the hand stretches. I know about them because long ago I worked with choreographers, and hand warm-ups and stretches were part of the whole body work-out. Speaking of which, Lav - sounds like you will have quite the home gym! I've always wanted my own elliptical... (PS- You do have a good son, changing that tire.) Star - do you have AAA? In a city, that would be a good bet for a flat tire. (PS - I did make chicken soup and matzo balls, all from scratch. And Lav, I then made a really nice bone broth with the chicken remains..)

Pauly - hope you are feeling well. Sorry that Kell is waffling... I'll cross fingers that she'll make a good choice.

Dill - congrats on doing your volunteer job all by yourself! I'm sure it can get busy and a little stressful, but you'll get the hang of it. Our close-by hospital has a nice gift shop - I often go there to find nice little things to send to family. They also have a little sitting area that is an informal knitting area - I often see women in there working on projects. Not sure if they're other volunteers or what...

OK, off to make supper for just HB and me, and put away all the china and crystal and the Seder Plate, and everything else...

Wishing all a peaceful, AF Sunday night -

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

It's Monday already and I feel that the weekend went to fast because I was so busy! We had a great time outside for several hours in the morning and early afternoon, then took care of home duties later in the day. This weather is wonderful.

Cyn, I'm glad you slept in, I think rest is key when getting rid of a cold, virus, etc. Your dinner sounded great!

Lav, thanks for the support about being satisfied with what we have. I was asked yesterday to just look at this house and I said no, firmly but politely. I am just not interested. Hoping to begin on my house this week, ordering granite counter tops. Yay.

Dill, so glad you are enjoying the weather, family, and your life! I agree that the cleaning of a house is just not part of the thought process of alot of men. They are not mean, they just don't see it. Because they don't do the cleaning. So, downsizing is what I want, and I have it right now. I will not move and have stress.

Pauly, hope you are doing OK, we are always here for you.

Have a great AF Monday.

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning friends!

The weekends do go by too quickly Star especially when there's so much you want to do outside.
I'm glad to hear you are sticking to your guns & staying put. I honestly don't think most men understand the meaning & sheer importance of maintaining balance. All they seem to understand is 'bigger is better'. No, bigger is not necessarily better, ha ha! I just know that I need balance in my life to maintain my health & sanity. I have a bit more house & property than what I really want or need but I also know that I couldn't stand being closed up in a too small house with YB. He's noisy, a hoarder & very sloppy. I would lose the last of my sh*t sharing a too small space with him, LOL
Let's all stay calm & just breathe.

Dill, a busy weekend can be a good thing especially with the grandkids

Cyn, I hope you are rested up after your busy weekend too! I also hope your family appreciates your hard work.

Pauly, don't stay away. We all care about you & want to see you succeed, seriously :hug:

I have lots of work waiting for me & a trip to Curves on my game plan for today.
Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends,I'm still here Lav,just cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong,something in my plan isn't working anymore and I feel lost and defeated I don't drink cuz I want to get drunk,I drink to self medicate anxiety,stress,etc,I'm starting to realize this now,I just don't know how to deal with reality I guess,hell Cyn,Star and Dill hope we all have a nice Monday

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Just back from the trip to drop of HB at the train. Now, back to my agenda!!!

Star - you are so smart to stay where you are and do the upgrades that will make you happy. Good job maintaining balance. I agree that most men think bigger is better, and not only that, many men (or people, generally) think that constant change means growth somehow! Eeeek! I agree with Lav - trying to find that sweet spot of balance is a challenge, but it really is the thing that (for me) contributes to a beautiful life. And that point of balance may be different for different people... it's a quest, finding our own...

Pauly - keep at it - you can do this - it's a road of self-discovery, and you are seeing new things about yourself. Sending lots of good energy your way.

Dill and Lav - we are eating up all the hours that we can be outside doing our tasks, right? The guys are here to pick up all my 'bushwhacking' work, and it filled 2 trucks! There was more to be taken away, but I told them 'enough - I'll have more for you soon'. At least they got the stuff that was on the road, and all the trees I had put on the lawn. Onward!

OK - off to work. Did I say that I'll be a vendor at a Books and Antiques Fair this upcoming weekend? The vendors are in a different area from the sale, but I don't mind - this will be my first chance to put a public face on my business. So I'm dreaming up 'give-aways' and pictures, and all sorts of fun stuff. It's at a retirement center, and already the staff are interested in my services, so hopefully something will finally pop for me ---

Wishing all a great AF start to the week --

[dill]

Hello friends,

Don't lose heart Pauly. You know you really have no choice but to keep moving forward and trying again. Be gentle with yourself.

Star, is there something in particular that your hb is dissatisfied with about the house? Does it have a basement? Does he have a "man cave" space or is wanting one? I agree whole heartedly with you not wanting to pick up and move AGAIN! You just got finished with all that! Okay, don't feel you have to answer that. We can move on if you would prefer!

Lav, I hear you on going crazy in a small space with a grumpy spouse! Yikes! That's one reason why I don't want to move from here either. The house and property are much too large to handle and I couldn't do it on my own. But Mr. D loves it here and he needs lots of space for his interests and hobbies, so we will be staying put. He's not grumpy, like YB, but he surely would be if he didn't have his shop and his farm toys! LOL!

Cyn, that's fantastic about the Fair this weekend! I am sure you will get lots of business from it. Let us know how it goes.

I've been to a volunteer appreciation luncheon today which is a hoot I think since I've barely done anything yet! But it was fun to meet some of the other volunteers and to have some really good foods. Afterwards I was in the flower beds planting lobelia, snapdragons and nasturtium. I know it is too early to put out annuals for this time zone, so I truly hope I don't regret this!

Have a good Monday evening all.

[Lavande]

Pauly - you are doing exactly what I did girl!
I medicated myself for severe stress & anxiety. When it got to the point that I just couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't stand myself, my job, my grumpy spouse, etc. I decided F-it & started 'medicating. It never had anything to do with wanting to party or get buzzed or anything like that. I just wanted the emotional pain to finally stop. I knew full well as I'm sure you do that drinking AT these problems was nothing more than a temporary fix.

The only thing that did work for me was learning to detach from the problems & the people 'causing' the problems.
Please get yourself a copy of this book:
Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment: Karen Casey: 9781573244664: Amazon.com: Books
I have a copy on my Kindle & reread parts of it if/when I'm feeling the need for a touch up. Seriously!
I can't tell you how helpful this book was, I sure hope you feel the same :hug:

Cyn, good job on the whacking, ha ha!!! You sound like a new wonder woman!
Good luck at the event this weekend ~ sounds like a great opportunity to meet some potential clients. Have a plate of cookies or something on your table - people love freebies, LOL

Dill, I'm glad you got to enjoy the volunteer luncheon. This time next year yo will have had a lot of experience
I was just thinking this morning that if YB continues on his mission of grumpiness when he retires he just may find himself locked IN his garage, ha ha!! He will be busy building his greenhouse this summer so that should help.

Have a peaceful evening everyone!

[SnoopyC]

Good posts to wake up to...

Pauly, my heart goes out to you. First, for me, is get the booze out of the house, (even though we know you can buy it everywhere) and get some healhty food in the house. I swear, if I eat first, the cravings, feelings, lessen and I can get through. I agree with Lav about detaching, but I know that once you give in, it gets easier and easier to drink again and the cycle continues. We are here for you.

Lav,I do feel more at peace saying No to looking at houses, talking about it and getting worn down. Our situation is different. My HB works lots of hours, is not home several nights a week, and I am left with everything. He insists on mowing the lawn (I could do it here) but that is it. He just always wants something with lots of room, lots of expense, and I am not moving again. Yes, our yard is small, neighbors are close, but besides people letting their dogs bark and bark and bark, it is quiet. I was overwhelmed at the old house when he left to find a job in a new city. Never again, and I mean it. He probably would be happy for a short time at a new home, then the cycle would start over again. Debt, work, cleaning, no thanks. I bought a book about detachment and it is helpful. I refer to it also when I get stressed or really pissed off.

Dill, no, no mancave here. However, there is no need for one, a big chair directly in front of a big TV, and the entire house is geared to his TV watching. If he had a mancave, we might as well live apart, we would never see each other. This is kind of funny, he wanted to golf, we live by a golf course...he never golfs. What? So, we are staying put. Or at least I am staying put. Moving is so much work, I threw out or donated so much. I just want to work and focus on my health/lose weight.

Cyn, how fun to have a booth this weekend...hope it goes well. Two trucks worth of yard stuff, wow, you have worked so hard. Constant change is not necessarily growth, it can just be restlessness. I think it takes time and thought to be happy with what you have... Our society/social media, constantly focuses on doing, stuff, more, selfies, showing off. I hate it and find that boring and annoying. I will not buy into it. I would rather have a smaller home and money in the bank, a payoff plan, and not feel overwhelmed all the time. I think that way lies eventual poor health.

Have a great Tuesday, AF, filled with peace and happiness.

[dill]

Hello all,

Pauly, Star and Lav have good advice and suggestions. I really have nothing to add except to say, "Never, never, never give up!"
I'm lucky bc I live in a "dry" town. Once the booze is out of the house I have the advantage of not even being able to make a quick trip in to town to buy. The nearest wine shop is 8 miles away. It took me a while to train myself to go to the grocery store without buying wine. We do what we must.

Star, Mr. Star seems to just want things he doesn't have! LOL! I guess there are lots of folks like that tho.

Lav, what is YB's retirement date?

Hello Cyn, are you all ready for the fair? Lav is right about the cookies! LOL

Have a great AF Tuesday everyone!

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning friends. It happens to be Primary day here in PA too. You can bet your a$$ I will be there to cast my vote, ha ha!!

Star, I think our spouses may have some similarities in that they both have large egos to satisfy - with stuff. Bigger & more of everything they think they want & yet never makes them completely happy. YB had 2 canoes (sold one) & a rowboat with motor because he loves to go fishing. He hasn't moved either of those boats out of the driveway in years. He also has a very expensive bicycle he bought years ago because he wanted to bike for exercise. I think he has taken it for a short ride maybe twice. Now the downstairs is filling up with gym equipment that he hasn't even finished putting together yet let alone used. What is he waiting for? I have no idea.
That's why I had to detach myself from his crazy (at times almost manic) thinking
We owe it to ourselves to save our sanity!!!

Dill, I never minded driving the 8 miles to the wine store because it was in the same shopping center as the supermarket I use. There is no wine or beer sold in supermarkets around here, believe it or not.
YB's retirement date is June 10 unless he changes it again. He should be happy but he's not & I know what he put us through in 2003 when he retired from his job at the PD. I'm not going thru all that again, no way.
When I ordered the B12 supplement I ordered a bottle for him too - he really needs it in my opinion. I am feeling much better, thinking clearer, sleeping better & all that. He's not taking his because he 'can't remember' to take it every morning - really?? Do I have really have to take the responsibility of tossing one in his mouth every morning before he leaves the house? He was grumbling on his way out this morning about not sleeping......no kidding.

Hello to Cyn & Pauly!
Let's all have a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends,Star,there's never any alcohol in the house but the gas stations are less than a mile away,I wish al was only sold in specific stores....on the other side of town,its those quick lapses in judgment that make it so easy just to go get it,sit and stare at it,debate about it to myself"do I really want to go down this road again?" F-it I already bought it I'll just take it slowHah! I never take it slow big fat lie and denial to myself, Dill,what can you say? There's really not much you can say when someone continues to drink over and over,it really has to come from inside ME to stop for good,let's just put this past us and focus on better things, I don't wanna keep rehashing cuz then I just get more angry at myself Lav,YB sounds like me,I keep buying things that never get touched,exercise stuff,clothes with tags,high heels that are cute but are torture devices(hate heels!)the list just goes on,I wonder if I try 1/2 of an Amoryn and work up? I just remember bad anxiety from it,it was at Kells baby shower and I felt like I was having a stroke,then another time I felt my heart beating in my ears,ugh,maybe its not for me now that I think about it,Kell,worked at the other shop for 3 days then called to beg for her old job back! Now they're really gonna treat her like crap,oh well her life,I just ain't giving her advice anymore, she's an adult and its her life I guess, hi Cyn,what's planned for today? Hope we all have a terrific Tuesday

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Late post here; I stayed up late working on files (I'm re-working my office to be more of a 'comfort' zone, so there's lots of de-cluttering going on...), and the dogs got me up several times in the night, so it's a slow morning. It's the only thing good about being self-employed; I can rest if I've overdone it the day before.

Ha!! Lav and Dill - cookies were the first thing on the list for my vendor table! Seriously, I doubt if I will see more than a hand-ful of people. There are only 3 of us as vendors, and we are in a different part of the campus, a short walk away from the sale. Oh well - this is a retirement center, so even if I just meet a few residents and connect with the staff, I think it will be a good thing. I'm still going to prep as if I'll have tons of visitors - then the next time will be easier. I have other give-aways for people; check-lists of the Important Documents that one should know where they are, and have in safe keeping. Top Ten De-clutter tips, a wallet-sized card to write down meds, contact info of your ICE (In Case of Emergency person). I'll think of some other things - any suggestions? I'm working on Before and After pics to display on foam-core boards, and will display my 'Cindy System' portable file box of Important Docs and move information that I make up for all my move clients.

Pauly - sounds like detaching and self-love is the way to go!!! I'm sending you lots of good vibes to day. Give yourself a hug from me.

Lav - you are too funny when you talk about YB! Yes, I expect he DOES think you should put theB12 in his mouth! (or maybe you should give him an injection --- you know where...)

Star - what a victory that you stood your ground. Balance!

Dill - I love the sound of your garden! I picked up some allysum yesterday to put between the creeping phlox that is about to bloom. I get completely overwhelmed when it comes to annuals... I left without anything else!

OK off to get something done around here -- it's pouring outside -- hmmmm, maybe a good day to paint my office?

Happy AF Tuesday all -

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Lav, I had a hard time falling asleep last night, maybe the B12 is needed, you said 5000 mg a day, right? I looked up my detachment book that I dip into all the time and it is Karen Casey, just like yours. It is a well written book, with lots to learn! Yes, when I look at my husbands list of wants, I realize that once he gets something, he really doesn't want it. We are past the age of making financial goofs, we just don't have enough time to rebound anymore. Plus, more to me means more pressure. Anyway, I booked a few music concerts for the summer, that is something fun to look forward to.

Dill, we have liquor stores and booze two minutes away, gas stations, drug stores, grocery stores, you name it. Not having it in the house, having other plans for the evening, that is what is important in being AF. How about you?

Cyn, I think your ideas for the fair are great. I remember you helped me out when I had to move and I thank you again. Hey, how are you feeling with the changes you have made?

Pauly, your daughter sounds like my son in some ways, the best thing for me is to detach as much as I can. As adults, we all make our own decisions as to where to work, etc. Yesterday I had a really intense craving on the way home from work and I thought, just go home and eat and see how you feel. I did, and the craving was gone. I think alot of times we need to eat first, it is a chemical/chemistry thing with our bodies, weird but true.

A busy hump day, have a good one.