Optimistic October - AF

[treegirl]

Good morning all -

Lav, I think that you are right about the alkaline/acidity aspect of our health. And I'm starting to equate that to our spirits as well! I'm feeling that there is 'work' to be done to find ways to 'Be' that are less acidic and more conducive to growing connections between people. Dill, I am sorry to hear that you are thinking of leaving the thread - of course I respect your desires, but I also must say that your perspective and your journey matter to me, personally and publicly, and i would miss them. Of course I am wishing you well whatever you decide.

To get through this maze of world upheaval, I am challenging myself to tamp down the heat and pain of the current climate by practicing compassion; and I find it very,very hard sometimes! But I guess that's what 'practicing' is all about.

I hope that we can all keep talking and listening and working to find common ground, remembering that even on a cellular level our bodies prefer love over fear.

Truly wishing ALL well on this AF day ---

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, I would hate to see the thread go away Star yes we're a small group but it's a peaceful place to me,MWO has gotten small as it is,I hate to see anybody leave especially you Dill,you're such a gentle soul,I hate politics cuz it just gets people riled up! We all have our personal opinions on them that's a given, same as our food differences,if Lav ate the crap I eat in one day she probably couldn't leave bed for two weeks haha but I like different opinions on stuff, I learn from some and let the rest go,can't our political views be the same? Oh well I'm just trying to keep us together but I guess I can't change anyone's mind,Cyn,I'm trying to be more compassionate in my life too,sometimes it's hard cuz some people are just plain out mean, those are the ones I just detach from, must go get some food, it's my feeding time haha hope we all have a positive Tuesday

[Lavande]

Good evening friends!

compassion
noun
1.
a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering

I'm glad this word came up today.
It's worth our time, effort & energy even when not appreciated.
I still feel better after I've at least made an attempt

I woke up again this morning thinking about my son & his family. I decided that I would make an attempt to resolve this 6 week old situation. I texted him with a request that we get together soon to talk. After a few text exchanges back & forth I got the idea that he doesn't want to resolve the situation. He was basically cold & indifferent to me. Honestly, I felt so sick after that I gave up. I felt my B/P hit the roof & I am not about to risk a stroke over them. This is a sad & shitty situation & there is nothing I can do to fix things I have no choice but to just let it go for now. Sometimes even compassion isn't enough.

Star, Cyn & Pauly I hope you are all well. Same for you Dill if you are checking in.

I have had enough for this day so I'll just wish everyone a peaceful night!
Lav

[NoraC]

Lav - :hug: I am sorry that it wasn't a better outcome.

[paulywogg]

Sorry Lav:'(

[abcowboy]

I understand what you're going through Lav, although in my case it was my drinking that started it all. I can almost sympathize with parents who lose a child, I have lost a living child and I'm not sure I'll ever get her back. So like you, I've decided to just let go and let God...

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Lav, what the heck is going on with him? I am so sorry that you reached out and were shut down, so hard. I understand they can do this because of the grandkids, hold you hostage and that is not right. To go from being over at your place constantly to not at all, it is hard to understand. And to get mad about something, I get it, but to hold a grudge and keep your grandsons away from you, not right. I am just hoping that they will need your babysitting services over a big break at school or something. Sending you love and light.

Cyn, it is really cold here and I felt so tired yesterday, just had a need for carbs, so had pasta and bread, then fell asleep by 9, I am adjusting to the colder weather, darkness and fall in general. A feeling of gloom came over me, but luckily is gone today. I was going to ask you how you socialize without booze. I have been invited to a bar in a few weeks (don't want to go, but don't want to hurt my friend's feelings) and then my brother wants me to visit his vacation home, but all they do is casino, bars, and I don't have fun doing that. What do I do? Last year we went and I had a miserable time at the bars, luckily was not invited to a casino, that is their most recent thing. So, I guess the question up for discussion is, how do we socialize in a world that is bar/casino/drinking focused? I just don't want to go, but want relationship. I have a feeling that you navigate that pretty well. I was thinking about your discussion about alkaline/acid and notice that if I eat more alkaline foods, I feel better. Also listening to my body, as in yesterday, knowing I needed more to eat then usual, and going to bed early. I almost felt sick, not quite, but now feel strong again.

Pauly, you are so sweet, when people are rude or cruel, it is shocking in a way, and I agree the best thing to do is to avoid, but what if you work with people who are like that? Not as easy.

Abcowboy, so sorry that you and your daughter are unable to get together. My heart goes out to you.

Have a productive AF Hump Day!

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Lav -Noooooooo! I can't believe that you got that from your son. What on earth...? I am so sorry - I am sending healing vibes and strength to you, please please take good care of yourself. This is really tough.

Pauly - I can't imagine what you face everyday, having to deal with all those personalities and perspectives in your chair all day long! I couldn't do it! I think detachment is a great skill, and I'm glad that it is in your toolbox - close to the top, I hope! You are doing great --

Star - that's an interesting question about what to do in the situations that you describe. In casinos, it's the smoke that gets to me (or the stuff that they spray in the air to cover the smoke), so I usually get a cup of coffee and go find a quiet place to read (hotel lobby, anyplace!) Bring a book! I'm over having to do the stuff that other people do so that they can feel comfortable. I'm not judging, I'm just saying that I shouldn't feel like I have to engage in the same activities - I'll go along and be supportive, but I don't have to do the activity. Bars - I don't know, get a hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream? I am at the point now that looking at alcohol or watching other people drink has absolutely no effect on me. In fact last summer for several receptions, I served the wine. But you are still removing that 'lure' from your life, so maybe just do a drop-by at the bar, and leave when you get uncomfortable...? Good luck!

About Compassion. Lav, that was an interesting definition; I guess maybe it means something a little different to me, more on the lines of noticing and putting myself in another's shoes, even if momentarily. The The 'helping to alleviate the suffering' part sounds dangerous to me as a recovering co-dependent! Thanks for posting that - I realize that I have to refine my thoughts about what it all means.

I started thinking about all of this because of seeing the movie 'Denial'. (Excellent acting by Tom Wilkinson!) I was wondering if I could find a way to feel compassion for the explosive character who is the deny-er in the film. Also I've been revisiting the idea of 'love thy neighbor as thyself'. (and I think there's something about loving one's enemies?) Now there's a challenging concept.

I guess there's always growth on the horizon!

Hello Dill, if you are reading. I'm sure there's a perfect quote out there for all of this...
Cheers all for an excellent AF day.

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Cyn,that's what I think of when I think compassion, for example if a customer is being terrible and rude I just try to think"well maybe he's in pain and just feels crappy so I get the brunt" or yesterday I was pumping gas and some homeless guy asking for change from everyone, I seen him approaching me and I looked at his face,red,alcohol nose,messy hair and I gave him a dollar, he and I aren't that different really but some people are just assholes and I distance from them mentally(try to) Lav,I'm so dang sorry about your family acting like this it's just not fair, life is too short for resentment and your son should know that, woke up starving! I hate that feeling, Star,I never really went to bars back in my heavy drinking days,I just don't see the appeal,we did go to a country western one once with a friend and it was fun from what I remember haha(bad joke) casino is tolerable just play some keno and lose $30 like I did Sat night, I don't care if I'm around drinkers either, that's not a trigger, it's not the alcohol that triggers me,it's something else that I can't put my finger on, euphoric recall, pms,poopy mood,anxiety are some that I know of but I've also made the excuse to drink for a full moon or it was Tuesday, who knows, I'm missing Dill I always think of everyone as friends and when it's so easy for them to leave I feel sad anyway I hope we all have a positive AF Wednesday

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

No steam to blow off today ~ thank goodness!
Thanks for the support everyone, it is appreciated.
I just spent the day doing putzing around, let business stuff go a bit & went out to lunch with YB in lovely Lancaster County.
I really needed the downtime, glad I treated myself

It was 28 frosty degrees here this morning, refreshing actually.
I was surprised to find the very first tiny egg today. The cold weather apparently did not bother that girl, ha ha!

Star, hanging out at bars & casinos is not fabulous even if you are a drinker. I really don't know anyone our age that does that anymore. I think if I felt that I had to go it would be for the shortest time possible & if anyone gave me a hard time about it I would just say See Ya!!! I have no tolerance for that BS anymore - can you tell??

Cyn, I think we are all pretty compassionate people. We all seem to have the ability to imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes. I have the bigger problem of being TOO much of an empath. Look what I ran across today:
Pinterest - Forbidden
Did you get the frosty weather too?

Pauly, I still have hope for this family situation, just not going to expect any significant results yet!
I feel weird handing cash to homeless people because it's not really going to help them. I do donate to the local food banks every chance I get. I feel better donating healthy food, toothbrushes & toothpaste, shampoo, that kind of stuff. There are a lot of migrant farm workers around here & I know these donations help a lot.

Well, I wish everyone a peaceful night. Greetings Dill, hope you check in.

Lav

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Lav, love your attitude that things will get better, just not right now. I agree. I don't like bars and casinos, and when invited, don't want to go, but want to hang out. I guess even at my age, people like to go to those places to socialize. I don't. Also, I am not invited out often, which is probably why, because I get bored and feel annoyed at those venues. We want to go on a late winter trip, and invited out west where those are the entertainments. Not for me, but I love my family. Even after my Dad's funeral last year we had an afternoon before the dinner and many went to a casino, we went to the beach. I just don't want to go there, so I guess by writing this out, I am not going. I am too old to people please and have to do what is best for me. You have been a great teacher of that Lav. I loved that Pintrest article, thanks.

Pauly, I found myself getting annoyed with people at work this week and it was not good for my peace of mind. I am focusing on detaching at work, watching how I talk to myself about others behavior over which I have no control, it is just not worth it. I go back and forth about having friends and going out, I moved and at my age it is not easy to connect with others, maybe if I went to church, but the misogyny and discrimination against LGBTQ people at my church is out of the question for me to listen to our put up with. So, as I join yoga and a meditation group mostly filled with young people, maybe something will click with someone over time.

Cyn, I think of compassion as being filled with loving kindness and empathy, not sympathy which is different to me. Fixing someone is beyond what I can do, and as I have gotten older I realize that more. I do want to lend support and validation though, that is enough I think. You are so sweet to go places and bring a book, I think I would be harassed if I did that! I will have to try it.

Shout out to Dill.

Have a good AF one!

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Great attitude, Lav! So glad you had some time out and away. I agree, the too-empathic part is tricky. I look forward to the article.

Pauly - I forgot to say congrats on the many fewer days of AL in this last year! May it continue to have less and less a hold on you, until that wonderful day when it doesn't even enter your mind.

Star - yep, we can do whatever seems right to us now! Woo Hoo! One perk of age. I think your yoga and meditation classes sound like a great place to put your energy.

Racing today - work and then must cook up a storm, and figure out how to transport dinner for 20 people to NYC tomorrow evening. Wish me luck!

Hi to Dill. Wishing all a wonderful AF Thursday.

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Lav,I do also donate in different places where I know stuff is needed,I don't like to hand out money to peeps either but sometimes I just look at them and feel sad,they probably just go buy beer or drugs but I've also seen them go straight to the water machine or a food place so it probably just depends, Star,you always talk about being older,I don't think you're much older than me,I'm content with not many friends cuz there's so many people in my life as it is,actually thinking about it I've only had a handful of friends my whole life, one or two close ones during different times but nothing like the group of friends like on Sex and the city or anything,looks like fun but too much going on I think,what's on the menu Cyn? Should be interesting delivering all of that food,Star,I was trying to get back into religion with my friend at work, ugh,we both grew up in it and she's studying again and was talking to her customer who's also rejoined and I'm sorry but it reminds me of AA or a cult the way they talk and want you to study, no beard,not be"worldly" I'm not interested in being a fake, I can try to be a better person but I'm not gonna jump through hoops out of religious guilt, anyway, this outfit I picked out feels too dressy for my mood(tight) gonna find something more comfy,oh btw Michelle is going to Florida with her new bf for a couple of months!! Causes me anxiety, I need to mind myself, have a great AF Thursday

[Lavande]

ARRGGGHH!
My long post just disappeared & can't be found.

Just want to say hello & goodnight to everyone.
Wishing us all peace tonight & I'll try again tomorrow!!!

Lav

[Snoopy56]

Good morning...

Hey all, it's Friday!!!!! Yay! Nothing planned that's special, but knowing it's the beginning of the weekend makes me happy!

Lav, sorry you lost your post, hope things are going well. It seems that YB's retirement is going better than expected? It was pretty cool here yesterday and in the low 40s now, I think fall is here and winter is right around the corner.

Cyn, I transported Christmas Dinner for 12 people one year. Big containers and alot of help made it happen. Hope you have fun. What are you making? I am interested in your menu if you have the time.

Pauly, thanks for sharing our friendship history, I have always had one or two really intense female friendships, my entire life. My good friend died last year, I miss her so much, and my other friend is so unhappy in her marriage and family, she became sharp and mean. She called me last night, we had not talked since August, I blocked her on FB, she had put something nasty on my work FB page and I was done. We did not talk about that, but caught up on family stuff. She is still unhappy and edgy, I have to protect myself but want to keep the door open. I am still looking for someone in my age group with common interests, so far no luck. I am in my mid 50s, my kids in their 30s, so middle aged I guess?

So 68 days AF today, I am so happy about it, I am focused on making it 168 days, and beyond. I love being free from feeling sick, guilty, remorseful, and scared. Feeling healthy, mentally sharp, able to do my best, confident, it is so much better. The pink cloud is definitely gone and now I can focus on new interests, improving relationships and loving my life. Have a good Friday, AF.