mae all how are we...you aint gonna believe this one...Ive got the cold!!2 days before I go to usa and Im snotterin and sneezin like a good un!!!havent a clue where that camefrom!best it disappears as fast as it came on...all packed now..despite the cold Im off detecting ..its 5.05 am...choices are go or stay at home and tidy up...and the winner is..........................
brew time ..have a good one folks..
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”
I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really
He said, “Yes. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”
I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
.
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, “Good idea – we can cover more ground that way.”
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.
Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it’s white and settles on their land.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.
My astronaut girlfriend has dumped me.
She said she needs space.
I’ve fallen in love with a pencil and we’re getting married.
I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?”
The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.”
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let’s get it right next time, boys.”
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian checks her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
The man replies, “Yes, that’s the one.”
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34.
They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
I tried to change my password to “14days”.
The computer said it was two week.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It’s a vicious cycle.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She’s still not talking to me.
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No ballroom.
brew time ..have a good one folks..
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
I asked my Mom if I was ugly.
She said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
My Dad said to me, “Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted.”
I shouted, “You’re kidding! Really
He said, “Yes. Get your things together, they’re coming to pick you up in an hour.”
I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
.
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, “Good idea – we can cover more ground that way.”
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.
Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it’s white and settles on their land.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.
My astronaut girlfriend has dumped me.
She said she needs space.
I’ve fallen in love with a pencil and we’re getting married.
I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?”
The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.”
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let’s get it right next time, boys.”
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian checks her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
The man replies, “Yes, that’s the one.”
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34.
They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
I tried to change my password to “14days”.
The computer said it was two week.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It’s a vicious cycle.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She’s still not talking to me.
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No ballroom.
thank you,hi Snoopstar
SK,sorry about the tooth but like Lav says they can file it down,I have weird canines they're roundish and ones bigger than all my other teeth,lazy day today might go out to the new Chik Fil A that everyone's making such a big deal about, I had it once in California, that was the day Brady put his in the microwave and it caught on fire cuz the wrapper had foil! It was in the motel and the smoke detector went off,the office people came running, all was fine but sheesh,much love to all and I hope everyone has a great AF Sunday
osteroops:SK - so that's what we else he showed you. How do you pretend you didn't see that??
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