w/c 22nd

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 22nd

morning all,
a nice rainy spring day in order. Mick, the fart joke qualifies for a copy and paste to my sister.
PQ, some mountain surveys, sold calves yesterday!
Det, moving to Vegas, eh? moving is always a good time to purge that which you don't really need.
Pi, the best thing about bringing my fiddle to a restaurant is we're certain to get a table even if the place is full.
Lav, Ridded myself of all roosters the other day. hens will finally get to have feathers again. We have quite the fox population here as well.
Pauly, ready for summer? tomatoes are the best!

off and running

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 22nd

Mae everybody,Mick I agree with Sam,,love the fart joke Sam,yep its already in the 90's here and you know I love it,Det,why'd you decide on Vegas? I'm sure it'll all work out though,I don't envy you making those hauls tho,that is a long ass boring trip! I've made the mistake of holding baby Romeo too much,now all he wants is to be held by Nan the whole time I watch him and I can't bear to just put him in his seat or swing and let him cry I'm such a wimp,did the same with Brady when he was a tot,as a matter of fact his first word was "up" cuz I put him down to do the dishes and he was pulling at my leg and out it flew haha,tomatoes should do fine,they were thriving a few years ago,last year I skipped cuz all that Jon stuff happened and I just didn't care to plant anything,much love to all and wishes for a terrific,turp free,Tuesday (dunno what a turp is but Mr.G says it haha)

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 22nd

MAE ALL...

Lav...sounds like you'll have some visitors for a couple of days. Fun. If we get snow it won't amount to much I'm sure or should I say knock wood. Gotta say I don't miss the field fertilizer smells. LOL

Det...hope you got a good rest last night, sounds like you needed it. Do not envy the trips back and forth to Vegas, just take it slow and easy.

Mick...so did the rain materialize today? We had a bright sunny day but it's started to cloud over now and rain in the morning. Of course, it's because I have to go for my arthritis checkup. My work is doing just fine, it's everyone else's that is f*d up. Talked with the Childcare Director this afternoon and we've come up with a plan to get things rolling. Basically we're going to ignore the GM. LOL Guess I can consider myself a true Canadian after that list and I concur the fart joke is priceless.

Sam...glad the calves are sold it eases the work load. Hope there's not too much bawling going on.

Pauly...I think that's funny that Brady's first word was "up". Looked up "turp" and I'm sure it's not what MrG. means. If you find out let us know.

Neighbours started in around midnight last night and it went on till 4am. Here's hoping tonight is not a repeat! Wishing everyone a peaceful night....:smile:PPQP

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 22nd

PQ,I've read his thread and it says"staying off the turps"so im sure its al haha,kids just went home,,,my arms are rubber I don't envy Det at all,from here to Reno is about an 8 hour drive? Probably more for him if he's gonna be hailing stuff,,off to ice my arms haha nite all

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 22nd

Greetings Abbers,

Started with sun but it's raining now. At least it isn't snow - right PQ?
My grandsons went home but it was a crazy busy 4 hours!!! Picked them up, fed them, supervised homework & we even planted flower seeds in cups for them to take home.
I am not needed to watch them tomorrow after all so I guess I can rest, haha!!

Mick, hope your power has been restored since your message this morning. Yep, probably due to some squirrels chewing something of importance
The grandsons seem to have grown past the toy stage now, most of their spare time is spent on electronic devices. But they do still enjoy spending time out with the chickens & generally making a lot of noise outside, Lol

Det, hope you are getting some rest after your busy weekend!

Sam, glad to hear you are finally rooster free. I really hate those buzzards & hate the way they beat up the hens.

Pauly, I used to set the kids up with their toys in the corner of the kitchen so they could see me while I was busy cooking. Holding a heavy kid on one hip while cooking tends to throw your skeleton out of alignment, ouch!

PQ, having so many Amish farmers around here means we get the extra fresh, heavy duty fertilizer smells - if you know what I mean. God bless them, they are the original organic farmers & grow beautiful produce, ha ha!!
I hope your noisy neighbors give you a break tonight geez.

Wishing a nice night for everyone!
Lav

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 22nd

PQ,I've read his thread and it says"staying off the turps"so im sure its al haha,kids just went home,,,my arms are rubber I don't envy Det at all,from here to Reno is about an 8 hour drive? Probably more for him if he's gonna be hailing stuff,,off to ice my arms haha nite all

Ah...maybe it stands for turpentine. Plural meaning any poison. LOL

[Mick]

Re: w/c 22nd

morning all,how are we doing today then?top of the pops are we ?well electrickimy restored ,after about 4 hours yesterday,it took most of the area out.it also shows how much we actually rely on goods that are outside of our power to control...phone internet cooker lights etc..
ok lets have a self reliant brew.

hiya Sam...how are you doing?well done on selling the calves ...as for the foxes yep we have a little problem with them too..all well with the soil business?

hiya pauly ..ha youve done it now ...picking little one up all the time!yes Ive got tomatoes on the go too...stay off da toips ... oh and get a cardboard cut out of yourself to stand next to little one ..!

hiya ppqp... Australian slang for alcoholic beverages, as in "on the turps" ....how are we we how did the arthur itis check go?yes the rain materialised yesterday and never stopped either!so the GM...(goofy muppet)is being left out of your plans...you should include the unco-ordinated co-ordinator in that too.

so Lav ..rest day today is it ?did you see dil at all?dont know what caused the power job ...but it was effective!!but here we go a brew!

hiya det how are you today then friend ? hope you are well.how is the move going?

right peeps see yall later


Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old grand-daughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.

Stress Management

Just in case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

Earl was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"

Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300."

My goodness that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed.

Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

An Australian, and Irishman and a Scouser were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out :

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge : "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus", he says.

Well, the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him: "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me". The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks.

Then the Australian calls out : "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?" Jesus nods and says : "Yes, I am Jesus". The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

The Scouser then calls out : "Oii whack, would you be Jesus"? Jesus smiles and says : "Yes, I am Jesus". The Scouser beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of bitter for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the table.

Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches our three friends. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:

"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've had for years is gone! It's a miracle"! Jesus then shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the lager.

Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen in shock: "By jingo mate, the migraine! The migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone it's a miracle"!!!

Jesus then goes to approach the Scouser who says: "Back off, mate! I'm on Disability"!

A virile, young Italian man was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, when he managed
to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom for sex.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So... You finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love-making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love-making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted Italian falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian!"

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 22nd

morn all
another rainy day in paradise, we need the rain, glad it is here. Mick, got about another 10 days at soil job. Looking forward to getting a few things done around here.

PQ and Pauly, turps = turnips??

Lav, gotta admit, I miss the 5 o'clock wake up call. My wife won't go in to see the hens when there's a rooster about.

Det, sounds like a marathon move.

a how do to you PI

off and out

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 22nd

Mae everybody,Mick glad you got your electric back on,that's the worst! Sam,I'm jealous of your rain,this has been the driest year here in a loooong time,much love to all and wishes for a great AF Day

[Pie]

Re: w/c 22nd

Wednesday Greetings Mick, PQ, Lav, Pauly, Sam, Det..

Plans to show some properties today have cancelled, so that leaves me with plan B. Working on continuing education hours. Humidity is low again, so I can do this out on the patio with my laptop. Not exciting, but not awful.

[SKendall]

Re: w/c 22nd

Pie, is the Houston market anything like North Dalla? It's crazy here and daughter's home has increased in value by $100K.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 22nd

MAE ALL...

Mick...thanks for clarifying "turp" for us. Arthur itis check was ace, don't need to see her for another 6 months to renew my biologic. Yup GM being left out and I actually forgot we have a program coordinator. Haha Glad your power was restored fairly quick. Are you prepared for outages? Cook stove to at least make coffee!

Sam...nope, as Mick says Australian slang for alcoholic beverages. LOL Don't think I'd miss the 5 o'clock wake up especially since it would be every day.

Pauly...hear it hit 92F today. Way too hot for me!

Pi...happy hump day to you too. May not be exciting but at least you're outside. I always forget about humidity as we usually don't have any.

SK...nice to see you pop in.

Haven't a clue what's for dinner so need to search the pantry. Have a peaceful night all....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 22nd

Greetings Abbers,

We have plenty of humidity here as evidenced by my frizzy hair, ha ha! Rained all night & a bit today, very damp.

Mick, I haven't seen my DIL in nearly 20 months now - her choice. Glad you got your power back in good time

Sam, 5 AM wouldn't be so bad but our rooster started up at 4:15 - he was such an a$$hole, ha ha!!!

Pauly, a little rain would be good & take care of your excessive pollen problems out there.
We never really seem to get what we want, do we?

Pie, CE units is something I don't miss. I put my nursing license on the retirement list a few years ago. I knew there was no way I would ever go back to nursing. my plan is to rob a bank if I run out of cash, LOL I hope you got a lot done.

PQ, glad your doc visit went well
So what did yo find for dinner? Anything good??

Hi there SK!

The menfolk are taking off at 5 AM to head up north for a fishing trip for a few days.
I'll be here holding down the fort, feeding animals, trying to keep plants alive in the greenhouse, etc.......
My life is SO exciting, don't be jealous.

Have a nice night everyone!
Lav

[Mick]

Re: w/c 22nd

mornin all ..howz yizall today then?goodly I hope..raining again ,but hey..lets have a brew .

and good morning to you Lav...proud owner of the frizzy hair....strangely enough I can stand in the rain all day and nothing happens..no show no grow no frizz!so you are in charge whilst the fishing fleet is out?so whats different?ha ha..now me ...watered plants in greenhouse fed rabbits ,let above out ...chased above in with rain ..4 miles on treadmill 160 press ups (so far)made julies brekkie clean garage ,bit more on model railway......go to shops ..NOW thats excitement!! oh and 5 brews!

ppqp hiya hows you ? prepared for outage????ha ha ...thatts got a different meaning nowadays.. but in the sense you mean..yes..Ive got candles a portable stove ...Ive also got the van which has got a gas cooker..and services that run off a battery..so apart from inheriting 2 more peoplle ..what has changed since you were tommy 2 hats?you look after yourself.

hiya SK...hows you then? all well with you?I hope so.

well you have 2 up on me pie!...cant sit on the patio...and use laptop,but I will after today..its fixed will be collected today.when does the condo biz start again.?

Jealous of the rain pauly???...wow enuff here to go round...did you know you can buy dried rain?just add water job done...

hiya sam,how are you then today?same day in paradise here too!!!best of luck with the soil mate

right peepil..thats it time to go.have a nice day all in here and else where.

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button.

Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change.

They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes.

Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his
hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy,

"What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"

To which the guy responds, "Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, LET ME OUT!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters " Too f@cking late pal, the paperworks already done!"

The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents Friday:

1. You can no longer get drunk
2. Procure hookers
3. Frequent GoGos or strip bars.

Addendum: The rules also say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.

After eleven attempts a wife finally passed her driving test.

Her husband asks, "Now that you have a licence, what can I get you as a reward?"

The wife cheerfully replies, "Oh, just something cheap to run around in."

So after thinking for a while, the husband goes out to the local Walmart and buys her some trainers.

He saw the iron coming but was too late to duck...

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 22nd

morning all
looks like a bright cheerful morning, got a bit of traveling today, so out the door, hope everyone is well.