June 2018

[Snoopy56]

This is my final post, I need to have a place where I feel safe and accepted.

Lav, I did not ask for your advice re: my son and did not appreciate your snarky response. So a child of mine lost a job and is at a low point. I am advised to tell him just figure it out, we are not here for you, the bank of Mom and Dad is closed. I cannot even say how mean that response is and how much that hurt me. I am happy that your kids are close to perfect and have little to no problems. I am sure it is because you are such a great parent and I am not. I would suggest that you try and understand that sometimes people's lives do not go well, even when they work hard and do the right things. At those times you need your family even more, not judgement and being cut off.

Cyn, Pauly and Skendall, thanks for your understanding and kindness. I appreciate all of it.

Stay AF and take care of yourselves.

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

Star,

My apologies, I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say.
I certainly wasn't advising you to cut off your son. Why would I do that?

I'm sincerely sorry you were so offended, that wasn't my intention.
I hope everything works out well for all of you.

Lav

[treegirl]

Re: June 2018

Hey Star!!! Don't go!!! We all are so wanting everyone here to stop hurting and be able to take care of themselves in the midst of family trauma, and all other kinds of trauma that we all have shared in a ways that could be misunderstood as hurtful - I know I have!! It all comes from a place of wanting to help. We have been through so much together here, lots of ups and downs. I think Lav has definitely had lots of pain and hurt in her life and in recent years, we all have faced something. I'm sure there was no judgement there - we have all been through a lot, and have a tendency to share what has worked for us individually -- sometimes it may come off as instruction, but it is just sharing.

We all learn from each other, and I have learned so much from your life and journey,,particularly these last few months. It would be very sad to have your voice lost to all the people here.

Pauly, how are you doing? I hope we can hear from you soon ---

SK, how are the strawberries?

Lav, are the blueberries getting there?

I can't even remember if I posted yesterday - these days are long... I started this morning at 7:30, and am just now wrapped it up... but made good progress today and had a good time working with a client this morning.

Hoping that we can remain friends and a group...
"I draw good things into my life" ...we certainly have, and so let us continue...

[SKendall]

Re: June 2018

G'day.

Star, I hope you will come back.

Cyn, haven't been able to resurrect the strawberries so will have to buy more.

May was the 2nd hottest month recorded. It will be 100 deg today and the pavement gets very hot for paws. Her pads are some protection but will keep an eye out for her veering toward the grass.

Lav, like you I needed some new summer clothes. I want to stop wearing t-shirts and wear short sleeved blouses. I went to Premium Outlets and for the 3rd time, I realized there are no bargains there. In fact, Hanes/Vanity are more expensive. They are a scam and it was packed. I took Peggy in Talbots, etc and no-one minded. Ill keep up the search in Dillards, Macy's etc. A few years ago and bought DD some things at the Gap outlet then I visited a regular store and the items I had bought were cheaper there. I did get a nice one from Lands End.

This week I've eaten Texas bar b que twice with enough for 4 meals, they have great salads and I get the lean brisket which Peggy loves. She doesn't stop staring at me until I give in - so easily!

Pauly, your chair is empty come on back, you are missed.

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

Hello all,

I am actually feeling a little offended by the remarks made about me but I can & will let them go.
Just in case anyone else is confused, I don’t think my remarks were snarky at all. If anything I was trying to lighten the mood just a little by joking about the way we handled our young adult children’s problems. No one is perfect, no can possibly be perfect.
Sometimes you just get to the point where you have to insert a little tough love & insist they take responsibility. That was my entire point.

Late last night I was contacted by my younger brother who lives on the west coast. Their 29 yr old daughter vanished months ago along with her baby who is not yet two & her boyfriend. Needless to say the family has been on edge waiting to hear something about/from them.
Turns out my niece is in jail on a charge of felony child abuse or neglect & the boyfriend is in a court ordered rehab. The baby was placed in a foster family by CHS. Drugs, alcohol & living in a car with a baby. How imperfect is that? My brother & SIL can’t even get the baby for about two months because this happened in another state from where they live. My niece is looking at a sentence of 1-6 years if convicted.

No family & no individual is perfect. My brother has chosen to stay tough with his daughter, leaving her sit in jail until her hearing.
He made that decision because my niece has repeatedly refused to accept help for her problems & caused much family strife. It’s time for her to straighten up, once & for all. Thankfully the baby was unhurt & being taken care of now.

Sometimes as the parents we just have to choose the tough love method.

Sorry to anyone else feeling offended by this discussion.

Cyn & SK, glad to see you are both well.
Pauly, please haul yourself together & let us know how you are.

I have my grandsons here for the night so it’s busy.

Love to all.
Lav

[treegirl]

Re: June 2018

Good evening all --

Lav, I apologize for "sticking my oar in". I was trying to get across exactly what you just said, but it was late and I was out of words. I am so sorry to hear about your brother's daughter and the situation - I think we all can say "there but for the grace of god..." what a sad and hard thing to deal with. PS - i didn't get the chance to say what an incredible thing the Brownie Bridge was! What a great ceremony-maker.

SK- I just ordered a bunch of stuff from LOFT online. Like Lav, I live far away from stores, so that's the only option unless I have time for a drive. They have incredible sales - I got $300 worth of clothes for $150. Let's hope they will fill the bill! Love to imagine Peggy waiting for her brisket...

Hey Pauly, come on back! Sending you light --

OK, that's all for tonight - I'm still not suite done with my work, so I will wrap it up now.

Sweet dreams ---

[paulywogg]

Re: June 2018

Is it safe to come out??im here,,just haven't been a team player I'm done rehashing my bad choices but wanted to post just to say bueno also hey,we're all loving mothers here and would do anything for our kids!!a few years ago,a member who is no longer here posted something to me about Michelle(oldest daughter) that really grinded my gears,,Michelle was,going through a bad time with a spice addiction,in and out of work,bad relationship and other nonsense,anyhoo she told me to kick Michelle out of the house and give"tough love" to straighten her out,ugh no! I didn't say too much at the time but I kept those words as a kind of resentment,I am glad Star voices here views toward Lav but wish they could have talked it out via pm or messenger I care for you both with all my heart and I know we look out for each other but like I said when it comes to the kids we become a little fierce,look at me,,I have a 20 year old son who just barely got his GED after the 4th try(I'm proud of him BTW) a daughter who moved out when she was 16 and lives off her bf's mom(but yes she works) another daughter with a disfunctional relationship with two kids and they all smoke weed,ugh,but I'll defend my babies to the end,they're all getting through life the best they can,,,,same as us.

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

Good evening friends,

Glad to see you back posting Pauly, really.

Taking care of our families is second nature to us, we love them & take care of them.
In order to avoid being 'victims' to family dramas sometimes we need to change up our caring techniques. Why keep doing the same things over & over if they aren't working, right?
I'm thinking about my brother pretty much being forced into changing his techniques in helping my niece. This girl was bright & educated & raised in a decent home. But she's always had problems fitting in at school (was home schooled for a while). There was also an issue with an eating disorder for a while. I don't think she ever really learned how to manage her anxiety, something I can relate to as well. Once you give your life up for drugs & alcohol, everything changes, we all know that.

Cyn, no need to apologize to me, glad you jumped into the convo here
I have actually thanked my kids this weekend for avoiding the drug scene. I don't know how I would have dealt with that.
I hope you had some R&R time today.

Have a nice night everyone!
Lav

[SKendall]

Re: June 2018

Good evening,

I'm glad to see you posting, Pauly. You were missed.

I think boundaries for kids vary greatly depending on the parents.

Well, I came here today to confess. I am having a relationship with A chocolate cake! I feel very guilty, and like Scarlett, I will worry about that tomorrow.

Goodnight.

[treegirl]

Re: June 2018

Evening all -

Well, I got an hour in getting the garlic mustard out of our beautiful pachysandra... that was a relief! I neede to get out and move around, I have been at the computer too long these past few days. Just finished up working now, and then did more dealing with an ant infestation - big black, and they are eating the mortar and wood to get inside from... who knows? Eeek! I have called the exterminator - it will be good to hear what he thinks is going on. Sheesh, never a dull moment.

Lav, I agree - I am so grateful that my nieces and nephews have side-stepped drugs... and I worry about their kids. I would be a wreck if I were a parent nowadays! How are the chickens doing? Are the foxes staying away?

Pauly, how great to see you posting, thanks for checking in. Good points about parenting. Since I never had kids of my own, I am a little in the dark. But I do like being a fur-mom.

SK - an affair with a Chocolate cake? I would have thought you were more of a Red Velvet girl myself...

I just want to,say that i know you all post over on the Daily thread, so if you want to move us all over there, I would be quite willing... I hate to see you 3 having to post twice... just sayin...

"I give myself self-care each day" Wishing all a good Monday...

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

Hey folks!

I think moving us to the Daily thread is probably a good idea at this point. I'm there every day anyway.

Cyn, did you really post your message at midnight? Ha ha, you're getting as bad as me.

We have had the first wave of ants here, there will be more. They always find their way in after a prolonged period of dampness. We just have the tiny, brown ants here. In our first house we had those huge black ants. I remember my German Shepherd trying to eat them, yuck. I had an exterminator spray around the outside of the house here for spiders for the first few years because they were excessive. I don't bother anymore, fewer spiders now for some reason. The exterminator said it would take care of ants too.
I have had no more communication with my brother about my niece, I hope she's OK & detoxing safely in lockup. It has to be rough.

Hi there SK - see you over on the Daily thread tomorrow

Have a nice night everyone.
Lav

[treegirl]

Re: June 2018

Hi @Lav, [MENTION=6149]Paul[/MENTION]y, [MENTION=651]SKendall[/MENTION] --

Just saying that if any of you want to continue discussing things that we have been talking about for a long time on this thread - food issues, family issues, etc. I am happy to do that. I don't feel like dragging the whole daily thread into old stuff, but would like to know how all are doing with those deeper issues.

I'll check here whenever I am on the site...

Love to y'all...

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

I agree Cyn. Posting here is just fine with me as well.

Hope everyone is OK!

Lav

[treegirl]

Re: June 2018

Hey there girlfriends, I hope that you got my message - I'm trying the [MENTION=6149]Paul[/MENTION]y, [MENTION=651]SKendall[/MENTION], thing again --

I think I am going to write here for now - it's a little too complicated to write meaningful stuff when there are so many people whose stories I on't know... I will definitely check in on the daily thread too.

Long weekend with work and SD's visit. She has had a terrible time with here Crohn's (stopped taking her meds...) and she had a colonoscopy last Monday - it has become severe, so she's back on major meds now... it will take months to restore to better health, so sad for. 48 year-old. The good (scary for her) news is that she got a great new job in CA, her dream location. So she came here on Saturday/Sunday and we did a family huddle, making a plan of attack and getting ducks in a row.

I did actually get my potted plants officially planted, and also clipped the geraniums and started some new little clippings, we'll see how that works!

Still confused about what foods to eat, and alreadynit's time to see the Functional doc... I have to tell her that I have only been able to do a fraction of the changes she instructed... going to put the appt off until I return from the next overseas trip (in 10 days, eeeeeeek.)

PAULY!!! Where are you? I would love to hear what's going on... SK, what's doin? Are you surviving the humidity? Lav, I hate to say it, but we are still having lovely weather here - I am soaking up every ounce of it, as I know it won't last...

Deadlines are looming for each business I'm involved in.... I had better get at it...
Take care all!

[Lavande]

Re: June 2018

Greetings everyone,

Crazy, hectic kind of day today. I had to have my new car at the body shop by 8 am so they can fix the paint flaws. The rental car agent met me there & handed me a Chevy Suburban!!!! I definitely cannot & will not attempt to drive a humongous vehicle like that, geez. Glad I had asked YB to go along with me this morning. He drove the thing home & said it was even bigger than his truck, haha! Fortunately the rental company called a few hours later to say they had a Chevy Sonic available, thank goodness. So we went & switched vehicles again. Then It took me 2 1/2 hours to get thru my eye doctor appointment this afternoon which left me feeling irritated. They overbook appointments, honestly.
I ended up picking up Chinese take out for dinner which was good but it will make me blow up like a water balloon tomorrow. I think I've had enough Monday!!


Cyn, that great news for SD! A new start in CA sounds like the perfect RX. Hopefully she will heal & get into some CA thinking & lifestyle. Good for her!
Good that you've had nice weather, someone should I think. We didn't get nearly as much rain as the Philly area did last night. They had 4" overnight & big floods on the highways!
I'm sure you enjoyed you flower gardening time, nice.

Thinking about you Pauly & SK, Star too!
I hope we can all keep checking in & staying in touch.

Have a nice night all!

Lav