w/c 13th

[Mick]

afternoonall ...just taken my car to the garage ...what a nightmare drive it is blowing a real hooley and pouring with rain ...could hardly see,and yet there are still eejits battering on thru it at top whack..theres a chance it will be ready on Tuesday afternoon ..Julie is away on a conference tonight for the monday so its by foot for me..

hiya Lav ..or is it Sarnt Major???right lissen in ...one set of rules here ...mine ..you can breathe ..as long as you do it quietly no discussion no debate ..questions ? none good off you go.... move yerself..but seriously ..yep glad they behaved ..which says to me they know how and where to take the pee.Tlking about cooking food ...did you see that cruise ..The Ocean of the Seas its called ..A Royal Carribean cruise ship ...most of the passengers have got the novovirus ...they have turned back ..think it was Florida ..not sure..burn my food a little longer please!

had a quick look for the ffs thread ..couldnt see it ..this is very slow this aft .

hiya ppqp...hows you today then? hopefully well..that sounds like a bargain pipeline..a transparent pipeline transferring air...yes it is slow here today too..

hiya pauly how are you today? Im doing this from memory as every time I look back it is so slow it conks out..hope you are well ...

hiya sk ...how are you today then?yeswe will def meet up for a brew..You wont recognise Manchester airport ..it is in the middle of a massive upgrade at the mo..

hia treegirl ...well is that you sorted now in Long Island?are you off anywhere else or is that it for the mo..

hows Sir Sam in his castle with the moat?hope all is well mate

hiya Det ...how are you feeling ? any better today ..?everything we do is a learned behaviour ..so what yo need to do is unlearn dislearn delearn (take yer pick) that behaviour ...sounds easy peasy ..we all know it aint ..but that is basically the top n bottom of it..hope your weekend is ok ..

hiya pie how are you doing?

right peeps das is das

Don't ever let 80s star Paul Young leave a hat at your house.

He'll try and claim your property.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

Dont be fooled ..Trump is gonna build the wall on the Mexican side, and call it "foreign aid".

"Why the hell are you following me?" asked a woman last night.

I said, "I'm not, it's just a coincidence that we've walked the same way."

She said, "Get out of my house!

I was waiting by the desk in a dingy gym when this huge bodybuilder sidled up to me.

“Are you the guy with the 'roids?” he whispered furtively.

I said “No, I just didn’t feel like sitting down.”

At last a drug to treat Hypochondria!
The side effects can make you ill though!

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 13th

Mae everybody,Mick I'm always OK,you all would hear my moping if I weren't haha love the 'roids joke! SK,sorry about the horrible $$$ haircut! A lot of hairstylists are so arrogant they just do whatever they want,I do what I'm told! Its the person's hair and they hafta live with it,that's what I tell people when they say "just do whatever you think" Lav,glad the boys were good Det,has to be a gut thingie,this sounds like excuses but I've relapsed before after taking stuff to kill off the bad stuff,I'm not sure if I took too much or too fast but it was almost like an uncomfortable Herx reaction that made my nerves go really bad so now I just try to ease into things,god we sound like weirdos with this talk haha! PQ,our steaks turned out superb,yours? I want to do something crockpotish today but tired of the same old foods,supposed to take Lou to a dinosaur thing but I looked at the prices 23 bux for adults 28 for kids,OK fine to gouge for the kids but me and hubs can't jump in bouncy houses nor do we care about dinosaurs so why charge adults so mucho?!? Ugh,might figure out another activity,hubs is starving so I'll say bye for now,much love and have a great BF Sunday!

[Determinator]

Re: w/c 13th

Happy Sunday ABerooos!

Pauly, steaks sound great. Yep research is flying along here as well as lots of self work. Got Refuge Recovery meet/meditation tonight
and hitting the gym prior. good combo.

SK, what an exciting haircut experience. Mine of yesterday was pleasantly uneventful.

Treegirl good to see you

doing some projects here with family which is good, hoping you all have a spiffy weekend.
be well loves

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 13th

MAE ALL....where did the day go????

Mick...thanks for kicking off this weeks thread. Wow, what crummy weather! Hope the car is fixed soon.

Pauly...steaks turned out great. We're actually having the left overs as a stir fry tonight. It's just crazy how much everything costs these days. I'm so glad I'm not raising a family at this time.

Det...glad you're spending time with the family. No isolating yourself.

Nice quiet day here, watching all the shows I taped. Shout out to the rest of the gang....:smile:PPQP

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 13th

Ended up taking the boys to a pizza place with some arcade games and rides,,only cost $50 for all of us and we all had fun PQ,we devoured the steak so no leftovers,ended up tossing in a roast in the crock pot and will eat it French dip style,yum Det,you sound bueno

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 13th

Greetings Abbers,

It snowed haha!! We didn't go anywhere though we were supposed to go to our daughter's house. They'll have to wait for a clear day for us to make that trip to help out with their home project.
The chickens refused to go out & walk in the snow as usual, oh well.

Mick, do you have Uber or any ride sharing service over there? Just in case you need to go out & buy a hat or something
Good luck with the car.

Pauly, looks like everyone enjoyed the pizza place & fun time
I haven't purchased any red meat for 15 years or so & I am shocked seeing the price of it now - geez. I used to love roast beef but I just can't handle it anymore, kills my stomach.
I'll stick with chicken or turkey or even fish once in a while.

Det, glad you are feeling better & staying busy

PQ, I measured 3" of snow late this morning, looks like we ended up with 4 or 5". Want some?????
Glad you had a quiet day.

SK called & said her computer won't turn on today. I think she needs a visit from the fairy godmother, LOL
SK, you sound pretty good, keep on taking good care of yourself.

Cyn, I imagine Long Island is seeing some snow too? Take care of yourself!

Sam, how much snow did you get in your moat?

Hello Pie!

Have a nice night everyone.
Lav

[Mick]

Re: w/c 13th

Hiya allhow are we today then? all good ..Well took the car down to the garage yesterday,andyep forgot about it today ..I had an appointment at the back man ...forgot about the no car...so as the wheels of time turned I thought oops ...and had to run down..and then pick the shopping up in a back pack..
But here I am...its cold but sunny ,and the rabbits are out playing .Julie is away on a conference so its me looking after me..did some more work on the lighting in the buildings yesterday ..
so off we go then..

Snow ?? what ?? not for me ..it looks lovely your way Lav..you well?nope no uber or anything here ,Im on my footsies ..no problem it will do me good ..worst comes to the worst Ill rob a car ....(ONLY KIDDIN !) Im pretty similar to you ..I eat chicken turkey fish pork ..dont really eat beef.hopr you have a lovely day.

hiya Pauly ,how are you today then? so you had a good day yesterday ...were you on the arcade games too?go on ..be honest ..ha ha have agood day .

hiya SK ...so your computer ist turning on? try stroking it gently and whispering sweet nothings to it ..seif that turns it on..

hiya ppqp...how are you today ? ok I hope ..what shows did you tape ...Ive got tunza stuff to watch..a massive range of subjects..but tbh I dont really do a lot of telly sitting and watching ..

big shout to everyone else....hope you all have a great day..

If Claudia Schiffer married Brains from "The Thunderbirds", would she become Claudia Schiffer-Brains?

David Beckham's fashion brand racked up nearly £11m of losses last year.

Apparently only Beckham and the Peaky Blinders gang want to look like the Peaky Blinders gang.

I'm sure the 60 year old binmen in Cumbria this winter will sympathize with Andy Murray.

That poor boy is having to retire at 31 as a multi millionaire. I shudder to think how he will manage

Me: i was having a good morning until Newpussycat.

My mate: What's newpussycat?

Me: woooaaaahh wooooaaaaaa wooooaaaaa.

Qatar have reached the last 16 of the Asian Cup by beating North Korea 6-0.

North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un remarked, "I am not worried, we will have a new team on Monday."

Are You Included in the Following One Hundred?
If we could shrink the Earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this:

There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 from the Americas (North and South) and 8 Africans.
51 would be female; 49 would be male.
70 would be non-white; 30 white.
70 would be non-Christian; 30 Christian.
50% of the entire world's wealth would be in the hands of only 6 people and all 6 would be citizens of the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing.
70 would be unable to read.
50 would suffer from malnutrition.
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth.
Only 1 would have a college education.
No one would own a computer.
When one considers our world from such an incredibly compressed perspective, the need for both tolerance and understanding becomes glaringly apparent...

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the short story had to contain the following three things:

(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery

Below is the only A+ paper in the class.

"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who the father is."

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 13th

Mae everybody,just a quick hello this morning can't seem to wake up,back later,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Monday!

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 13th

morning all
nice snow, not too much but more than enough. been noticing something strange, not near the birds at the bird feeder that we use to have in the past, anyone notice that?

[Pie]

Re: w/c 13th

Hi All,

Sam, I know next to nothing about birds, but I have noticed thousands of those black grackles congregating around the nearby Wal-Mart in the evening. It's very strange, and use of an umbrella to walk through the parking lot is a good idea.

I believe the long-awaited property sale closed today. Just needing confirmation that the purchase money has landed where it's supposed to.

Overall, it's a slow day for me, so I'm having fun with new puzzle entitled, At the Dog Park. Anybody think that I picked this one out myself?

[Determinator]

Re: w/c 13th

Happy unhung Monday ABerooos!

Mick, backpack shopping sounds like a great workout.

Pauly, sounds grand. i feel my very best when eating beef and lamb but as Lav mentioned the prices have me on the po boy diet of
chicken and whatnot. The price of ALL real food is insane. boo!

Had a lovely workout last night, then Refuge Recovery meet and meditation. Really getting a lot from this group and so glad I decided to
give them a serious go.

Pauly you have pizza poisoning... that's why you can't wake up hope you feel better hon.

Pie, you must be relieved on the property closing...nice.

Sam, sad thing about Vegas is not much in the way of birds. sad for a photographer.

Lav, thanks for the note on SK. I'm just off the phone helping my dad with his confuser. Also I'm setting up a fire 8" tablet for my grandma to use for when
she comes over. She's coming over to live with my uncle so it will be awesome to have her here full time.

chicken curry in the works... 2 more trays of microgreens planted... all systems 'check'.

hoping you all have a smashing evening and be well m'loves

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 13th

MAE ALL....

Lav...now I'm feeling guilty that we have no snow! Thanks for taking that on! Another Alberta Clipper heading down from the north so our temps will be dropping drastically, but only for a couple of days. Chinook back again for the weekend. They are predicting some snow I'll let you know what we end up with.

Mick...did you actually run to your appointment with the back man? I'm glad you made it home safe and sound and with groceries to boot! I have a series of tv shows that I watch when I want to not when they're scheduled. All the premieres started last week!!!

Pauly...we are allowed to sign up, free of charge, for any program that's offered at work. So I'm taking a 4 week program called Food, Mood & Energy. First class today she explained she'd be dealing with how your gut and brain react to food. Thought of you & Det. LOL I'll let you know if I have an epiphany about what you guys have been talking about. We had fish & chips for supper tonight.

Sam...nope, haven't noticed that phenomenon with the bird feeders myself. Interesting.

Pi...great news about the closing. Hope the money landed where it was supposed to and that you get your share. Of course the puzzle is At the Dog Park. LOL

Had a restless night last night so plan is early to bed and hopefully some decent sleep. Have a good night all....:smile:PPQP

X-Post Det....sounds like you've turned things around, good for you. I'll let you know if I learn anything from my course.

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 13th

Good evening Abbers,

Grateful to have my guardian angel on duty - I took a spill in the living room, went down hard & banged the back of my head on the hardwood floor. Sh*t, all I could think of was another skull fracture like the one I had 18 years ago
Fortunately my head is OK, so is the table & lamp I knocked over, haha! We have one of those vacuum systems where you just plug the hose into the wall (all the dirt goes down pipes into a big collection container in the basement). I had just finished vacuuming & went to reach down to pull the hose out of the wall socket & apparently stepped on the hose, which threw me off balance & I went down like a ton of bricks! The back of my head is sore but no real lump, lucky me. My foot hurts for some reason. Feel like an idiot but a lucky idiot, could have been worse. So that's it, I'm swearing off cleaning my house from now on

Mick, sounds like you got some good exercise today.
If I had to walk 8 miles to the nearest store & 8 miles back carrying groceries I would choose to starve. ha ha. There are no sidewalks around here either so I would probably get run over by a truck or a horse &buggy, haha

Pauly, high fat meals make me sleepy & give me gall bladder attacks, not fun. I hope you metabolized all that pizza, LOL

Det, that's great you have a grandma moving in, good for the both of you.
Does she like to cook too? I found good priced fresh 6 lb. whole chickens at Costco last time we were there & found out that they cook to perfection in the Instant Pot in 36 minutes!!! That barely gives you time to make a few side dishes

Sam, my bird feeder is as busy as ever. It also attracts all the neighborhood squirrels & racoons too unfortunately.

PQ, it barely went above freezing today but we did have a very sunny day so we had some melting. It's only 18 degrees right now, chilly!!!
More snow due Thursday then again Saturday & Sunday, ugh.
Enjoy the free course, sounds interesting.

Hello to SK, Cyn!

Pie, did you find the money?? We all want to know!!

Heading out to meet my friends for lunch tomorrow. Glad we picked a day without a snowstorm, geez.
Have a nice night everyone!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 13th

Oh Lav! I'm glad you're OK,sounds awful actually I had mostly salad at the place so I don't think it's pizza poisoning haha,PQ,we had green peppers stuffed with meatballs and provolone for dinner hope you ger some rest,see you all on the flipside

[Mick]

Re: w/c 13th

mae all how are we today then? all goo I hope ...today is a waiting game ...waiting for amazon ,waiting for phone calls ..Bought a new fit bit last night ...a fit bit zip ...the original one that came out ...time distance steps cals etc ..it seems like folk are going back to the original stand alone ones with a battery as opposed to the ones that need charging off a computer ...they are hard to get hold of now ..I could have got one out of the states but the import tax and postage comes to the same price as the fit bit itself .
quite chuffed ..Ive lost 8.4 lbs in 18 days .rabbitsd are out playing ..did a bit of tidying up in the garden first thing ..curt the thefuschia bushes back and cleaned and pulled some weeds etc ..including a nettle ..not clever ..

ok letsav a brew ....

hiya Sam ..how are you doing mate?all is well I hope ...is the snow still there ?

hiya Pie ..how are you then ..hows the puzzle going is it the Ravensburger jigsaw puzzle ?...I used to love doing them..have a great day.

hiya Lav...hope you are ok? no ill effects? jeez the lengths some folk will go to get outta cleaning ...yes yesterday was a walking day ..I actually enjoyed it but there again Im a bit nutso ...18 degrees ? thats sunbathing weather..you take it easy ...no cleaning ...leave that for the gkidz

hiya pauly ..you ok ?hows work doing for you ? has it calmed down or is it still a pot of kerap..too much salad is bad for you too ..you needto balance it up...a plate of fries ..on a lettuce leaf .....

hiya det ...looks like you are on track again ...good for you ..ffs dont throw a grenade in it all again...its timeto get off that treadmill mr hamster ...next timd..front it up and take it on mate ..you can ..especially with gran there ..

hiya ppqp ...hows you ...yes I did run to the back man ,then last night to Julies dads to give him tea..was going to run to aswimming this morning but I need to wait for all the phone calls and amazon stuff ...you watch ...nothing will happen now ...No snow ..by this time you are usually up to your neck in it ..

hiya sk ...you ok?and likewise tee gee ..

Duck walks into a shop and says
"got any bread?"
The shopkeeper replies certainly this is a bakery after all what type of bread would you like"
The duck says "I've well fcked this joke up haven't I ?".

If I ever get a job in a church as a spiritual guidance leader, I'm going to tell them my surname is Parcel.

Pastor Parcel.

I came across this bloke trout fishing.
"How do you know there are any fish in there?" I asked.
"Little eddies in the water," he replied.
"What, and he tells you?"

There's a big basket in my local Lidl where you're supposed to donate food for food banks.
Never used it. Never been able to find anything in the shop that qualifies as food.

A Scotsman limps onto a tennis court....

I went round to my mates to find him stood besides a pile of twigs and leaves. I asked him what he was doing. He said he'd been trying a bit of topiary and was sculpting an Ostrich in mid flight. I said Ostriches didn't fly. He said I fckin know that now.

The results of the 2nd Scottish referendum are in.

100% agree that Andy Murray should be battered

How to Dump a Man

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply...

___Your last name is objectionable.
I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable.
It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date
has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___You failed the 20 Question Rule
i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your constant e-mailing
shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You're too short.
Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___You're too tall.
I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___I find your inability to fix my car
extraordinarily unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned
reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase "My Mother"
has popped up far too often in conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I still enjoy the X-Files,
I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend
lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet
is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight.
If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful
business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,


Cruella de Ville


Ma and Pa Were Two Hillbillies Living out on a Farm Up in the Hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.

Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate."

So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."

The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."

Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.

All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm. Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.

Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right?"

As she pulls up her panties she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen!"

Some More Puns and Wise Words

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.