18 September, Monday

[Saint Jude]

18 September, Monday

Hey MKR!! Looks like we were posting @ the same time! Great to see ya! Sorry to hear news of Mom's health. Still praying .... You'd think in this day & age we'd have a bit more figured out....

[mary8305]

18 September, Monday

topa side effects

Hi everyone,Reading the threads about being late one of the side effects of topa I read somewhere was irregular periods,not that vasectomies don't fail sometimes,good luck.I'm am doing amazingly well moderating alchohol.I feel it's almost to good to be true or guilty that I'm not struggling at all.But I guess I'm not setting any strict rules for myself like being af certain days.If I feel like a drink I have one,I find sometimes I'll pour asecond glass of wine or order a second drink and not finish it. There is noway I would have ever done that I was always looking for more and trying to stop.This program but I really feel the topamax has made a big change in my brain chemistry,I don't have the obsessive compulsion to keep drinking as I did before.Saturday night I didn't feel like any so I was AF. I do think the severe headache with overindulgenge is a deterrent as well.I walked today and yesterday,hoping to loose the muffin slowly.You ladies are an incentive,thanks for the support...Mare

[dilayne]

18 September, Monday

hey again..still not enough time to catch up..I have a client from heLL that wants a whole bunch of something for nothing..I'm trying to be helpful, nice and clear..but really I just want to tell her to 'READ MY NOTES'!!! OK, exhaling..aahhhhhhhhh...better now...sorry, you can vent to me anytime now..I just needed 'the universe' to recieve my pain for a minute! :0)

well, don't all jump on me at once but I went completely off the topamax yesterday....I cut back a little a couple of days before that, but just couldn't stand the thought of feeling like crap for a another day or having to spend another couple of weeks titrating down and feeling bad...I'm telling you, I am healthy as a horse and it was really getting me down..I know I was taking a risk...I may still be at risk..but I couldn't do it anymore. I actually am feeling better..I still feel it in my system and hope that by tomorrow [3rd day] I will be clear of it..I am committed to really doing the rest of the MWO program just as diligently as ever, especially since I'm dropping the topamax and really look forward to a 'clean' and chemical free body!

Wish me luck! I may regret it, but I'm feeling pretty confident about it given what I've been going through..I did the program to the T for over 3 months and trust it..and am trusting myself...the good news is, if I feel myself slipping back, I know exactly what I'll have to do and you will be here...

OK, gotta go finish this email to the client and make sure I'm not saying something RUDE, like I'd really like to say it....by the way, I made a commitment not to take on any more freelance work, so her coming back 7 months later on a closed job was not real welcome to begin with..

sorry ladies..tis was 'just all about me' venting here..

p.s. Regarding the topamax...It was amazing, and I absolutely don't regret it at all and have recommended it to several people...I won't hesitate to get back on it if I feel the need, so just want anyone who reads this to not get the wrong idea...it totally worked for me, so well, that I'm feeling ready to try it without it...especially, however, because recently, the side effects have become too uncomfortable for me...and that is not the case with so many people...

bye for now

[MKR]

18 September, Monday

Judie, thanks, yes I think we were posting at the same time!

Mare, I am sorry I missed you earlier, sounds like you are doing really well on your program. I think there is a lot to be said for being gentle with yourself as you are transitioning. Your Saturday night is how I felt for quite some time, if I don't feel like it then I am just going to be AF.

Thanks Molly, I know you totally understand . . .where does the time go when taking care of them? Spending it with them as they are so appreciative of it is a luxury to me and I sure try to take that time. They are very special people and falling apart before my eyes. I am also blessed to have them around for this kind of time.

Dilayne, I KNOW those clients, OMG, they all stand in line for freebies, so many non profits that I have simply had to say no to some. I can't afford to give away all my work!! Good for you to vent. Is a job ever really closed for some people???!!!!

Hugs and Love,
Mary

PS: Did anyone notice the make donation button at the top of the page? It is great that RJ is trying to come up with ways to keep this and the blog site thriving entities! I applaud her every step of the way!!

[dilayne]

18 September, Monday

coffee and topamax....wondering if the caffeine was contributing to the headaches...I was having them even if I was AF...

Hi Mary...yes, RJ definitely deserves the applauds...

[lushy]

18 September, Monday

I won't be screaming at you Dilayne. If you felt crappy on the topa then it is good you went off of it. I will never do the topa because the idea of it is just not something I am interested in but the supps are helping and being in the habit of not drinking every day is making this whole process easier as well. I am sure you have found that and being off the topa might not cause a big change in your desire to drink. Fingers crossed anyhow!! Your experience reminds me of when I was on antidepressants. Ick. Never again. Hope you start feeling better. Good luck with your mooching client!

[dilayne]

18 September, Monday

Oh, btw Mary, I'm Envious of you if you are illustrating...I did some illustration when I was younger..mostly pen and ink, actually I would take on freelance work if it were illustration..just don't have any 'ins'...my dream in that department is editorial illustration, just wouldn't even know where to start. As for 'my' work..believe me, every painting you see on my site was done in stolen moments, as there has been no time..raising kids and surviving always puts it on the back burner..then when I have time, I find every excuse not to paint [i've addressed that in therapy and may be turning a corner soon]...but I know exactly what you mean..I've had to fight like a tiger to try to forge some time to paint..just in the past few years I started going on artist retreats, which is where I've done most of my most recent work..as for painting in between...I just hardly do...I have set the studio up and have two tryptics [soul pieces] that I'm ready to 'face'...se we shall see....

[Bookish]

18 September, Monday

Hi all,

Don't have time to chat. I need to have a couple of AF days, so I am going AF until Thursday and I will listen to at least one hypno a day this week. There I said it, now I have to do it. I was able to get 4 workouts in last week, but drank a little to much. I need to do a little reprogramming of my mind.

Have a nice week everyone.


Laura

[Guest]

18 September, Monday

We have 3 muffins going AF til Thursday?? Whoo HOO!! You go girls! Jen, Molly, and Laura. Cool! I think that's an awesome moderation tool. Especially when you're trying to keep a weekly drink count in a certain range. 0 plus 0 plus 0 plus 0= NOT THIRTY!! Yeeee HAW!!! I love that part.
Still with the mandatory 2 AF days per week, and need to really up that to 3... now I'm at 100mg of topa as of yesterday, so should be getting easier. Pushing right thru the titration really without problems this time. SM Mary, that's funny you say it makes your nose run! I SWEAR it makes my nose itch. I feel like a dang coke-head or something (like I'd know, never even seen it in real life!) but I'm rubbing and smooshing my nose into my face like crazy!
Judie, I'm glad you had a happy anniversary! Glad you liked the divorce letter:H . I thought it would be perfect on your anniversary! Scott sent that to me... what do you think he means?
MKR Mary, I am so sorry to hear about your mom and dad too. Wish they would just be able to DO something to help your parents stabilize a bit and feel better. Thinking about you. Thank you for your continued kind words to me! Don't feel I deserve them completely! I still screw up...just keep on tryin. The old "failure is not an option" mantra!
Dilayne, about the topa, I'm glad you are off and not feeling any weirdo effects from zooming right down...be diligent with those supps. I'm a 2nd time topa-er... thought I could do it without but simply was not diligent enough with the program. Went on vacations, drank a bunch, said "to heck" with my AF days, slacked on the exercise... within about 4-5 weeks I was back in the "bad zone". I also did not stay close here. Stopped regularly posting, stopped stating my intentions here on a near daily basis. Good luck to you! You sound smarter than I as far as having a game plan together, and I'm sure you'll do great!

2 drinks yesterday with no desire for more . Haven't decided on today yet, which is dumb, I know. It's already 6pm! Haven't had anything yet, but it's raining and I'm bored and hubby's not home. Good reason to have wine, huh? I must be a dumbmuffin. sigh. hee hee! Maybe I'll go finish painting the bathroom. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

check you all later!

[lushy]

18 September, Monday

Dumb muffin? That's good. I am plenty guilty of that as well. I am jonesing for a glass of wine right now but have promised myself I will be AF today and it is a good thing I have nothing in the house. I drank two bottles of wine yesterday from about 11:00 am until 10:00. Horrible. At least I did not start at 7 am!!! I was on a pity party this weekend and that is less than one glass an hour. See how I am trying to find the positive in it all?? I guess I was definitely a lush muffin yesterday. Mary Anne, you have me a little concerned with your posrs. Are you okay? You said you are drinking at work, are you alone? Please take care of yourself, okay? Until manana!!!

[Guest]

18 September, Monday

Yeah, Mary Anne

I saw that too Mary Anne. Come BACK! you OK? Don't feel badly, you were doing well, and we know when you set your goals in the AM and stay close, you have a great success rate.
You've had a lot of days to be proud of. Just check in.


Love,
Schmucky Dumbmuffin (It's a long story)

[eustacia]

18 September, Monday

i've been back on the good behavior wagon today and i've gained back the weight i lost when i was drinking and eating a lot, too. how frustrating!

[trishinnebraska]

18 September, Monday

weight gain

E -

At the risk of sounding a bit unkind - we've all given you our ideas regarding your weight gain. I think it's now time for you to put it into perspective and decide which is more important - a healthy life style with a clear head, renewed energy and a future or being thin and drinking yourself into a haze every night - just food for thought...
:l

[eustacia]

18 September, Monday

Trish--

Here's what I don't get. I was drinking compulsively because of anxiety but small amounts--from zero to three glasses of wine per day as needed to fend off anxiety. I thought that I had written that I was not a heavy drinker. I doubt that I've done that much harm to my liver given the enzyme checks I do yearly.

My question remains unanswered but the highhandedness of your response registered.

E

[eustacia]

18 September, Monday

Trish--

I just noticed that you had posted twice this morning about your concern about my five pound weight gain. I am confused. Why did you do that?

Eustacia