Thursday October 12th

[InnerStrength]

Thursday October 12th

Lusch
Speakers Corner is when you pay $1 and you get 1 minute to be on television - there is a specific Speakers Corner/channel in most major cities in Canada (so there is one in Toronto, or Victoria or Vancouver etc.). The idea is that there is a "street corner" (like a major intersection) where there is a booth with a camera and you pay $1 to talk about whatever you want on tv and be on that special channel, which broadcasts alll over your City.
Thank God in heaven above for that cab ride home.

By the way - my friend who is 32 - peed in the corner of an elevator - like, she apparently, squatted, lifted her skirt and peed right in the corner of an elevator about two weeks ago when she was drunk. She just told me on the phone.

[Allie]

Thursday October 12th

Okay,
I have one that's really bad, and not so funny, and maybe since I started all this we should end with this one? To remember WHY we dont ever want to go back to that place. Yes, some of the stories are really funny in hindsight, but some stories still make my skin crawl and my face turn crimson just thinking of them, and how I ever, ever got to that place.

So this is the story of what landed me here at MWO. Last December my husband came very close to having an affair. We had been married ten years and had slowly drifted apart in many ways. One being that I was married once before (very young - highschool sweetheart- pregnant) you get the picture. We had two children together. After seven years he left me because he did not like having to grow up at such a young age, while meanwhile I was loving being a Mom, etc. He felt trapped. So then I met my current husband who had never been married before or had any children. So he became an "instant" Dad and husband overnight. We had a lot of "blended family" issues to work through, and really never fully did. I dont think you ever fully can when one parent is not the biological one and the other is. We disagreed on things that we thought we never would, etc. and as the biological parent, I was more protective, etc. As my kids approached adolescence and got testy, walls started forming because I felt like he did not understand my kids the way I did. So I became protective of them and he felt unsupported by me. So we grew apart. I started drinking really heavy during this time to drown out the anger and feeling of a failure. This happened over years. We still loved each other, but we were no longer "in love." Then we moved away for reasons to long to explain back to where he grew up. We left the home my kids had ever known and to boot my oldest graduated and did not come with us. I was devasted. I hated our new house, I hated the city, my daughter was depressed, I was depressed and hubby could not figure out why we couldnt get with the program. Little did I know he was communicating online with someone. I found out one day while on his computer. I was devasted. I confronted him, he was devasted that I found out, I left for a while, yada yada. Well, I was in so much pain that I really just wanted to die. I starting buying liquor, which I had never done. Always wine before. So although our marriage was improving with counseling and my husband was showing all indication that he was willing to do whatever to make amends and not lose me, my heart still had a gaping hole. Well, one night in January of this year, our two kids still at home wanted to go see a particular movie that had just come out. Unfortunately this movie was 3 hours long, and I did not want to do without my beloved booze for that long. So I formulated a plan. I filled a water bottle with vodka and thought, "Gee... I'll buy a big fat diet coke and add this to it and sip on it." Bad idea. I thought I was fine, but being that I still didnt know my limits with liquor as I did wine, I overdid it bigtime. BIGTIME. I had to pee like crazy when the movie was over and my husband said he would take the kids and go get the car and pull up front while I used the restroom. So the next thing I remember, two girls were having to help me walk out of the bathroom, one on each side holding me up. I had taken my shoes off?? Anyway, so we come walking out the front of the theatre, and there is my husband and two children seeing this scene. I knew what was happening, but had lost enough control of my body function that I couldnt walk without help. I'll never forget the look on my 15 y/o daughters face. Nobody spoke to me the whole way home. I wanted to die, literally. The next day I was afraid to come out of my room. I just couldnt face them, especially my daughter. She had never seen me drunk. But eventually I did, and it wasnt pretty. My husband sat me down that night and told me that either I find help on my own, or he was going to get help for me. That he could no longer trust me alone with the kids with how much I was drinking. And he said if I EVER did that again, he was leaving or I was leaving. I knew he meant it. I knew the way I was dealing with my pain was only ruining my marriage. So I got online and found this site. I vowed to my husband and daughter I would change and not keep going down that road anymore. I could tell they didnt really believe me, but I was determined. So here I am almost nine months later, and I could write as much incredibly awesome stuff that has happened in my marriage and family that I have written that was bad. My husband and I are so in love again and he is so proud of me. My daughter hugs on me all the time and its like it never happened. I know we all know it did, but we are happier than we have EVER been. I love my new life. My husband is so in love with me I cant believe it. He told me twice this month how proud he is of me, and that he would like to write RJ a letter thanking her personally for his wife back. He is saving up for a new wedding ring for me so we can renew our vows in December. Today he texted me about three times from work just telling me he loves me! So I say ALL of that to say that I dont EVER want to go back to peeing in drawers again. EVER! So that's my story... I never told it under my story.

The end.
Allie

[lushy]

Thursday October 12th

SPeakers Corner is an absolute nightmare for people like us. Good Lord. I wish you had done it and you had tape of it. Soccermom, my tradition is always mimosas in the morning on the holidays but then it sets me up for a full day of drinking. I will not commit to not doing mimosas this year but will start much later.................

[gypsi]

Thursday October 12th

Another oops...

All of these stories are absolutely hilarous :H

Jenneh, your story about sinking through the snow reminded me of another story. It happened the first or second year I moved to Alaska. Was at the bar drinking jack/coke with shots of tequila, and when it was time to go home, I decided to walk instead of drive (good choice). It had to have been at least 40 below that night, cause it was January and the full moon was out. For whatever reason, I suddenly decided that I was Dorothy from "Wizard of Oz" and started singing, "Follow the yellow brick road" while staggering drunkenly (skipping) on the yellow road lines in the center. Of course a car came along, and while I was trying to get far enough off the road, I face-planted into the snow berm on the edge of the road. Now, if you don't know this, our snow up here is more like ice crystals because of the lack of moisture in the air in the winter. I quickly pushed myself over the berm, found some soft snow, and promptly passed out in the snow bank, at -40. When I woke up, I realized that I had to pee, so I went back to the 'yellow brick road' and made my own 'yellow river.....'
For whatever reason, it was imperative that I could only make 'yellow river' on top of the 'yellow brick road.' Somehow, I managed to make it home that night.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I have issues with drinking and going for walks afterwards in the cold. :blush:

[InnerStrength]

Thursday October 12th

Allie
Kudos to you, my dear. What an appropriate way to wrap up today's topic. Thank you.
Love you and congratulations on you! You are an incredible person and an inspiration - but you must already know that....
Love you TONS
BIG SMILE
Jen

[InnerStrength]

Thursday October 12th

And gypsi you are hilarious LOL!!!

[lushy]

Thursday October 12th

Awww Allie, that is a sweet but sad story. Please promise me you will still pee in drawers....you don't have to be drunk to do it. I have a movie/drinking story but my ex is on his way here with his wife. Argghhhh!!! I am so nervous.........can we please continue this thread tomorrow? I really need the laughs. I will share my oh-so-entertaining story in the morn! Love you guys and wish we could have a reunion of some sort. Allie, just curious.....what has been the thing that has worked for you on this program. In fact, Jen, not trying to usurp your duties as thought provoker but maybe that would be a good question for tomorrow. I am not as fully engaged in this program as I should be and would love to know what others are doing.

Goodbye for now from your bossy Lush!

[InnerStrength]

Thursday October 12th

OK Lusc - I agree - that can be the topic for tomorrow. Good one -
What do people find are the most helpful "tools" for their success in this program (maybe a top 3 or 5 list)?

I know for me it has been ( I know its not tomorrow yet, but im gonna throw mine in now...
1) the topa - Lusc - I know you are not taking it, but for me, I honestly think it has made the difference between success and failure. I mean it.
2) My husband - he is a strong motivator - 'cause he has really pushed me to do this and I really want to show him - and me that I can!
3) THIS BOARD
4) The supps etc
5) Motivation/.willpower - DEFINITELY!!! - oh and using the DrinkTracker honestly helps too because it holds you accountable.....and you have to think of it as if everyone is looking at it too... (thats what I do to motivate me...
LOVE YA
JEN