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Monday, October 16

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    #1

    Monday, October 16

    Good Morning Muffins and Man,
    Hope everyone had an Awesome weekend..I was so busy I didn't have a spare minute it seems! I am not proud to say that I was hungover for on Saturday and I was so miserable. It did help me remember that it is a place that I don't want to be, a feeling I don't like, and how I used to survive 2-3 hangovers a week is beyond me..I guess I thought it was just my life and the way things were for me. Rachele--I am interested to know how 250mg of topa is working for you.
    Today I will drink my water, walk, be patient with my kids, hug my husband, moderate.
    Hope you all have the most fantastic Monday!
    sm-mary
    Tags: None
    #2
    Monday, October 16

    I am interested in the 250mg of topa too, Rachele. I backed off to 125mg from 150 last wk because I was tired and a bit flakey and although I could have dealt with it under normal circumstances, I was worried about this coming weekend, so I'm sticking to 125 until after San Fran. Then I'm completely planning on titrating up as high as I need to go to kick the desire to drink any more than 1-2 drinks or even at all, as did happen when I went to 150 the first time. 125 does help though, just not as much, and I "can" drink over it. (sigh), then I end up with these really brutal headaches the next day. Just would rather not deal with that at all!

    So I have my plan for the week. No drinking at all today, tomorrow, or wednesday. Haven't gone AF for three days in a row in a couple months, so it will be good for me! I'm actually looking forward to it. Thursday, we fly out and plan to have dinner at a nice restaurant. I plan to maybe enjoy 2 glasses of wine with hubby. Then AF again until after the race. This will be some restraint, but a great cleansing and focus.

    Glad you are feeling better, SM Mary! Lush, we'll throw a party for your birthday and/or when you reach 1000 posts. Whichever comes first:H . Judie and Fan, I'm going to look up that Durango race and post a link. It does look gorgeous! Too bad you can't run, Jude. I know you'd do it with me! I know it's not a question of will but of bum knees!
    Mary Anne, did your husband have a good weekend?
    MKR, how is your family doing?
    Jen, your drink counter looks awesome. I've got to start posting publicly...for accountability. I remember you taking the big leap and just doing it! Helps, huh?
    Allie, I am going to get that picture laminated today or tomorrow.

    Laura, Eustacia, Mary, Waves, Dilayne, Mojo, Freckles, everyone else, have a wonderful day!
    :welcome: Pussycat!! Jump right in!

    Comment

      #3
      Monday, October 16

      Good Morning Glories, and welcome Mike!
      My husband (Mike) and I went away for the weekend..I scanned the weekend post and was reminded how much I need to stay connected here! We actually had a wonderful weekend...much needed since we've been so fragile lately (the marriage). We went to Saint Mary's GA..rented a cabin, and then had breakfast, a walk on the beach and a little fishing on the pier at Jekyll Island..very nice. The dogs loved the beach!

      I have nothing profound to say this morning..feeling dull from drinking every day last week..I have to make a decision about going back on the topamax..I've been off of it for about a month and haven't put forth any effort to moderate my drinking..before I go back on it, I guess I need to 'Try'!!! I've averaged a bottle of wine a day..and I"m eating more (Mike, hence the muffin connection) I'm in a quandry about it all..yes, the triggers have been way up..the marital transitions..it's so easy to make things all better between us with that wine..we just mellow out and forget what we are dealing with..BUT, the good news is that we are making some quantums leaps..that is maybe what scares me..I've always thought that I drink to quelch the ecstacy that lies below..that I'm more afraid of success than failure..that I might just explode if I allow all that passion and love to come up!!! The same holds true about my creativity..I think I've drank to avoid the power of it..it's scary. I don't know if any of that makes sense..

      The power of the present moment...it's huge..and I think it is the key. I've just read The Power of Now by Ekhart Tollie...a very powerful book..I too have heard the many takes on 'the present moment'..but ET really brings it home. I think all things can be healed in that moment..at least for that moment, which leads to the next. Regarding feelings (anger) I think it's very normal to start feeling your feelings when you stop drinking..afterall, isn't that why most of us drink? So that we don't feel them? As for anger, it's very often a cover up for fear..Ekart Tolle talks about feeling the feelings and being with them..just acknowledging them for what they are can difuse the negative ones and take away their power.

      I have a question about going back on the topamax for a second time..has anyone gone off of it and gone back on? I think I read that the appetite suppressing quality is a one time thing..that it doesn't have the same effect if you go off it...I really need to decide what to do!

      Today, I'm starting all over AGAIN..I'll take my All One, take my supps and take a walk..I'm off today and will be cleaning closets..Thanks for being here everyone!
      di

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        #4
        Monday, October 16

        Diane,
        I'm a second time topa-er.
        Worked better the second time, honestly. Remember all those stomach problems I had the first time? Well, I find I only have stomach problems if I DRINK a bunch (like more than 3 or so) on the topa. duuuhhhh. I titrated up faster and with less tingling in my fingers and toes.
        I'd say it's worth a shot. You kind of know what you're in for this time, and I think that "fear of unknown" factor being taken away helped. I know you had problems as well, but if you are like me, my drinking problems were worse than my topa problems.
        Good luck, Di. BEEN THERE.

        Comment

          #5
          Monday, October 16

          Durango Double - A Festival for Runners - Durango Marathon

          OK, who's game? COME ON! It's a whole year away! A sure fire way to melt the muffin!! You know I'm gonna bug you about it....
          stop rolling your eyes...

          Comment

            #6
            Monday, October 16

            Good Morning!

            250mgs of topa is taking away nearly all physical desire to drink. I think any desire I have is habitual or emotional drinking. I don't think the topa is ever going to fix that.....I think that will come in time with forming new habits and making new choices. I will make them it will just take time.

            I had one drink yesterday, not because I had that feeling I used to get that I really, really wanted a drink, but it was just the thing to do.

            It used to be, if I had one drink, that was it.....it would lead to another and another and another. With the topamax, I can easily quit at one and that makes me very happy!

            I haven't had a hang over in a very long time. You will see five drinks on my drink counter from Saturday.....those are measured drinks......really five measured drinks and they are over a 6 hour period. I was not ever drunk.

            My best friends husband was totally hammered and it was disgusting. I don't ever want to be like that again. He was talking to my 14 year old daughter and I just wanted to die.

            I am going to start taking my topa later in the day today. I'm going to take 50mg at 12:00, 50mg at 2:00, 50mg at 4:00, 50mg at 6:00 and then 50 mg at 8:00 or 9:00 depending on how I'm doing with cravings. If I have to work that night I might have to take my doses differently we will have to see how I'm doing when Saturday gets here.

            The side effects get worse when your dosing up but they do level off after a few days. You just have to ride the wave.....it will get better!

            part of post more to come......satellite guy is here:wow:
            :h :h :h :h

            Comment

              #7
              Monday, October 16

              Good morning all,
              Hey rachele - great to hear you are doing so well with the topa - are you going to continue to dose to 300mg and stay there? As for the dosing, I take 75mg in the morning, (its al I can handle with the dopa effect - to be honest, I still get the dopa effect with that!) - and then I take 125 mg at night....I have read that some people take it that way and its safe...does anyone see any issue with that??.....
              Well, back to the grind...
              I was talking to my hubby this morning and I think I am seriously going to start looking into getting a government loan and opening my own law firm in BC (Canada). I mean, I am SO MISERABLE working where I am working and when I work for other people, I am making not NEARLY as much as I could be making working for myself (eventually). Now, its not all about money AT ALL but my dream has been to work for myself. Its part of the reason I went to law school in the first place. Now, here I am, miserable, working for other people and hating it. I am almost 30 and I want to get this going. I have a couple of years of private practice under my belt. And if I am going to do this, Why dont i just DO IT!? I think I would be far happier venturing out and working for myself. The only problem of course, is the lack of financial stability at first. But I mean, what better time to do it?? I dont have children right now, i'm not responsible for a mortgage right now. This is the perfect time, is it not????
              I am really serious. I have to get the hell out of this rut.
              K that's my two cents. Researching loans now.
              Love all
              Jen
              Over 4 months AF :h

              Comment

                #8
                Monday, October 16

                Go for it Jen. I wish we lived close by so I could come work for you. Oh wait, we would never get any work done, would we? I am experiencing the exact same thing turning 40 (on the 26th, ahem, ahem). My 30's were spent caretaking for my mother and I missed out on venturing out and doing what I needed to pursue and now I am feeling I am too old. That is, until Mr. Ex Hottie made me realize I am not! . Time flies too quickly so get pursuing it now. I am proud of you and know you can do it. I will write more later because you know I cannot keep it to one post but I am off for my physical. A little nervous but hope it is okay. I am ready to strangle the next person who looks at me because I cannot have coffee before I go..............hello to all of the other muffs and the man. Happy Monday!!!! MKR, you need to be tooting your horn. I notice you have had many AF days!!!! Awesome Job!!!! Later........
                I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                Comment

                  #9
                  Monday, October 16

                  becca wrote: Durango Double - A Festival for Runners - Durango Marathon

                  OK, who's game? COME ON! It's a whole year away! A sure fire way to melt the muffin!! You know I'm gonna bug you about it....
                  stop rolling your eyes...
                  Becca,

                  May I ask why you pick particular marathons to participate in?
                  :h :h :h :h

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Monday, October 16

                    Lusch
                    I am thinking about you. Come and post as soon as you are back from your physical. I was thinking about you and was going to send you a PM but didnt get a chance cause my boss came in and interrupted me (see?? This is my point about working for other people - they are always interrupting more important things!). Lusch - if I lived in Victoria, i would only be a ferry ride away from you in seattle.
                    Love ya
                    Jen
                    Over 4 months AF :h

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Monday, October 16

                      Morning all

                      Go for it Jen! and Dillyane (speling) just keep on trucking, we have all been there, I especially know that for sure!!

                      Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday! I have a busy one, but just wanted to check in and see how everyone was......wow 300mg topa, I maybe should try (?) Maybe that is my problem, I am just on 100 cuz I am afraid to go up too high cuz I am so sensitive to meds usually.....maybe I should try and I can always come back down again if it is too much!! I would LOVE to only have 2 beers or glasses of wine a night!! Or go AF, haven't been able to do that for sooooo long, it is so depressing!!!?:upset:

                      I am trying again today, but don't have much faith....hope I can make it!!

                      Love you guys(gals and guy actually!):H Thanks for listening!

                      Mary Anne

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                        #12
                        Monday, October 16

                        uh hem...Lush..just wanted to say that Life Begins at 40..and don't you forget it!!! :0)

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Monday, October 16

                          yeah

                          I am 43 and can say the same!! Don't fortget it!! Live it up, when exactly is your birthday lush???

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Monday, October 16

                            Hello to all the many muffins..hope everyone is doing well. Had a little too much on Fri but, did great on Sat and Sun. Today I feel great and a planning today another AF day. I am now recognizing what may triggers are and why I do things I do so I am not beating myself too much these days and the days that I do slip....I'm not falling on my butt so to speak, just moderate slips...have a great day and I'll check in later
                            Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Monday, October 16

                              Mary Anne, Lusch's birthday is on the 26th of Oct...we will have to plan a really special birthday bash
                              Over 4 months AF :h

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