Thursday, October 19

[Preciouspinot]

Thursday, October 19

Di, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down..I've been there myself...just know that the feelings will pass. At least you're feeling something! Sounds like you're working through some issues and that's a good thing ! Jen, Fri nights are hard for me too..I actually start to dread it on Thursday knowing what I am going to be faced witih on Friday...does that make since...Dr. Jeckle on Thursday knows full well Mr. Hyde wants to have fun and I dread that!

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, October 19

Yes Precious - its like Mr. Hyde comes out for me too on Friday - I start "itching" almost - does that make sense? I should almost lock myself away...

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, October 19

LOL!!! You're right Lusch - I love TummyMan! Gross!!! Or "Trunk"
Classic!
Hey - so why do you think the stripper was removed? I loved her!

[lushy]

Thursday, October 19

Uh Oh, Fan sounds a little wounded today. I promise to only say soul satisfying things to you today. Crap, I have only been working 20 minutes and here I am. No more. The madness must stop. Bye!

[trishinnebraska]

Thursday, October 19

Just checking in...

Hi all - Just thought I'd check in and let you know I'm still lurking and working...Y'all seem to be having such a good time on this board it can be a little intimidating to "butt in" sometimes...I'm doing pretty well lately (knock wood) like Diane and the others, I hate to think of the possibility of having to quit completely and so I'm working much harder to moderate - the supps are helping a lot (can't tolerate the topa - wish I could- it really did help!). Everyone have a great day!

TOWANDA! (to those who have seen the movie...FGT):l

[Allie]

Thursday, October 19

Good afternoon everyone --
Wow I feel so good today.... getting on a roll here! Got up at 5:30 and still going strong with tons of energy. I think I've accomplished more today by noon that I normally did in two days before. Now its like... Wow! I have the whole day still ahead of me!

Dilayne, I could TOTALLY relate to what you were saying. Even though I am doing really well with mods, I am a wimp when it comes to talking abstinence. I still want to have "something" even if it is a fraction of what it used to be. I too seem to face tough things when I dont have A to rely on and sometimes it seems unbearable. There are usually things about myself that I have to face that are ugly and painful. And like you, I feel as if I have grown more this past year than I have in the last ten, but at a very high price. I have been through some of the most painful things this year that had I know ahead of time that I would have to face, I think I would have thrown in the towel. I would have said, "There is just no way. I wont make it." But I have. Its in the toughest times that we see what we are truly made of, and it was almost losing my marriage back in December that I realized what was really inside of me, and it was ugly. I didnt want to be that person anymore and it has hurt like hell to make this transformation. And yes, it has scared the hell out of me too! But its been good, but I still look back over this past year and cant believe all that I/ we have been through meaning my husband and I and my family. A major move from the home we lived in for 12 years to another state, dealing with a very depressed daughter and me too as a result, my oldest leaving home and the depression I went through with that (although he is back... LOL), moving again after a year to a new house, almost losing my marriage in December and finally my Mom's recent diagnosis with terminal cancer just weeks after she moved here to be close to us and the grandkids. I realized that it WAS more than I could handle on the route I was going, so I could either bury myself completely in alcohol and go numb and lose my entire family, or grab this thing by the horns and say, "NO, you will not take me down anymore!!" Its a worthwile journey for sure, and I think although life may continue to be hard in ways, I think this upcoming year is going to be so much better.

And Jenneh -- I have that same tape playing in my mind too on Friday nights... what is up with that? Friday nights have always been my night to cut loose. Its totally in my mind I know, but I cant remembe a Friday night in probably 12 or 13 years that alcohol has not been a part of it, if even iin just a small way.

Okay, novel over. Hope everyone has a great day!!

Allie

[gypsi]

Thursday, October 19

Happy Friday Eve!?!

Mornin all -
Last night was AF; I finally made it AF three days in a row!! :yay:
However, it's 'Friday Eve' (kinda like Christmas Eve, it's the night before...) and like a lot of you, I'm kind of dreading tomorrow. I think though, that it's important to remember how many successes you've had, rather than focusing on the fact that it's FRIDAY NIGHT. Fridays are scary, cause for a lot of us (myself most definitly included) we've always seen Friday as our reward for getting through the week. So, here's a couple of alternate suggestions for rewards -

• Long dinner at favorite restaurant with S.O. (significant other). You can tell yourself that you'll drink, but

• only as long as you are at dinner. And get your S.O. to help you but not stopping at the store for booze on the way home, or having any alcohol already stocked in the house.
• Don't wanna hang out with the S.O? Plan a 'spoil me' night; get a massage, facial, pedicure, etc.If you've got kids, have them invite their friends over for a sleep-over, and set up a really elaborate 'campsite' in your living room or their bedroom, then sit around the 'campfire' and tell ghost stories. Remember when you were a kid? You didn't need alcohol to make life more fun. Everything was a wonder, and although it's a bit of work to get back there in your head as an adult, sometimes just hanging out with your kids and looking at life through their eyes can take you back -

Well, there's a few suggestions anyway. One of my defenses against drinking on Fridays is to totally lose myself in a book. I'm sure others have better ways of dealing with Friday. So, I'll throw this out to the group and see what shakes and stirs (but not you, lush, your avatar is gone...) :flower:

[lushy]

Thursday, October 19

Oh Trish, don't be intimidated by us. Jump in any time. Frankly, I get tired of just Jen and Fan after a while!

Fan your picture looks exactly like you would have looked like as a little boy. I LOVE it.

Allie, I know what you mean about rising to the occasion when extremely challenging things in life happen. The last 10 years have held more for me than I ever wanted. Like you if I had been told all that would take place I would have said, forget it, cannot handle it, but I did. Maybe not in the healthiest of ways, but I did it. And you did it. Granted I am now in therapy because of all of it, but at least that is a more positive step than drowing in wine. And where, may I ask, is all of this energy coming from with you??? Wish I could have some of that. It is practically nighttime outside here it is so dark. I just want to crawl back into bed.......

Gypsi, I just want to say it seems like you have come a long way since coming here!!! So impressed with you.

[MKR]

Thursday, October 19

Hi all,

Yes, it takes quite awhile to catch up over here!

Dilayne, I am sorry to hear that but I know what you are saying. It will hit me and I am not on topa just sort of a sadness that I am not partying like before. Allie, Precious and Trish, I hear you. Been a tough year here in many ways. Being sober has been an eye opener and it is OK.

I started yesterday at Kiwanis at 7:00 AM and ended at a networking dinner which had plenty of bar time. I would sometimes have a drink at that one, last night, just drank my water but refilled it 2 times at the table. No one else was going through the water like that. I catch up in the evenings on my water but I really think I was nervous about wanting a "real" drink like the woman next to me was having. Think it is a good thing the rum is not in the house right now.

I have a dinner with 3 girlfriends on Friday. I will have one hard liquor drink but pace myself as before watching the other girls. I think going AF for the first couple weeks in the program really helped. I don't normally think about drinks anymore when I get home, which is pretty cool and the more AF days that are there, the less I seem to think about them. Still there are sometimes that thought just creeps in.

Jenneh, all my college and working weeks throughout my life, except for the 10 years of "Earth Mother" in there, I have ALWAYS had FRIDAY NIGHT blasts. Doesn't matter whether I was drinking or smoking or if I had to work on Saturdays - Friday night was Friday night. I don't even know how I have been ignoring them for the most part the last few months.

OK, I have a doctors appointment this afternoon and while shaving my legs this morning, I realized I have a scratch and a bruise on my leg. (Actually completely sober the other night but had to climb through the sticker bushes to save my cat from her more than stupid dilemna.) Anyway, what I realized was no "unknown" bruises and just the one on my whole body, I was happy I have cut back to this extreme. I have a feeling my blood tests are going to come out great. SOOOOOOO long story short, isn't it OK to be sad about this sometimes but see all the good health coming from not drinking. Maybe it is OK, to try a day, then a few days then just go for awhile, telling yourself, you can have alcohol, down the road, not tonight but another time. Then by the time that "down the road" comes into play alcohol is just not such a big deal nor such a menace? Just a thought.

Hugs and Love to all of you,
Mary

PS: Gypsi - great thoughts on alternatives to drinking!

[Saint Jude]

Thursday, October 19

Good morning! It's only 9:44 here. And it's my Monday....Whaa! But I did have a few great days off!

As far as the Friday night thing... or the weekends in general... I guess I've kinda done an self-sabotage on mine. But in a good way as far as not allowing myself to drink too much, I always work weekend nights! I go in at 2:00 today, 1o tomorro, 2o Sat, & 4:00 Sun. So I don't get get to drink till afterwords. I didn't really plan it that way,... it's just busier & better $$$ on weekends.. so what the Hey!

Actually, I guess I did plan it a bit, I know on Sundays, my Hubby likes to drink his beer ... or golf... so I figure I might as well be working anyway...

Dilayne, I can relate to your internal struggle. Sometimes I think I should just stop completly... but I also know how much I enjoy having a glass of wine or a beer. And it's everywhere. Yesterday, on my way home from town, I stopped & joined my Dad @ a small "watering hole" for a beer, before going kayaking... it just wouldn't be the same to pop in & have a 7up w/the old man!

[Saint Jude]

Thursday, October 19

Hey Trish, wasn't it "Idgy Threadgood?"


Ok here's a good one:


"Just because we can't afford jewels & antiques doesn't mean we aren't possesive. "Mine" is the dearest word & concept of some of us who barely get by from paycheck to paycheck: my car, my house, my savings, my children, my husband- even my alcoholic!"
Yet ownership, particularly of other people, is really a delusion of control. The mistaken notion that someone is ours breeds anxiety, a misplaced sense of responsibility, and an exaggerated fear of loss. At most, we can only be stewards of our relationships, let alone our belongings.
Something wonderful happens as we practice thinking of people we love as being on loan. Instead of insisting that they must be with us always, we can enjoy the pleasure of their company today. We can open our hands and give them and us the space to discover the joy of living freely.:h

[lushy]

Thursday, October 19

Is that really you fan? How darling.

[gypsi]

Thursday, October 19

Dilayne, you're not alone...

I can totally understand where you're coming from; I've been doing a bit of the same 'not wanting to let go of the false self.' Up until recently, I didn't even realize that I had a false self. Always thought that how I acted is who I was -
How disconcerting to find out differently...
It sounds to me like you are going through some tremendous changes in your life. Yes, it's scary to allow the whole me to come to light, but what if you end up liking her better than your current false self? My guess is, you will. You will absolutely fall in love with her and wonder what took you so long. As I told a friend once a long time ago, it's hard to let go of the cliff when it's all you've ever known. Even though it's a bad thing, this cliff has cut you and burned you in ways you've never understood or liked, it's still the familiar. However, by letting go of this cliff, know that when you fall, there are many good, loving people waiting for you at the bottom of that cliff. One of those good, loving people is you, just waiting...

[gypsi]

Thursday, October 19

Oh, you bet it is - perhaps one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But the rewards at the bottom...

[dilayne]

Thursday, October 19

Thanks everyone..sounds like I'm NOT alone! The funny thing is that I've embarked on this journey counsciously..I knew it was time to go to the next level..I didn't know what it was going to look like or what was going to be involved but I came willingly. Thank goodness that when the student was ready many teacher's have appeared. Call it a Dark Night of the Soul if you will..I do know in my heart that it isn't a 'bad' thing..it's a necessary thing..I also know that some never go there..and now, I know why..it's scary though, because once you embark on the journey, there really is no turning back, yet you wonder if you'll make it..that's the really really scary part.

C.G. Jung has been a great teacher for me on this journey..it's interesting that one has to be over 40 to even be considered (so I've been told) to go to the Jung institute in Zurich..it just says something about this point in a person's life..a point in what he calls the individuation process..btw, I may have mentioned that he wrote Bill W. a letter when he was forming AA..he had some very interesting takes on addiction...and it's funny that Dr. Jeckll and Mr. Hyde were mentioned here...I read a book recently where the story was examined exstensively to illustrate the 'shadow' side of all of us..including addictions..which often are used to suppress the shadow.

My husband is going out of town for the weekend..there is a large bottle of wine in the house..I'm hoping to stay AF since i've just started on the topamax again..when I started it before in June, I stayed AF for about 3 weeks in the beginning and stayed on the topamax and stayed pretty moderate for over 3 months...it was definitely helpful to stay AF.

The suggestions for alternative activities were good..sorry..can't seem to keep up with the names here..but thank you...we discussed that in session yesterday...to talk about it, have some other things to do..

Thanks again for all of your kind words...I love hearing everyone's stories.
The feeling alone part (in general) is my deepest sorrow..funny how the internet can be such a paradox..I'm rambling now..Ciao my friends!