A rock and a hard place

[Mackeral]

Hiya Everyone,

I'm a bit stuck...For quite a long time now i've been thinking about trying to moderate..But i'm scared..I dont want to end up back at square one..

I mentioned this about a month ago and was strongly advised to steer clear...
I reckon i can do it..

Ok moderation....You chaps have been doing it for a while.....How much do you drink and how often?..Any advice would be very much appreciated...

I've slipped a few times recently..and its getting me down....Idealy i would like to drink on a Friday or Saturday night....But how much is acceptable?

[dilayne]

A rock and a hard place

HI Macks,
I can only share my experience..I practiced moderation succesfully for about 3 months with the help of the topamax. I used the moderation management's guidelines to determine the amount of alcohol that constitutes moderation because if it were left up to me, that amount would be determined by my own wishful thinking most of the time. Their guidelines are no more than 3 drinks in a row, no more than 3 times a week. I think it's a really good guideline, if you find yourself stretching it and justifying it than you may need to get real with yourself..if you find yourself using alcohol to escape or for any other reason than enjoyable socializing, you need to be real..being real with yourself will give you the answer that you need...trust your heart on this one!

Dianne
(of course, you know that I've gone abstinent because I didn't want to use the topamax anymore and that I was not succesful practicing moderation without it..so I had to make a choice)

[Allie]

A rock and a hard place

Hi Macks,
If you take the Topamax that really helps to not physically be able to drink as much as you would without it. At least that's been my experience. Doesnt take away that "Hey, I'd like a glass of wine" desire, but once I pour the wine, it seems to take much longer to drink it, and I just dont get the pleasure from it like I do otherwise. But I also cannot tolerate the Topa over over about 50 to 75 mg b/c of side effects not being worth it, so I just dont take it every day. I take it on the weekends and nights I think I may struggle more.

But for me -- my limit is three drinks. The problem with moderating is that you have the stuff in your house, and so it is easier to blow it and drink more than you set out too. That doesnt happen too often, but it does happen occassionally for me. I think if you have gone such a long time without it at all, that to have a few drinks on the weekends would be really satisfying without feeling a need to go back to square one? I dont know...

Sounds like the desire to have alcohol in your life to some degree is still pretty strong, so why not try setting some healthy limits and sticking to it, and then if you cant, go back to abs? I ditto Fan -- hopefully others will have some more good advice!

Best of luck, and you know if you do mods that you have to hang out with us too.... LOL!
Allie

[pinkmilk]

A rock and a hard place

Hi Girls,
been away for from this forum for a while, actually pretty much while I started the program . It's been three and a half weeks and today it's the fourth time I am having some wine. Have been really good. Even if I say so myself! Really impressed myself and my husband.
And starting to hope that this might be the beginning of a new way of drinking for good.
But as you are talking about moderate drinking, can I ask you one more think, just to confuse the issue even more: how do you behave over christmas? I sort of dread that kind of year. The twice weekly two to three glasses of wine have been great, but how can I go around peoples houses being offered endless drinks, going out to restaurants at lunches and dinners and then to parties in the evening as well sometimes and keep the moderate drinking going???
I am on 200mg of Topamax now and even though I am doing okay, just today I had an unbelievable craving in the afternoon, probably worst for three weeks (my mum is here for visit!!!! Sons third birthday party!).
Going on....
It's good to read about your experiences with moderation and supps and Topa.:h
Cerstin aka Pinkmilk

[treeman]

A rock and a hard place

moderation

i am new here but i feel that i can add some help too. i also dread the party/holiday season. a couple of srategies: show up fashionably late to parties, other people will be hammered by the time you get there so you don't feel that you need to match someone elses intake. i also only drink one drink per hour; very difficult when there is so much free stuff available. i try to keep concentrating on my plans for the next day, knowing that all will be ruined if i'm hungover.

just some things that i try and struggle with, especially when get into those stressful situations: family that you only see once or twice a year, and for good reason.

[lushy]

A rock and a hard place

Good for you Pinkmilk. I wish I was drinking like you!!! Thanks for giving us the update. It gives lots of people hope.

Macks, one would think the thought of having to spend times with us over on the mods board would be enough to keep you abs!!! While I am not even close to being the poster child for mods I cannot really answer your direct question but I guess it comes down to whether you really think you can stop at 2-4. Would your wife be upset if you attempted mods? I am starting to think that moderating is in some ways harder, as we have talked about on other threads, because you always have to plot and plan and either keep alcohol in your house or not. I wish you luck in whatever path you choose. Even though you say you have slipped recently you have soooo many AF days to be proud of!!!!

[Guest]

A rock and a hard place

Hi Mackarel and all!
In response to all of this, and Pinkmilk's post in particular above about the holidays, I was not feeling comfortable with my own moderation and was making goals every week that I was unfortunately not meeting. Worried about how the holiday binge-fest of years past would throw me into a tailspin completely, I have decided to spend my next 30 days alcohol free. So Mackarel, just as you are joining a moderating way of life, I'm joining a temporary abstaining one! Go figure. Hey, I figure we all do what we need to do to be proud of how we have changed our ways and to NOT go back to square one.
Macks, you know how to do your program. You have experienced amazing success! If you want to try moderation and it does not work how you want it to work for you, make adjustments. You have done it before and it won't nearly as difficult as it was that first time you took the huge leap. I have heard from several long term abstainers who tried and tried moderation, went abs, tried again, and simply could not make it work, so are now choosing abstinance as it WORKS for them. I always said, if I'm not happy with how things are going, I will change them. So I am! You can too. If you don't feel the holidays are a good time to try this, then wait.
I would suggest definitely using the drink tracker or some form of keeping track. Set your limits and if they start getting out of control, put the brakes on! I was using the green color for moderation, and the red default days for days I drank more than acceptable. WAY too many red days! It was really a great tool. Really out there in black and white... or red and green! I didn't even get through the whole month to see that the red days were unacceptable. RED LIGHT! BRAKES! I am going to keep using that tool.
Best to you, Macks!! And everyone during the holidays. I'll look forward to my toast Christmas Eve , but in the meantime, will be looking to you all for some needed support.
Thanks!

[Mackeral]

A rock and a hard place

Such good honest advice...It still amazes me how much people can give so much of themselves..( without trying to sound corny )...

Thats a lot for me to take in, in one night..I still dunno whats best for me but i would like to go down this route..I just dont know if i'm capable....But like i said i've got a lot of thinking and planning to do...

Snookered......I think is the word i'm looking for.......

All i know is i'd be completly lost without you lot........

Thankyou:l

[pinkmilk]

A rock and a hard place

Mackeral,
you'll work it out - I have no doubts, what I have read from you, that you know yourself so well. You can try and see what works for you and You will see very quickly what makes you happiest.
Enjoy the experience! Take Care!

[Waves 2]

A rock and a hard place

Hi Macks

Hi Macks,
I can so relate to the question of the rock or the hard place. I have just finished 32 days abs having never exceeded 5days AF in the last seven years. Last night I had two drinks and stopped. Dilayne suggested following the moderation guidelines -never have more than three drinks per day and never have more than 3 drinking days per week. I am going to take that on board but firmly keeping the MAXIMUM as my main thought. I know that on drink 3 it is oh so easy to go over and have just one more, which then turns into ?? So I had two last night and stopped. I went back to Vimto . ( Living in the North UK you must know of it?)
Here are two ideas that were suggested to me when I was worrying about mods.

• Make mods work or never drink again.If you can have alcohol when you choose then it is not such a forbidden fruit.

Love Waves
Ps It can be done. You only have to look at some of the trackers to see that it is possible. Whether it is possible for US I cannot say. Only time will tell.
I would consult Lisa on your decision as she seems very supportive, and she probably knows you better than anyone. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[AMELIA]

A rock and a hard place

Mackeral,

I hope you work it out. If you go mods and it starts to go a little out of control hopefully you will hear that 'inner voice' saying WHOA! SLOW DOWN BUDDY! and you will listen to it.
Take care
Amelia

[Quiescent]

A rock and a hard place

Hi Macks,

A rock and a hard place it is.

I admire you for the abstinence you have acheived. You are a very determined and strong person.

I am confident, with the support and advice from others, that if you attempt moderation and it doesn't work you will go back to abstinence.

And here's a quote for all of us who are moderating

"In everything the middle course is the best; everything in excess brings trouble."
Author: Titus Maccius Plautus

Love,
Rachele

[Quiescent]

A rock and a hard place

Amelia,

I was scrolling down this page, and I swear, your cow moved:eeks:

I keept scrolling back and forth to see if it would do it again and it didn't

:H

[TracyA]

A rock and a hard place

Hey Macks,

I know that hard place and wish I had some words of wisdom. Since I started mods, I got drunk once. One advantage was that I didn't feel like an utter failure for going overboard the way I did when trying to be abstinent, but that's kind of a wussy way of looking at it. :blush:

Most days it is pretty easy to keep it down to two or three drinks, or no drinks. I don't know what other parts of the program you are adopting, but I think the supplements help a great deal - maybe the amino acid thing, I don't know. I'm going the way Allie is with the topa because the side effects are so difficult for me. Today, I'll take my first dose in a couple hours (11 am), but other days I won't take it all.

Hope you find what works for you.

Tracy

[Saint Jude]

A rock and a hard place

Hey Macks! One of my little "tricks" is to drink a glass of water for every glass of wine that I allow myself, and then sip the wine ... not slurp or gulp it like I used to! I also use a lot smaller glass than I used to!

And DON"T drink "on a mission" when I'm mad or hurt... if I can help it...
That'l get me into trouble every time!

Also I take extra L-glut if I'm going out to an event where I know there's going to be a lot of drinking going on... and of course keep the water handy!

But I do think the topa REALLY does a lot of it for me. Just have to be determined & aware as well.

:l Judie