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    #1

    From AF to that first drink again

    I'm not sure where to post this so I'll put it heres anyway.. I'm hopless at getting my point across so hopefully you'll bear with me

    I've been AF for a little over 4 months and have no intent on Modding as such, I've tried it in the past, it didn't work then and I can't see it happening in the future, I'm okay with not drinnking to a certain extent, but I've spent the last few days thinking it over about how I'd feel if I did have a drink now, like I said not back to modding it's not an option, but that odd taste of wine you know when someone asks your opinion of something they've bought, that desert that has AL in it, you know the kind of thing.

    I'm obessing a little about how I'd feel if I did break my AF run now, would I feel I'd let myself down? Just because I'd had a sip or two of AL would I feel that I'd broken my sobriety, that scares me at the moment how I'll feel about myself.

    I don't want to ever go back to where I was before, I remind myself daily how bad it was, but I was wondering how others felt in themselves when they made the move from being AF to that first glass again, fear? Disappointment that you'd drank again ? Relief, etc.. ?

    I know I have to make that decision myself but I was just curious to how you felt yourselves.

    Now I hope that makes sense:H
    WHAT CAN I SAY? I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE..


    Just taking it day by day.......
    Tags: None
    #2
    From AF to that first drink again

    Tread lightly

    I have just been in your shoes so to speak. I have gone AF twice before for almost a year and then after that first drink just slipped back into drinking slowly, thinking I could Mod, to find myself just as bad or worse then before. I was AF for 47 days until a trip to Reno last weekend and had a hot sake with sushi at a nice Japanese place with my Hubby. I was so scared afterwards, and thought at first that all my hard won sober days were lost. The two times before I had bounced out of AF had been the same, just a drink on a festive occasion with my Husband, who can take or leave alcohol. This time I did not continue to drink though, which is new for me, especially in Reno where cocktails are free when you are gambling. Can I do it again and not blow it? I dont know. All I know is that this time I did not get drunk, I have been AF again since and may have learned something about my self. I know I will aways have a problem with alcohol, so I intend to stay AF. If I mess up again I don't have to give up--unless I want to. I am hopeful for the first time in a long time.
    AF again since 3/13/2014

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      #3
      From AF to that first drink again

      LIS, the one time I done 3 months AF was this time last year. On Christmas Day I had a large portion of sherry trifle. At the time I thought nothing of it but that evening I had my first drink after being AF for so long. I had nearly 2 bottles of wine - was in oblivion before I finished the first as I wasn't used to it any more, but with the determination of an alco, drank on until I passed out. I am convinced it was the copious amount of sherry in that trifle that finally helped let my guard down.
      I have been trying ever since to get back but haven't got past 5 weeks. On day 4 again now and as determined as ever, but one thing is sure, no more sips or trials!
      IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
      Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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        #4
        From AF to that first drink again

        I don't know if you all have the option wherever u are but many of the markets or grocery stores in my town carry individual serving size bottles of wine. Maybe you could buy 1 and only 1! And make yourself stick to that?

        I think if you have a drink now and that doesn't throw you back into a problem drinking stage, you may be alright. However we're never going to know which 1 glass of wine might.

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          #5
          From AF to that first drink again

          Unfortunately, I have had those thoughts after long stretches of being af. It never, ever, ever ends with just one. Oh sure, it starts out that way but after a month or more I'm right back to where I started. The "thoughts" are the beast trying to work it's way back in. It's so not worth the taste or glass. It's truly more work trying to moderate than have non. It's frankly exhausting! Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I imagine most people that have those thoughts were mad as heck that they listened to them.
          AF since 2/22/2012

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            #6
            From AF to that first drink again

            Almostfamous;1273309 wrote: Unfortunately, I have had those thoughts after long stretches of being af. It never, ever, ever ends with just one. Oh sure, it starts out that way but after a month or more I'm right back to where I started. The "thoughts" are the beast trying to work it's way back in. It's so not worth the taste or glass. It's truly more work trying to moderate than have non. It's frankly exhausting! Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I imagine most people that have those thoughts were mad as heck that they listened to them.
            My thoughts and experience very much Almost famous.

            Hiya LIS.

            You won't have to worry about modding if you have a drink again, as you can bet your bottom dollar you'll be on the road to oblivion and hell soon enough, unless your thinking has done a complete turnaround, and for us problem drinkers, our thinking is what we often need to work on. For me, i had to go there and drink again after some good sober time to finally understand my relationship with alcohol. It was a positive and necessary experience, but also scary.

            Hold off for awhile. No rush is there? You will most likely end up back to the old drinking routine, but just be very careful if you do drink. We awaken the beast again, and it is very deceptive, cunning, baffling, and powerful. It has a silver tongue, and will charm you and lie to you to have you back, and then it will (you will), destroy you. Many people don't come back.

            Best wishes to you either way, and congratulations and great going on your AF time.

            G-bloke.

            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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              #7
              From AF to that first drink again

              I too am having exactly the same thoughts after nearly 5 months AF. I've done 3 months before and gone back drinking. When I went back drinking I started off really well but then I let my guard down. I only drank at weekends and rarely had more than half a bottle and kept to that except at the odd occasion. my problem is at a party, thats when its really difficult. I don't drink more than most but its the way it affects me afterwards, panic etc. Having said all that I'd really love a drink!! I used to drink way more after my divorce, at least a bottle a night and double at weekends, My drinking improved dramatically after counselling but I can't control the after effects. I do wonder though if I could cut down so much in the past, could i mod??? stupid I know

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                #8
                From AF to that first drink again

                panicprincess;1273197 wrote: I don't know if you all have the option wherever u are but many of the markets or grocery stores in my town carry individual serving size bottles of wine. Maybe you could buy 1 and only 1! And make yourself stick to that?

                I think if you have a drink now and that doesn't throw you back into a problem drinking stage, you may be alright. However we're never going to know which 1 glass of wine might.
                To me that would be like having a tiny bite of a delicious candy bar. What's the point? LOL, but that's just me, and why I don't drink now. :H


                "I like people too much or not at all."                 Sylvia Plath

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                  #9
                  From AF to that first drink again

                  I must amend. I have now had three episodes of AL since I went 39 days AF. All three times, I have only had 2 drinks. Tonight I am on my second drink, and I may have one more. Seeing if I can mod...cross your fingers for me.


                  "I like people too much or not at all."                   Sylvia Plath

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                    #10
                    From AF to that first drink again

                    Hi Everyone:
                    I had almost 5 months sober and then had a slip. I drank one bottle of wine. I felt like crap the next day and couldn't wait to get the antibuse into me! I have been AF for about three weeks. I told my addictions Doctor about the slip and he said don't sweat it. The medical model is not concerned with your day ones. They look at how much time you have sober. I learned from that slip that I do not want to go back there. I am feeling much better now and I don't miss the aweful headaches, sweats and racing heart. I also really didn't enjoy the wine that I had.
                    As much as I am enjoying being AF I still get thoughts of drinking again. I just try to keep reminding myself about how rotten I felt the next day!
                    Good luck
                    Don't worry, be happy!

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