Thurs. Jan. 4th

[MKR]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

It is nice to have that spousal support. For me talking about it with my husband puts him in a defensive place for his own addictions, or so he seems to feel that, so I don't really talk about it, I just do my own thing. . . . Although driving me to work this morning, he mentioned I had inspired him over the past few months and he only had one beer and one glass of wine yesterday. (Quite a change for him.) I applauded his effort to even see how much he drinks.

PP, are you sure you have not mentioned being abs before, like when you first started the program? That is awesome he would want to be part of it . . . .if he is a positive part of it!

Lush - Very Funny!!

[Beaches]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi. You are doing just fine. You are here. You recognize you need to reach out for help. We all go through our rough patches and I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing.

That's a good one Lush! I also do not talk to my husband about this. He know's I am cutting down and knows I am here on this site. Last night I was chatting and he said you better be careful because you don't know who's out there. I was amazed. I explained YET AGAIN the site and the support and my goal of cutting down (the non drinker vocab) and he said "you're not an alcoholic are you?". Gee that question leaves a lot of room for an answer so I said no. Where has he been? Has he really not noticed the increased drinking and decline in my balance as the evening gets later and the new slur I acquire?

[lushy]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Amen, NP. I think many of our husbands sound like they could join the Clueless Club when it comes to our drinking issues, even if we lay all of the info out there for them. It is sort of like explaining PMS to them!

[Bookish]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi,
MM is right on and I know even though I am not a big poster, this support site has been key in my progress. Also after reading some of these great post there is another aspect of my life I would like to have some help with and it didn?t occur to me look for another group to address this, but I think it?s time to do it.

About the Peeping Lurkers, my hubby was bugging me last weekend when I was posting and saw my username. Now I feel I need to change it, but I don?t want to reset my posting numbers, they are pretty low for someone who has been on the form since July. It would be like starting a new check book. Maybe I should just trust him to stay out of my stuff. I did give him the ?I don?t look through your wallet? speech AGAIN.

MKR-Mary and NP, my hubby is more like yours. He has never really seen the problem because he doesn?t want me to do anything that might make a major change to his life. Hence the cases of champagne in the closet. I want to yell at him sometimes. ?Can you please get a clue?, but I know it would just cause more problems and not help anything.

P.S. Mike, sorry, but you are way to sweet and sensitive to be married to me.

Laura

[fsophiah]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

First, Gypsi, I really don't think you can handle self-improvement at taking care of your husband at the same time. Maybe I'm wrong. If I were in your position, I would think that getting through the day would be an achievement. I like the idea of a support group because your resources must be exhausted. When you are ready, you can give all your attention to working on the alcohol issue.

Second, on the husband issue. My husband has been great, but he doesn't understand what it means to "get moderate" as opposed to "get sober." He is a sober alcoholic. What I do appreciate, however, was that when I announced my intention to use this program to my family, I did so by saying it was going to be something that no one would understand, and I didn't expect them to. I asked for support in doing it, however. They have all been wonderful. By doing it in the open (to them) and letting them simply see me doing it, I have noticed a difference in all my family relationships. I have felt incredibly empowered.

[Saint Jude]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Ha Ha, my Hubby still can't believe there's times (actually quite often), when I drink less than him now! That NEVER used to happen!:H Even though he's a foot taller...

I'm just meaner & thirstier!:alf: Well, at least my "Evil Twin" was...



Gypsi, Thinking of you... Hope ya get a chance to check out that site I sent ya:l

[Hawk]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi - I certainly cannot add to the sage advice that has been offered here, I can only echo it. Perhaps a support group would be helpful for you. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Allie - Your husband sounds wonderful and its great you have such a strong supporter behind you!

Lush et al - I am tight-lipped around my husband as well. Fear is probably one reason, afraid to fail is another, opening myself to judgement (though that comes regardless....right?) Perhaps in time. I know he'd be supportive but I doubt he knows the depth of how insidious this whole battle is.

[louie]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hi guys,

I hope you don't mind me posting - I am trying to abstain but all this talk about husbands made me want to share. My husband found MYO on my screen the day after my birthday (when I got drunk, said shit, fell over, and embarrassed everyone and mostly me) and decided to do something about it.

My husband wants to know EVERYTHING about me and so he asked and I said it's personal (not ready yet - just was investigating, not ready to talk yet) but he said it's about alcoholics isn't it, what are you doing that for? you're not an alcoholic, this is just a knee jerk reaction to last night and then proceeded to chastise and berate me for my behaviour the night before and tell me I can't keep anything from him.

He had opened up my minimised window and looked at the site - as he looks at everything I do. I felt very violated - this is difficult enough for me to confront this issue without him taking control away from me. I felt quite sick actually - sometimes I need me time and my own space, and here is one of those places.

I explained to him that after the night before I was looking up things on the net to see what was about as I didn't like my behaviour when I drank and wanted to see what was out there. He said just don't drink so much blah blah blah won't bore you.

Since then, even though on many occasions, including last night, he has insisted I have a drink, even quite forcibly, but I have not partaken. Unfortunately my husband is not someone who stomachs weakness in any capacity, and any problem or addiction like this is not something he wants anywhere near his existence. He lives for smooth sailing and sunshine and support is something you do at a sports game. That probably comes across harsh, and yes I will say he gives me support in many areas - he is a great husband and one of the best blokes ever but just not in this area. I love him the way he is and know this stuff just isn't for him.

So I am very happy to just carry on the way I am - I know I want to be sobre, I want to be fit and healthy and get more out of life, and he will be a big part of that, just not so openly I guess.

We are all different, as are our partners I guess. But we are all on this same journey.

Louie

[lushy]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Wow Louie, You are definitely wanting to make a change in your life and it sounds like nothing is going to stop you. I applaud you. If my husband was asking me if I wanted a drink every night the answer would be yes, yes, yes, when it should be No most of the time. I hope over time he will give you the support you so deserve and I, for one, wish you the very best.

P.S. Come over here anytime. We are not an exclusive club!!

[Popeye]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hello all

Re the spousal support....
My wife has been brilliant. She stuck by me over the many years of drunkenness and has done all that I could ask during this, new phase of our time together.
Louie, you mentioned that this site is one of your 'me spaces'. Just after I started coming here, I happened to walk into the computer room to find Susan reading through the posts. I wasn't keeping it a secret or anything, but I still felt slightly peeved. She started to apologise for violating 'my place'. After a minute I realised that it was out of genuine concern about me and her wanting to share in my journey. I often show her posts and anything that I think that might interest her, but she is slightly reticent.
I am doing this for both of us, not just myself, so it's good that she knows what's going on with me. There are some things that I can only say here. I am not the best communicator in the world and it takes me a while to get a meaningful phrase together when I'm talking, even longer when I have to type it, so it's good that she can see what I feel in this place aswell as the 'real' world.
Thanks for listening.

[betty boop]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hi All,

Louie, You are so very strong, Like Lush, If hubby offered me a drink I would have it most of the time.

I can understand the privacy issue, Like Paul, this site is not a secret, But sometimes I catch him reading over my shoulder which annoys me, If I say to him, would you like to read it he always says no...... so what's that about then????? Just a private thought guys, don't need an answer LOL

I managed my 5th night AF last night, although I'm planning 2 glasses of wine with dinner tonight .....

Lots of love and hugs to all my special friends on this site :l :l :l :l