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    #1

    Halo's story

    .I am 54 this month. I live alone, but I have a very close bond with my family, my daughter and my niece in particular. Over the last 12 years we have lost so many family members to tragic deaths it's gone beyond funny.

    I used to love to read, I used to love music, especially classical. I volunteered for a homeless charity. I worked out at the gym. I hold down a good job, I manage people. I inspire and lead them. I've realised that I have left all of those hobbies I loved behind. I work, I drink, I spend time with my beloved family when I can.

    I want it back now. I want my life back. I want to get back who I am, and be able to enjoy life without relying on alcohol to numb my feelings. My daughter gave me a little pep talk yesterday, she told me to reduce my hours at work and go back to volunteering, or go and get a degree in something different. She believes I am capable of anything. I used to believe that too. I want my life back, it may not have been perfect, but at least it was mine.

    I have asked for the help I need, I know my job will be supportive, and I just need to use all the resources available to get back on track. Including this place, it's inspirational. Thank you everyone
    Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe
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    #2
    Halo's story

    You sound like me. I used to be so full of life, and now I am tired and run down. It's all job and stress related and it's SO much better without AL!!
    I love your Voltaire quote...
    Sending love and strength
    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
    Live in the Solution....not the problem

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      #3
      Halo's story

      This last month two colleagues were off. I was effectively doing the job of three people. As much as I love my job, I was exhausted. Time to take care of me. And you mama, time to start thinking about what we need. I like that you like the lifeboat quote, but maybe now it's time to swim for shore
      Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

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        #4
        Halo's story

        I'm 51 Halo & Mama. I have despised my life for years and years despite evidence to the contrary...
        I think it all has something to do with my despising myself...
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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          #5
          Halo's story

          I feel like that too Kradle. I seem to go through life expecting really bad things and thinking at the back of my mind that I probably deserve it. I don't. You don't either.
          Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

          Comment

            #6
            Halo's story

            You're so right, Halo.

            last week I got a letter in the mail box with no return address on, just a scribble and I immediately thought it was some kind of threat or accusation letter. First thing to pop in my head. I even felt my hackles going up.
            It turned out to be my certificate for 2 free nights at The Great Wolf Lodge waterpark courtesy of my friend Mike....
            I stressed myself out for absolutely no reason...that has to stop.
            :l
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #7
              Halo's story

              Mutual feelings

              Hi Halo, I know where you are coming from. I am fast approaching fifty and like you I have a job in which I lead, manage and inspire people. Yet they don't know the car crash of a life I lead when I am not at my work (even though there have been a lot of times when I have not made work because I have been in my cups or physically wrecked and unable to get out of bed). Today is day one for me (again) but this time I have taken a bit of time to plan my abstinence even though I drank a bottle of champagne for breakfast yesterday! Well, I think I was trying to say goodbye in style. Good luck to you. I truly wish you all the best.
              "I used to be on the guest list, but now I'm on the nest list!"

              Newbies Nest:https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html


              Toolbox:https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html

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                #8
                Halo's story

                Isn't Champagne for breakfast elegantly called enjoying Mimosas? I switched to champagne a while back on a night because I thought I could handle the lower % alcohol better, but still enjoy the whole bottle ~~jeepers!

                You guys are talking about our self-talk and it reminds me -again- of the "Heart of Addicition" by Loren Dodes, I finally downloaded it on my iPad and I am completely immersed. It deals with the exact things in this thread and really explains the workings of the underlying emotions that get us to put that drink in our hand. If you haven't read this one yet - its definitely worth it.

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                  #9
                  Halo's story

                  Thanks Hidden Goal. I have seen it mentioned a couple of times. Definitely going to download it. Neddy, the more days that pass the more determined I become and I definitely have a plan in place this time. I feel different to all my different quits this time, I can't explain it but it's as if there has been a switch in my brain. I REALLY want it this time. We can do this.
                  Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Halo's story

                    Hi Halo, like you I feel different this time. I think it is the fact that I realise how much I have let myself down and let myself go coupled with all that I have lost, as opposed to realisation of how I have treated others. It sounds selfish but this time it's for me. Only by looking after myself will I be able to look after the things in my life that matter and hopefully be able to salvage some of the relationships that I have scuttled.
                    "I used to be on the guest list, but now I'm on the nest list!"

                    Newbies Nest:https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html


                    Toolbox:https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Halo's story

                      Thanks for sharing your story halo. I was the same, sans the loved ones. I pretty much held onto a job well enough to make enough money to drink, and drank, there was simply nothing left in me to spend time with friends or family. They pretty much just got in the way of my drinking, which is so sad. Glad we don't have to live like that anymore
                      Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

                      You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

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