Hey everyone. So many new names here – not sure if anyone is around that I used to talk with – I just checked and my last post was 4/11/2012!
So one reason why I am posting this is so that I can be the Poster boy for “Don’t let this happen to you…”
I’ll apologize now for this being long –
My “try to get back on the right path” story started in Sept. 2010. I was a 45 year old (do the math….) dad of two great boys and a husband that tried hard to be attentive. I had just had my physical and realized that my health was in a total mess. I got on MWO and did pretty well for a few months. I found my old post on 1/25/12 celebrating my 100 days AF. I fell off the wagon – I thought I had this thing beat and I could moderate. Yea, that was a freaking great plan…
So after that I had about a bazillion day 1’s. Each time lasted maybe 2-3 days to a month or so.
Fast forward to December 2014 (about this time last year). I had a terrible physical exam. Type 2 pre-diabetes, high blood pressure even on high doses to three meds, 285 pounds of fun…. I looked and felt like a dog turd. Time to get serious. So on Jan 1st I started Nutrisystem. I gave up alcohol cold turkey and religiously followed the Nutrisystem plan. By June I had not even touched alcohol, my weight went from 285 to 207. Down to a low dose of just one BP med and was on track to drop that one. Blood sugar normal. Hell, I was a stud-muffin!
I remember the pivotal moment like it was yesterday. It is burned in my mind. It was this past June. The neighborhood swimming pool opened. My wife and some of our friends called me at work and said to hurry home – the pool party had already started. As I was driving home I passed the liquor store that I pass every single day without even noticing. For some reason that I may never understand, I just pulled into the parking lot. I mean, there was no thought, no debate, it just happened! It was like I was having an out of body experience and I was watching someone else purchase a bottle of Bacardi (my drink of choice – with diet coke)… Well, I guess you can figure what happened – I got hammered!
Well, since June, my drinking has ratcheted up and up. I decided to give it up in November so I finished the last of my Bacardi bottle. I did well until Thanksgiving. We bought some wine – not my drink of choice at all. So, since I don’t really like it – what is one glass? Well, now I’m plowing through a bottle to a bottle and a half of Yellow Tail wine every night. I realize that that was a major disaster so no more wine. Well, in the bottom of our pantry are old bottles of various liquors – most half to three fourths empty. Many years ago we got the idea to make Long Island Ice teas (which has a truck load of different liquors). So after a colossal failure we had all this very cheap stuff that we have stashed away and forgot about. Well, after the wine, I remembered that crap. So then I started drinking this mess – straight – gin, vodka, rum, and tequila….
The last straw was this past Tuesday night. Mrs. IJM and I were watching a movie and I passed out on the couch. She tried to wake me up but couldn’t. When I finally got up to go to bed she had a major fit. I got mad and grabbed my truck keys and headed out the door. (Keep in mind that up until this time, I would never consider driving after even one drink). I was halfway out of our subdivision when my wife called crying. I keep a loaded weapon in the console of my truck and she knows that. She also knows that I was in a rage. She was scared half out of her mind. Something made me turn around and go back home – not sure what.
Well, that was three nights ago. I made a promise to her that I was done with Al. In all the failed attempts, that is something that I have never done – given my word about quitting.
I think I can do it this time. My biggest concern is the social aspect of it. I am a social retard. I mean in a major way. I do presentations in front of hundreds of pharmacists on a routine basis without issue. But when the social events happen after the presentations, I’m usually off to myself (I never have drank in front of customers or co-workers). Mrs. IJM and I would go out on weekends. She would dress extremely sexy, we would get a hotel then hire an Uber Black Car to take us to clubs. As I think of a life without Al, I see that totally going out the window. We had originally planned to go out this weekend and I booked a room last weekend in downtown – a very cheap rate (for downtown Atlanta) that is non-refundable. I don’t even want to go now.
So, if you have made it this far, you have just read my entire story. I’m not having physical withdrawal symptoms but I am really depressed right now. As I sit here, I can actually taste the gin I was drinking Tuesday night. I am pretty sure it’s the AL talking, but I just don’t have anything to look forward to right now – and that is pretty messed up for a 51 year old dude that has a beautiful wife, two awesome boys, nice job, good career, etc.
I plan to stay on MWO for a while. Last time I really got inspired. I hope it works again.
Take care all,
ItsJustMe
So one reason why I am posting this is so that I can be the Poster boy for “Don’t let this happen to you…”
I’ll apologize now for this being long –
My “try to get back on the right path” story started in Sept. 2010. I was a 45 year old (do the math….) dad of two great boys and a husband that tried hard to be attentive. I had just had my physical and realized that my health was in a total mess. I got on MWO and did pretty well for a few months. I found my old post on 1/25/12 celebrating my 100 days AF. I fell off the wagon – I thought I had this thing beat and I could moderate. Yea, that was a freaking great plan…
So after that I had about a bazillion day 1’s. Each time lasted maybe 2-3 days to a month or so.
Fast forward to December 2014 (about this time last year). I had a terrible physical exam. Type 2 pre-diabetes, high blood pressure even on high doses to three meds, 285 pounds of fun…. I looked and felt like a dog turd. Time to get serious. So on Jan 1st I started Nutrisystem. I gave up alcohol cold turkey and religiously followed the Nutrisystem plan. By June I had not even touched alcohol, my weight went from 285 to 207. Down to a low dose of just one BP med and was on track to drop that one. Blood sugar normal. Hell, I was a stud-muffin!
I remember the pivotal moment like it was yesterday. It is burned in my mind. It was this past June. The neighborhood swimming pool opened. My wife and some of our friends called me at work and said to hurry home – the pool party had already started. As I was driving home I passed the liquor store that I pass every single day without even noticing. For some reason that I may never understand, I just pulled into the parking lot. I mean, there was no thought, no debate, it just happened! It was like I was having an out of body experience and I was watching someone else purchase a bottle of Bacardi (my drink of choice – with diet coke)… Well, I guess you can figure what happened – I got hammered!
Well, since June, my drinking has ratcheted up and up. I decided to give it up in November so I finished the last of my Bacardi bottle. I did well until Thanksgiving. We bought some wine – not my drink of choice at all. So, since I don’t really like it – what is one glass? Well, now I’m plowing through a bottle to a bottle and a half of Yellow Tail wine every night. I realize that that was a major disaster so no more wine. Well, in the bottom of our pantry are old bottles of various liquors – most half to three fourths empty. Many years ago we got the idea to make Long Island Ice teas (which has a truck load of different liquors). So after a colossal failure we had all this very cheap stuff that we have stashed away and forgot about. Well, after the wine, I remembered that crap. So then I started drinking this mess – straight – gin, vodka, rum, and tequila….
The last straw was this past Tuesday night. Mrs. IJM and I were watching a movie and I passed out on the couch. She tried to wake me up but couldn’t. When I finally got up to go to bed she had a major fit. I got mad and grabbed my truck keys and headed out the door. (Keep in mind that up until this time, I would never consider driving after even one drink). I was halfway out of our subdivision when my wife called crying. I keep a loaded weapon in the console of my truck and she knows that. She also knows that I was in a rage. She was scared half out of her mind. Something made me turn around and go back home – not sure what.
Well, that was three nights ago. I made a promise to her that I was done with Al. In all the failed attempts, that is something that I have never done – given my word about quitting.
I think I can do it this time. My biggest concern is the social aspect of it. I am a social retard. I mean in a major way. I do presentations in front of hundreds of pharmacists on a routine basis without issue. But when the social events happen after the presentations, I’m usually off to myself (I never have drank in front of customers or co-workers). Mrs. IJM and I would go out on weekends. She would dress extremely sexy, we would get a hotel then hire an Uber Black Car to take us to clubs. As I think of a life without Al, I see that totally going out the window. We had originally planned to go out this weekend and I booked a room last weekend in downtown – a very cheap rate (for downtown Atlanta) that is non-refundable. I don’t even want to go now.
So, if you have made it this far, you have just read my entire story. I’m not having physical withdrawal symptoms but I am really depressed right now. As I sit here, I can actually taste the gin I was drinking Tuesday night. I am pretty sure it’s the AL talking, but I just don’t have anything to look forward to right now – and that is pretty messed up for a 51 year old dude that has a beautiful wife, two awesome boys, nice job, good career, etc.
I plan to stay on MWO for a while. Last time I really got inspired. I hope it works again.
Take care all,
ItsJustMe
Comment