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I decided couldn't take it any moe soo I'm staying in a al phase

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    #1

    I decided couldn't take it any moe soo I'm staying in a al phase

    Hi this is a journal of my experience with a al son.
    I decided that my son has been thru soo much almost died two times. Has used everyone to death I was the only one who stuck by him for 24 years . Never gave him money or enabled him and understood the science of addiction and relapse. It's my turn. I never drink. So since my son had his upteenth relapse lost it all again the umpteenth Time and will not contact me due to his usual upteenth behavior of ignoring me when he drinks rather than talking to his counselor, that I was going to join him and see what all the hopla is all about. So it's New Year's Day how long can I drink before I get sick? No worries I'm really ticked. I'm so done. Prick me with a fork...I am well done.

    He went home to the abusive woman who tried to kill him while drugging him and dousing him in bleach 3 gallons. That the police had to call athe hazmat team they had to clear the home before they could get him out. He was on life support for weeks and recovery another 4.that was 2 years ago. He moved in with her who by the way is a nurse. And the police never investigated the case because he is in a small town and the town drunk. She is a functional AL. Her kids abuse him constantly, so does she. He is a contractor and totally remodeled her home...kitchen baths etc. She abuses him emotionally and causes him to drink more. Yet as a alcoholic he has no choice but to live with it all or out on the streets. He has no clue how to stand up for the right thing. He has been in and out of jail more times due to her calling the police and he just takes it. He is no angel and neither is she. He has cut off all communications with me . Probably for the best . He needs to get back in treatment.

    There is so much more I am so tired....so very, very tired. And all the counseling & anti-depressants in the world can't replace my son. I have come to the realization that he is just one who will never find sobriety.
    SHADES
    "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .
    Tags: drink, drinking ..., home, police, son
    #2
    Hi Shades. You needed to get that off your chest. It must be so difficult to watch all this and feel helpless as to what to do.
    I don't really know how to respond but I feel for you. They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.....this is so true. Hugs from afar.....
    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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      #3
      I dont know what to say either, but I feel your pain.
      Drinking won't help matters as you are well aware.
      (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

      Comment

        #4
        Sorry to hear this SHADES. I remember when you posted a while back how sad it all sounded.

        Comment

          #5
          Thank you so much Daisy.

          That Quote is so true. No matter how hard I try to let go of the whole thing. It eats at me constantly. All the prayers and counseling will not change who my son is.

          It's never to late to be what you could have been. Is what I beleive so strongly. You are so right.
          Also, " I Will R is is a poem by Mya Angelou that also says it so much better than if I tried to tell his tortured story. Google it sometime it says so much about the effects of this disease.

          SHADES
          "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

          Comment

            #6
            Shades I had an unhappy son, with drug and alcohol problems.

            Without getting into the many, many routes I tried in the end what has helped him is me being happy, calm, centred. He is my child, no matter how old, if I change he sees that and believes it is possible.

            You do your best for your children but I see you have joined MWO 'for' him and I wonder if you are trying to sort HIM out rather than yourself?

            Comment

              #7
              Eloise...thanks for responding.

              I tried to drink a few and honestly it is awful tasting. Makes me feel horrible. I don't know how he does it. ONE day and I'm done. Has been in the hospital with AL POISONING .4.
              Sometimes it takes them several days to sober up. Not to mention all the suiside attempts.
              I am here for him no matter what. He can't control it & no one else cannot. Unfortunately I entirely understand this disease.
              SHADES
              "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

              Comment

                #8
                Lex ,
                Thanks for taking time to respond. One day & im done aL tastes bad and I don't like the effects it has on me. So I gave it a try. Not for me. Yet my son has been thru so much. As Daisy said and hit it on the nose. You only feel as as happy as your unhappiest child.
                SHADES
                "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

                Comment

                  #9
                  Kaya,
                  Been sorting us both out for years . As a child he has ADHD been in treatment for many years. Also he is bi-polar, & won't take his meds. Or cannot find a doc to help him. He's on Medicaid. I have left him on his own many times and he knows that I support him when he is taking his meds and sober. Sometimes I become so very depressed as none of the other family members care about him. I have done all I can for him yet we are both still under construction.

                  There is a very long history of al. in the family. It get that this disease effects the whole family in ways so complicated it's difficult to unravel. Yet every day he is here on this earth sober or not I am grateful!

                  SHADES
                  Last edited by SHADES_of_IDAHO; January 2, 2016, 08:14 PM. Reason: Spelling
                  "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I am ver sorry to go on and on...

                    AL made me think and act out my fears . That is not how I should respond here. Please forgive my behavior I am usually very reasonable.
                    I have had my little rant and will move on. As usual... I love my son no matter what.

                    Many thanks to you all. You have given me much to think about from your comments.

                    Many blessings sent your way. And to a great 2016 to all!

                    SHADES
                    "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Hi Shades - I am glad to see u back making a post or two. I am very thankful that you did find this site because there are many good-compassionate-understanding people here. Shades, as you and I have discussed before, AUD is genetic and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to change that. My mother suffered through and with my older brother's addiction for many years. She stood by him when everyone had given up and dis-owned him. I am grateful that mom was always there for him, and really towards the end of his life, she was only there to listen to him and to try and help him accept his pain.

                      I know that you have suffered yourself and for your son for a long time. I do hope that both of you find peace as you both carry on. The bond between a mother and a child is an incredible part of life -imo.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Your absolutely correct. As this disease is a progressive disease.
                        Thank you so much for your support. Sometimes his pain is greater than I could ever imagine! He is my heart and I will always be there thru it all. I cannot explain this disease to others in the family. They are to busy. Yet if he were a diabetic the whole family would be there to help him.
                        The fact that he can have family to help him if they would give a few minutes to read about this disease. Yet the stigma forgoes anything that supports the truth about al being a real disease. In the US congress has passed a bill allowing al. as a disease and dissabilty insurance to be allowed and is appropriate in his case.We have been trying for two years since this bill has been passed to appropriate dissability payments and treatment. It all falls on deaf ears. Even a lawyer has ignored his pleas, even though that is his job.He is labeled a al that has become who he is. That is not who he is and I know this better than any one.
                        He has been abused by police, friends, family and the justice system .
                        Hope is so important to encourage him not to give up. To fight for his rights. If not for himself but for others who suffer the same abuse by the legal system.

                        SHADES
                        Last edited by SHADES_of_IDAHO; January 4, 2016, 06:30 PM.
                        "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Hello all my dear sweet supportive friends,
                          I do come and read up on all of you and know you have been thru ur ups and downs. I am proud of all of you for being here and continuing to work hard to stay away from al.and so many friendships have formed old and new.

                          I have been gone for some time not posted. Been in constant contact with my som trying to keep him from loosing it. Taking his meds and sometimes he does and sometimes not.. Yet still fighting for my son. He is in bad shape nothing new to report other than the tally this disease has had on our family. And not sure how much longer he can hang in there. I don't know of any worse bottom yet each one is lower and harder than the last. I can do this for him and for myself. He is now 41 and has never been able to support himself.
                          Summer is here hoping to see him. I haven't seen him in 3 years. His last pictures he sent on FB didn't even look like him. He looks really bad. It's heartbreaking yet the disease is taking a toll on him.
                          Hope you are doing well and take care . Know that I appreciate all of my friends who have been here for me from time to time.
                          I Will Rise!
                          "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Hi Shades,good to see you sounds like your son is still struggling with this addiction and mental health, I'm so sorry hon,Iknow that no matter how old they are,they'll always be our babies,Ihope you're taking care of yourself, thanks for posting
                            I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                            I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                            Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I am so sorry Shade. As you know it's a complex disease and the lows just keep getting lower. I just don't know how to comfort you, but you will be supported here.
                              Enlightened by MWO

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