Loved one drink too much?

[southernbelle47]

I'm going to start this thread:

As a child, my dad would come home everyday, eat supper and go to bed. I NEVER saw him drink. He did though...I don't know how much. His first marriage ended because of "hibitual drunkeness". This was back in the 1940's. He was 50 years old when I was born and he died at the age of 73 when I was only 22.

He had small strokes starting at around 67 years old and lung problems from smoking.
I wonder everyday if he had not abused his body if I could have had him with me longer.

Just thought I would open this up for sharing .

:w

Nancy:l

[Guest]

Loved one drink too much?

Nancy, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I can relate with parents who drink a lot... their house has 2 bars! Bar in the dining room, big bar in the basement, garage fridge with some food, lots of beer...wine cellar downstairs... hmmm. I grew up always knowing that every gathering for any reason would have alcohol.
Dad didn't drink usually during the week, but weekends were always parties. Still are! I love going up there to visit, but have just recently learned how to behave myself. Used to be drunk pretty much the whole dang time.
Anyhow, about my dad, I worry about his liver and his longevity as well. His father died of cirrhosis, I think when he was 67 or so. His brother has heart problems and is a big drinker, other brother is a diabetic, so he doesn't drink anymore (yay!). My dad was born in '49.. that makes him 57, right?
I want him around for a long time too! He's still young, but he worked so hard (construction) and when he drinks, it's like a half a bottle of whiskey, then wine, then scotch... blitzo. I know where I get it, at least .
So maybe your dad didn't do so bad to live into his 70's...weird you didn't know he drank, huh?
Take care, Nancy. Let's try to take care of ourselves so our kiddos can have us around:h :l
Becca

[southernbelle47]

Loved one drink too much?

drinking family

Hey Becca,

Thanks for sharing.

I guess if anything good can come from telling our kids the stories, it may
be that they wish they could have known their grandparents.

My youngest son now 27 never drank in high school when other friends did. I asked him why he didn't recently and he said" You always talked about how your dad drank and smoked and he never knew his grandchildren....I want to know my grandchildren"..



Anybody else want to share about family drinking?

Nancy:l

[Saint Jude]

Loved one drink too much?

Oh yeah!

Definately in the jeans! My Mom doesn't drink much at all. But my Dad drinks enough for both of them, ... and then some! Everyone says, I look like my Mom, & act like my Dad... "scarey combination!" He's always the life of the party, always got a new joke or old classic, to tell, or an old song to sing ,... or some, heartfelt poem at just the right moment ... he's amazing! Everyone loves to be around him! And thank God my Mom is the designated driver! But I know my Mom worries about his health, as do I...he's not getting any younger. He just turned 71 in March, ... and he doesn't get around as easily as he used to (ruff life of a logger & sawmill man), Although, that's probably better than him sitting @ a desk... at least for some physical aspects...? He is one tuff ol SOB! Guess you could say we have a love /hate relationship! I do love him soo much... but, God, he can be so harsh sometimes....

[fsophiah]

Loved one drink too much?

My dad quit drinking when I was in the third grade. But not before he had done significant damage. He was an abusive drunk, and he was dead at 48. One Christmas, when the entire family on both sides were visiting our house, he strapped on a shoulder harness carrying a loaded pistol and carried a fifth of bourbon around the house and swore that he was going to go kill his psychiatrist. Everyone left, of course. My mother took my brother and me to a hotel with my grandmother's housekeeper and she put my father in the the drying out hospital. Today, I guess we would call it rehab. I suppose it was then that he started going to AA, but then he started on pills, and he had later episodes. During one he changed his will so that when he died, my mother had to sue us so that she wouldn't be left destitute. To this day, she thinks we were a normal family. I think I had a fairly difficult road as far as parents were concerned.

[Going Strong]

Loved one drink too much?

I understand............

Yes I do kow what its like to grow up with a drinking dad! My dad hardly ever drank at home, was always at the pub and when he was home my parents were always fighting! Dad went to AA when I was 19 yrs old but I had already left home by then! He never had another drink after that first meeting. Gosh I wish I had his strength and not his addiction! I always remember that he wouldn't let us cry if we got a belting or when he was trying to belittle us! It's funny but now he is an old man and he is dying and I feel sad for the things that I never had with him. I never had a cuddle from him when I was young and now I feel uncomfortable when he touches me! That part is really sad because I really want to tell him that I love him but I just can't.:s

[fsophiah]

Loved one drink too much?

You know, Sharyn, before my dad died, he got drunk one last time when I was in high school, and he went to the hospital. When he came out, he came to talk to me. He wanted to have real heart to heart, and I just couldn't. He died of a heart attack, and I always felt that I let him down. Isn't odd how we internalize all of that? He had years to make it up to me.

[Going Strong]

Loved one drink too much?

I Agree..........

I know what you mean fsophia! My Dad came to me when he was doing that step in AA when you have to say sorry to all the people you have hurt, well I didn't want an apology from him I probably wanted blood! It was an halfhearted one anyway, he has always tried to brush off his drinking as it wasn't that bad..........we had this great life but he happened to drink. That is not so, I look at my siblings and we all have scars in some way. That's why I think we carry the extra guilt, we can't brush it off and say it doesn't matter if I drink, and we can't say we are just hurting our selves when we drink because it effects all the people around us.
Hope your have a great time with your son!
:h :l

[lynni26]

Loved one drink too much?

I can relate to what all of you have said. My father is a recovering alcoholic and he quit 13 years ago cold turkey. Of, course, I was 33 when he quit. I grew up with him as an alcoholic all my childhood and young adult life. I hated my dad when he drank, he was a totally different person. My sober dad was loving and grumpy, like dads are suppose to be. My drunk dad was mean and loving in a yuky way (if you understand that, it is a little twisted). Yep, I grew up in a very disfunctional family. My mom didn't drink, but was a submissive person. I promised myself I would never treat my kids that way and here I am sober today and hope to stay that way, but I have put them through some crap in the last five years just like my dad did.
Looking forward to my new life of freedom, no more looking back.

[Going Strong]

Loved one drink too much?

I so know what you mean! Especially the drunk dad being loving in a yucky way.......................needed loads of therapy for that. Chin up Lynni26 you are doing great.
Just keep on swimming!

[lynni26]

Loved one drink too much?

Yeah, I only started counseling about 3 months ago, I sure am learning alot about myself and where my crazyness and anxiousness comes from. You sure find out that there is still that scared young child inside of yourself. I am becoming more brave and am starting to stand up for myself, having a clear mind and actually working thru my hangups instead of drowning in my pity sauce, or my escape sauce, or whatever I needed to call my sauce at that moment in time.
I like the quote: Just keep on swimming, just keep on swimming. I can add to that for myself to keep swimming upstream, it may be rough, but it is better than floating backwards.
Lynni26

[Guest]

Loved one drink too much?

reading

I have just started reading "Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome"--I'm not very far into it--but WOW! It talks about how even if your parents were not the alcoholics, but maybe your grandfather--how the dynamics of your parents growing up in that environment affects the way they will parent. It talks about the family dynamics of how an alcoholic family functions--even if someone is recovered. Somhow it is really hitting the nail on the head for me--and I realize that it is up to me to break the cycle for my kids. The second part of the book discusses how to recover from the syndrome--but I haven't gotten that far yet.

[cedarhag]

Loved one drink too much?

hello out there.new to this site.sitting here having a little cry.identifying in every way how much we carry with us from our upbringing wth alcoholic parents .all the hurt and yet we still love with such capacity the people who have taught us most of what we know.

[Guest]

Loved one drink too much?

How long does alcohol stay in your system? HELP!

My brother is an alcoholic....he has been homeless for over 6 moths...and just now this monday he got a job, and a place to live....but on his 3rd day at work, he got sent home, because his employer smelled alcohol on his breath. But, they didn't confront him until Noon, even tho they said that they smelled it on him at 8:00 in the morning. I have picked him up all 3 days this week, and I never smelled it on him this week.

My question is how long does alcohol stay in your system? For example: My brother had 8 beers on Tuesday night in a short period of time...I think he passed out at 8:30 pm. Would you be able to smell the beer on his breath the next day at 8:00 -8:30 in the morning?


His whole family has been affected by this..and now, with his starting a new job, we just don't know what to do.

Please help if you have any suggestions? HELP

Thank you, Linda

[AAthlete]

Loved one drink too much?

I grew up with a emotional abusive father who was also a binge drinker. When he was sober, his credo was normally that 'I couldn't do anything right.' When he had been drinking (there was always beer in the fridge) he would get start screaming at my mom, yelling at the kids and once even held me up by my throat and threatened to hit me.

He was so into going out with his buddies on the weekends (mind you he rarely took my Mom out on a date) that he wouldn't even come to my high school basketball games. He only started attending AFTER I made the starting squad, which made me resent him even more.

Isn't it funny how all the bad things seem to stand out in your mind? I know that there were also times where we did fun things together (playing basketball & baseball, going to the lake, etc.), but those events are overshadowed by the other stuff.

Anyway, I've moved on and don't hate him anymore (although this thread does bring up old memories). I always swore I would never be like him, yet up until a month ago found myself binge drinking just like him. As much as that bothers me, I can honestly say that I've NEVER been emotionally or physically abusive to my family.

Thanks for letting me ramble. Great thread - made me do a lot of thinking and reinforces my decision to be here and be AF. I don't want me son or my wife to ever experience what I went through.