DTs??

[thirdsister]

DTs??

That would probably be the best option for Rach since she's not just facing detox and getting sober, but also needs a place to live. Unforunately her diseases/disorders came to a head right before one of the worst economic atmospheres. She has been unsuccessful finding employement and my parents just can't afford to keep paying for her. Especially since they just got through paying for our other sister's wedding. I will start looking into that.

Any advice on how to give her this information once I find it?

[brittzak]

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Thirdsister,
I am gonna give you some advice some here may not agree with me and you may not like or want to hear. It is time Rachael finds her own help and helps her SELF! I remember Rachael very well and her story. I myself have been here a long time and suffer alcoholism. So, please know I KNOW her struggle first hand. YOU and your parents can keep finding her help, but until Rachael finds her own help and helps herself she will continue to relapse. She is not put out financially your parents are. You should feel absolutely NO guilt for taking medication to the wedding. Rachael has to learn to keep her hands to herself. Sometimes until we hit the bottom we don't truly see what it is going to take to get us back up. I can imagine seeing your sister suffer is very painful, but if you all continue to enable her, the suffering for you all will continue as well. She is a grown woman. YES, she has an addiction....so do I...but, only Rachael can make a difference in how she lives with her affliction. It will not be easy and you all can support her in her goal of sobriety, but she needs to seek the help. There is help, she has been to rehab a couple of times, so you finding her help...doesn't help her. She needs to help herself for it to work. Sobriety is a lot of HARD WORK for us. If she is not ready and does not seek this help herself......she is not going to be up for the fight it is gonna take for her to be a success. You may not understand what I am telling you, but from someone that is in Rachael's shoes...trust me...the best thing you can do for her is cut her loose. I have 2 children...I didn't even sober up for them. That should tell you the hold alcohol has on a person. You have to sober up for YOURSELF and you have to want it more than you want anything else in life. I am praying for you all!!!!

[cacky]

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Thirdsis; the folks that live at this Limen house (halfway house) are pretty decent people. i go to AA meetings with them alot (its a long term program so they are there for i think a year). I think you just give her the information and let her make her own decisions but she may not be in the right frame of mind to do the research.

Also tell her that we are still here. I dont know her as i am fairly new to this site but it sounds like some other folks know and have some attachment to her. it might help if you can get her to log in and talk to us

[Cinders]

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Rachelita,

I hope you read this thread and I pray you find your way out.

Thirdsister, you are in no way responsible for the things Rachel does.

However, I am a little concerned about you guys. Us addicts would LOVE to have all those drugs around us. Seriously. Consider getting off the pain killers and benzos.

Love,
Cindi

[cacky]

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Thirdsis, i agree with Cinders. Those pills that you and your fiance have arent necessarily good for you. Just a thought

[thirdsister]

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Britt - I think that's the best things I could have been told at this point. I KNOW we need to stop trying to take responsbility for her...it's just so damned hard to let go. Thank you THANK YOU for your post!! It is especially meaningful coming from you.

Cacky - I agree that a half way house or sober living program would be great to Rach. I think the best thing to do would be suggest it if/when she brings up the topic or asks for any advice on her impending homelessness.

Cindi - Thank you for reminding me (us non AL users are just as bull headed as the rest) that I'm not in control. Also, Mike and I both adamently agree that we made bone head decision by taking the pills. They are not our perscription...we found them at his sister's house and took a few of each. Pills are not something either of us seek out, but I agree that it raises concern that we took them with such a lax attitude. It would be easier to blow it off and say it was a one time thing...but I think that's just the beginning of a habit of dimissing and denial that will only lead us to destruction. I actually laid it all out for my parents, that we took them from his sister and then brought them into the house where they were available to Rachael. It wasn't easy for me to admit, because I've always been such a "good" girl in their eyes. I'm going to face this with brutal honesty...because if Mike and I aren't honest about what a terrible decision it is to take someone else's perscriptions...well, we're headed down a bad road ourselves.

Again, thank you everyone for your kind, and honest, words. This site is such a blessing.

[bloggy]

DTs??

I feel Rachel is surrounded by folks feeding of her addiction.

I think the whole family is extremely dysfunctional and you would all do better without each other.

Sorry- because I have tried to see everyone's point of view over the last 5-6 months but it is all I can come up with.

My main concern is Rachel- I feel sad that she came here and found some comfort and before we knew it we had sis one , two and three, and a mum who goes by the name of Copper.

All her family jumped on board....I would die if my family did that to me, when I was trying to seek help from my peers.

I am not slagging you sis3. but you lot just have to give the poor girl some space- and get on with your own lives.

[thirdsister]

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Marbella,

I appreciate your honest opinion.

I'm curious how you think we've been feeding her addiction? And what is so extreme about our dysfunction (I'd love to deny that..but who would I be kidding)?

In regards to us "jumping on board" Rachael invited us to this site. In fact, she was upset that when she first told us about it, we did not look it up. It was several months before any of us viewed the site. It may not have turned out to be the best thing...but it wasn't US seeking it out. Rachael's attitude was that if we hadn't checked it out, we must not care and we weren't being supportive of the path to recovery she was choosing. This isn't an assumption, she verbally expressed her frustration to me. So, we checked it out and we found it helpful for ourselves. Then Rachael decided she liked it better when we weren't here so we all backed off. I came back because, quite frankly, I think backing off is just continuing our cycle of giving in to Rachael's ever changing emotions. If I can't let her moods and problems change the way I live my life, then I'm going to come here because I feel I learn a lot here and have gotten a TON of support.

And I'd be lying if I said the remark to "give the poor girl some space" didn't make my jaw drop a little. Sarah (our other sister) and I live thousands of miles away. Sarah occasionally calls Rach, but Rach usually doesn't answer. Rach usually calls me because 1. I don't want to talk to her if she's been drinking and I never know when that will be, 2. There's a 3 hour time difference and 3. I, in general, am pretty bad about calling anyone on a regular basis...so when Rach and I talk, it's on her own time line. I know that my parents do not call her nearly as much as they used to either. Usually it's just if they need to relay some info. Otherwise I'm pretty sure the majority of communication and 'daily' updates comes through Facebook. How much more space should we give? Should we stop talking to her completely?

I think the fact that, until a few days ago, none of us had been on this site, speaks to the fact that we ARE getting on with our lives. I came on here because of the hallucinations Rach was having. I was totally freaked out and wasn't sure what to do (if anything) which is why I came to get advice from those who've been there and done that.

I hope I don't sound too defensive...I'm just at a loss.

[bloggy]

DTs??

Third-

After I wrote that I realised it was harsh, but I am scared for Rachel- I have had such a crap time because of my addiction, and sometimes somebody comes on the site that I recognise to be like me- somebody who is not going to be able to stop easily- there are others that come on hungover, sick and within a few weeks already have good AF time under their belts. I have been here for 2 years nearly and still don't have that.

This is life threatening and it scares me silly, I am sorry because obviously there are lots of things about your family I don't know, (and I should not have said the dysfunctional thing, but I am from one and a big contributor to the dynamics myself) but I know that coming here has saved me. If I had not come here and read about naltrexone, and the Sinclair Method, and later baclofen, I don't know if I would still be here.

I felt it is impossible for her to continue to come and post when she knows her family could be reading- I know I wouldn't...our addiction brings us lots of shame, we hide bottles, we hide our drinking, we don't want it aired for all to see.

I think maybe she invited you all here so you could see she is trying- I don't know- as I said I apologise because I don't know anything about your family, but I am scared shitless for her- she is still young and has a chance.

I would like her to be able to come here in privacy- If indeed she wants to, she doesn't have to continue struggling and possibly to end up in an early grave, there are meds available, more information is surfacing all the time.

Again I apologise, I just want that she has the best possible chance available to her, I have lost too many friends to alcohol because we just didn't have the information- that we have here, right now.

[bloggy]

DTs??

Another thing I have felt- and forgive me because am probably completely barking up the wrong tree, (often happens!) is that sometimes the board has been used as a means of communicating to her- I am not referring to this thread, but ages ago one of the sisters said a few things that she obviously wanted to get of her chest-and I just feel it is wrong to air Rachel's 'shortcomings' like that in public.

We don't want this disease that is for sure...I am in my opinion, one of the worst cases here, but I am finding relief with meds, I just wish she would come back and post again, and try some of the things that are now available to us.

[brittzak]

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I have to agree with Marbella, I would not want my family here either. I share a lot with my peers here because they understands this addiction and my family does not and WILL NEVER understand because they do not have the issue, I do. It is my safe haven, my place to come share. I would stop coming if I knew they came and read everything I posted.

[thirdsister]

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I think I need to find an Al-anon meeting...that's the more appropriate place for me and it leaves this wonderful site back to Rachy.

signing off
Katie

[bloggy]

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BTW everybody, I have Pm'ed Katie and apologised more personally- I came home last night after hearing another friend has cirrhosis- I was sad and scared and her thread was the first i clicked on and I think I answered inappropriately. I have explained that to her and I don't think she is leaving because of me, (I hope not) but I think it is hard for us drinkers to help family members as we tend to see the drinker's side of things.

I think AlAnon is a good idea, I do hope Rachel is OK and would love that she comes back here, and in the meantime you are all in my prayers.