Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

[COSGringo]

So thinking about booze at times. Mostly wine. I still cook with it but I don't take a swig or pour a glass.

Just thinking about it. Not sure I should be worried or not.

I am at 220 mg. I just went back up to 230 and have the lame SE's again. Tinnitus, zappy feelings, etc. Oh well.

Bad timing as I have to drive down to New Mexico for some exec meetings and I am sure there will be booze at night. I think I am ok with that for the most part. At least at 6 am this morning I am. Maybe the bac is kicking in again. Dunno.

So any of you fellow bac'ers go through that? I feel bad for having that beer on my b-day and calling it a reward now. Now thinking about wine. I went to a movie on 7/4. I almost got a glass of wine. It was so crowded that the bar was unattended. Noticed people managed to get some booze later but I did not get up to grab one. Once upon of time I would have.

Man my life is a bore. Just same routine every f'n day. No extra $ to plan an exciting trip overseas like I once would. That would keep me going.

Get up at 5:30, drink some energy drink. Feed the critters. Shower, get dressed. Computers are already on as they are set to turn on and I have folks from India that need access at ungodly hours.

Work, rarely take a break unless I have a business trip coming up and do fun things like get a haircut and get my car washed (unless I am flying).

Work. Stop around 4ish. Cook. Maybe clean up or let the wife do it. Sit down, throw on Boardwalk Empire or the series of the week. Watch that. Figure out what I will take to sleep like benadryl or something.
Put the cat in her special room so she does not wake us up at 4:30. Go to sleep and do it again. Lame.

One day this mortgage will be paid off maybe 14 more months. I keep thinking I will do whatever I want then. Maybe I won't.

I'd like to move south of the border and open up a beachside B&B or restaurant and bar. My wife probably would not be on board for that. I really want to get back to being fluent in Spanish one way or another.

Enough of my rambling.

So more bac or just deal with the thoughts? I already have SE's at 220mg and 230 is helping. Just in a funk maybe? Find a way to plan a trip? I still can't walk very well thanks to the remnants of gout and hobbies are hard to do because of it. Doc was not help.

:thanks:

[StuckinLA]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Glad to hear from ya', COS. After all the fire stuff, and you were OK, I kinda stopped worrying and then all of a sudden realized I hadn't heard from you in a while.

I get you on the boredom. It's the same damned thing day in, day out isn't it? But--and this isn't necessarily my opinion, just spitting back what's been said at me so much--it was the same f--king routine every day when we were drinking, too. For some reason it seemed my glamorous or exciting, at least it did to me, but it was still the same thing everyday.

I ask myself these days, aren't I bloody well tired of just drinking club soda all the time? That's all I get now--coffee in the day, plenty of water, then at night what are my options? I don't drink soda... so, plain old club soda or tonic...

But I only ever drank coffee during the day, plenty of water, and beer or whiskey at night. I wasn't even spicing it up with varied and interesting cocktails. Nope, just the same couple of things, over and over all night. Same bars, same routine, same drinks. Yet that still feels like more freedom than the routine I'm in now. Funny. Or not funny.

Don't know what to say about the booze thoughts. Can't really way in since I'm far from indifferent, but seeing Ignominious and TX Git, I think, coming back with the same problem it looks like it might be best to cut that off at the pass. That sure would be fright, wouldn't it, if the switch kept getting higher every time it was undone...

[COSGringo]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Thanks Stuck. I am fine. Have friends that were affected. A good friend lost her home but she seems ok with it.

Just seems like I do even less things now that I don't drink. The beverage thing is fine. I just drink lots of water. The tap water is actually excellent here. Hated LA water and when I go to NM I have to buy water by the gallon. Lucky us don't recycle water here so I drink lots of it. I am always thirsty.

Do love club soda. I make it sometimes. Problem is that was my drink of choice. Vodka and club soda. Low on carbs.

Anyway already feel better today. Think I just felt bad about wanting some drinks on my b-day. I went up 10mg but the SE's are already bugging me so may go to 220 again. I have some big wig meetings next week.

Thanks for asking about me.

Have a better one.

[ignominious]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Saw this thread and glad to here that your fine COS.

Thought I'd jump in here as it's quite timely with where my minds at. My

Being sober for me was also at times unbearably boring. I don't think life is suppose to be boring. Easy answer, "find something interesting to do" but for me I think it was some deep seated values that were holding me back.

So work on the thoughts, don't just deal with them and sweep them under the carpet. And go up on bac a notch or 2, the SEs will abate by nest week. I hope!

Good luck on your journey.

[LibraryGirl]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

I hope it's ok if I post here, even though I am not on AL meds. I just want to say that I understand the drudgery of day-in, day-out. I believe I was trying to take away that drudgery with AL all these years, and it became a day-in day-out itself. Unfortunately, or fortunately most of us don't have exciting lives, yet all we read about or watch on t.v. seems to imply that we SHOULD have a terribly exciting career, parties every weekend and jet-away holidays a few times a year, at least. Maybe some of you DO have lives like this, but I sure as hell don't, lol.

Think about how our grandparents lived. They had no time to think about whether they were having "fun" or "exciting" days. They worked. Anything exciting was probably not good, lol, and if they had a productive day they were grateful.

I am no where near accepting my life and being grateful about it, regardless of how it really is, yet. I do see the benefit of coming to this state of mind. I imagine it is very peaceful.

Enough rambling, and I seem to have lost the plot, lol. I hope you are doing ok CG!

LG

[RedThread12]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

You "guys" are awesome!!!

I can say that because Ne hasn't seen this thread, yet, and I am actually addressing men. And I am SO happy, Ig, that you're bac here. I think I somehow "cheated" on the bac trail, because I did spend so much time dealing with "my" issues, before I ever devolved into a wine bottle.

Yep. I totally, fully, wholeheartedly agree. At face-value, life pretty much sucks. So what's the point? And why make the effort? Believe me, I've looked at these questions many times, from many different perspectives. When I found baclofen, I had already come to the realization that if I had to make NOT drinking be the most important thing I did every day, I was finished with the whole affair!

All I know, and I can only share my actual experience, is this: I am alive. If it were meant to be otherwise, it would be. I could easily be dead from alcohol, or from the umpty-umph miles I have driven under the influence, or from numerous other afflictions from which I don't suffer.

I. Am. Alive. It's not by choice, or plan, or intention, as far as I can tell. It's a gift.

And so, since I'm not capable of making a significant change to what is, I've been re-inforcing, in my neuronal pathways, a question that occurred to me a long time ago, probably under the influence of hallucinogenic substances: "What wants to happen next?"

And 'ya know . . . I have NO idea, until it happens.

Curiosity is a fabulous pathway out of boredom and depression. The omni-verse (a word I first heard from my nearly autistic nephew when he was "gaming" in the dark in his bedroom for hours and hours) reveals itself just like :H Bill W says, One Day At A Time.

Think about where you were a year ago. Could you have imagined, then, where you are, now? Whether its "better" or "worse," I'll put money down that you had NO IDEA! And. So. It. Goes.

Really. Makes me :H:H and send :l's, all around.

(btw - the nephew is now 30, has exigrated from the U.S. to Australia at the behest of an international company that wanted exactly what he offers, some of which MUST have come from his intense "gaming." Can't wait to visit him there!)

[RedThread12]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Dang, x-posted w/ LG, so "guys" no longer stands. But everything else does!!! Wait! I'll just make "guys" omni-sexual.

[LibraryGirl]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

I am sorry to be the interloper, and here I didn't even realize I was the first feminine post. Well, I shouldn't make that assumption.:H

Carry on Red, you might be the first to address the guys intelligently at least.

[StuckinLA]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Yeah, as much fun as it is to sit around the gentleman's club drinking with the boys, it's good to have some womenfolk to keep us in line.

[COSGringo]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Thanks everyone. Feeling a bit better now.
Just dealing with life. Glad to not be waking up with hangover.
You guys, and gals are great.
I appreciate it.

[RedThread12]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

U R so right, LG. Actually, it was I, making assumptions! :H:H Apparently, we are all welcome here. I like that.

If anyone wants to take on a BIG "what's it about" challenge, check out Byron Katie's POV at The Work of Byron Katie :: Homepage I am NOT a guru, teacher, girl (although I've been blessed with many). I only looked at this woman's "work" because I already knew of her husband's phenomenal contributions of translating many different traditions of spiritual texts into English. Figuring out "is that true?" has proven, for me, to be a worthy way to spend time.

Now that I don't drink myself to death every night.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

wow. Not much to say, but gonna add my tuppence anyway, of course.
I appreciate your insight, LG. It is a shared journey in many respects.

Love, love, love what you've got to share RedT. as usual. But Byron Katie is what has come up in my own life, and from reading these threads over the last couple of days. It sucks, I don't like doing it, but it has certainly helped the journey.

I worked on a lot of my stuff, too, beforehand and during the process. I was RARING to go when I finally stopped being enslaved. But I was also very confused about what it meant to be indifferent...Because I want booze am I still addicted? Does thinking about it (a lot) count? When I drink (and I did for a couple of months--but not against my will) am I undoing what I worked so hard for?

Bleep had something about it on his thread too. "Drinking thoughts vs. thoughts of drinking." One is craving, one is...just there. I found that I could decide whether or not to drink. And how much. That's indifference. And a beer/drink or two doesn't make that go away. In other words, there isn't a day one or a day 62.
There's just each day.
Gotta run. Thanks for the thoughtful posts, and the thread COS. Hope it's full of contentment for us all. :l

[StuckinLA]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

I think I compare it to a couple grad school friends of mine, maybe vs. my best drinking- paramedic buddy back in Chicago. (Sorry, this is totally in response to NE.)

My friend in the Chi, we were drunk. Go to the bars, get lit up, pass out somewhere. Everyone knew we were FF/medics, sort of local heroes, plus his dad (God rest his soul) was the stuff of legend, in actually a good way, at this brewery where we basically lived. All in all, a wasted, hungover disaster.

My friends here in grad school, one's pretty much a cowboy from Oklahoma and the other is from Kentucky. So they're bourbon guys--it's definitely part of who they are. They've got a collection at home. If we go out, even like the other night after a movie, they're drinking bourbon on the rocks--for the first round. The second round is a beer, there's only a second round because people at the table aren't done drinking, and the third is water. On "special" occasions, like birthdays or the odd party, they tie one on, but spend the rest of the time just being darned productive, reading/writing, and I assume having one to unwind in the evening.

So no, I don't think thinking about alcohol is a problem. It's what we do with those thoughts, and what impact they have on our lives. If it's a constant battle against those thoughts--because they would lead us to be wasted for days on end, then it's a problem. If it's maybe looking forward to next friday because someone's having a get together, then maybe not so much...

Just my $0.02.

[COSGringo]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

I was probably over reacting. It just had not really crossed my mind in a long time so it was odd for me.

Guess I'll know when I am sliding this time around.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Thinking about booze at times, titrate back up

Yep. And that begs the question: What else is there? So damn much my head sort of spins at the lack of time! But that's a process too. And sometimes I just don't wanna.