Dedicated to the quit we love

[abcowboy]

Morning everyone! Back to normal here, coffee and MWO in the morning... I guess it was supposed to be my turn for picking a topic for the weekly discussion, but with the reunion and a holiday Monday I didn't have much time to dedicate to MWO, I'll wait till next Monday if everyone's in agreement?

So, for the time being....it's been an interesting, soul-searching past week for me, and not just because of the misunderstanding of last week, but because of other comments across various threads and pm's that I have received. I almost decided that I'd had enough of MWO, it was time to move on... I'm going to share some of the comments that I've seen and that have been sent to me....

"By coming here so much, the thought of drinking is always on my mind"
"It's disheartening to see people slip all the time"
"I see people struggling and in pain but the only advice given is to join one of the existing threads. They are soon forgotten if they don't"
"I thought I had made some real friends here, I guess they are really only concerned about themselves"

and there have been many more but that is a few examples. If you are reading this, think about why you are here, what motive led you here and why you stayed. If you joined but are just lurking, why? This will be a bit of homework for next week, I can do that you see haha, my counsellor always gave me homework and now it's my chance. And please, no comments till next week!

Kailey on your "last" 1 month milestone!

[All done drinking]

Hi abCowboy,

I think you did give us a new topic without realizing it. "Your motivation for coming to MWO". No need for people to wait a week to reply. We discussed triggers last week and got a fair enough response from folks who wanted to add to that discussion.

So our thought for this week (along with anything anyone wants to add as to tips/tricks to stay AF) is what brought you here to MWO and what do you expect from the support here?

If the court system mandates someone get alcohol treatment they are referred to AA. Although most people think of AA as the savior for alcohol abuse treatment, they only have a 12% recovery rate. So for those discouraged here that relapse happens, it is just a fact of life that it often does, so one needs to raise their expectations when coming here. Not sure what our percentage rate is, but I am sure it is low as well.

A Ph.D. named Sharon Hall (google if desired) did research of drinkers and drug abusers and they found that people from abstinence-based programs who made a commitment to total abstinence were more likely to remain abstinent over the course of the next 6 months than those who made less serious or vague commitments. Perhaps our lack of success here is the fact that a lot of folks have not made a serious commitment to quitting. One could always make the choice to go to a site which is abstinence only, stick to threads that are abstinent only, or be open minded that we are all on different roads to our recovery and stay strong in the fact that you don't drink, even though others still do and but are trying harm reduction and working hard here to drink less.

I have heard the same statement on the mod board about thinking about drinking too much when people come here. If that's the case, perhaps it isn't the right forum for them to quit and/or reduce their drinking. I do know of one member who made that same statement, "coming here makes me think about drinking too much" so she quit posting and as far as I know, she went on to have a successful moderating lifestyle after she had come here and used some tools for harm reduction.

For me, this site works but I am also going to AA meetings as well. I am the type of person who likes more people support and I know that I can't get that here like I can when I meet people face to face. I have also been SO focused on quitting (only on 19 days AF) that I have not taken the time to read the personal info that a lot of people post. So, I too feel a bit out of the "friendship loop" here, but it is only because I am not participating as much in that arena and not making that happen for myself right now. We do have private messaging here, and on the AF site, we have some super long term AFers. One even gave me her personal phone number to call if needed so we've got some long term people really looking out for others.

Thanks for making me think about why I'm here ABcowboy. Wanted to give you kudos too as one of the first people who sent a p.m. to message me the first day I posted here. There is a lot of support here. People just need to be open to it and ask for help if they aren't feeling the love :hug:

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:
p.s. Congrats to Kailey on one month! Awesome job.

[little beagle]

I'm here because I wanted to quit drinking. I needed to find ways to beat this thing, to hear how others did it. So I copied them. Did what they did. And it worked.
Also I strongly believe in the reward system. Especially at first. New shoes, a cologne you really like, a trip someplace fun.

[All done drinking]

Also I strongly believe in the reward system. Especially at first. New shoes, a cologne you really like, a trip someplace fun.

Yes, little beagle...great point. May make that one our discussion topics in the near future. Just think of the money one saves when not spending it on liquor! I was looking at bottles of wine which were positioned on my way out of the store. A real decent wine for $13 and I thought I am keeping that $13 so maybe I should get a little jar and put my wine spending money in it and then reward myself each month. Great, great idea.

Addy :love:

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone! I joined MWO not quite a year ago, on Bubba’s and my 14th. Anniversary. I told her my gift to her was to quit drinking for good. I did have a couple of slips, but I’m now on my last quit. I was on another recovery forum, but searched the Net for something that felt more like me. AA wasn’t working, nothing seemed to be working, so it was time to put determination to work. I knew that if I really wanted to be sober, I would succeed. The members here, their stories and support helped me immensely, and still do! Do I need MWO to stay sober, no, I don’t.

I have everything I need to stay sober all around me every day. When I wake each morning, I know that I only have to worry about the next 12 – 14 hours, then I’ll be back in bed. I pray to God, thanking Him for the past 24 hours, and asking Him for the strength to get through the next 24. I sit and have my morning coffee and read on MWO. The peace I see in Bubba’s face as she enjoys her morning coffee, her knowing and trusting that I’ll come home at the end of the day the same man that leaves the house, gives me more strength to get through the day!

So, if I don’t need MWO, why am I still here? To give back, to help and support my brothers and sisters who still struggle. If I look at what I did with my life, how I turned it around, I know everyone can do it, all they have to do is take that first step…

[All done drinking]

abcowboy,

Great post my friend. I love to help others too but I am different in the fact that I NEED the support from others. You made a great comment to someone else on another thread about digging themselves out of the hole. Didn't cut and paste it, will do later or maybe you can repeat it here. So helpful!

No Sugar wrote a beautiful post about the fact that she could drink again (and probably doso occasionally) but gave many reasons why she shouldn't and it was so spot on for me. After a 7 year quit back in the early 90's, I no longer had support (MWO didn't exist and I had moved to another state and never found a new AA group) and I allowed that delusional thinking to get the best of me. Most of you know the thinking..."I've quit for 7 years and have been so good, I can handle a glass of wine with dinner with the family and be ok." Slowly but surely, after a long abstinence, the thinking starts to creep back in that we can handle one, we can now moderate and not have a problem, we can drink occasionally and everything will be just fine." But when we have a problem like we do and the shut off valve works only sometimes (and for me personally I never know when it will and when it won't), those thoughts can lead me right back to drinking out of control again. So, I think I personally need the ongoing support but am happy in the fact that my experiences can help others as well.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[little beagle]

I just like feeling connected. To know there are others out there who understand my struggles. Who get me.
It's a wonderful thing to know that if I hit a snag I csn puck up the phone and get a friendly voice who can speak my language, talk to me, make me laugh.

[Sunbeam]

Visiting this site daily reminds me that I don't want to drink. I check other things online, email, coming here is part of my daily routine.

[All done drinking]

Hubby is watching "naked and afraid" and it's a 21 day challenge for contestants who are naked, with only one wilderness item and in a jungle somewhere. Was watching one woman who would NOT quit despite her partner getting sick and "tapping out" (leaving her alone). I liked her drive to not quit and wanted to share that this is my 21 day challenge. Different circumstances but 21 days AF today. Have relied on MWO every day since I started this journey and appreciate the support and all of the posts that others have shared as they are thought provoking, helpful, and a huge endorphin rush when I read someone's story that sounds so similar to my own.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[Tatahi5]

I have been a lurker on MWO for over 5 years...trying to quit since before I started drinking. Like many, I use every tool I have during most 24hrs I am able to stay sober....something feels different this time. I feel more ready, more in charge of my choice to pick it up or leave it. I am an Athiest so with out a god to rely on I have to arm myself with as many weapons as possible. Here is my current list (I had 4 days sober, 3 on and now 5 days sober with no intention to fall off track again. :::

1. Hypnosis CD's & meditation
2. Excercise (jog more like a waddle...training for a 10K in September...uugg.)
3. L-Glut & Kudzu (just started)
4. Keep my reasons in the front of my mind AT ALL TIMES - 5 kids, husband, job and my HEALTH ~ mental/phy
5. Sleep....because I am safe when I am in bed. (from the world and cravings...even when I am not sleeping)
6. AA when I need a face to face (I want to find other groups too...if anyone knows of any)
7. Eat healthy but when necessary....I am eating less then when I was drinking no matter what, (wanting to loose 35lbs).
8. Think about how mucch time and $$$ I am saving....never know if today will be your last.
9. Knowing I must do better then my parent's did to me.
10. My dear, wonderful, loving , supportive friends on MWO. I need to be here for you guys as much as you might need me. PM me if you want my phone number. We are all in this together. One.Day.At.A.Time.

<3 ~taya

[All done drinking]

Keeping boredom at bay

Seems that things are a little quiet on the board so decided to post Monday's topic a little early. We were talking this last week about what draws us to MWO and reasons why we come here. I read a research article one time about how like minded people release endorphins when they discuss a topic they can all relate to, and they feel better about themselves as a result of it. So, just coming here and sharing our stories, finding someone with a similar story, etc. releases endorphins and make us feel better. I like that. I am VERY new to quitting and have been coming here several times a day as well as going to AA for support. I don't have any personal friends in recovery that I can lean on right now (that live close) so that part has been a little hard. Don't have a good AA sponsor yet either and know that - that can be a big help for folks (especially someone like me who is a real "people person"). So, I am struggling with feeling a little down here and there sometimes have a little difficulty to the whole adjustment of a different mindset. Honestly, most of the thrill of going out to dinner was to have that glass of wine to pair with dinner so it is strange to think about things differently. I know some people have described being more of a hermit in the beginning stages, as parties, social events, etc. can be very challenging. So, my question is: How do we keep the boredom at bay?

I did go to a shower given by an LDS woman. I am not LDS but live in a community with a high percentage of folks who are that religion. Was invited to a shower where I was probably the only non-morman. The hostess had a bar set up - glasses with an ice bucket to the left, soda water to the right, and in the middle was a shelf offering a choice of about 6 different syrups. I loved the idea and thought what a clever way to make non-alcoholic beverages fun. Definitely going to copy the idea.

I also have been sleeping better so I find I have more time to get things done. ESPECIALLY when I wake up each day (un hungover) as one of the posters here phrases it. Feels so good to not be hung over or sleep deprived from lack of good REM sleep which alcohol certainly interferes with. Would welcome any comments anyone else has to share with what you do now in your life that is free of alcohol. Please also free share to share any tips or advice to help keep us all strong in our commitment to quit...any topic we've discussed already or anything you'd like to share. Having each other to lean on helps us all stand straight!

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[Spiritfree]

What a GREAT thread !!!!

Thank you both for coming together and creating this topic -it WILL help others.

Triggers:
(1) Anything that my brain perceives as something negative and that I don't want to think about.
(2) Anything that my brain perceives as really positive and I want to make it even better (using a chemical).



Why/how I found My Way Out site:

Searching for medications for alcoholism.
Without one shadow of a doubt, I knew that I had destroyed my brain enough using alcohol that it was going to require more than talk therapy to alter my brain's course of thinking and doing. In fact, I realized that I had some form of brain mis-wiring long before alcohol became my major problem. Baclofen medication, along with with a few other practices finally answered my 'quit' solution.

[Lizann]

Keeping boredom at bay? I have found reading to be an escape for me. While drinking reading and remembering anything was near impossible, can't even tell you have many books I have read and lost myself in this summer! Thanks for starting this thread!

[All done drinking]

While drinking reading and remembering anything was near impossible, summer!

I would do that with movies Lizann. Rent a netflix and then the next morning couldn't remember the ending! Embarrassing to have to rewatch it because I couldn't remember.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[abcowboy]

For those of you who don’t know, much of 2014, I kept trying to quit. I would go a couple of days and then have a binge, then go for a few more days before failing again. I was miserable and was starting to have panic attacks and knew that something needed to be done.

I know that everyone has a different story and the one thing I have learned is that you have to find the way that works for you when it comes to quitting. Whether you are a full blown alcoholic, or someone who drinks moderately but who wants to quit for a while. For me, this was first trying AA, then online support, then personal counselling. I can’t recommend counselling enough! Even with the counselling, it wasn't easy to begin with. I would go about my usual business, but then the day would come to an end and I would instantly want to go to the liquor store, or over to a friend’s shop, or to a few other places where I knew I’d be offered a drink. But as the weeks went by, I got my AV under control. How did I do it? I found other stuff to do – I read books again, lots of books. I read everything I could find on alcoholism and recovery, I found and joined MWO and read and read some more. I started writing cowboy poetry again. I took Hank out for drives in the truck but didn't take my wallet with me - anything to keep me occupied. Not taking money with you is a clever little ploy. I also made sure there was no alcohol in the house and I avoided alcohol related situations to begin with.

Until you are comfortable not drinking, I really do think the most important thing to do is keep yourself busy, keep your mind occupied on anything other than drinking. The other thing I have found is the more people I tell the better - that way, when I am in company I am not inclined to drink, because people will see that I have let myself down. People are surprisingly interested and it can be a real conversation starter.

Another thing I did, on recommendation from my counsellor, was to buy a book called Change Your Thinking with CBT. It's an easy to understand book on cognitive behavioural therapy that can help you deal with anxiety and depression as well as faulty thinking. It's not self-help gibberish, but based in science and I found it, and still find it massively helpful.

One of the questions I see on here quite often is 'when am I going to stop wanting a drink'. Well I asked that question to my Uncle who has 50 years of sobriety. He said it varies with each person, but if I stick with my quit, that day would come, and it did for me! And one day you will find yourself wandering down the wine aisle in the supermarket and not even think about buying a bottle. I don't think about alcohol any more, but that doesn't mean there won't be temptations – with the society we live in, temptations are all around us, every day. I know it is may be contentious, but I don't believe that I am powerless against alcohol and that I have no choice and it's not my fault. Through the grace of God, I have come to believe that I am the only one who is responsible and has the choice - I am the only one with the power to not drink and I have to choose not to do so. I put my 24 Hour chip on my truck key ring so that every time I left for the day it was a reminder and an affirmation and made me stop to think why I had stopped drinking – for Bubba, for my family, for me.

And the other thing - and this is the one that most people feel uncomfortable about - is to deal with your shit. The counselling and CBT book really helped me - but most people have reasons why they drink. It can be something as simple as dealing with stress or being bored, or something much deeper and more fundamental. But my view is that if you don't deal with that shit, then you are more likely to fall back into bad ways. It is very hard to look at yourself objectively - that's why counselling is great if you can get it free (or are lucky enough to afford it) - but I do believe it has a massive part to play in successful sobriety.

I'll end this ramble by going back to a statement made by one of the members in my AA home group “if you spend as much time trying to stay sober as you did trying to drink, you’ll beat this thing”. You have the power - you are stronger than you realise, you can do this if you really want it as bad as I did.