The Three Principles Discussion Thread

[NoSugar]

Thanks, Starty for the link and for the very illuminating post about "toxic" people who I guess are just people after all :smile:.

I totally agree with this, Hoping!:

It's a relief to know that most thoughts just pass without me having to do anything about them.

It is so easy to think that each of our own thoughts is so important.

You ask a really interesting question, LC. What I've noticed in myself for several years (I guess it's part of getting old :wink but especially in the last month since I've been exposed to the 3Ps is that it's ok to "put up" with a ton of stuff - it doesn't mean you're a pushover or have no sense of self worth. The fact is, so much of all that just doesn't matter. There are limits to that, of course, and I'm not sure how each of us figures out where those are but I do know that many things I used to passionately defend were just my shaky ego needing to assert itself to the max!

I listened to a short podcast last night before I went to sleep. It gave me a lot to think about -- how we are choosing how we feel all the time. It's hard to believe given the wide range of external factors that seem to affect us but it seems like there's something there:

Sometimes I find myself in states like guilt, self-disappointment, jealousy or even hate. So I wonder “When anything is possible... I mean, with ALL possibilities available, why in goodness greatness great balls of fire would I choose those shitty options? At all? Even for just a split second? I ask myself, why does my existence consist of this shitty time - and to top it off - for no reason at all?!Someone, TELL ME!! I’m being treated unfairly! Why?!”

In those moments. When experiencing real struggle, I have a strange, but oh so universal tendency to add some proper beating-myself-up-for-it. And being the Mr.Fix guy I am, I really fast start thinking that I need to fix who I am. I start believing I desperately need to figure out how to make myself better/different than what I currently am, cuz this shit definitely ain’t working!
I even tend to take it personally. “MY life sucks, I’m the victim of shiftiness, this must mean I’m not doing this life the right way, not good enough. I’m not worthy, hence; Ineed to fix. I need to figure out a way to become worthy and good enough.”
Out of nowhere, I’ve created a monster. I find myself in a checkmate situation. I’ve created a problem I can’t solve. A perfect way to add more frustration to my frustration.Spread some overthinking on that worry, would’ya?
This activity of desperately trying to manage my feelings is actually one of the crappiest ways to get back to a clear mind. But then and there it looks like the best idea ever. It seems like the only option. It looks real to me that it’s my job to change how I feel.
But finding myself feeling shitty only means one thing; at that moment, I’m apparentlygenerating a shitty experience for myself.
There’s nothing to do about it. Let me explain…

Imperfectly Perfect - MortenHake.com

On my drive home today I'm going to listen to this: NPP 023 : Lucy Bainbridge - Life Is Taking Care Of You - MortenHake.com (Lucy Bainbridge, a life transformation coach and clarity practitioner and founder of LucyForLife.com. Her aim is to help people with addictive behaviour find their purpose and live happily, free of dependency.)

[kuya]

Oooooo I have a lot of reading to catch up!

This thread has grown so much, it is brilliant reading how everyone is getting so much from it.

I posted a new thread on my evening with Oprah on wednesday... here is the link

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/92205-evening-oprah.html#post1652054

She was definitely inspired by Sidney Banks and 3Ps thinking!

[bear73]

morning,how do we know which thoughts to listen to and which to discard?
e.g. my work has been stressful,some of that is how I have responded to it,some of it has been because some things needed to change - do you see what I mean?

[kuya]

Bear I am finding it easier and easier to spot now.

The thoughts to keep and act on 'feel' right. There is no effort involved...although for weeks I overthought it all.

Keep watching your thoughts with quiet curiosity Bear, it is like swimming and becomes real easy when you learn to float on your back!

If I start feeling bad it is a shitty thought causing it, I now catch myself quickly and simply that realisation is enough to make me smile and shift it on.

ALL of your feelings, 100% of the time come from your thoughts....including your 'stress'

There are some posts on 'stress' earlier in the thread.

In truth 'stress' is a delusional disease created by our society to sell us cures for a disease we made up.

"I am SO stressed!"

I seriously used to use this phrase ALL THE TIME. Nowadays I rarely feel stressed at all, even though the circumstances of my life have not changed one bit.

Now I realise I am simply human and there are still the 24 hours in a day that there always have been I see so clearly how my stress was completely made up, inside, by my thoughts.

[NoSugar]

morning,how do we know which thoughts to listen to and which to discard?
e.g. my work has been stressful,some of that is how I have responded to it,some of it has been because some things needed to change - do you see what I mean?

I've tried to simplify this for myself and so use the physical sensation analogy I wrote about earlier. If I am laying on the couch and it occurs to me my neck is hurting because of how I've propped it on the arm, I naturally readjust my position so I can read or watch TV or whatever I need or want to do comfortably (and not suffer from a stiff neck the next day). I don't ram my neck further into that position over and over again as if that would fix it. But -- that is exactly what I tend to do with negative thinking and the resulting bad feeling. Some negative thoughts come in our minds and we can just let them go because there is nothing to do about them anyway. There is no problem to solve and no point in dwelling on the fact that it occurred to me I'd like to strangle someone (I don't). Others are about things that do need to be changed (just like a physical position sometimes does) and we can't just dismiss them. But what we can realize is that the accompanying negative feelings or emotions will pass because they are due solely to the thought we are having. Thoughts change moment to moment, even when we're overall happy, sad, or whatever. Those bad feelings are just signals to "think about your thought" differently. This doesn't mean to force yourself to have positive thoughts but to relax enough to have constructive thoughts. When I let my brain get into a loop of negative thinking about whatever crossed my mind, there is no way I am calm enough to listen to my intuition or "gut feeling" as to how to deal with the problem. And, for problems that do need to be "thought about and figured out", the stress and panic kill whatever logic I might otherwise have.

I had an enormous work load a couple weeks ago and my first feelings were of stress/disappointment/panic/frustration/etc./etc. because Oh my god I have so much to do and I hate having all that hanging over my head and when will I have time to Christmas shop and make the gifts I want to make and I'd better cancel volunteering this week because I don't have time and I don't have time to grocery shop and I'm so disappointed that there is no way I can hang out with my grandson when I have all this work to do and I never have time to exercise anymore and I really need to get my haircut before Christmas.

That is the kind of low level, disordered, stress-inducing thinking that none of us have to do. My having a ton of work to do is a fact. My thinking about it, and how I feel about it (and so how I actually handle it!) is my deal. Turns out, one task at a time, without thought about the rest of them (or of other things I want/need to do) works pretty well. Realizing that all the "bad stuff" was just me thinking too much about the fact of my work load, took all the weight off. I did what work I could, bought groceries, volunteered, babysat, and even got my haircut. Didn't exercise, tho .

[kuya]

I've tried to simplify this for myself

Didn't exercise, tho .

A big shift that happened for me is to gain some humility. I am NOT superwoman and TRYING to be is what made my life 'stressed'

LIFE isn't stressful, buying into your unrealistic fantasies of perfection is.

[NoSugar]

That's the funny thing, Kuya, it's become fine that I can't "do it all". Today I did about half of what I'd planned and haven't had any negativity or stress coming from that. And that is in the face of one relative arriving in a couple hours to stay for 10 days (and not raise a finger to help) and 6 others coming tomorrow to celebrate Christmas. What a difference understanding a few principles can make :wink:.

[kuya]

Today I had a horrible start to the day....a client who is so very self centred and manipulative. I dealt with her firmly and she decided to have a tantrum and start screaming at me

She got a full force response ( I screamed a LOT louder ! Hehe) but it came from a place of controlled anger. I knew I was behaving appropriately for the circumstances....because it felt right.

[Spiritfree]

Today I had a horrible start to the day....a client who is so very self centred and manipulative. I dealt with her firmly and she decided to have a tantrum and start screaming at me

She got a full force response ( I screamed a LOT louder ! Hehe) but it came from a place of controlled anger. I knew I was behaving appropriately for the circumstances....because it felt right.

Hi Kuya -sounds like that humility gift you received is working wonders -lol-jk. Wow, it is so tempting sometimes to get angry 'back' at someone and put them 'in their place', but when all is said and done, we have to ask ourselves -and only ourselves, did I help or hurt the other person. (Most of us are very good at rationalizing and justifying our own behaviors -good or bad.) Just a simple thought Kuya.

--sf--

[Spiritfree]

"The Three Principles point towards a pre-existing logic that explains the human experience. A renaissance of the mind based on universal constants (principles) that uncover our innate or natural resilience, wellbeing and humanity."

This topic has been discussed in a few threads over the last several days, in particular in the ARMY thread. A dedicated thread will make it more likely that we will be able to re-find links and ideas that are shared.

A few places to start are:
Three Principles Movies: Three Principles of innate health and wellbeing —

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCi83BkCHv0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4i9C2AJyGQ&list=PLX6bm_wy6ipgJmevYaiUZxbDqt43XbDPj

Michael Neill

In one of his blog posts, Michael Neill wrote:
That describes what I was going through daily a couple years ago. I'm open to any ideas that enable people to get out of (and stay out of!) that hopeless web.

I hope people take a look at some of the links and if interested, join the conversation :smile:.

Hi NoSugar and thank you for this thread.

For me, and perhaps only for me, the three principles all boil down to this: Have an open mind to consider the possibilities and thoughts out side of our own thoughts and rituals. The thought of being open minded seems simple and easily attainable, but in reality, is very difficult to achieve. It can be very difficult, and sometimes even 'scary' to think outside of our ritualistic and trained brains.

[NoSugar]

She got a full force response ( I screamed a LOT louder ! Hehe) but it came from a place of controlled anger. I knew I was behaving appropriately for the circumstances....because it felt right.

One thing I've struggled with when trying some of the applications to calm the mind, find peace, alleviate stress, etc. was that they didn't have any room for true human emotion. Thinking positively does not work when you're legitimately (and it sounds like today, justifiably) angry. Controlled anger is so much different than blind rage, which usually doesn't feel right at the time and hardly ever when you look back on it. But here your feeling didn't warn you off what you were thinking (and doing). That same awareness can stop us if we're headed for the blind rage, which I think feels "wrong". Interesting observation!

[NoSugar]

For me, and perhaps only for me, the three principles all boil down to this: Have an open mind to consider the possibilities and thoughts out side of our own thoughts and rituals.

At any moment, all thoughts are available to each of us to consider. I think what matters is which we choose to pay attention to (which thoughts to "think about") and which to simply let drift away. Conditioning keeps us thinking about the same ones, even when they don't serve us very well - I agree that it is challenging to break that pattern.

[Spiritfree]

At any moment, all thoughts are available to each of us to consider. I think what matters is which we choose to pay attention to (which thoughts to "think about") and which to simply let drift away. Conditioning keeps us thinking about the same ones, even when they don't serve us very well - I agree that it is challenging to break that pattern.

Hi NS -You bring up some great points and I thank you. Importantly, at least to me, is that I sometimes allow my brain to rule to my actions instead of my inner knowing.
--sf--

[kuya]

One thing I've struggled with when trying some of the applications to calm the mind, find peace, alleviate stress, etc. was that they didn't have any room for true human emotion. Thinking positively does not work when you're legitimately (and it sounds like today, justifiably) angry. Controlled anger is so much different than blind rage, which usually doesn't feel right at the time and hardly ever when you look back on it. But here your feeling didn't warn you off what you were thinking (and doing). That same awareness can stop us if we're headed for the blind rage, which I think feels "wrong". Interesting observation!

I also am truly enjoying 'feeling' what is a right or wrong response.

I can be truly human and say 'enough already' to people who pee me off. I don't need to be an 'Omming saint'

I have later quietly warned this client that today will be her final warning and she will no longer be welcome as a client if she repeats today's behaviour.

Before I would have felt hard done by, stressed and then depressed by the whole matter.

Of course I/we will get it wrong sometimes....but so what? We are only human!

[NoSugar]

This is a clear and engaging explanation of how understanding the 3Ps can help people get past feelings of insecurity, low self-confidence, anxiety, etc. and uncover the health and well-being that are in all of us. There is nothing to do - just to understand. Like many of the 3P talks, this so clearly reveals our common experience, opening us up to feeling compassion and offering forgiveness. The Easiest Way to Confidence and High Self-Esteem - Goodbye Insecurities (Dr. Dicken Bettinger) - YouTube