The Three Principles Discussion Thread

[Spiritfree]

I believe that most (not all) of us have an inner knowing of what is so called 'right' or what is 'wrong'. Until we reach a particular moment or point in our lives, we will not be able to recognize this point in our lives. Most often, our need to feel right or justify/rationalize our actions/words supersede our rational ability to respond with humility. Often times I have found myself to be 100% right about something, but when I allow the person who is 100% wrong to feel/ think that they are right, my world and life only get better.

This is true freedom -allowing others to be right even when they are wrong.

[NoSugar]

The idea that things outside us aren't responsible for our negative feelings has been making some sense to me but I've been having trouble believing that the good aspects of my life - relationships, security, comfortable home, etc. - aren't causing my positive feelings. How can it be that my thinking concerning them is what is making me feel good??

I heard a 3P speaker (Jamie Smart, I think) give the example of a special blanket or stuffed animal that seems to make a small child feel secure and loved. But really, it works only because the child thinks it does - the blanket or toy animal can't make anyone feel anything.

Then I thought about my first "serious" boyfriend who was so attentive and exciting until one day he was cloying and boring. The poor guy hadn't changed at all but my thinking had flipped 180 degrees and the relationship that I had thought made me so happy was driving me crazy.

I still can't quite get my head wrapped around this, though - it honestly doesn't seem that our grandchildren make me feel fabulous only because I think they do.

[kuya]

The idea that things outside us aren't responsible for our negative feelings has been making some sense to me.

I still can't quite get my head wrapped around this, though - it honestly doesn't seem that our grandchildren make me feel fabulous only because I think they do.

So you have never wanted a break from them, or been looking forward to them going to bed?
I think the point is that, depending on the conditioning of our thinking those same grandchildren will mean different things to different people.

I have had all my children with huge gaps....my oldest is 35 my youngest 16. If my son had a child soon I will NOT be the doting grandmother because TBH I am totally over mothering.

The thoughts we have, good or not are dependent on our thinking and neither right nor wrong.
3Ps can help us to 'enjoy' life no matter whether 'bad' or 'good'. We may have preferences but the experiences are neutral.

[kuya]

Another aspect to all this is realising that most of 'my' personality is actually made up, self and socially created.

The number of people who truly believe their core self is a certain nationality, skin colour, culture or creed is the worst aspect of delusional outside in thinking.

Your birthplace and genetic family shapes you BUT if you were taken from your mother at birth and raised elsewhere you would be someone TOTALLY different.

This was shown nicely in an episode of DNA detectives I watched recently. A man whose political sympathies lay with the Palestinian people was shaken to find a large amount of Jewish markers in his DNA.

I am a black, English woman and that carries a story, an experience, a consequence BUT my core self is neither black nor English nor a woman.

My core self is a spiritual being having an physical experience on earth.

Whilst I found this thought destabilising initially I now find it very freeing. Since I am made up anyway I can choose to remake those parts I no longer enjoy. It may take time but I have nothing else planned ! :happy2:

Sadly there are many people so caught up in their 'invented' personas that they isolate themselves from all but the narrow sector of society with whom they have chosen to identify.

This lies at the centre of most conflict, both personal and international.

[kuya]

Check out the tags added to this thread!

Too funny!

If it is 'nothing new' and 'bastardised Buddhism' then I have to wonder why all my forays into Buddhism over the years failed to 'stick'.

In any event being the bastard of a nontheistic religion older than Christianity is hardly an insult.

You may tag it as unpleasantly as you wish. Doing so may bring people here for the 'wrong' reason who may benefit from what they read.

[starty]

I can act totally differently, dependent on who I am with. I have my work persona (which varies if I am with boss or colleagues) I have my family persona, wife, friend, online etc. All bring out different aspect and some I like more than others. This proves to me that i reinvent myself multiple times per day

What tags are you talking about Kuya?

[starty]

Oh I see them. Who would add those?

[kuya]

Oh I see them. Who would add those?

Someone who cannot grasp it intellectually, or has a gripe with someone here.

My middle son (who has serious thinking disorder) reacts quite defensively when I have tried to get him into it.

I think it is similar to how people in denial react when challenged about their drinking. Those MOST in need of adjusting their thinking will be the ones most rejecting of the value of doing so.
Hopefully they are reading/listening to the material here and will gain something in time.

[kuya]

I can act totally differently, dependent on who I am with. I have my work persona (which varies if I am with boss or colleagues) I have my family persona, wife, friend, online etc. All bring out different aspect and some I like more than others. This proves to me that i reinvent myself multiple times per day

With you on this Starty! Although I am finding more and more that there is consistency.

I expect this is why we can have work friends and home friends that do not gel and being with both groups is uncomfortable

[bear73]

thanks for the responses,so on one level about trusting yourself and what feels right.
I struggle with trying to be an omming saint and can definitely say i did this in my manager hassles of last year,they still would have been there,but some honesty in amongst the HR speak wouldn't have gone amiss.

Not sure who's tagged,don't care - I'm finding it interesting and simple and have been feeling better since thinking about this/being aware.I've done mindfulness,cbt,exercise and all manner of stuff to deal with anxiety and depression.It feels very freeing,I can still do the other stuff,but because I want to,rather than need to to fix myself.I am on anti depressants tho and have no intention of coming off them/reducing until GP says it's time.Same as I would take my diabetes meds if I had diabetes.
Kuya - thanks for starting this I'm really getting lots from it,haven't totally got it - flip from it's so simple/it's so complicated I'll never get it!

[kuya]

thanks for the responses,so on one level about trusting yourself and what feels right.
I struggle with trying to be an omming saint and can definitely say i did this in my manager hassles of last year,they still would have been there,but some honesty in amongst the HR speak wouldn't have gone amiss.

Not sure who's tagged,don't care - I'm finding it interesting and simple and have been feeling better since thinking about this/being aware.I've done mindfulness,cbt,exercise and all manner of stuff to deal with anxiety and depression.It feels very freeing,I can still do the other stuff,but because I want to,rather than need to to fix myself.I am on anti depressants tho and have no intention of coming off them/reducing until GP says it's time.Same as I would take my diabetes meds if I had diabetes.
Kuya - thanks for starting this I'm really getting lots from it,haven't totally got it - flip from it's so simple/it's so complicated I'll never get it!

I know I said it before but I have taken months to 'get it' and even now it changes shape, so to speak.

We live in an instantaneous results culture but this is about gradually unravelling a lifetime of incorrect thinking.

I don't 'work' at it, hell this last week I haven't 'studied' a thing. I will when I am good and ready. There is plenty of time.

As long as you simply watch your feelings you will start to see that everything you feel was created by your own thought.

Some of it happens so fast it can seem like it came from nowhere, but you get quicker at catching that split second thought that triggered it.

[NoSugar]

The thoughts we have, good or not are dependent on our thinking and neither right nor wrong.
3Ps can help us to 'enjoy' life no matter whether 'bad' or 'good'. We may have preferences but the experiences are neutral.

I've been trying to wrap my head around this "neutral" idea - it even got into my dreams last night. I think I'm drawn to believing that feelings I consider negative are merely reflections of thought (and so pretty easy to dismiss, which is great!) while I'm trying to force the more positive feelings to have been generated by something tangible or seemingly more permanent. When I step back, though, I can see how my thinking is the source in both cases. It is just easier for me to forget that with the positive ones.

I can act totally differently, dependent on who I am with. I have my work persona (which varies if I am with boss or colleagues) I have my family persona, wife, friend, online etc. All bring out different aspect and some I like more than others. This proves to me that i reinvent myself multiple times per day

That is so true, Starty. I mentioned earlier that I deliberately "changed my personality" when I went to college. I wanted to do it earlier but was scared because I felt like I needed a reason for it (not just changing my mind about who I am!) and I didn't want people asking me why I was acting so differently. It makes me wonder if we really have personalities per se or if we are simply simply reflections of our current thinking.

[NoSugar]

thanks for the responses,so on one level about trusting yourself and what feels right.
I struggle with trying to be an omming saint and can definitely say i did this in my manager hassles of last year,they still would have been there,but some honesty in amongst the HR speak wouldn't have gone amiss.

Not sure who's tagged,don't care - I'm finding it interesting and simple and have been feeling better since thinking about this/being aware.I've done mindfulness,cbt,exercise and all manner of stuff to deal with anxiety and depression.It feels very freeing,I can still do the other stuff,but because I want to,rather than need to to fix myself.I am on anti depressants tho and have no intention of coming off them/reducing until GP says it's time.Same as I would take my diabetes meds if I had diabetes.
Kuya - thanks for starting this I'm really getting lots from it,haven't totally got it - flip from it's so simple/it's so complicated I'll never get it!

I've explored all those routes, too, Bear, and love doing some of them sometimes. It's nice understanding that when they don't seem to work (or work consistently), it isn't because I am doing it wrong or just don't 'get it'. Doing them now without the pressure of expected outcomes makes them so much more enjoyable and ironically, effective.

[NoSugar]

If it is 'nothing new' and 'bastardised Buddhism' then I have to wonder why all my forays into Buddhism over the years failed to 'stick'.

3Ps aren't a religion, nor is anyone trying to make them into one. They are merely a description of how things work. So I guess they aren't really new, either, but have been at work as humans evolved. No one involved in sharing this information has much incentive to do so other than a desire to point people in a direction that will enhance their lives. That lack of financial or power incentive helps me trust the messengers.

[NoSugar]

I just listened to today's talk in Michael Neill's 30-day series - turns out it directly relates to our discussion above about change: Day 20 - The Power of Hope - YouTube.